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Offlineitchmynipple
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beating pyschosis n ptsd *DELETED*
    #18745059 - 08/23/13 12:01 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Post deleted by itchmynipple

Reason for deletion: done with it



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Offlinecircastes
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple] * 1
    #18747051 - 08/23/13 12:14 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

I thought I could help my schizophrenia with drugs. I was just being really naive. Anything that changes brain chemistry will worsen your psychosis unless it has been proven to do the opposite ie. antipsychotics, for no real reason anyone knows. Brain chemistry is extremely delicate, your brain is after all the most complex object in the known universe. If you have psychosis/schizophrenia that's proof you have brain which cannot balance the chemicals very well for some genetic reason, so if you perturb it with anything except things which seem to have the opposite effect of schizophrenia, it will only get more imbalanced. LSD, Mushrooms, etc. all have a SIMILAR effect to schizophrenia.


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InvisiblePsilopsychosis
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18750900 - 08/24/13 10:25 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

^wisdom

Quote:

itchmynipple said:
Most people would say if shrooms gave you pyschosis, then to stay away, but I can't help but feel like shrooms can help me...

First time I took shrooms I took 8th, a little intense but I loved it

Second time I took half an 8th n loved it

Third time I took 10 grams n did not love it at all, n was mentally scarred.

Honestly, I feel like if I did half n 8th n love it like I know I will, that would help recovery..

I heard Molly is good in small doses too for people like me... Any clue?






10 grams is a massive dose man. What did you think was going to happen? You can't really screw around and take massive doses with shrooms if you have mental illness. Maybe a few very light trips might help but a 10 gram trip isn't going to do anything good. I haven't taken shrooms since I got psychosis soooooo... listen to circastes.

Mdma might help with the ptsd but the draining of serotonin is going to make you feel terrible after. I don't know dude, I wouldn't do it.


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Offlineiarphairc
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: Psilopsychosis]
    #18751314 - 08/24/13 12:36 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

How does psychosis affect you guys? I always wondered what its like day-to-day?


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Offlinecircastes
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc]
    #18753814 - 08/25/13 01:38 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Mine isn't exactly chronic. The flat affect is pretty constant but it seems to come depending on what I'm doing, if it's high stress and unfamiliarity it gets reeeeeal fucking trippy.

I went into the city the other day and that was alright but when I got back to a smaller town I was getting tired and I was basically in some weird basement of the mind is how I would describe it, like I was in some story and I was in the sewers. Everything has a different colour spectrum, it's very odd, everything seems particularly fake and unreal, just a passing dream. Anxiety gets a hold of me and I get this bad headache. The anxiety is the most fucked anxiety, it's like pure fear, not mixed with any calming agents, not going too far and making you scream and shout, but pure fear that just burns you inside.

On the way home it passed as I calmed down and relaxed.

The main thing for me is the weird otherwordly feel to these episodes. It's a very kind of disgusting otherworldliness, in the sense that it is clearly not meant for human experience, it's just your biocomputer brain shitting bricks.

Most of the time though there is a chronic element actually, in the form of persecution. I am constantly under scrutiny, and if I let my thoughts just flow they start to present conspiracies to me and suggest I am in danger.

It blows but it's healing quickly.

If you have experienced any of this please give it up, haha, just give up drugs. No ifs or buts. Schizophrenia is a dark, dark place.


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Offlineiarphairc
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: circastes]
    #18754215 - 08/25/13 06:48 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

That is a very scary description circastes.

I don't think I suffer those symptoms. My issues seem completely different fortunately :laugh:


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Offlinecircastes
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc]
    #18754664 - 08/25/13 10:20 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

I first got it when I smoked cannabis in a swimming pool. It's so fucking dark. This lady was watching me and she looked really, really shocked at how I was behaving, my friends were too stoned to notice me.

Bad times. :frown: No more drugs for me.


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InvisiblePsilopsychosis
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc] * 1
    #18776023 - 08/30/13 03:32 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

For me psychosis has four maybe five parts.

First thing is that you need to recognize that the 3D video w/ smell and feelings that your senses create isn't always correct. Not to say you in particular, just every brain. It is impossible for the brain to constantly be omniscient of everything that goes on around it. So it fills in the blanks. Imagine you are a bus talking to someone. The only new info that is updating your reality is what is being said to you as well as the movement outside. The brain just makes the logical step that everything else is probably the same way it was a moment ago when the information reached it. So a smooth, sensation video is created. My video is not so smooth. I constantly notice glitches in my perception, especially when it gets dark. It also seems that I notice more things that others usually miss. Changes to people's behaviour and emotions while talking to them mostly. I honestly don't see this as much a problem, it is kinda cool.

Second we have the delusions. Do you ever have that feeling that a lightbulb clicks on in your head when you get a cool idea? My lightbulb is constantly clicking ridiculously good, insightful ideas into life. The problem is that these ideas need further consideration to dissect how logical they are. Sometimes when I am in a hypomanic mood my brain fires from one idea to the next, these ideas constantly building on each other, spiraling in weird places. These spirals have a major grandiose element. So this isn't a problem as long as I constantly dissect and keep aware of my thought patterns.

Next we have the mood. Sometimes everything will be so fucking beautiful and life will be so awesome and I will wake up everyday looking forward to the coming day. Then sometimes I will remember how lonely I am and how I feel like I don't belong in this civilization. So I have both elements to my personality and one usually rises to the surface for the time being.

Next is the insomnia. Blegh:crazy: Drives me nuts man. I started taking melatonin which helps a bit. I hate the ativan the doctors give me, makes me feel more crazy than anything else.  In my hubris I used to say I conquered it. So wrong I was.

Last of all and the trippiest is my perception of time. This is the only thing that changes when I take my meds really. When not taking meds I am conscious of and can control my perception of time. It not like I can freeze time just that I can step into infinity for a moment to give me some extra time to think. Very trippy.

Fuck meds man. They suck. Im apparently developing tardive dyskinesia manifesting as involuntary jaw movements. Fuck.


TL:DR my life is a big long shroom trip.


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Offlineiarphairc
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: Psilopsychosis]
    #18776084 - 08/30/13 04:12 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

So has it been a MAJOR negative to your life, an inconvenience or somewhere in between? :smile:


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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc]
    #18776212 - 08/30/13 06:20 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

It has been an inconvenience that has had some major positive aspects with a few positive ones.

So to answer your question it has been somewhere in between.


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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc]
    #18776213 - 08/30/13 06:21 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

What about you?


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Offlineitchmynipple
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: Psilopsychosis]
    #18800913 - 09/04/13 08:40 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

honestly, its hard to label myself because i honestly feel like i could legitly be labeled 10 things, n could take ten different pills for each n get a different effect regardless.

ive felt better since getting off of cymbalta...


i might do shrooms again, i know i felt amazing after i took half n 8th..

i just need good vibes... i tripped with my ex last time when i took ten grams n she was always stressing me out so i was stressed in general when i took them... i think n 8th of shrooms will allow me to express myself without thinking to much when doing it.. i think thats become my problem since taking 10 grams n tripping bad is becoming paranoid about things n people themselves.


i dont believe chemicals stay the same, i do think the brain is complex enough to change into something 'good' if it had the ability to change into something 'bad' just that that 'good' might be a little different then the previous good'


bonestly, its because im not too 'proud' of anything anymore..

slow time in my life, and weed brings out my pyschosis... because of habbits formed being alone smoking it n getting lost in my mind for hours n horus n hours every day for a long time....

but i think once i quit, drop some weight, gain some muscle, n am doing good in school ill feel better about how i percieve me, n how others percieve me...


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Offlineiarphairc
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: Psilopsychosis]
    #18808815 - 09/06/13 06:56 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Dont have it as far as I'm aware :smile:


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Offlinecircastes
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc]
    #18811870 - 09/07/13 02:50 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I think maybe taking 10 grams will give anyone some kind of psychotic experience, persisting into the next day a little bit, and the traumatic element of it may make you really anxious which is sort of misinterpret-able as psychosis.

Maybe you never got psychosis? You just went too hard and we all have different thresholds of what we can take on a hardware level.

Antipsychotic meds don't suck so much, they made it through research and trials and for me they do something significant to make me stop having these constant paranoid thoughts.

SSRIs/SNRIs antidepressants etc. are pretty worthless in my experience. My brain doesn't respond to them.

But yeah just take it easy, like one dose every 4 or 6 months or something, and you'll probably be okay. If however there are any persecutory themes in your life and you're an otherwise nice person, schizophrenia is peeking in...


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OfflineCrimpJiggler
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: circastes]
    #18811887 - 09/07/13 02:57 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I have heard of cases of iboga curing psychosis. Many cases of it curing PTSD. I heard from one guy who says that he was in psychosis for a year after a datura trip, and iboga brought him back to normal. I hear kambo helps too. I get psychosis from cannabis, but not mushrooms or any other psychedelic I have tried.

circastes: while I probably have never experienced anything like what you described, I kind of understand when you say "disgusting otherwordliness" and "something never meant to be part of human experience". Maybe it is all meant to be though. Maybe the physical side of things is just an illusion created in order to explain the whys and hows, similar to how false memories are created in dreams in order to explain the current situation. An illusory sequence of events leading to the now. My respect goes to you. Can't imagine what it must be like living with psychosis on a regular basis. Never had it for more than a few hours myself and only a handful of times.


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Edited by CrimpJiggler (09/07/13 03:11 PM)


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OfflineFishOilTheKid
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18812022 - 09/07/13 03:47 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Will you explain what you experience if you haven't already?


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Offlinecircastes
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #18813768 - 09/08/13 01:34 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

It's funny you know sometimes I feel utterly trapped, then I remember the Self, the Reality, and everything is fine, but it's when I try to be productive that the thought disorder shows.

I often get it all perfect for myself then some weird bizarre thought will set off this spiral of confusion and I can't throw it off.

I honestly think that if you reside in the Self it will cure all ills preventing your being from continuing to experience the Self.

I think my recovery has been massively accelerated by knowing the Reality, God, Self... the love I feel, I believe love decreases entropy in the body and immediate environment. Disease like schizophrenia is obviously entropy so love should deal with it much better than anything else. It's just a matter of totally hovering over that state of mind, that state of perfect cosmic love, and the faster I get better. This is why I say I'm getting better quickly.


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InvisiblePsilopsychosis
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: circastes]
    #18819686 - 09/09/13 05:02 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

itchmynipple said
Quote:

i dont believe chemicals stay the same, i do think the brain is complex enough to change into something 'good' if it had the ability to change into something 'bad' just that that 'good' might be a little different then the previous good'




This is so true man. I completely agree.

Quote:

bonestly, its because im not too 'proud' of anything anymore..

slow time in my life, and weed brings out my pyschosis... because of habbits formed being alone smoking it n getting lost in my mind for hours n horus n hours every day for a long time....

but i think once i quit, drop some weight, gain some muscle, n am doing good in school ill feel better about how i percieve me, n how others percieve me...




This is a good plan man. Do all that you said then use tripping as a sort of glue to cement the progress of your recovery in place. Don't dose too heavy.
Good luck and good vibes.


Circastes said:
Quote:

I think my recovery has been massively accelerated by knowing the Reality, God, Self... the love I feel, I believe love decreases entropy in the body and immediate environment. Disease like schizophrenia is obviously entropy so love should deal with it much better than anything else. It's just a matter of totally hovering over that state of mind, that state of perfect cosmic love, and the faster I get better. This is why I say I'm getting better quickly.





Id agree with that... love is what holds this universe together.


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Offlinecircastes
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: Psilopsychosis]
    #18820486 - 09/09/13 08:00 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah it really is. It's astonishing really.


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InvisiblePsilopsychosis
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: circastes]
    #18820743 - 09/09/13 08:45 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

:manofapproval:


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Offlineitchmynipple
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #18825312 - 09/10/13 09:00 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

FishOilTheKid said:
Will you explain what you experience if you haven't already?





ok there is Alot of things.. in no specific order.. thats like half btw

I cannot function in society like everyone else.
Im highly insecure about how i talk to people, i try to come off as more appealing and manly and then since im so focused into it, it comes out wierd. to go into detail i try to pinpoint where my voice 'starts or 'vibrates' in my throat and try to make it casual and deeper but then it comes out wrong.
I have this unsettling anxiety and 'bad adrenaline' feeling when going out in public and being around people. I can't hang out with the people ive known all my life because i cant even get comfortable around them anymore, the mood and atmosphere just isn't idk, like 'real'. i have eye-contact issues. i always look away when i make eye-contact. its almost like my brain is in constant intensity and stress mode. i can't talk to the people ive known my entire life normally anymore without focusing to much on what im saying and such. i spend countless minutes and hours focused on the SAME Themes/problems/anxietycausers. I have been also going through a sexual identity crisis for awhile about probably being bisexual leaning gay but still this is just a possible label, im not even sure yet since i havent found a dudes face i like, i just like dick and some ass, not anything else. i also was in a pretty much stressful relationship for 2 years although thats over with, i now sort of miss her. i spent alot of time by myself smoking weed, and thinking about stressing things that would tear me up inside. and thinking about my insecurities and problems.. life feels like one big circle everyday, back in the day i did everything n went everywhere, and was 'in reality' now i dont feel 'in reality'  everything had that 'mood' to it before i started smoking so much weed and tripped bad on shrooms. now its just different. im thinking weed is the culprit alot of times for my distress. if icould just stop for three days!


I do smoke weed, alot, everyday. i should Probably Quit that.


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Offlinecircastes
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18826191 - 09/11/13 01:23 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Schizophrenia.


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OfflineFishOilTheKid
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: circastes]
    #18826496 - 09/11/13 04:46 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

I do smoke weed, alot, everyday. i should Probably Quit that.




Its something that with long term use causes allot of what you describe I think.  I bet if you quit for some time, months, your situation will improve.


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Offlineiarphairc
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #18831788 - 09/12/13 09:43 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Damn that sounds like you could be me down the line :/


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Offlinefungiamongi3
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc]
    #18861301 - 09/19/13 01:13 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

After almost four months of being sober im not hearing voices anymore.  It got really bad for a while after I quit drinking


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OfflineJacksonMetaller
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18861748 - 09/19/13 06:36 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

itchmynipple said:
Quote:

FishOilTheKid said:
Will you explain what you experience if you haven't already?





ok there is Alot of things.. in no specific order.. thats like half btw

I cannot function in society like everyone else.
Im highly insecure about how i talk to people, i try to come off as more appealing and manly and then since im so focused into it, it comes out wierd. to go into detail i try to pinpoint where my voice 'starts or 'vibrates' in my throat and try to make it casual and deeper but then it comes out wrong.
I have this unsettling anxiety and 'bad adrenaline' feeling when going out in public and being around people. I can't hang out with the people ive known all my life because i cant even get comfortable around them anymore, the mood and atmosphere just isn't idk, like 'real'. i have eye-contact issues. i always look away when i make eye-contact. its almost like my brain is in constant intensity and stress mode. i can't talk to the people ive known my entire life normally anymore without focusing to much on what im saying and such. i spend countless minutes and hours focused on the SAME Themes/problems/anxietycausers. I have been also going through a sexual identity crisis for awhile about probably being bisexual leaning gay but still this is just a possible label, im not even sure yet since i havent found a dudes face i like, i just like dick and some ass, not anything else. i also was in a pretty much stressful relationship for 2 years although thats over with, i now sort of miss her. i spent alot of time by myself smoking weed, and thinking about stressing things that would tear me up inside. and thinking about my insecurities and problems.. life feels like one big circle everyday, back in the day i did everything n went everywhere, and was 'in reality' now i dont feel 'in reality'  everything had that 'mood' to it before i started smoking so much weed and tripped bad on shrooms. now its just different. im thinking weed is the culprit alot of times for my distress. if icould just stop for three days!


I do smoke weed, alot, everyday. i should Probably Quit that.




Dude you got to relax :smile: Sounds like social anxiety. I've got it pretty bad myself and weed makes it infinitely worse. It can get worse after some trips too but usually recedes after a couple days. Hang in there man, you've got this. One important thing to remember is that you are who you are. It's a kind of common thing when you have social anxiety to feel like you are expected to engage in social situations or failing your role to those around you... But seriously you've just got to do what's best for you. I suggest some lone day hikes or camping (obviously in an area where you can still be safe by yourself). Take some time for you to appreciate your own space and solitude. You'll find yourself eventually


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Offlineitchmynipple
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: JacksonMetaller]
    #18871170 - 09/21/13 08:17 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

JacksonMetaller said:
Quote:

itchmynipple said:
Quote:

FishOilTheKid said:
Will you explain what you experience if you haven't already?





ok there is Alot of things.. in no specific order.. thats like half btw

I cannot function in society like everyone else.
Im highly insecure about how i talk to people, i try to come off as more appealing and manly and then since im so focused into it, it comes out wierd. to go into detail i try to pinpoint where my voice 'starts or 'vibrates' in my throat and try to make it casual and deeper but then it comes out wrong.
I have this unsettling anxiety and 'bad adrenaline' feeling when going out in public and being around people. I can't hang out with the people ive known all my life because i cant even get comfortable around them anymore, the mood and atmosphere just isn't idk, like 'real'. i have eye-contact issues. i always look away when i make eye-contact. its almost like my brain is in constant intensity and stress mode. i can't talk to the people ive known my entire life normally anymore without focusing to much on what im saying and such. i spend countless minutes and hours focused on the SAME Themes/problems/anxietycausers. I have been also going through a sexual identity crisis for awhile about probably being bisexual leaning gay but still this is just a possible label, im not even sure yet since i havent found a dudes face i like, i just like dick and some ass, not anything else. i also was in a pretty much stressful relationship for 2 years although thats over with, i now sort of miss her. i spent alot of time by myself smoking weed, and thinking about stressing things that would tear me up inside. and thinking about my insecurities and problems.. life feels like one big circle everyday, back in the day i did everything n went everywhere, and was 'in reality' now i dont feel 'in reality'  everything had that 'mood' to it before i started smoking so much weed and tripped bad on shrooms. now its just different. im thinking weed is the culprit alot of times for my distress. if icould just stop for three days!


I do smoke weed, alot, everyday. i should Probably Quit that.




Dude you got to relax :smile: Sounds like social anxiety. I've got it pretty bad myself and weed makes it infinitely worse. It can get worse after some trips too but usually recedes after a couple days. Hang in there man, you've got this. One important thing to remember is that you are who you are. It's a kind of common thing when you have social anxiety to feel like you are expected to engage in social situations or failing your role to those around you... But seriously you've just got to do what's best for you. I suggest some lone day hikes or camping (obviously in an area where you can still be safe by yourself). Take some time for you to appreciate your own space and solitude. You'll find yourself eventually




lol sounds like some type of fantasy, take a trip here' and all your problems will be fixed there'

i wish it was that easy, i think most importantly i need to kick the drug habbit. its just i used to be a funny functionable completely socialable and easy to get along with human being. now its like i dont even know my self and the only time i feel more lonely is when im with other people. i take it easy on myself some parts of the day, but then some parts of the day get pretty bad, n then i smoke, n feel temporarily relieved but then i know once i smoke i for sure cannot go out in public.

i think this has alot to do with shame also, everyday i couldnt talk to my dad or look at him in the face, nor my sister, cause he is so anti-weed and it puts me in a stressing 'having to hide' myself type of situation everyday - he and my sister did really make me feel like an outcast honestly. they just treat you differently and shit when your high but when there drunk or whatever its okay.


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Offlineiarphairc
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18871941 - 09/21/13 12:29 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:



i wish it was that easy, i think most importantly i need to kick the drug habbit. its just i used to be a funny functionable completely socialable and easy to get along with human being. now its like i dont even know my self and the only time i feel more lonely is when im with other people.




I can second this. Well as for the last bit I just dont feel like engaging the overwhelming majority of people at all. Mostly my girlfriend and two best friends. All these peeps that end up at my house in college, I barely even talk to them, its just so mundane and empty


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Offlineitchmynipple
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc]
    #18872020 - 09/21/13 12:49 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

iarphairc said:
Quote:



i wish it was that easy, i think most importantly i need to kick the drug habbit. its just i used to be a funny functionable completely socialable and easy to get along with human being. now its like i dont even know my self and the only time i feel more lonely is when im with other people.




I can second this. Well as for the last bit I just dont feel like engaging the overwhelming majority of people at all. Mostly my girlfriend and two best friends. All these peeps that end up at my house in college, I barely even talk to them, its just so mundane and empty




the worst part is, is that i saw a movie about the 'iceman' a mass murderer, and in it, another murderer, said the exact line, the only time i feel more alone is when im with other people, n i was able to relate on such a strong level.  which scared me cause then i thought for second i was goingto turn into a murderer, Lol. but anyways, it sucks man. ive seen a therapist before with some help, it feels Good to be able to talk to someone, its just when i mention something personal or 'deep' i sometimes feel like i actually wierd them out - which gets me very uncomfortable, like they have that 'intrigued' not expecting that type of look and its happened with like three different therapists.


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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18872057 - 09/21/13 12:59 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Thank god I had my girlfriend to talk to, but I cant really keep repeating the same shit to her. Considered seeing a university counsellor..still havent dismissed that notion but anyway.

I can relate in a different setting with what you said about the mass murderer thing :P Yeah I've revealed my innermost thoughts by a step too far on a handful of occasions...Aint gonna do that again, you can almost feel them think "shiit" ha ha


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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc]
    #18872100 - 09/21/13 01:13 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

iarphairc said:
Thank god I had my girlfriend to talk to, but I cant really keep repeating the same shit to her. Considered seeing a university counsellor..still havent dismissed that notion but anyway.

I can relate in a different setting with what you said about the mass murderer thing :P Yeah I've revealed my innermost thoughts by a step too far on a handful of occasions...Aint gonna do that again, you can almost feel them think "shiit" ha ha





i was with a girl whom i told my problems, its good to speak of these problems but not to repeat them over n over cause then you will annoy them since nothing is actually being done, it can put a dent into the relationship in my experience, it had for me, espicially since she was all i really confided in, i expected her to have some magical answer which wasn't goingto happen. in actuality these type of problems wont be fixed by a kiss or a little confidence talk by your girlfriend. you have to sort them out with a good therapist. its just finding a good one who takes my insurance and doesnt give me the awkward eye now n then.


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Offlineitchmynipple
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18872118 - 09/21/13 01:16 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

but its good to in general ' let them in on progress ' just dont bring it up like its a new subject every single day because that will even hinder your own progress


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Offlineiarphairc
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18872162 - 09/21/13 01:24 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Out of curiosity what age are you?


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Offlineitchmynipple
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc]
    #18873026 - 09/21/13 04:55 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

im 20 years old.


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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: itchmynipple]
    #18874662 - 09/22/13 04:03 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Im 19, I was just wondering :smile:


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Offlinecircastes
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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: iarphairc]
    #18881143 - 09/23/13 03:54 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Your problem is in the brain. You should probably get medicated. You sound exactly like me and I was diagnosed with schizophrenia after a long pointless struggle with my brain. Cannabis is probably the culprit.

On sexual identity I saw a guy say "bisexuality in men is a kinky fetish, nothing more." Sort of makes sense. You might just have a kinky fetish. Or, I guess it's the same thing, but, you might just be a sex addict.

Reactions to what you're attracted to should come involuntarily. If it's voluntary you're probably projecting some uninhibited sexual energy.


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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: circastes]
    #18881187 - 09/23/13 04:03 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I dunno if thats at him or me...If its me, but I have no doubt about being straight :P


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Re: beating pyschosis n ptsd [Re: circastes]
    #18884771 - 09/24/13 12:44 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

circastes said:
Your problem is in the brain. You should probably get medicated. You sound exactly like me and I was diagnosed with schizophrenia after a long pointless struggle with my brain. Cannabis is probably the culprit.

On sexual identity I saw a guy say "bisexuality in men is a kinky fetish, nothing more." Sort of makes sense. You might just have a kinky fetish. Or, I guess it's the same thing, but, you might just be a sex addict.

Reactions to what you're attracted to should come involuntarily. If it's voluntary you're probably projecting some uninhibited sexual energy.





well thats the thing, i get turned on by guys and all..

i am a sex addict, i have been since i was younger.

case and point, i believe im gay - but when i had a girlfriend i was masturbating to porn as well as recieving head atleast twice a day and have sex once or twice a day with a woman.
i've had more orgasms then days ive been alive i believe lol.. im not 100 percent sure because i cant go back in time. but when i wasn't anxiety riddled when i was in highschool i was highly attracted to girls, could it of been hormones? im not sure. could it of been excessive porn use and masturbating? it's probably Possible.

Im afraid to get medicated, i was on cymbalta and mirtazapine and i actually turned out Worse. but then again i was also going through alot of stressful things, and still had these addictions - smoking weed everyday on medication that strong is a terrible idea. i also went through discontinuation syndrome because i was taking the meds unconsitantly, i would take it for a few days, stop for a few days, take it for a week, stop for a week, take it every other day, it was just a mess when i was on it, i was afraid of the medication too, i thought i was goingto die on it lol. i have a intense fear of dying i built up after my shroom trip - i thought weed was goingto kill me after this - thought alchohol was goingto kill me - thought i was goingto get sick n die everytime i felt symtpoms of a cold..

but again, i can't get medicated if i still have these addictions regardless.

i might be a little schizophrenic, but i don't "hear voices" i simply think when people are smiling or laughing its possibly at me when im walking by. i have been shit-talked in actuality by people when walking by and i know it for wearing something odd sometimes because i over-adapt trying to 'fit in' even though theres nothing to 'fit in' too. and im not who i was when i was 16 wearing all these expensive designer  clothes n rockin a four pack.. if i showed you a picture when i was in highschool to now, its like a complete transformation of caring to not caring. although i do actually care i just lost a sense of who i am after the idea of being gay came in..

i know whats wrong, now im just at this point really trying to cling to some good motivational things,

eminems song. Not afraid is brilliant - and for today atleast it is helping me not smoke - i just want to 'feel' that connection with people i believe i used to feel. that emotional connection, too feel comfortable in my own skin

my goal is to never look at porn ever again, i dont want to masturbate again for an entire year, if ever honestly, id rather have a partner do it all.

regardless, i need to accept my journey will get worse before it gets better with anxiety and depression apon quitting all of these dopamine producing activities.


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