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Dark_Star
train driver pervading a desktop


Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,859
Loc: Uranus
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Re: Learyfan interview with Dark Star [Re: Learyfan] 2
#18752680 - 08/24/13 06:54 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Q: What is a headstash vial? Just a really potent vial or something? I'll bet it does have an energy to it. It may be mostly because you know what it is and what it has the power to do, but still.
A: Just a vial made to eat & share with friends, not work. They're however potent as the person making it wants to make 'em. In this case it was the standard 100 mics cause it was being shared with people that didn't have tolerances. I was puddled with it & was spun cookies.
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floatingwater
இலைலைலைஇ

Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 2,699
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: Learyfan interview with Dark Star [Re: Dark_Star] 2
#18752787 - 08/24/13 07:23 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Q: What is your favorite lyric from the grateful dead and why?
Q: What was the final straw that broke the camel's back as far as your past addiction and led you to put your self back together? (If that's too painful of a question, maybe just some advice to people who may be reading this who might be where you've been?)
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Dark_Star
train driver pervading a desktop


Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,859
Loc: Uranus
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Re: Learyfan interview with Dark Star [Re: floatingwater] 2
#18753153 - 08/24/13 09:18 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Q: What is your favorite lyric from the grateful dead and why?
A: That's a great question. It changes a lot, depending on where I'm at in my head as well as in life. What era I'm really into at the time also plays a role. Honestly I haven't been listening to the Dead much recently, so I'm gonna have to really think/dig for one. Looking back over the past several months, the one that stands out the most is from Eyes of the World; "and the seeds that were silent all burst into bloom and decay The night comes so quiet and it's close on the heels of the day"
The line about the seeds is super psychedelic. It reminds me a lot of visuals & thoughts that I've experienced during psychedelic states. It's also a very apt description of life itself.....down to each moment. Thoughts, ideas, experiences.....they all burst forth from one tiny spark, manifest, then melt away, only for new ones to come. Nothing lasts. Yet something else is always to come. I don't know. It just resonates strongly in me, and has for several months now. 
Q: What was the final straw that broke the camel's back as far as your past addiction and led you to put your self back together? (If that's too painful of a question, maybe just some advice to people who may be reading this who might be where you've been?)
A: I sometimes look back & wonder this myself. My memory of that time period is pretty hazy. I went through cycles with my drug abuse. The opiates & coke started towards the end of 2002. I would go nuts with them for a while, then stop -> psychedelics, weed -> decide to dabble -> go nuts, and so on. The periods of being strung out quickly became the norm. The periods where I was OK were just short periods of the sun coming out from behind the clouds. 2007 was an exception to this. 2007 was a great year, and I thought that I'd turned the corner. I moved out to Colorado to start a new life for myself, opiate free, and quickly met someone with scripts to oxy, morphine & lortab. Dabble -> go nuts.
Each time I went back to opiates it was worse than the last time. This was a progressive thing, with 2005 & most of 2006 being what I assumes was rock bottom. It was bad. Really bad. I acted like a junkie more during those years than any other period, but returning a strung out state after being clean for a bit is fucking depressing. The fact that I willfully fucked up & went back weighed heavily on me each time, adding another level of misery to it. I moved back east in 2008 & continued going downhill. I decided to sober up for a year, and started 2009 this way. I made it a month & a half before I decided that I could drink a beer. I was back on heroin within days. *sidenote* alcohol was also a problem for me for a few years. It wasn't my drug of choice, but I enjoyed it, and I drank like a fish. My periods off of dope were often filled with heavy drinking, and I also mixed boozing with doing dope. So me thinking that I could handle a beer was delusional. That's something a lot of people don't seem to understand. I've met people that kicked opiates & can drink socially & responsibly. I'm not one of those people.
My life flew out of control so fast this time that I was blown away, even after years of experience. It was depressing. I showed to a Shroomery gathering at Rothbury so strung out & sick, and it was embarrassing. Everyone looked after me, but I was straight up ashamed. Things got worse, and I read Anthony Keidis's autobiography, which detailed his struggles. That got me thinking. I saw Phish during the fall 2009 tour, and the joy & energy that Trey exuded was palpable. I was of course aware of his struggles with addiction, and the fact that he had now been clean for years. Seeing the change in him got me thinking. I got to the point where there was nothing left inside. Getting high wasn't fun anymore, and I didn't even want to, but I was incapable of stopping. That was scary, and I didn't want to be alive anymore. I hadn't wanted to alive in a long time. I had overdosed many times, but was still alive to tell the tale. So it was starting to seem as though drugs weren't going to directly kill me. So it was either just kill myself & get it over with, or get help. Around this time I read Nikki Sixx's autobiography "the Heroin Diaries" which chronicled his struggles, and eventual triumph over addiction. He states in the intro that he released this diary to offer hope to those still sick & suffering. It worked. I figured that if he could do it, so could I. I didn't have any health insurance, but I went and got myself evaluated, and checked into rehab. I did 40 days inpatient, 6 months outpatient, and spent a year and a half religiously doing the NA thing. Things slowly got better.
I started working out, eating healthy, and I got strong. I worked some steps, found a career path to go on & did what I needed to do in order to make it happen. I eventually drifted away from NA for a few reasons, one of which being conflicting belief systems. I reintroduced psychedelics into my life, but I only trip a few times a year now. I've found that it assists me in my recovery. I'm less than a year away from graduation. Things have changed quite a bit. I still have my ups & downs, but shit is way better now than it was when I was a junkie. I don't crave anymore. Alcohol crosses my mind from time to time, but I know better now, and I'm not going down that road. That was kinda long, I apologize for that....didn't mean to ramble on for that long. It's hard not too when asked that question though.
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floatingwater
இலைலைலைஇ

Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 2,699
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: Learyfan interview with Dark Star [Re: Dark_Star] 2
#18753191 - 08/24/13 09:27 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Thank you! You are an amazing person and you should be incredibly proud of yourself and the contributions you give to this community!

If we ever cross paths at a show you better believe I'm giving you a high five!
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Par

Registered: 09/05/10
Posts: 811
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Re: Learyfan interview with Dark Star [Re: Dark_Star] 2
#18753198 - 08/24/13 09:30 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Sounds great. A friend of mine read a book as well, and now she is sober. Though, we don't hangout anymore, because of conflicting beliefs on the use of psychedelics and marijuana. Anyways, glad to hear you've found what works for you Dark_Star.
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bryguy27007
Cosmonaut



Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 10,525
Loc:
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Re: Learyfan interview with Dark Star [Re: Par] 2
#18753347 - 08/24/13 10:19 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Holy shit Dark Star, what an amazing interview. Thank you so much for sharing. And thank you so much for putting this together Learyfan. Bloody great thread.
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