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Offlineun-known-ome
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Registered: 03/04/12
Posts: 463
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
How Do I Get Friends?
    #18738809 - 08/21/13 05:35 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

I'm actually in a bit of a strange situation, honestly, because I'm not really depressed but I have absolutely no friends, which is depressing when I think about. lol. So I left school like three years ago now and came back home and currently I'm working while taking classes and I'm volunteering, etc. So I do keep busy and I've got things going on. That's all square. However, there are times, like now, when I don't really have anything to do. I don't really have a social life at all, which is good and bad, because most of the time I want to do my own thing, however when I'm not doing my own thing, it's kind of depressing. I don't really text anyone, and no one really texts me. I don't have any regular interaction with guys or gals my age (I'm 22) and it's a bit frustrating. Frankly I don't know what to do. I communicate mostly over the interwebz, and that's just getting stale. And of course I'm on the interwebz right now, not having real interaction, but it's better than nothing. Idk. I feel a bit trapped. For example, I'm going to start working again on Friday, but I don't have classes starting again until September. So basically I have absolutely nothing to do outside of my working hours (7-3) for the next two weeks.


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Offlinedakotaellis166
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Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 208
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Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: un-known-ome]
    #18738883 - 08/21/13 05:54 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

im in almost the same situation man im 19, dropped out friends slowly lost contact .Now im on my own ,i look at it like taking some time to get to know yourself.But in imo go to a bar where they play live music ,like me im more punk/hardcore thats my scene .Find your scene. hope i helped just know you are not alone my brotha.:thumbup:


--------------------
i don't always give a fuck,
but when i do. . . i actually don't.


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Offlineun-known-ome
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Registered: 03/04/12
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Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: dakotaellis166]
    #18739663 - 08/21/13 08:42 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

dakotaellis166 said:
im in almost the same situation man im 19, dropped out friends slowly lost contact .Now im on my own ,i look at it like taking some time to get to know yourself.But in imo go to a bar where they play live music ,like me im more punk/hardcore thats my scene .Find your scene. hope i helped just know you are not alone my brotha.:thumbup:




Leaving school was either a good decision or a terrible one, when I look back at it, but what's done is done :/ It really only gets to me when I have unstructured time, but like I wanted to go to a comedy show last Friday, and I could not come up with even one other person to go with. Not even one. And I wanted to go to a music festival earlier this month--same story: no one to go with. It is hard. You know you take it for granted when you're surrounded by your peers all the time, up through college, but once you leave that scene it's not always easy.


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Offlinehappymealplease
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Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: un-known-ome]
    #18739871 - 08/21/13 09:22 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

You might find people at work you can associate with outside of it.

Also take one of your hobbies and find ways to utilize it in social settings.  If you like running, join a running club.  If you play an instrument, find a pub or something that has open-mic jam sessions.  Any involved hobby (not things like video games or TV shows) can be used to connect with people, you just have to put a bit of effort in to find the appropriate venues.


Edited by happymealplease (08/21/13 09:23 PM)


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Offlinedakotaellis166
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Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: un-known-ome]
    #18740041 - 08/21/13 09:59 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

un-known-ome said:
Quote:

dakotaellis166 said:
im in almost the same situation man im 19, dropped out friends slowly lost contact .Now im on my own ,i look at it like taking some time to get to know yourself.But in imo go to a bar where they play live music ,like me im more punk/hardcore thats my scene .Find your scene. hope i helped just know you are not alone my brotha.:thumbup:




Leaving school was either a good decision or a terrible one, when I look back at it, but what's done is done :/ It really only gets to me when I have unstructured time, but like I wanted to go to a comedy show last Friday, and I could not come up with even one other person to go with. Not even one. And I wanted to go to a music festival earlier this month--same story: no one to go with. It is hard. You know you take it for granted when you're surrounded by your peers all the time, up through college, but once you leave that scene it's not always easy.



ah i see ,yea it sucks i could count on 1 hand how many friends i had in school ,but its a good thing cause now they are all on coke and alcohol (fuck that) really spoiled little kids, so i dont really miss them ,but i miss human interaction but i also do my own thing 9 out of 10 times cause i really have not met someone with the same beliefs as me ,or just lifestyle ,music ,drugs ...for example i like metal everyone around me likes rap/pop. but anyway do you smoke pot ? if so maybe try bringing a blunt a festival ,even if you dont smoke get some weed and blaze some kids up maybe? I mean your on shroomery, do you like shrooms, DMT ,mescaline ,take some to rave and trip with some people maybe.


--------------------
i don't always give a fuck,
but when i do. . . i actually don't.


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Offlineun-known-ome
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Registered: 03/04/12
Posts: 463
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: happymealplease]
    #18740095 - 08/21/13 10:09 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

happymealplease said:
You might find people at work you can associate with outside of it.

Also take one of your hobbies and find ways to utilize it in social settings.  If you like running, join a running club.  If you play an instrument, find a pub or something that has open-mic jam sessions.  Any involved hobby (not things like video games or TV shows) can be used to connect with people, you just have to put a bit of effort in to find the appropriate venues.




I may sound self-defeating, but I work with a bunch of married adults who are all at least a decade older than me. Oh yeah and my no. 1 hobby right now is cultivating illegal mushrooms. I really have no idea what to do. I've always just "met" people conveniently through physically being somewhere, but that's not the case anymore, and even the few friends I've connected with here have their own things going on. I've had one friend out here that I've kept relatively good communication with, but we are definitely going our separate ways. All I have is the internet, basically. Fuckin' sucks.


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Offlineun-known-ome
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Registered: 03/04/12
Posts: 463
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: dakotaellis166]
    #18740107 - 08/21/13 10:13 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

dakotaellis166 said:
Quote:

un-known-ome said:
Quote:

dakotaellis166 said:
im in almost the same situation man im 19, dropped out friends slowly lost contact .Now im on my own ,i look at it like taking some time to get to know yourself.But in imo go to a bar where they play live music ,like me im more punk/hardcore thats my scene .Find your scene. hope i helped just know you are not alone my brotha.:thumbup:




Leaving school was either a good decision or a terrible one, when I look back at it, but what's done is done :/ It really only gets to me when I have unstructured time, but like I wanted to go to a comedy show last Friday, and I could not come up with even one other person to go with. Not even one. And I wanted to go to a music festival earlier this month--same story: no one to go with. It is hard. You know you take it for granted when you're surrounded by your peers all the time, up through college, but once you leave that scene it's not always easy.



ah i see ,yea it sucks i could count on 1 hand how many friends i had in school ,but its a good thing cause now they are all on coke and alcohol (fuck that) really spoiled little kids, so i dont really miss them ,but i miss human interaction but i also do my own thing 9 out of 10 times cause i really have not met someone with the same beliefs as me ,or just lifestyle ,music ,drugs ...for example i like metal everyone around me likes rap/pop. but anyway do you smoke pot ? if so maybe try bringing a blunt a festival ,even if you dont smoke get some weed and blaze some kids up maybe? I mean your on shroomery, do you like shrooms, DMT ,mescaline ,take some to rave and trip with some people maybe.




I like electronic music, almost exclusively Deadmau5. I don't smoke weed anymore, no, and to be honest: I don't like to trip THAT much. I do, and I will, but I gravitate towards psychedelic culture and ideas more than anything else.


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InvisibleDr. Crapsghetti
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Registered: 07/16/13
Posts: 602
Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: un-known-ome]
    #18740138 - 08/21/13 10:23 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Everyone's been in your situation before. You should be able to make friends once you start school again. Get involved with campus activities and so forth. You won't start making friends right away, most people will not even bother to talk to you if they don't know your name, but after awhile, you'll start making friends. Be sure to introduce yourself to people as well. Once someone knows your name, they'll be likely to talk to you again. Otherwise, no one is going to say, Hey, what's up? Don't use drugs as a way to initiate friendship. You'll make some retarded and shitty friends that way. It's all a part of growing up. Friends will come and go, but usually someone's there for you. Maybe take this time out to get closer to your family.


Edited by Dr. Crapsghetti (08/21/13 10:34 PM)


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Offlineun-known-ome
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Registered: 03/04/12
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Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: Dr. Crapsghetti]
    #18740189 - 08/21/13 10:41 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Dr. Crapsghetti said:
Everyone's been in your situation before. You should be able to make friends once you start school again. Get involved with campus activities and so forth. You won't start making friends right away, most people will not even bother to talk to you if they don't know your name, but after awhile, you'll start making friends. Be sure to introduce yourself to people as well. Once someone knows your name, they'll be likely to talk to you again. Otherwise, no one is going to say, Hey, what's up? Don't use drugs as a way to initiate friendship with someone. You'll make some retarded and shitty friends that way.




Well maybe they have,but maybe they haven't. I'm actually in school right now, and the next semester start in two weeks, but it's a hybrid online education and the main college building is 40 miles away. There is no campus.


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OfflineSpacerific
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Registered: 10/13/12
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Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: un-known-ome]
    #18740307 - 08/21/13 11:21 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

OP, you should probably scout out some locations first. Then some activities. Then in a fairly short amount of time you'll start bumping into people. Just don't be physically indoors all the time, there's very little chance of making new friends there.

Location ideas:

- Park - walk your dog, skate or roller skate, read, buy 3 balls and learn to juggle, buy a cheap flute or instrument and learn to play it, buy art supplies and go painting. Buy some colored string, take it to the park and start making bracelets. People WILL interact with you, especially if you seem to be chill and having fun. Do you know the frisbee pickup? All you need is a cheapo frisbee and some initiative.

- Library - do you have a card, do you even know where it is? Show up, you never know what's in there. Nerdy girls are awesome once "unlocked" :thumbup:

- Cafe, diner, any outdoors place if you have a laptop. Even if you spend time online, you don't have to be locked up in your room doing it. Be outside, you never know who shows up in your field of view. I have made new contacts while chilling with my laptop eating my lunch. It does happen.

- Street - If you have some balls, just wear a FREE HUGS sign or t-shirt. Test it, see what happens. All you need is an old t-shirt and a marker if you don't feel like getting a real one.

Find places to hang out, things to do to pass the time constructively, and you'll bump into new people, potential new friends. Creative activities are like a people magnet. Pick the one you like and get moving. They're all learnable.

Example - I was in pretty much the same situation, started getting depressed and feeling like crap. 3 days ago I figured ok, I HAVE to make tomorrow different than the previous days of sitting indoors. Got a fresh haircut, shave, grabbed my skates went to the park to blow off some steam. All kinds of boring people I don't feel like being friends with, whatever. Then this cute 18yo chick showed up in the group I was talking to. A while later she gets some rollerskates and is trying to use them, sees that I have some experience and comes to ask me if I can teach her how to brake. The rest is standard PUA stuff, you just apply it as you've learned it. Meeting her again tonight. She introduced me to all sorts of other people she knows, and presto, brand new people coming along at a steady pace now.

But you have to physically be out there, and give people some sort of topic to talk to you about.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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InvisibleJesusGoneRogue
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Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: un-known-ome]
    #18741479 - 08/22/13 09:40 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

umm go make friends man. it's really only as hard as you make it.


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Offlineun-known-ome
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Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: JesusGoneRogue]
    #18741626 - 08/22/13 10:17 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

JesusGoneRogue said:
umm go make friends man. it's really only as hard as you make it.




You know, finding people that I want to associate with and creating meaningful relationships is actually hard. It's not easily done. Otherwise it wouldn't be an issue.


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InvisibleJesusGoneRogue
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Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: un-known-ome]
    #18741655 - 08/22/13 10:25 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Now that I completely agree with you on. A hundred percent. If it weren't for the internet where I could meet with minds like mine, i would've went crazy long ago. Can't help you there man:shrug:


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InvisibleVivaLaMushie
RIP LS :(
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Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 15,711
Loc: Switzerland Flag
Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: JesusGoneRogue]
    #18741751 - 08/22/13 10:47 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Finding real, true honest friends is hard.

Ive pretty much given up. I have more "friends "on the Internet than in real life lol I think I prefer it that way.


--------------------


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InvisibleJesusGoneRogue
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Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: VivaLaMushie]
    #18741768 - 08/22/13 10:50 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

:nodofunderstanding:


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OfflineJ.T
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Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: JesusGoneRogue]
    #18742693 - 08/22/13 02:22 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

If you're in Vancouver, BC drop me a message :smile: I just moved here from New Zealand :smile:


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Offlineqman
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Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: J.T]
    #18742955 - 08/22/13 03:19 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

OP, most of adult life consists of work and alone time in many cases, I suggest trying to get comfortable with it.

Your problem is, you have expectations of a certain social life, and that is never a good sign.

Learn to entertain yourself, having to depend on others for your enjoyment is sometimes a bad habit, people will let you down.

I am sure you will meet people in the future, but don't stress about it.


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InvisibleJesusGoneRogue
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Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: qman]
    #18743684 - 08/22/13 06:18 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

:okiapprove:


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Offlineun-known-ome
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Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: qman]
    #18743817 - 08/22/13 06:49 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

qman said:
OP, most of adult life consists of work and alone time in many cases, I suggest trying to get comfortable with it.

Your problem is, you have expectations of a certain social life, and that is never a good sign.

Learn to entertain yourself, having to depend on others for your enjoyment is sometimes a bad habit, people will let you down.

I am sure you will meet people in the future, but don't stress about it.




You're right, just not about me. I am masterful at entertaining myself, and in fact, that's what I do pretty much all the time. I have had almost no social life for three years now, and things are getting stale: that's all I'm saying. There is a generational gap with the people I work with, and it's just not an avenue for buddy-buddy friendship.


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OfflineLysergicX7
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Re: How Do I Get Friends? [Re: un-known-ome]
    #18744230 - 08/22/13 08:21 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

I recommend possibly hitting up the bars. If you start going every now and then you will meet a bunch of new people. Some you might even like.

I met all my friends through skateboarding. If you can find a hobby like that it would definitely help.


--------------------
“Everybody is fundamentally, the ultimate reality. Not god in the political kingly sense, but god in the sense of being the self – the deep down basic whatever there is. And you’re all that… only you’re pretending you’re not.” -Alan Watts

I think that in human evolution it has never been as necessary to have this substance LSD. It is just a tool to turn us into what we are supposed to be.”
― Albert Hofmann


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