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OfflineSpacerific
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Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying?
    #18748194 - 08/23/13 05:26 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

So 5 days ago I started noticing I spent way, way too much time indoors alone, and things started getting real depressive, real fast.

Decided to really go for it and make a change, spend time outside, meet new people, be active. Which I did. Out of the blue this 18yo chick approached me with some rollerskating question (I was on skates, she was learning) and we sort of hit it off. Spent the evening together chilling, then met the next evening and I was pleased with how things were progressing. Good response from her all around, chill and fun times, a lot of skin contact to break the ice. Next day I said I'm not going out as I have a slight fever and have some stuff to do, but I definitely would like to see her, and we'll meet the next day. Next day the vibe was a bit weird on her end, she just shook her head when I wanted to give her an awesome welcome hug, and the whole evening was weird, for some unclear unspecified reason.

I said all right, I'm going about my business as this isn't working for me, and we'll talk some other day. She asked me to please stay, talk etc. Which I did, reluctantly, in a totally non-wuss manner. So up to there it was all legit. Told me she has these feelings for me that kind of surprised her, butterflies in her stomach etc (she never had a bf before) and she's confused because she wasn't expecting them, whatever. This totally was not congruent with the fact that when I wanted to kiss her later, she was practically unkissable. Like wtf? Everything went to complete crap before the evening was over, and as far as I'm concerned this girl is now unsalvageable. It's all FUBAR. My thought process about her got really messed up, the math of the whole interaction doesn't work any more, I don't see any way to make this one work properly. So this would be a pretty clear fail on my part I guess. Not sure if the girl was even datable to begin with (18 yo virgin, no previous bf, probably a world of stress, blue balls and masturbation for whoever starts climbing that mountain :lol:).

Today when I finally processed that she's gone from my radar and I now need a new victim, I felt completely like crap all day long. I think I put too many eggs in one basket way too fast, not giving her enough hoops to jump through, to make sure she meets my preferences or is even functional enough to trust with anything.

This is what I needed some feedback about. It's a good thing I got out there and tried some stuff, right? I mean the loser solution is to be secluded indoors not even trying. Right? I know that's what the theory says, just emotionally I don't feel it like that at the moment. Hoping this emotional crap will blow over in a day or two, as the whole city seems to be teaming with jailbait this summer :lol:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Spacerific] * 1
    #18748201 - 08/23/13 05:28 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

live and learn

doesn't kill you only makes you..... wiser (sometimes)


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Sheekle]
    #18748216 - 08/23/13 05:34 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah, plan to get out again tomorrow, start the whole thing all over again. I definitely need some fresh friends, more social contact, not to mention some vitamin D from the sun  :sunny:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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Offlinekoods
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Spacerific]
    #18748381 - 08/23/13 06:23 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Well, at least it only takes you a few days to realize something is unsalvageable.

Dealing with other people isn't worth it. You should just be content that you only have deal with yourself.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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InvisibleCounterCulturest
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: koods]
    #18748717 - 08/23/13 07:52 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Your odds are certainly higher getting a date being outdoors and socializing with girls than it is indoors all by yourself. I can guarantee that.

I remember reading some story on here about so and so who took this approach. He would appraoch X amount of girls a day and basically just straight up ask them out by the end of the conversation and he made up some funny math equation based on his past experiences with asking girls out and said that if he asked X amount of girls out, probability says that X amount will say yes. So he asked out like 20 girls a week and wound up with a guaranteed 2 dates a week. It was entertaining but apparently it worked :lol: makes sense to me. Maybe give this a shot.

You any good on those roller blades ?


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: koods]
    #18748722 - 08/23/13 07:53 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

koods said:
Dealing with other people isn't worth it.



You should find better people to add into your life


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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InvisibleCounterCulturest
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: CounterCulturest]
    #18748756 - 08/23/13 08:01 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

How often do you get out exactly, OP ? Do you do psychedelics ?


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Offlinekoods
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Sheekle]
    #18748793 - 08/23/13 08:09 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
Quote:

koods said:
Dealing with other people isn't worth it.



You should find better people to add into your life



You're all fatally flawed.

I'm just joking around to deal with some butthurt


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


Edited by koods (08/23/13 09:10 PM)


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OfflineReginaldPMcpoop
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Spacerific]
    #18748867 - 08/23/13 08:25 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

My interaction with potential friends is like a Lennard-Jones Potential. At first I seem to attract people when they don't know me very well. Then we get somewhat close and my repulsive nature repels them. Then they sit at a distance in a familiarity well: not close enough to really be friends, but not far enough away to ignore them in the hallway which only leads to stumbling and awkward conversations.

Maybe if I was more polarized personality wise I would attract or repel people more strongly and I would therefore have a better idea of who should be my friend and who should stay my stranger.



--------------------
:bananadance:


Edited by ReginaldPMcpoop (08/23/13 08:28 PM)


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: CounterCulturest]
    #18748938 - 08/23/13 08:42 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

CounterCulturest said:
Your odds are certainly higher getting a date being outdoors and socializing with girls than it is indoors all by yourself. I can guarantee that.

I remember reading some story on here about so and so who took this approach. He would appraoch X amount of girls a day and basically just straight up ask them out by the end of the conversation and he made up some funny math equation based on his past experiences with asking girls out and said that if he asked X amount of girls out, probability says that X amount will say yes. So he asked out like 20 girls a week and wound up with a guaranteed 2 dates a week. It was entertaining but apparently it worked :lol: makes sense to me. Maybe give this a shot.

You any good on those roller blades ?



I haven't planned it quite like that, with the number of mandatory convos a day, though I know of this approach, since I did delve into some PUA materials over the years. That's how I came to actively force myself to hang out in public spaces, even though I may not feel like it. Straight up being there will make some things happen sooner or later.

With the skates I'm decent I'd say, been skating a few years now. I have a pair of K2 Frontman, that in theory I could use to jump off things, but I've seen enough youtube fail videos to know not to :lol: A few slalom tricks and knowing how to do double push is about all I need for my leisure time.

Quote:

CounterCulturest said:
How often do you get out exactly, OP ? Do you do psychedelics ?



Well not often enough, that's for sure. I fancy myself a painter, or at least student of the arts, but for months (years?) now, all manner of doubts about my skills and direction of my art have been plaguing my thoughts. Gone are the days of art school, when teachers would say "do this" and we'd all happily compete to make a good rendering in the allotted time, or I'd make cheerful youtube videos about it. Without a nice context surrounded with fellow artists, I am certainly not thriving. Not liking my art leads to lower self esteem, to which my natural response is to isolate indoors. Hence the problem.

I do psychedelics, when I am out at psy festivals I feel like a full human being again, but here in this particular town, back living with my mom in this house at the edge of it, where every human contact requires 15 minutes by car, it's easy to get thrown off track. I drive this car that was given to me, I feel that I haven't earned it, and I know of no other psychedelics users here. Had a nice online business last year, one that I made myself from the ground up (not art related) but once it was up and running well and became routine, I just bailed on it, hence this crappy living situation until I find something to pay the bills again.

I have no problems painting outdoors in the city when I have good ideas, usually convos spring up that way without me even doing anything, but alas with my current art issues, that's become a huge challenge to accomplish. The last painting that I didn't feel like setting on fire was this one:



Problem is that it was made 8 months ago. Nothing good since.

The current project is to prep some psy paintings and psy t-shirts with UV paint, for this goa party in september. So far I got the UV textile paints, and wasted 5 days with this girl.

Writing this all down, my feeling is that I should find a balance, outdoors to meet people and generally have enough input for ideas etc, and then some focused, determined hours in the studio, to get these ideas down on canvas, textiles, whatever. Feel like complete crap at the moment, popping a melatonin pill and hitting the sheets. Hoping for a fly day tomorrow.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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Offlinekoods
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: ReginaldPMcpoop]
    #18749000 - 08/23/13 08:57 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

ReginaldPMcpoop said:
My interaction with potential friends is like a Lennard-Jones Potential. At first I seem to attract people when they don't know me very well. Then we get somewhat close and my repulsive nature repels them. Then they sit at a distance in a familiarity well: not close enough to really be friends, but not far enough away to ignore them in the hallway which only leads to stumbling and awkward conversations.

Maybe if I was more polarized personality wise I would attract or repel people more strongly and I would therefore have a better idea of who should be my friend and who should stay my stranger.






I know exactly what you mean, however, maybe part of your problem is you describe your friends with a mathematical formula.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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OfflineBlack_Sunset
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: koods]
    #18749378 - 08/23/13 10:29 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Sorry, maybe I'm lost. What was wrong with her? She just has issues that were holding her back. She wanted you and she wants a bf and to experience all that and was just shy because she has never done that - it's terrifying for some people!!! Then you just get weirded out and bail? Fuck that sucks for her she is probably not going to recover from that one for a while. GG


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Black_Sunset]
    #18749408 - 08/23/13 10:37 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Black_Sunset said:
Sorry, maybe I'm lost. What was wrong with her? She just has issues that were holding her back. She wanted you and she wants a bf and to experience all that and was just shy because she has never done that - it's terrifying for some people!!! Then you just get weirded out and bail? Fuck that sucks for her she is probably not going to recover from that one for a while. GG



lol these thoughts passed my head briefly as well


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Sheekle]
    #18750515 - 08/24/13 08:31 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

No I didn't bail on her, in fact I think I did my part quite right. A lot of skin contact in non-perv areas, chill stories, hanging out, playing with her huge immense dog that was always around and providing entertainment, dirt and drool over everything, what have you. Throughout this I had the feeling that yes, this is a girl that needs to be handled more slowly and patiently, which I was fully prepared to do.

Since she told me she has weird butterfly feelings and other girl crap, that's my cue that I was doing some things right. And also that I could move in for a kiss that evening, which after 3 long evenings together doesn't strike me as moving too fast. I built that comfort level for 3 days, this is not the Middle Ages to need 3 months or years.

To this I received more resistance, and frankly this is getting ridiculous. This is summer, time to play, be joyous and fresh and in full bloom, hug and dance and rollerskate together in the parks, picnic on the grass, not be masochistic with stuck up ... whatever the hell she is. The only thing I can think of that I didn't do, to send my point across, is have her give me a nice friendly massage or two, to point out how I like to interact with humans. I like skin contact. I like being SHOWN if I'm doing things right, not fucking told verbally. If I wanted to hear things verbally I could have Ivona tell me whatever I want :lol:

So all in all it's OK, I get how I didn't know any of this stuff (tactile vs verbal for instance) when I was her age, I get how it may have been on me to lead the interaction more clearly, at this point I'm just annoyed with this ungrateful brat. There's a limit to how many bitch shields, female tests and resistance I'm prepared to overcome, there are healthy levels for that, and then there's just plain old being stupid and wasting time. The one thing that provides me some satisfaction now is knowing that this girl will be unsatisfied and alone for a loooooooooong time as far as boys go. The only suckers stupid / wuss enough to stand for this kind of crap for long enough, will be impossible to respect later, once in a relationship. There seems to be a solid reason why this girl lasted for 18 years without a boyfriend.

But I digress. It's Saturday, sunny, I need to be out there finding some quality girls to have a connection with.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Spacerific]
    #18751125 - 08/24/13 11:34 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Spacerific said:
The one thing that provides me some satisfaction now is knowing that this girl will be unsatisfied and alone for a loooooooooong time as far as boys go.



:girlofdisapproval:


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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Offlinekoods
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Sheekle] * 1
    #18751928 - 08/24/13 02:59 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

You sound crazy impatient, OP.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: koods]
    #18752178 - 08/24/13 04:02 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

I don't think I'm impatient, more like I don't tolerate mixed signals too much. If I need to be patient, I'll be patient. I just need consistent signals in that direction, which is definitely not what I got. Maybe in girl language it's OK to tell a guy you have feelings for him, repeatedly, and then that no, it's not ok to kiss and let's just be friends, in my language it isn't.

Anyway, that deal went sour, so moving on.

Today I got out, scouted out some nice areas of that park where I could go paint / make custom t-shirts / make some UV bracelets, then I chatted up these girls regarding the fact that I need a girl hand to know how long I should make this bracelet I was working on. Spent some time talking to them as I was finishing the bracelet, then I mentioned I have these textile paint markers and one of them offered her sneakers as a canvas to try things out. I needed to break the ice with these things anyway so I went for it. Turned them to hippie flower power psychedelic sneakers :lol:

Nothing will come of it, that wasn't really the point, main thing is they've certainly taken my mind off Miss Difficult for a change. Which is good, my thought process was getting way out of control regarding her, complete with anger, rage, sadistic rape and murder fantasies and things that are obviously out of proportion. Emotions can be really strange sometimes :shrug:

Same plan tomorrow - get out, just be out there doing creative things, as opposed to being alone indoors.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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OfflineKGB Is Go
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: koods]
    #18752277 - 08/24/13 04:32 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Poor girl. Good on her for being true to her feelings and not doing what she didn't feel comfortable with. Hope she's not too affected by the experience.

Quote:

koods said:
You sound crazy impatient, OP.



Yeah, and kind of immature, selfish and sexist, to be frank. Like a bit of a douche.

Your confidence is admirable and good on you for getting out there, but it sounds as though your playing it like a game, and essentially trying to use the women and treating them like objects. Your posts suggest you don't have much respect for women or their emotions. I don't know what kind of 'quality' girls you're going to 'connect' with with that attitude.

Your post in Clara's thread about the ibogaine after her brother just died were pretty insensitive too. I don't mean to be an arsehole here or lecture you, but you might want to take a look at this issue if you want to really connect with people and have genuine relationships...


--------------------
"The guy went axe-happy on a trout farm, he killed 60 fish."


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: KGB Is Go]
    #18752468 - 08/24/13 05:38 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

KGB Is Go said:
Poor girl. Good on her for being true to her feelings and not doing what she didn't feel comfortable with. Hope she's not too affected by the experience.

Quote:

koods said:
You sound crazy impatient, OP.



Yeah, and kind of immature, selfish and sexist, to be frank. Like a bit of a douche.

Your confidence is admirable and good on you for getting out there, but it sounds as though your playing it like a game, and essentially trying to use the women and treating them like objects. Your posts suggest you don't have much respect for women or their emotions. I don't know what kind of 'quality' girls you're going to 'connect' with with that attitude.

Your post in Clara's thread about the ibogaine after her brother just died were pretty insensitive too. I don't mean to be an arsehole here or lecture you, but you might want to take a look at this issue if you want to really connect with people and have genuine relationships...



I read you about the Ibogaine, probably should have kept my mouth shut on that one, just keep on browsing. I still find it impossible to relate to people who don't try these solutions (ibogaine, aya) for alcoholism or heroin, but yeah, should have kept it to myself that time.

Poor girl? How exactly is this a "poor girl" situation? I liked the girl. I consistently showed up and gave it my best shot. In return I got massively mixed signals, contradictory responses of all sorts. I don't like you, fuck off - that I can understand and is perfectly fine. Let's just be friends, that I can understand as well. I'll move on and try my luck elsewhere, perfectly fine. I have feelings for you let's just be friends, that to me is contradictory. The kind of contradictory I can't really make sense of. 18 isn't 5. One should IMO be able to present some sort of coherent feedback to the world, about what one is feeling, if anything. Anyway after that interaction I found out what I needed to know, namely that I don't really vibe well with that girl, the stress/fun ratio is completely crap there.

My plan is to simply get out there, find any sort of female person that I like to spend time with, and who likes spending time with me. It should be a positive experience most of the time, on both sides, or otherwise stress and frustration I can find by myself just fine. I don't get how this is sexist and selfish :shrug:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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OfflineKGB Is Go
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Spacerific]
    #18752906 - 08/24/13 08:00 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Sorry, mate. We have different expectations and ways of dealing with people, I guess. It just seemed rude to me to expect her to give in to your desires so quickly, and for you to refer to her as "Miss Difficult" and "ungrateful brat" etc. and to her emotions as 'girl crap'. Also your aggressive thoughts toward her seem way over the top for a girl you've just met.

I get bugged by some guys' attitude toward women whereby they have certain expectations on what they will receive from a girl and if these expectations aren't met, the guy become cruel toward her. This seems very selfish to me. I thought I was picking up that vibe from what you'd written. Having (what seems to me) minimal respect for her emotions, using the term 'girl crap' seemed sexist to me, though perhaps it isn't quite that.


--------------------
"The guy went axe-happy on a trout farm, he killed 60 fish."


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: KGB Is Go]
    #18753164 - 08/24/13 09:21 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Well my method for approaching girls is indeed quite how should I say, by the checklist? :lol:

I've learned at some point that I am rather clueless about dating in general, so I hit the PUA resources pretty hard, to lern how things work. Wisdom that served me very well, and put me more than once in very nice relationships. That being said, I'm sure it would seem pretty cold and weird, if I explained the process here, what kind of things and metrics and techniques go through my head as I get to know a girl.

I think it's important to know that I wasn't judging this girl against my personal wishes and expectations, but what I've come to consider normal, what I've seen with other girls. There's normally so much body contact required, so much time spent together, before you're comfortable enough for a kiss. 3 days is rather a lot in my experience. In fact I'm thinking I should have gone for it earlier. What are you supposed to do if the girl says she's new at this, doesn't have enough experience? In my case I figured ok, let's go through the whole thing somewhat slower, give her time to get used to it. How much slower turns you into a wuss and ruins the whole thing? Maybe I was too slow, maybe too fast. This is precisely the kind of stuff that happens, if as a dude you get mixed confusing signals from a girl, and with this one I'd say that I got them.

I called her spoiled brat and difficult because she just took and took and gave very little back. What I expect is a give and take kind of interaction, or a nice fuck off if the girl's not interested. Several days of just taking is not something I saw coming. I expect that from beggars on the street, not regular people. Anyway I will make things clearer in the future, so I spot this stuff earlier on.

I do agree about the aggressive thoughts, those were a complete surprise to me as well. I'd be trying to do unrelated stuff, knowing that my best bet is to simply move on, and there they were, spamming me from who knows what sadistical female-hating corner of my subconscious that got triggered. What can you do? :shrug:

Main thing now is to chill out, relax, rest, make sure I bring none of this crap to the next girl interaction. Clean slate, good vibes is the name of the game :chillpill: :chillpill: :chillpill:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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Offlineserratedlips
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Registered: 08/09/13
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Spacerific] * 2
    #18753460 - 08/24/13 10:51 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

You seem to be judging girls as though they're an entirely different species, or even as though they're inferior by nature.

Why are you so concerned about somehow messing up the pacing of your intimacy? Are you really afraid she's going to turn you into a "wuss" by making you go slower than you normally would, and having you actually have to ASK about some of the mixed signals she's sending? Maybe she has a complicated explanation for all of these things. Why the term wuss? Are you that insecure about your masculinity?

I think KGB is right, and you need to search yourself more about your attitudes towards women, and your disdain for complicated human emotions (or as you know it..  mixed signals). The insecurities they bring up have made you consider giving up on trying to connect to people? Continue to reach out, and don't be afraid to let your paradigms shift.


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Spacerific] * 1
    #18753518 - 08/24/13 11:15 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Spacerific said:
Which is good, my thought process was getting way out of control regarding her, complete with anger, rage, sadistic rape and murder fantasies and things that are obviously out of proportion. Emotions can be really strange sometimes :shrug:



This sounds like an EXTREMELY unhealthy train of thought. Sounds like something more than anything you can just "shrug off".

At least you recognize the fact that that type of thinking is obviously out of proportion.


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Sheekle]
    #18755384 - 08/25/13 02:30 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Holy smokes, what an evening. I do believe I'm starting to figure this out.

I went out to the park to roller skate and draw and stuff. Met the girl by chance, she was there with her dog and mom and we spoke for a minute. Apparently she sprained her ankle or something. Schadenfreude to the max when I heard that, like some evil part of me was gleefully enjoying the bad news and wishing she'd be in a cast, all fucked up.

I went about my business, somewhat annoyed that these thoughts are spamming an otherwise nice evening. Later I ran into her again, at the water fountain. She was in a group, we briefly talked, she made a phone call, I went about my business.

Still later, I am going to a totally different area of the park, looking for a place to sit and figure out the next couple of weeks. Had with me some paper and pencils and was about to diagram and list and put it all on paper. Turns out that somewhere to my left, there's her again, with her huge dog, in the same group, running around and playing tag, everybody was having a good time. I'm like hmm, nice. I should do that. Then incredible waves of anger, hatred, visions of all kinds of sadistical things towards her, messed up Tarantino stuff.

As this is happening, I think wtf? I take a step back and think really, wtf is going on here? This isn't me at all. What the hell pissed off my inner primate so bad, that it's reverting to this extreme idiot mode, so far from the 21st century?

I look again and it hits me: group exclusion. Whatever beef and anger I may have, it has little to do with this particular girl, and much more to do with feeling completely alone, left out and disconnected. Seeing her well integrated in her group was just a straight up in-my-face reminder of what I don't have at the moment, as indeed I don't have a group in this city. Best times I've ever had were at psy festivals, of course with a nice connected group, a lot of social contact. Worse times I am having here, as I don't have anything like that yet, and wasn't even focusing that much on getting it.

So I'd say whatever the problem might be here, it's clearly not with this girl, as with me needing a group, team, community, friends circle, something to belong to. I didn't really take this into account too seriously when I left art school (due to poor quality of instruction) and I didn't consider it when I made my online business, that for the most part happened alone at my laptop all day.

Definitely need to focus on this and take care of it, as this is not a "pick up girls" problem, it's a "find a tribe" problem.

:themoreyouknow:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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InvisibleCounterCulturest
-Positive Mental Attitude-

Registered: 01/18/10
Posts: 3,662
Loc: Nesting on modems
Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Sheekle]
    #18755663 - 08/25/13 03:35 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
Quote:

Spacerific said:
The one thing that provides me some satisfaction now is knowing that this girl will be unsatisfied and alone for a loooooooooong time as far as boys go.



:girlofdisapproval:




Haha no shit right ? same reaction I had...


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Offlineakira_akuma
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: CounterCulturest]
    #18758478 - 08/26/13 04:31 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

:ifindthisboring:

OP, you need to stop thinking about all this and just let the derailment happen already.


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InvisibleDawks
Jolly African Potato


Registered: 06/09/10
Posts: 4,935
Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Spacerific]
    #18760056 - 08/26/13 03:31 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

>Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying?

You get out what you put in. One of the worst pieces of advice I've seen thrown around on shroomery.org regarding relationships is "just wait and the right person will come along." This advice, to me, is basically like expecting the win the lottery without bothering to buy a ticket (oh don't worry, the lottery company will buy one for me and then I'll win.. just gotta wait :lol:)

The more you go out, the more people you meet, the more awesome relationships you'll be in. Simple as that. It's a numbers game. Don't be afraid of coming across as a "try hard," that's just a label lazy, unsuccessful people like to give people that strive for success. In the long run, the harder you try the better you'll do, at everything.


--------------------
date ; unzip ; strip ; touch ; grep ; finger ; mount ; fsck ; more ; yes ; umount ; sleep


Edited by Dawks (08/26/13 07:29 PM)


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InvisibleSheekle
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Posts: 53,153
Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Dawks]
    #18760229 - 08/26/13 04:01 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Dawks said:
>Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying?

You get out what you put in. One of the worst pieces of advice I've seen thrown around on shroomery.org regarding relationships is "just wait and the right person will come along." This advice, to me, is basically like expecting the win the lottery without buying bothering to buy a ticket (oh don't worry, the lottery company will buy one for me and then I'll win.. just gotta wait :lol:)

The more you go out, the more people you meet, the more awesome relationships you'll be in. Simple as that. It's a numbers game. Don't be afraid of coming across as a "try hard," that's just a label lazy, unsuccessful people like to give people that strive for success. In the long run, the harder you try the better you'll do, at everything.



This is a beautiful post Dawks


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Sheekle]
    #18764039 - 08/27/13 01:54 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Beautiful indeed, thank you for the encouragement Dawks :biggrin:

So update: felt a bit better, spend some time painting again, then today got out again to keep the momentum. Ran into the girls with the painted sneakers, spoke to them. Ran into this deeply religious girl I knew from quite a while back, also roller skating, asked about her 10+ sisters in her big Pentecostal family (true story, really 13 siblings or such, same mom).

Noticed that there's this young interesting looking girl with red skates, rolling alone, up and down the hill, with these very nice flowing movements, really feminine. Had seen her on another day doing the same thing. She passed me a few times when I was talking with the other girls, so yeah must have been a sign that I'm not some creepy loner which in reality I totally am :lol:

Then I figured I'd roll up next to her and ask how come she's rolling alone, again. Which I did. She then asked me how to roller skate backwards, then we took it from there, bunch of technical skating talk. Accompanied her home, made a longer interaction of it, talking about all sorts of things. Goes to show that yes, straight up being out there and playing the numbers does work.
About the girl, I thought she was 15-16 by her looks and size, but turns out she's 19. Which works very well for me. :pedobearpancakes:
Also, she has this non-human, android, robot, cyborg feel about her, that I don't think I've seen in many real life people. Totally reminds me of the Terminatrix and of Harvey Keitel in Saturn 3. Not sure if anything will click, but it never hurts to have a cyborg on your team :lol:

Keeping it chill, calling her out to skate again, and spreading it all out as per the previous post. Taking care of the group inclusion thing. Will be keeping my eyes open for more potential friends, all ages and genders, a larger social group to integrate in.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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Offlinekoods
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Spacerific]
    #18764071 - 08/27/13 02:02 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Also, she has this non-human, android, robot, cyborg feel about her, that I don't think I've seen in many real life people




Stay indoors, please.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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InvisibleAstrodelic
Cosmological Philosopher


Registered: 08/16/13
Posts: 89
Loc: The Woods
Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Spacerific]
    #18764084 - 08/27/13 02:06 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

depends on what you're looking for. to me, comparing this with my experiences, it sounds like she was very shy and needed a slow, more tactful hand but often times it can be worth it to take the time to allow someone's personality to fully blossom.

if you're just looking for tail or a flingy headache relationship then move on but do it with tact, girls like her can hang on to things like this and start using it as a base judgement for how guys will treat her in the future.


I'm not saying you were wrong, I'm saying ya'lls priorities and approach are different.


For example: I was engaged 4 years ago. She ended it, broke my heart. I have not been in a relationship since, but I am looking and I'm looking for someone who might be looking for what I'm looking for. I've had plenty of opportunities but often times have turned away from them perceiving a difference in desires (flingy sex vs relationship status). She could be and likely is afraid of being taken advantage of and (again) needs a slow hand to show her she can relax and trustfully open up.


--------------------
My Journal
“Television is by nature the dominator drug par excellence. Control of content, uniformity of content, repeatability of content make it inevitably a tool of coersion, brainwashing, and manipulation.”-Mckenna

Everything I say is part of a roll playing fantasy and should be considered a lie. Engaging in illegal activity is dangerous.


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Invisiblelessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Spacerific]
    #18764111 - 08/27/13 02:11 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Spacerific said:
Holy smokes, what an evening. I do believe I'm starting to figure this out.

I went out to the park to roller skate and draw and stuff. Met the girl by chance, she was there with her dog and mom and we spoke for a minute. Apparently she sprained her ankle or something. Schadenfreude to the max when I heard that, like some evil part of me was gleefully enjoying the bad news and wishing she'd be in a cast, all fucked up.

I went about my business, somewhat annoyed that these thoughts are spamming an otherwise nice evening. Later I ran into her again, at the water fountain. She was in a group, we briefly talked, she made a phone call, I went about my business.

Still later, I am going to a totally different area of the park, looking for a place to sit and figure out the next couple of weeks. Had with me some paper and pencils and was about to diagram and list and put it all on paper. Turns out that somewhere to my left, there's her again, with her huge dog, in the same group, running around and playing tag, everybody was having a good time. I'm like hmm, nice. I should do that. Then incredible waves of anger, hatred, visions of all kinds of sadistical things towards her, messed up Tarantino stuff.

As this is happening, I think wtf? I take a step back and think really, wtf is going on here? This isn't me at all. What the hell pissed off my inner primate so bad, that it's reverting to this extreme idiot mode, so far from the 21st century?

I look again and it hits me: group exclusion. Whatever beef and anger I may have, it has little to do with this particular girl, and much more to do with feeling completely alone, left out and disconnected. Seeing her well integrated in her group was just a straight up in-my-face reminder of what I don't have at the moment, as indeed I don't have a group in this city. Best times I've ever had were at psy festivals, of course with a nice connected group, a lot of social contact. Worse times I am having here, as I don't have anything like that yet, and wasn't even focusing that much on getting it.

So I'd say whatever the problem might be here, it's clearly not with this girl, as with me needing a group, team, community, friends circle, something to belong to. I didn't really take this into account too seriously when I left art school (due to poor quality of instruction) and I didn't consider it when I made my online business, that for the most part happened alone at my laptop all day.

Definitely need to focus on this and take care of it, as this is not a "pick up girls" problem, it's a "find a tribe" problem.

:themoreyouknow:




The only thing you need is to be yourself

then the rest will come when you are the kind of person you want to meet

when you are yourself you don't need anything
but anything you could possibly benefit from will come when time is right


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InvisibleAstrodelic
Cosmological Philosopher


Registered: 08/16/13
Posts: 89
Loc: The Woods
Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: lessismore]
    #18764188 - 08/27/13 02:27 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

mio said:

The only thing you need is to be yourself

then the rest will come when you are the kind of person you want to meet

when you are yourself you don't need anything
but anything you could possibly benefit from will come when time is right





:bow2:


--------------------
My Journal
“Television is by nature the dominator drug par excellence. Control of content, uniformity of content, repeatability of content make it inevitably a tool of coersion, brainwashing, and manipulation.”-Mckenna

Everything I say is part of a roll playing fantasy and should be considered a lie. Engaging in illegal activity is dangerous.


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: lessismore]
    #18764215 - 08/27/13 02:33 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

koods said:
Quote:

Also, she has this non-human, android, robot, cyborg feel about her, that I don't think I've seen in many real life people




Stay indoors, please.



A bit harsh and quick to judge, don't you think? Have you met teh same girl or what? How do you know she's not like that? :rolleyes:

Quote:

Astrodelic said:
depends on what you're looking for. to me, comparing this with my experiences, it sounds like she was very shy and needed a slow, more tactful hand but often times it can be worth it to take the time to allow someone's personality to fully blossom.

if you're just looking for tail or a flingy headache relationship then move on but do it with tact, girls like her can hang on to things like this and start using it as a base judgement for how guys will treat her in the future.


I'm not saying you were wrong, I'm saying ya'lls priorities and approach are different.


For example: I was engaged 4 years ago. She ended it, broke my heart. I have not been in a relationship since, but I am looking and I'm looking for someone who might be looking for what I'm looking for. I've had plenty of opportunities but often times have turned away from them perceiving a difference in desires (flingy sex vs relationship status). She could be and likely is afraid of being taken advantage of and (again) needs a slow hand to show her she can relax and trustfully open up.



I'm currently using Savoy's progression, as that makes the most sense for me at this time. The progression goes friends -> friends with benefits -> gf. Steps follow steps, one after the other. Not looking for one time fucks or anything like that, as that would just leave me at square one all over again, basically wasting my time. So needs to be somewhat stable, somewhat interesting on several levels (not just physical) and still have room to maneuver, especially early on. There's certainly place for long term involvement, but there's also a selection process, as to who I'm involving myself with. I've seen this go right a few times, I've seen it go wrong once, maybe I should have been clearer with the girl as to what I'm up to.

Quote:

mio said:
The only thing you need is to be yourself

then the rest will come when you are the kind of person you want to meet

when you are yourself you don't need anything
but anything you could possibly benefit from will come when time is right



I disagree. Humans are social animals. Now I'll be the first to say I wish they weren't, I wish I'd feel great and my brain would work fine whether I'm alone for months or surrounded by friends. That's NOT what happens in practice, at least not with me nor anybody I've ever known. Humans thrive in groups, social circles. I've seen some amazing Ayahuasca trips, felt good for a while, then felt bad and alone, if I had nobody to really share them with. We evolved in groups, we need good group integration and physical presence around each other to fully thrive. Many other animals need that, and you can actually measure it. Social animals don't do well alone.

Be yourself and wait for when "the time is right" seems like a recipe for disaster to me, it's incredibly vague and I hope you won't go around giving this kind of advice to people. I was myself when I was an anxious fat virgin nerd. Not all the selves are good to be, at least if you want to be happy and thrive.

There are skills one can learn, dynamics one can focus on and understand, there are things one can do other than waiting for some magical time. You don't wait to become physically fit, you actively work at it. How is a good social integration any different?


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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InvisibleAstrodelic
Cosmological Philosopher


Registered: 08/16/13
Posts: 89
Loc: The Woods
Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Spacerific]
    #18764346 - 08/27/13 03:02 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

That makes sense. I don't know if I have any problems with how your reported interactions went then. Maybe just explaining how her thought process can differ from yours.

Dating is a risk that everyone knowingly takes, so long as your genuine and your motives aren't hidden then you can't worry about it. Everyone gets their heart broken and everyone breaks a heart.


I do disagree with how you seem to have taken Mio's advice, but chalk it up to different philosophies of life. Some believe it's best to put themselves out there and purposefully search out risks. Others believe it is best to do what makes you happy and take the risks as they naturally arise. I'm a student of the second school of thought, and I'm much happier than I was when I was following the first but I know through experience of friends that it comes down to the individual as to what works best for you.

edit:
The depth vs breadth question posed here just about sums it up: http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/7481460


--------------------
My Journal
“Television is by nature the dominator drug par excellence. Control of content, uniformity of content, repeatability of content make it inevitably a tool of coersion, brainwashing, and manipulation.”-Mckenna

Everything I say is part of a roll playing fantasy and should be considered a lie. Engaging in illegal activity is dangerous.


Edited by Astrodelic (08/27/13 03:15 PM)


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Invisiblelessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Spacerific]
    #18764448 - 08/27/13 03:21 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

The true self is the happy self :-)

So maybe you weren't yourself before, just like I wasn't myself before

Establishing a new life takes time, and I agree that being social is important to us , at least most of us , myself incl

Sometimes we seek what we don't need/aren't ready for though

Instead of seeking friends locally we might seek a GF, or drugs, food, flirts/sex, work, studies etc.
to fill what we are missing, when we are not ourselves , and start to get attached to those things

Not being oneself is easy, stress.. or drugs too often (own experience)

Reconnecting with nature is good though , seems you do that :-)
Removes stress, brings happiness

If you are happy and couldn't possibly be happier most of the time you are yourself :-)
Then I'm sure things will work out, else you need to work on something (you probably know this ..)

Everything else than happiness everyday is something we created against ourselves(frustration, worries i.e.)

Girls are sometimes a bit random IME, but often it is ment to be, because they didn't fit into our lives at the time, maybe they didn't even fit us at all and it wasn't true love

Not sure how to write this, but it's nothing personal, your experience is pretty similar to mine, almost scary :smile:

I won't go into details here, but it's a very similar story
and I can finally see it now it was the right choice years later, we were very different, it would never have worked out


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Offlineurbannerd
W.TheMushroomTip
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Spacerific]
    #18764468 - 08/27/13 03:24 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Spacerific said:
Today when I finally processed that she's gone from my radar and I now need a new victim




keyword: victim


--------------------
Soaking in the energy of the universe since '91


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: urbannerd]
    #18764569 - 08/27/13 03:47 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Mio, I do get what you're saying, just wanted to point out that waiting is not a good strategy in these matters, unless you're waiting in the right state (thriving) the right place etc. Which obviously I am currently not. Not yet.

In an unrelated matter, nice avatar, I grow as well :biggrin:

Quote:

urbannerd said:
Quote:

Spacerific said:
Today when I finally processed that she's gone from my radar and I now need a new victim




keyword: victim



Bit of a joke mate, don't make too much of it. If anything, I've learned that a more chill, relaxed approach is likely to go much better than an active chasing one. Victims require chasing, I myself like to place myself where girls fall from the sky. In this case, active girls in the park. So far so good.

Massive thanks go to RSD Julien and his amazing videos, they really helped me get my mindset back in order this time around :nyan:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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Invisiblelessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: Spacerific]
    #18764962 - 08/27/13 05:12 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Spacerific said:
Mio, I do get what you're saying, just wanted to point out that waiting is not a good strategy in these matters, unless you're waiting in the right state (thriving) the right place etc. Which obviously I am currently not. Not yet.

In an unrelated matter, nice avatar, I grow as well :biggrin:




:smile:

The avatar is a birdseed my birds eat ;-)
they had dropped it down on my peru torches cacti by mistake when flying around it seems :wink:

just like you can plant sunflower seeds in your garden (from WBS mixes) and make huge sunflowers, the wild birds love to eat those too ;P

always a new surprise from nature each day, I love to skate and draw too :-)

mostly draw people/nature/animals , it's a good way to learn from nature often, and just have fun / remove stress , enjoy it as much today as 10 years ago although I had forgotten it for some years
just like I had forgotten nature :-)

peace


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Registered: 10/13/12
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Re: Better to try and fail, or stay indoors not even trying? [Re: lessismore]
    #18766750 - 08/28/13 12:19 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Oh. Well your birdseed plant looks a lot like a Salvia plant, very similar leaves :lol:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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