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Anonymous #1
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My gf was kicked out
#18736921 - 08/21/13 11:01 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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So I just turned 22 and my girlfriend is about to turn 21. She has been living with me at my parents house for a year because she was kicked out of her moms house ( her mom is a crazy alcoholic it had nothing to do with my GF ) and my parents decided to put the house up for sale so things started to get kind of tense between all of us.
Before all of this, whenever I my girlfriend and I were on the outs from arguing, I would talk to my mom about it because I just really needed someone to talk to. Well since the house went up for sale, my girlfriend and my parents have not been getting a long at all. They claim she is being blatantly rude, disrespectful, etc. Then I hear her side of the story and I understand where she is coming from because my parents can be very in your business when they want to be.
Long story short - my parents decided to kick her out, telling her she has one month and then the next morning they wake us up and tell us she has to leave NOW. Luckly her Dad was in town and could take her in. Neither one of us have the money to move out right now on our own. My mom was VERY mean about kicking her out, saying that if my girlfriend doesnt move out that she will and wont come back until she is gone.
I am now commuting 20 miles each way almost every day to her Dad's house as of last Sunday morning. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO because now she absolutely HATES my parents and especially my Mom. She never wants to speak to them or see them again but she wants to have a future with me and I want a future with her. We really want to have a life together but what am I supposed to do if she NEVER wants to see my parents again?
She told me if we got a place together that she would never ever let them come over for fear of going through all her things like they did when she was staying at my house. They even read her personal notes she wrote as a child when was being neglected by her parents.. My mom even TEXTED her the day after she moved out saying how she CANT believe the things she wrote in her note book. This made things like 1000000000xxx times worse then they could of been because those were seriously personal things she wrote in there when she was feeling her deepest depression.
So this girl that I am deeply in love with absolutely despises my parents. She means everything to me, she GETS me, she never judges me and she is just very down to earth, she is very much wife material and I can see my self with her way down the road in life. But my parents are on the other side, telling me she is NOT the girl for me and that I am always going to be unhappy. All the talks I had with them when we would be fighting bad and stuff, was just being used AGAINST me to try and convince me that I am not making the right choice.
How am I supposed to make this work? I'm stuck in the middle and I feel like my world is being ripped apart between her and my family. I love them all, I want everyone to be happy. I want to be with her and with my family.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Fix the practical problems for today and tomorrow. Don't worry about the distant future; things may settle down between your gf and your parents, but obviously, the whole situation is fucked at this point in time; don't let that cloud your judgement. Make sure your gf has a place to live (actually, it's primarily her own responsibility, but it won't hurt to help her) and take things one day at a time. Obviously, contact between your gf and your parents isn't constructive at this point, so whatever you do, don't encourage them to talk to each other.
There's no rule anywhere that your partner needs to like your parents or vice versa. Lots of people don't like their in-laws. Sure, it'd be nice if everyone would get along, but that's just not realistic in all cases.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: My gf was kicked out [Re: koraks]
#18736994 - 08/21/13 11:19 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
koraks said: Fix the practical problems for today and tomorrow. Don't worry about the distant future; things may settle down between your gf and your parents, but obviously, the whole situation is fucked at this point in time; don't let that cloud your judgement. Make sure your gf has a place to live (actually, it's primarily her own responsibility, but it won't hurt to help her) and take things one day at a time. Obviously, contact between your gf and your parents isn't constructive at this point, so whatever you do, don't encourage them to talk to each other.
There's no rule anywhere that your partner needs to like your parents or vice versa. Lots of people don't like their in-laws. Sure, it'd be nice if everyone would get along, but that's just not realistic in all cases.
I'm trying really hard to take it one day at a time and not think too much into the future, I really want this dust to settle. I have BARELY eaten in a week and my stomach is in complete knots just grinding at me. My biggest fear was her not having any place to go, if her Dad had not been in town she would be living in her car and that would KILL me knowing that, I wouldnt be able to take it.
You're right about the in-laws part, nobody has to like them or says they must get along. I'm not going to encourage them to talk either, it just wouldnt go well and I know it. But it crushes me inside to know they hate each other now.
We both work so our time being around each other is going from 24/7 to like a few days a week or more. I hate sleeping/waking up without her.
Edited by Anonymous (08/21/13 11:20 AM)
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qman
Stranger

Registered: 12/06/06
Posts: 34,927
Last seen: 2 days, 1 hour
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Quote:
koraks said: Fix the practical problems for today and tomorrow. Don't worry about the distant future; things may settle down between your gf and your parents, but obviously, the whole situation is fucked at this point in time; don't let that cloud your judgement. Make sure your gf has a place to live (actually, it's primarily her own responsibility, but it won't hurt to help her) and take things one day at a time. Obviously, contact between your gf and your parents isn't constructive at this point, so whatever you do, don't encourage them to talk to each other.
There's no rule anywhere that your partner needs to like your parents or vice versa. Lots of people don't like their in-laws. Sure, it'd be nice if everyone would get along, but that's just not realistic in all cases.
I'm trying really hard to take it one day at a time and not think too much into the future, I really want this dust to settle. I have BARELY eaten in a week and my stomach is in complete knots just grinding at me. My biggest fear was her not having any place to go, if her Dad had not been in town she would be living in her car and that would KILL me knowing that, I wouldnt be able to take it.
You're right about the in-laws part, nobody has to like them or says they must get along. I'm not going to encourage them to talk either, it just wouldnt go well and I know it. But it crushes me inside to know they hate each other now.
We both work so our time being around each other is going from 24/7 to like a few days a week or more. I hate sleeping/waking up without her.
If your GF and yourself can't afford a place of your own, you guys are just kids trying to act like independent adults.
You better just worry about yourself, you are too young to burden yourself with all this stress, you don't seem able to take care of yourself, never mind another person as well.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: My gf was kicked out [Re: qman]
#18737432 - 08/21/13 01:08 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Well based on our age, we are kids in the long run trying to do things, possibly independently.
I can take care of my self to the best of my ability, just right now I am just beyond stressed, I have had so much stress in my life in the last 3-4 years that im losing hair and Im only 22.
its just the money situation mostly that doesnt allow me to fully take care of us
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Anonymous #2
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Dump her. Simple as that. Better yourself to a position where you can live with someone who on your own. Chances are this relationship is going to fail and the added stress is not worth it. Try long distance. You just said you don't have the money to move out so you surely don't have the money to be pissing in the wind driving 20 mins out of your way to try and mend an already failing relationship.
Life is tough, with a poor mindset you will always be poor.
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pwnasaurus
Stranger



Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Dump her. Simple as that. Better yourself to a position where you can live with someone who on your own. Chances are this relationship is going to fail and the added stress is not worth it. Try long distance. You just said you don't have the money to move out so you surely don't have the money to be pissing in the wind driving 20 mins out of your way to try and mend an already failing relationship.
Life is tough, with a poor mindset you will always be poor.

What are you talking about? Where do you get the impression that the relationship is failing? It sounds like OP and his partner have a great relationship in unfortunate circumstances.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: My gf was kicked out [Re: pwnasaurus]
#18737987 - 08/21/13 03:04 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Money is going to be the failure of this relationship... Because: They are young Young people tend to be nearsighted He's trying to save money to move out but wasting it on things he deems important in the now rather than the future I really don't care if it works or not OP wants to get a place of his own so start being a lot more frugal and get your gf to get a damn job so you can combine incomes and afford a shitty apartment, do not go for a fancy one just because of the two incomes. Rule #37: Two people under one roof, live on one person's income to the best of ability while saving/investing the others. Fail proof method of climbing the ladder.
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Anonymous #3
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I was kicked out at 17 by my mom (shes nuts may be your girls moms sister lol) anyway I stayed with my soon to be inlaws for a few months until my dude and I could get our own place. Let me tell you this was weird for me even though I had known my guys parents for a few years at that point. I felt like I was impeding on their life and I would only come out of the bedroom for necessities.
One time my guy and I were arguing in the bedroom and I opened the door to leave and his mom was standing outside the door listening lol but that's about as far as "snooping " went.
That sucks your mom went through her things. She really doesn't like her, huh? What was your girl doing that came off rude to your parents?
Its very hard to have a normal relationship w someone if your parents don't get along w whom your dating.
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