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Anonymous #1
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What do you guys think of this piece of writing?
#18737074 - 08/21/13 11:46 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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I don't really know what it is, it's not really a poem or anything I just kind of wrote it down. I wrote it about 2 years ago while coming down from one of the worst/best mushroom trips of my life. The mushroom basically just whipped its dick out and slapped the shit out of me with it. It ended up being a very meaningful experience though, set me straight so to speak. So anyway, here it is, please don't hold back, if you think it sucks let me know, you won't hurt my feelings.
Atonement! Judgement Day! I felt the fear....I felt it deep within my gut. It had been coming for a long time now, building momentum The skeletons were piling up... It hit full force only hours ago, A devilish tsunami wave... No high ground in sight. I stood naked, face to face with the fear Stripped of all my cognitive defenses...no hiding this time around I had no other choice but to confront the perverse shadow that had been haunting me for the past eighteen years. It was a creature that had to be killed, and killed it was... dead and buried..no more.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: What do you guys think of this piece of writing? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18739752 - 08/21/13 08:56 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Anonymous #3
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Re: What do you guys think of this piece of writing? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#18740232 - 08/21/13 10:55 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Calling it a "perverse shadow" makes it sound like you did shrooms and confronted the fact that you have homosexual fantasies, which makes a lot of sense given what we all know about mushrooms, but it kind of takes away from the rest of the atmosphere.
The rest of it was pretty good, I like your use of imagery and your writing style.
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Anonymous #4
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Re: What do you guys think of this piece of writing? [Re: Anonymous #3]
#18740249 - 08/21/13 11:01 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Eh, it kinda runs out of steam at the end. 'It had to be killed so it was killed the end' ya know? Leaves the audience wanting some action and blood.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: What do you guys think of this piece of writing? [Re: Anonymous #3]
#18741246 - 08/22/13 08:43 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #3 said: Calling it a "perverse shadow" makes it sound like you did shrooms and confronted the fact that you have homosexual fantasies, which makes a lot of sense given what we all know about mushrooms, but it kind of takes away from the rest of the atmosphere.
The rest of it was pretty good, I like your use of imagery and your writing style.
lol, not really, I mean I'm kind of a freak sexually speaking but I've accepted that long ago. The word perverse isn't always referring to sex, I think a lot of people get mixed up by that. I was sort of talking about the dark, primal part of me that causes me to do negative things and then rationalize them. Kind of like the Id from a psychology standpoint.
Thanks for the input!
Edited by Anonymous (08/22/13 08:49 AM)
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Anonymous #1
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Re: What do you guys think of this piece of writing? [Re: Anonymous #4]
#18741262 - 08/22/13 08:48 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #4 said: Eh, it kinda runs out of steam at the end. 'It had to be killed so it was killed the end' ya know? Leaves the audience wanting some action and blood.
I see what you're saying, I think you are looking at it from too literal of a standpoint though. The thing wasn't a physical thing, it was a part of me. Nothing was actually literally being killed
Thanks!
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