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Onlinewrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy
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Registered: 08/11/02
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my grandma just died
    #1872883 - 09/02/03 12:50 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

this is the first time i have ever lost anybody, so this is very new teritory for me. she has been sick a long time. she had emphasima and pulmanary heart failure. she was under hospice care at our house for the last week, and has been in and out of the hospital for the last few months prior, so i guess we had time to try to prepair mentally for this day. but this sucks. :frown: i woke up on saturday about 10 and she was totally incoherant. her breathing was very irregular and we could tell that it wouldnt be long. so we (me, my brother, my dad, and my grandpa) took turns sitting with her, holding her hand, talking to her, just basicly trying to keep her as comfortable as we could. we dosed her with the oral morphine she had every hour or so. and at about 4 i watched her die. ever since then, my days feels a little off, almost like it diddnt really happen, kinda like a dream. cant sleep for shit and my brain is numb. i get all these floods of different emotions mixed together, and i get over whelmed. i mean, this is very sad, i see all my reletives crying and such, but i just cant seem to cry. i dont want to. a part of me hurts, but for the most part im happy. is this wrong? its like i got two little dudes arguing inside my head on how i should feel. i look around and see all the long faces, and i cant help but wonder what they think of me when they look at me with a grin... 


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  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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Offlinealakona
I threw my slippers at the beast
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Registered: 07/09/03
Posts: 14,494
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Last seen: 10 hours, 5 minutes
Re: my grandma just died [Re: wrestler_az]
    #1872897 - 09/02/03 12:58 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Wow, I am so, so sorry that this happened.

Last year, i lost both grandparents and a dear cousin within 6 months... I know that it must be totally hardfor you right now, and although I can relate, I know that everyone deals with this kind of stuff in their own way.

If you ever need anyone to talk to, know that I, along with plenty of people on this site, will be more than happy to listen. :smile:

peace.... 


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Offlinemanna_man
High onlife.....andcrack

Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 481
Loc: Vancouver
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Re: my grandma just died [Re: wrestler_az]
    #1872905 - 09/02/03 01:02 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

It's not wrong to be happy that your grandma died. Everyone should be happy that she has left all the suffering for a better place. You did the right thing by keeping her comfortable at home and not in some sterile hospital bed full of strangers taking tests and shit. It sounds like you all did a good job in ensuring that her departure be a pleasant one. She was very lucky to die in the company of her loved ones. It's also completely normal to feel a little empty after losing a close family member. Life goes on; just remember all the good memories you guys shared and it'll seem like she never left.


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Anonymous #1

Re: my grandma just died [Re: wrestler_az]
    #1875001 - 09/02/03 07:11 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

n/a


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Anonymous #1

Re: my grandma just died [Re: wrestler_az]
    #1875382 - 09/02/03 09:27 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

don't worry about how you should feel... i know what you are saying exactly, i've had close friends of mine die and i didn't cry. it wasn't because i wasn't sad... i just delt with my emotion differently..(thinking about it)


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Onlinewrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: Chopper Challenge

Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 11,807
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 59 seconds
Re: my grandma just died [Re: ]
    #1875707 - 09/02/03 10:52 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

thanx for all your replies guys....i know i can always count on the shroomery for good advise and support. you guys almost feel like an extention of my family to me :smile: i know i will get through this but right now it all feels so unreal. i mean, i know shes gone from this place, but every now and then ill expect to see her walkin in through the front door sayin "got ya!  :wink: "  i guess a part of me is having a hard time letting go. whats really bugging me right now though, is i dont think the rest of my family totaly understands where im coming from. i get weird vibes when around them. kind feel like they wonder why im not all teary eyed and such, like them. if i could read their minds it might go something like...

"what an asshole....his grandma just died, youd think hed show a little more sympathy"

and this is far from the truth....maybe im over-reacting though. maybe these thoughts are self imposed because i sub conciously feel a little guilty for not breaking down and crying. i am sad, and i will miss her, but i think she of all people would not want us all moping around and such. 


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how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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