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2Experimental

Registered: 01/15/03
Posts: 18,073
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potential mega pee butt disaster
#18730736 - 08/20/13 02:10 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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So, I set out on one of my epic 10-20 mile night bike rides again tonight... this time, when I hit the 7 or so mile mark, I felt this urge to fart, so, as I was about to let it out, I knew it was coming...
PEE BUTT!
Ugh, so embarrassing, 
Luckily, I shut it off with the iron grips of my ass muscles. That stuff seriously almost created a volcano in my pants...
So. I decided to cut my ride short just a bit, taking it as a sign...so I pulled a swift and scrapped the pavement with my feet as I flew back home.
Amazing feeling. Anyways, I was still some 30 minutes out or so, and it was mostly uphill, and stair climbing my non-gear bike I kept wanting to shit all over random peoples curbs and just use my shirt to wipe my ass and throw it in the trash... BUT I Didn't .
BECAUSE I AM AN OUTSTANDING CITIZEN. So. By the time I got home, I felt my stomach rumble and turn over, and when I sat on the toilet, only that big fart came out. And it was amazing.
BUTT! I couldn't risk it... a wet fart on the road while riding commando could be potentially dangerous.
That's right folks, I was riding without underwear. Anyways, some time later, after getting relaxed I just keep farting.
MORAL OF THE STORY IS EAT MORE FIBER.
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Eggtimer
HotSauce Lover

Registered: 05/04/13
Posts: 3,097
Last seen: 3 days, 20 hours
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Re: potential mega pee butt disaster [Re: 2Experimental]
#18730743 - 08/20/13 02:17 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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At least you didn't play the lottery and lose.
-------------------- It's all for the s
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2Experimental

Registered: 01/15/03
Posts: 18,073
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Re: potential mega pee butt disaster [Re: Eggtimer]
#18730752 - 08/20/13 02:22 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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great idea... I should play the lottery.
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LiquidGlass
Glass Blower


Registered: 07/08/12
Posts: 5,288
Loc: Pee En Double You
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Re: potential mega pee butt disaster [Re: 2Experimental]
#18730796 - 08/20/13 03:01 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Are you gonna meet up with us at BM?
-------------------- Some art I've made Glass Art Gallery
  I was raised a christian and was a stone-faced acid head - Ken Kesey
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2Experimental

Registered: 01/15/03
Posts: 18,073
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Re: potential mega pee butt disaster [Re: LiquidGlass]
#18730801 - 08/20/13 03:07 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
LiquidGlass said: Are you gonna meet up with us at BM?
Eff! ( ok maybe)
Ok, Truth be told, I won't be there this year, because I have so much work to do on my tent it's not even funny.
BUT!
I am so happy for anyone actually going, and having the time and resources to do so.
Going to BM has to be DONE RIGHT. and DONE WELL... No one get's it right the first time unless they are the Buddha or the Antichrist:)
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LiquidGlass
Glass Blower


Registered: 07/08/12
Posts: 5,288
Loc: Pee En Double You
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Re: potential mega pee butt disaster [Re: 2Experimental]
#18730820 - 08/20/13 03:25 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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I got it right the first time and I am neither
-------------------- Some art I've made Glass Art Gallery
  I was raised a christian and was a stone-faced acid head - Ken Kesey
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Rewindicus
Silly Goose



Registered: 06/05/11
Posts: 5,491
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: potential mega pee butt disaster [Re: Eggtimer] 1
#18730823 - 08/20/13 03:28 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Eggtimer said: At least you didn't play the lottery and lose.

i have a fiber one story i was at a friends waiting for him to come home and didnt even look at the name i just ate one of those fiber one bars....was tasty! well 2 hours and 6 bars later im full and just watching some old episodes of batman and my friend calls me to meet him at a nearby mexican restaurant as he was just getting off work and wanted to eat first so i head on over and on my way i get the biggest stomach turning rumbling and i immediately am struck with the urge to shit. right now. on the sidewalk. NOW.
I clenched my ass but that was no use for the indiana jones sized turd that was making it down my GI tract regardless of my situation. I couldnt help it. It was coming. i looked around ran into the nearest back yard dropped my shorts and in a standing squat position let it rain. AND IT DID. It was very satisfying but also kind of humiliating ESPECIALLY because when i opened my eyes there was a dog just quizzically looking at me. Head cocked not knowing what to think. (was some type of lab mix) All i could say was "sorry im poopin in your house buddy but this was an emergency."
I had a few more shit tsunamis and when it was finally over took off my socks wiped my ass, left the socks in the yard, and walked out of the yard back on to the sidewalk. As soon as i was on my way i looked over at the yard to wave goodbye to my canine poo buddy and he was on those socks like white on rice. All i could picture was him chewing on my shit socks and then licking the face of some little kid or a sweet old lady or something.
So yah. eat your fiber.....but dont eat too much. Especially not 210% of daily recommended dose ONTOP of the fiber supps you already take AND whats in your diet. UGH.
-------------------- “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”- Dr. Seuss "Too much of a good thing, can be wonderful!" - Mae West "If you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come sit next to me." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Edited by Rewindicus (08/20/13 03:31 AM)
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Eggtimer
HotSauce Lover

Registered: 05/04/13
Posts: 3,097
Last seen: 3 days, 20 hours
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Re: potential mega pee butt disaster [Re: Rewindicus]
#18730916 - 08/20/13 04:42 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Good story. I ate 3 of them the first time and I had to take a massive shit. They taste really good but are something around 170 calories =/.
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the mad machinest
Medicine Man



Registered: 04/18/13
Posts: 4,249
Loc: parallel universe #420
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Re: potential mega pee butt disaster [Re: Eggtimer]
#18731087 - 08/20/13 06:46 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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op, I give you props for Makin it home while having to shit so bad! if I were in that position I'd have just pulled over and shit whereever!! glad you avoided a mega pee butt disaster though
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2Experimental

Registered: 01/15/03
Posts: 18,073
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Re: potential mega pee butt disaster [Re: Rewindicus]
#18734472 - 08/20/13 09:33 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rewindicus said:
I had a few more shit tsunamis and when it was finally over took off my socks wiped my ass, left the socks in the yard, and walked out of the yard back on to the sidewalk. As soon as i was on my way i looked over at the yard to wave goodbye to my canine poo buddy and he was on those socks like white on rice. All i could picture was him chewing on my shit socks and then licking the face of some little kid or a sweet old lady or something.


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JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
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Re: potential mega pee butt disaster [Re: 2Experimental]
#18734489 - 08/20/13 09:36 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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--------------------
And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
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Shroomopotamus
Happy Mushrooming




Registered: 09/27/09
Posts: 18,757
Loc: Funkotron
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Re: potential mega pee butt disaster [Re: JesusIsLord] 1
#18734518 - 08/20/13 09:41 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Anyone else get a boner from this story?
-------------------- * Live by the mushroom, die by the mushroom
    This is a trap! A trap! You are all busted! Busted! You fools!
If a time comes where I fail to appear I've been abducted and I will miss you all Please smile and pet puppies as often as possible Be happy Be nice (<3);}
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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I saw this and all I could think was... Seadragon.
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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2Experimental

Registered: 01/15/03
Posts: 18,073
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Quote:
the mad machinest said: op, I give you props for Makin it home while having to shit so bad! if I were in that position I'd have just pulled over and shit whereever!! glad you avoided a mega pee butt disaster though
Thanks.. I've actually been in worse situations and I normally do take care of business( because I'm usually in the woods).., but if I did do it, I wouldn't leave the socks behind and laugh about the dog licking some old ladies face...
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Butt yeah.
Like I was saying though, NORMALLY I would have went off to the woods and done it, but I was riding commando, and I didn't want to give up my socks and have nasty dripping sweaty feet. .
Like I've said before. I only LIKE to shit at home or work, because I am either comfortable or getting paid. True story.
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