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Offlinehappymealplease
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Registered: 07/14/11
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Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today * 8
    #18733991 - 08/20/13 07:58 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Okay so for some background, this is what our bench press layout looks like:

- = bench

| = head of bench

---| (small space to walk) |---

So when you walk between you either have to put ass or crotch in someone's face if they're benching right.  I'm using the bench on the left, building up to my work weight, and there's a guy on the right bench doing a press.  I get up and grab a 45 to slap on one side of the bar, and the foot of the bench has a few people at the moment, so I make the clutch decision to carry the weight through the small gap to get to the other end of the bar.  This turns out to be one of the worst decisions I've ever made in my life.  As I'm squeezing through, I have to turn my body, and I figured ass beats crotch a few inches from dudes face.  Well out of nowhere I blow a big one.  I don't know how loud it was because I had my noise-canceling earbuds in, but I knew it was powerful because I felt like it blew my shorts back.  I had the immediate thought of "oh shit did I just fart in that guys face"?  And I didn't think it was possible, but in my head I'm thinking about it, and it makes me smile because in a juvenile way I'm amused at the potential of that having occurred.

Sure enough I get out of the squeeze between the benches and this guy slams the bar into the rack, flies off the bench and gets in my face.  He's in gorilla stance looking all pissed (which is partially from being in no-BS when benching, you know what I'm talking about).  He's about 5 inches from my face.  I'm in workout mode so my body chemistry is making me feel fucking alpha, and I realize now that I still have that stupid ass grin on my face.  So I'm staring at him looking mildly amused, and he just keeps staring, looking insanely pissed.  We held eye contact like this for what was probably 10 seconds, then he just went back to his bench, and I went back to my workout.

I don't even know where it came from.  I rarely fart these days, I eat too healthy.


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InvisibleSheekle
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Registered: 01/11/10
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Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: happymealplease] * 2
    #18733997 - 08/20/13 07:59 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

lol


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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OfflineThe Vapor
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Registered: 03/22/10
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Loc: Misty Mountains, B.C. Flag
Last seen: 2 years, 4 hours
Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: Sheekle] * 6
    #18734004 - 08/20/13 08:00 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

I don't even know where it came from.  I rarely fart these days, I eat too healthy.




the fucks that even mean


--------------------


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InvisibleVivaLaMushie
RIP LS :(
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Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 15,711
Loc: Switzerland Flag
Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: Sheekle] * 2
    #18734006 - 08/20/13 08:00 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Lol


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InvisibleMalcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??
Trans-male User Gallery


Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc: Flag
Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: Sheekle] * 1
    #18734015 - 08/20/13 08:01 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

LOL this is the funniest thing i've heard all day


--------------------
I'm stupid, Enlil is smart.
I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.


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Offlinehappymealplease
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Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: The Vapor]
    #18734019 - 08/20/13 08:02 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

The Vapor said:
Quote:

I don't even know where it came from.  I rarely fart these days, I eat too healthy.




the fucks that even mean



I used to drink pop/beer/takeout and junk food, not often but just, whatever, didn't think twice about it.  Now it's just milk and water and ridiculously healthy, unless I'm at a party.  Ever since I made the change I rarely get gas or have trouble with bowel movements.  I actually think the biggest contributor to flatulence, for me, was beer.

That'll be tmi for most people but you asked.


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InvisibleNiffla
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Registered: 06/09/08
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Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: happymealplease]
    #18734020 - 08/20/13 08:02 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

this some funny ass shit right here


--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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InvisibleSheekle
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Registered: 01/11/10
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Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: happymealplease] * 3
    #18734027 - 08/20/13 08:03 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

happymealplease said:]
I used to drink pop/beer/takeout and junk food, not often but just, whatever, didn't think twice about it.  Now it's just milk and water and ridiculously healthy, unless I'm at a party.  Ever since I made the change I rarely get gas or have trouble with bowel movements.  I actually think the biggest contributor to flatulence, for me, was beer.

That'll be tmi for most people but you asked.



lol ur name is happymealplease lol


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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InvisibleSynthe
Gatorade me, bitch!
Male


Registered: 11/10/12
Posts: 7,961
Loc: Three bags of Funyuns Flag
Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: happymealplease]
    #18734029 - 08/20/13 08:04 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

So why didn't he attack you? Did you have passionate make-up sex afterwords?


--------------------



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InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*
Other

Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan Flag
Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: happymealplease]
    #18734030 - 08/20/13 08:04 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Please tell me you use protein powder :rofldrunk:


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InvisibleLegend
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Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy] * 1
    #18734033 - 08/20/13 08:04 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

lol did you even think of apologizing to the dude? or were your earbuds in the entire time?

funny shit. +1


--------------------
No sympathy for the devil, keep that in mind.
[url=
]Buy the ticket, take the ride. [/url]
Are you lost?


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Offlinegoldcaphunter
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Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: happymealplease] * 1
    #18734053 - 08/20/13 08:07 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Man, I've farted while lifting weights before.....but never in someone's face. This is the funniest shit I've read all day.


--------------------

The picture to the far left is a reminder to our users to stay safe and healthy, that's my third open heart surgery due to over use of amps. Stay safe kiddos :wink:


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Offlinehappymealplease
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Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: Legend]
    #18734066 - 08/20/13 08:10 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
lol ur name is happymealplease lol



Yeah, I haven't had McDonald's or anything like that in about 5 years now though.

Quote:

Synthe said:
So why didn't he attack you? Did you have passionate make-up sex afterwords?



You're asking the wrong guy.  If it were me I think I would've at least said something, but maybe with my earbuds in he knew I wouldn't hear and he'd feel like a bigger asshole?  Idk why he didn't give me a shove or anything, it totally would've been warranted.

Quote:

Bodhi of Ankou said:
Please tell me you use protein powder :rofldrunk:



Only post-workouts.

Quote:

Legend said:
lol did you even think of apologizing to the dude? or were your earbuds in the entire time?

funny shit. +1



I thought about it when I was home having my post-workout food, when my no-BS mode was starting to wear off.  In any other situation the first thing I would've thought about was apologizing but idk, I think having the pump and Blitzkrieg (Metallica Garage Days) in my ears, I didn't even think about it.

I can't apologize now either, I think it'd be weird to walk up to this guy I've had nothing to do with until now and say "Hey so the other day when I farted in your face, sorry about that."  My moment for redemption has passed.


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OfflineJesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: Legend]
    #18734075 - 08/20/13 08:11 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

I died laughing at your story OP. That is just gold. Kinda the fight club scenario - "now should i give her the ass or the crotch..."


:ilold:


--------------------


And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.


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OfflineThe Vapor
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Registered: 03/22/10
Posts: 8,433
Loc: Misty Mountains, B.C. Flag
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Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: happymealplease]
    #18734088 - 08/20/13 08:15 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

happymealplease said:
Quote:

The Vapor said:
Quote:

I don't even know where it came from.  I rarely fart these days, I eat too healthy.




the fucks that even mean



I used to drink pop/beer/takeout and junk food, not often but just, whatever, didn't think twice about it.  Now it's just milk and water and ridiculously healthy, unless I'm at a party.  Ever since I made the change I rarely get gas or have trouble with bowel movements.  I actually think the biggest contributor to flatulence, for me, was beer.

That'll be tmi for most people but you asked.




nah, cant say im too bothered


--------------------


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OfflineShroomslip
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Registered: 11/25/12
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Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: happymealplease]
    #18734101 - 08/20/13 08:17 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

I think I'd find a new gym.. lol He's going to end up telling everyone "don't go near that dude, he'll fart in your face".


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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OfflineThe Vapor
Lost In A Tea Daze


Registered: 03/22/10
Posts: 8,433
Loc: Misty Mountains, B.C. Flag
Last seen: 2 years, 4 hours
Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: Shroomslip] * 1
    #18734107 - 08/20/13 08:18 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomslip said:
I think I'd find a new gym.. lol He's going to end up telling everyone "don't go near that dude, he'll fart in your face".




that's okay, seems like a decent way to skip the wait for certain machines and weights


--------------------


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Offlinehappymealplease
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Registered: 07/14/11
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Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: The Vapor] * 1
    #18734128 - 08/20/13 08:24 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomslip said:
I think I'd find a new gym.. lol He's going to end up telling everyone "don't go near that dude, he'll fart in your face".



I don't think it'd change my social situation there.  I've been going 7 years and don't socialize much with anyone.  It seems like getting in the gym clique needs you to have a personal trainer, or join one of their aerobic classes, both of which I don't feel the need to do, and I don't see it as a place to pick up chicks or make new male friends.  The most conversation I've had in there is basically people asking if they can share a bench/rack with me, or having a quick chat with someone I know from outside the gym.  Generally go in to pound shit and leave it at that.

Quote:

The Vapor said:
that's okay, seems like a decent way to skip the wait for certain machines and weights



I should've farted on someone sooner.


Edited by happymealplease (08/20/13 08:25 PM)


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Offlinelifeiswhatyoumake
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Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: The Vapor]
    #18734130 - 08/20/13 08:24 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

The Vapor said:
Quote:

Shroomslip said:
I think I'd find a new gym.. lol He's going to end up telling everyone "don't go near that dude, he'll fart in your face".




that's okay, seems like a decent way to skip the wait for certain machines and weights




True that.
When I'm pumpin' iron I usually don't fart in some one's face because it's rude.
But when I do, I do the Carlton afterward.


--------------------
Check out my new psytrance track "Sake Psychic": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xyEPGfiDrA ;


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InvisibleSham87
mashAllah
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Registered: 05/16/11
Posts: 9,819
Re: Accidentally farted on someone at the gym today [Re: happymealplease]
    #18734131 - 08/20/13 08:25 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Funny story. So you didn't apologize and the guy walked away? Pussy.


--------------------
:mushroom2::sun::crazy2::leaf:




...once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest places if you look at it right...



:feelsgoatman:


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