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Anonymous #1

Living with gf
    #18726445 - 08/19/13 08:21 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

So I've been living with my gf for the past 3 months and let me tell you shit can get tennnnse. This is my first time living with a gf and I'm not sure how normal it is to feel that way. We have pretty much everything in common so it seems odd that weget like this. Do we just need to establish space? Or a sure sign we're just not going to work? I'll admit I'm an introvert so I don't know if that's a factor, but I'm pretty much losing my mind here


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Offlineomegafaust
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18726458 - 08/19/13 08:24 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

It takes time to figure things out and find a good balance.  communication is key.


--------------------
The Universe has an interesting sense of irony, in that you are the universe experiencing itself.  All you are is a thought.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Living with gf [Re: omegafaust]
    #18726496 - 08/19/13 08:34 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

omegafaust said:
It takes time to figure things out and find a good balance.  communication is key.




I know but it's damn hard. "I need space" sounds like a prebreakup cliche. For all the other nitty gritty stuff I feel like I'm walking a thin line between making things worse and resolving things. There are some sensitivities on both ends so communication has to be flawless for it to work I feel


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #18726645 - 08/19/13 09:13 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

You haven't given anywhere near enough details for anyone to give a useful response.

What do you mean by "shit can get tennnnse" - what sorts of issues are you encountering?
Hold old are you?  How long have you guys been dating?

"We have pretty much everything in common so it seems odd that weget like this" - get like what?  You haven't described the situation at all.


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InvisibleCyclohexylamine
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Re: Living with gf [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #18726674 - 08/19/13 09:25 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

pwnasaurus said:
You haven't given anywhere near enough details for anyone to give a useful response.

What do you mean by "shit can get tennnnse" - what sorts of issues are you encountering?
Hold old are you?  How long have you guys been dating?

"We have pretty much everything in common so it seems odd that weget like this" - get like what?  You haven't described the situation at all.




Exactly. More information please.
I have lived with two girls so far - one did not work out and we fought a lot - just because we really were not compatible and jumped into things way to fast. The other is perfect.


--------------------
Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name

Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world?


There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K
Something abut that anaesthetic rush... :inlove:

Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences
The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine
The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One


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InvisibleVivaLaMushie
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18726707 - 08/19/13 09:36 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Ive lived with my guy for almost 4 years, at first it was a little annoying but after a few months everything has been great.


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InvisibleCyclohexylamine
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Re: Living with gf [Re: VivaLaMushie]
    #18726718 - 08/19/13 09:40 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

VivaLaMushie said:
Ive lived with my guy for almost 4 years, at first it was a little annoying but after a few months everything has been great.




Yeah switching from living the bachelor life to having someone around is a little odd to get used to - but it depends on your relationship. With my current relationship we are both very independent and that helps quite a bit.


--------------------
Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name

Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world?


There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K
Something abut that anaesthetic rush... :inlove:

Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences
The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine
The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One


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OfflineForestdie
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Cyclohexylamine]
    #18726833 - 08/19/13 10:05 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

What exactly is going on with the problems that you've recently encountered? It's hard to really help with no information. How long have you two been together? What exactly is getting tense and for what reasons are you losing your mind? Sounds like there's something serious going on with you if you're losing your mind.


--------------------
A life of drugs is a life of drugs is a life of drugs is a life of drugs....


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Anonymous #1

Re: Living with gf [Re: Cyclohexylamine]
    #18727558 - 08/19/13 01:01 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Sorry sorry. I knew you guys would ask for more details but I guess I was just trying to get a general response about living with an SO, not exactly a case specific thing. But as you guys are suggesting, it seems there is no general answer so I'll tell you what I can...

So we've been dating a little over 3 months but living together the entire time. We're practically the same in terms of interest. Ie, skating, guitar, heavy metal, drugs, outdoors stuff, painting, etc. practically share the same views. Ie, social/political/cultural/religious views. in terms of academic interests or interest in any kind of material or studies we're similar. Even where we're different we can trace a lot of interesting crossovers. And most importantly we're very similar in terms of emotional status and personality. Both INTJ, trauma background, etc. it makes it very easy to open up about past events and my personal character and all that and feel at home with her because we're practically on the same level so the judgement just isn't there.

But lately I find myself more and more frustrated with her. Because of her trauma she has used drugs as a "treatment." Well me too... Except I'm not very abusive with my drug use. My use is more on the lines of using mdxx to break down my internal barriers which makes therapy and communication easier (VERY occasional). Psychedelics bring me back to a place of peace where I feel connected to my inner nature without the weight the world had dropped on me. Its not a place I like to stay, just an occasional ritual as a sort of reset. It helps me see the world with fresh eyes again. And then weed every now and then to take the edge off.

Well... She's a chronic smoker. All day every day but she's completely functional so that doesn't bother me that she smokes a lot. What bothers me is when she doesn't smoke. She can get cranky if she runs out. We went to my parents beach house for the last week of summer and my understanding was we were going to only bring an itty bit of herb for the beach at night. My parents were nice enough to invite us down for a week as well as rent us a hotel for a few days in Orlando with them. Bought jet skis for us to play with. Just got a beautiful mansion on the bay. A cabin cruiser. Wake boarding. Water skiing. You name it. There was hardly any time to be bored. But weed became a big deal. Smoking out on the porch every night, even in the hotel room. So I gave in. Told her she could smoke but to sit tight for a minute so I could make sure my parents were in bed (younger sister and her friend were there too so I'd be super fuvked if I got got). Well I go in to check and my moms still up in the kitchen getting ready to head to bed. I relay the message to my gf and she kisses me. And surprise surprise her breath wreaks of weed. I confronted her about sneaking around me. She cried all night and apologized. Next day we plan to get in the hottub after dinner. After dinner comes.., "wanna get in the hot tub?" "I guess but I would rather smoke." "well I'm sorry but that's not an option for the time being". "proceeds to be mopey. I confront her. Another night of crying...

So fast forward to yesterday. I've got the hookups for all kinds of RCs online, access to cheap acid, finding mushrooms is doable. Basically of all the people she knows I'm the go to for psychedelic knowledge and hookups. In fact we were about to go in on a point of DOC. Her brothers friend comes over to smoke and says he's doing acid the next day and without even thinking "Ohhh I want to also!". Now there are several problems with this. This kid is not really the experienced type. More the pothead who occassionally jumps in on a batch of "acid" from a random connect. Pretty risky shit when your bf is well set up. Second of all she didn't hesitate to think of her schedule of which she had several commitments. 3rd of all we've been tripping out all summer, more than I realized I'm comfortable with. So I confront her on the possibility of getting nbome (which we have discussed as a substance to avoid many times) and she stubbornly goes "sounds like a good day for nbome to me." I also discussed the complications of tripping out too frequently and she says she doesn't believe them. Now I'm not the biased little shit to tell someone "don't do nbome" or "you can only trip x amount of days a month". But my frustration is that I express these guidelines to her because she will not educate herself! She doesn't know a damn thing about psychedelics or post trip side effects or the presumed safety of various research chemicals. She just know she likes drugs and is being goddam stubborn and impulsive about it. We're leading a student run anti-drug war group at our university which has over 150 chapters nationwide. One part of our campaign is proper education which we have discussed frustration with since people aren't interested in being educated. So how the hell am I supposed to help other people become properly educated when I can't even get my own gf to give a shit about responsible drug use. And what bugs me the most is her response "well I hate my brain so I don't care if I fuck it up." The girl hardly even understands the definition of chemical induced nightmare. She refuses to even believe in the existence of bad trips.

I'm worried now because I just ordered 18 grams of K and we were going to try it together. That was before knowing she's like this. But she's been excited about it all summer. I'm worried about the RCs too.

Leading up to that was a bunch of daily stuff regarding control freak issues, etc. They're subtle though. She's by no means intentional or manipulative, it's just little small things resulting from her trauma that she does that makes me feel stupid and less equal. We discussed them and she apologized and thanked me for mentioning it but it still wasn't very useful in keeping this shit from escalating.

I'm feeling slightly better now, but I want to know how to avoid this kind of stuff. I don't know how to be a decent boyfriend and turn a blind eye to destructive behavior seeing as she clearly isn't wanting my thoughtful advice.

I want to make it clear she's by no means a bad person and most of the time we get along. But the frequency of this stuff is increasing. I'm hoping school gives us a good break from each other


Edited by Anonymous (08/19/13 01:04 PM)


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InvisibleCyclohexylamine
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18727601 - 08/19/13 01:11 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Hmmm well first of all the main issue I see is that you both jumped into living together from the start of dating and have only been dating for 3 months.
Living with another person has its quirks - and usually when you are first dating someone you are in a 'honeymoon' phase - and living together is a good way to destroy that, because you are constantly around each other, etc. Plus it adds this whole new dynamic to the relationship that tbh your relationship isn't ready for because you have only been dating for 3 months.
This is why no one ever suggest jumping into living together when starting a relationship, because they always end badly.
Second, you both seem to have control issues. Your control over her wanting to do LSD stands out (you are acting more like her dad than anything) and you mention she has control issues too, but are vague about it.

TBH you both sound fairly young, and I don't think living together for you guys is a good idea... She also sounds fairly immature, and all that is a recipe for disaster.


--------------------
Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name

Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world?


There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K
Something abut that anaesthetic rush... :inlove:

Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences
The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine
The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One


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Anonymous #1

Re: Living with gf [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18727616 - 08/19/13 01:15 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Also I know this is a board of drug users so I want to make it clear I'm not trying to be controlling on her drug use, but more so her wreck less attitude is what's getting me. She just doesn't give a fuck about herself and I don't know how I'm supposed to respect that and not be a shallow boyfriend. But it seems like my only option. Let her do whatever, suffer her own consequences, and bail when she gets so burnt out that it starts really affecting her personality. That seems like such a shallow relationship. Or I could continue to express care for her well being and let shit stay tense.

Due to the nature of her trauma she told me she felt like I was trying to take away her control (something she's now horrified of). She's used this on a couple of occasions regarding others concern and or disapproval of her drug use but from the opposite end (as a fellow drug enthusiast) I'm thinking.., "what control?"


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Offlineurbannerd
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18727648 - 08/19/13 01:24 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

You started dating and moved in together?! Such a bad idea on so many different levels man.

I was with my gf for a year and a half and THEN we moved in together
and we both smoke so its cool.


--------------------
Soaking in the energy of the universe since '91


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Anonymous #1

Re: Living with gf [Re: Cyclohexylamine]
    #18727651 - 08/19/13 01:27 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

tymoteusz3 said:
Hmmm well first of all the main issue I see is that you both jumped into living together from the start of dating and have only been dating for 3 months.
Living with another person has its quirks - and usually when you are first dating someone you are in a 'honeymoon' phase - and living together is a good way to destroy that, because you are constantly around each other, etc. Plus it adds this whole new dynamic to the relationship that tbh your relationship isn't ready for because you have only been dating for 3 months.
This is why no one ever suggest jumping into living together when starting a relationship, because they always end badly.
Second, you both seem to have control issues. Your control over her wanting to do LSD stands out (you are acting more like her dad than anything) and you mention she has control issues too, but are vague about it.

TBH you both sound fairly young, and I don't think living together for you guys is a good idea... She also sounds fairly immature, and all that is a recipe for disaster.




Thanks tymo. I addressed the control part because I knew it would sound that way, and maybe she's justified to a slight degreeon that point. My issue is mainly with her attitude towards drugs. Shes fairly wreck less and (just to sound more like her father) thinks she's invincible. Has quote unquote used the phrase "well my feelings are that if hunter s Thompson could do it I should be okay." it's honestly not the frequency of her drug use that bothers me. It's that she breaks general safety guidelines out of complete ignorance to drugs. You know the whole "don't roll more than once a month or two" shit that everyone on here knows. Now I know not everyone follows those to a T and I don't expect it. I just expect decisions to take bigger risks to be grounded in firmer education. Especially when she's president of a drug reform advocacy group.  If she wants to trip twice a week im fine with that so long as she fully knows what she's getting into. But like I said she gives no fucks.

And you're right. I shouldn't be living with her yet. It was unintentional. I fell asleep on her bed on a first date acid trip and it's kind of hard to turn back at that point. Only ones at summer school so what else do I do? Now I'm feeling the need for some personal space but I don't know how to achieve that without sending the wrong message. I suppose I'll wait til she's in a good mood and talk to her about me spending more time at my place and with my buds during the day

I think talking about the issues is getting me too fired up on her though. She's not a bad person. She has her reasons for what she does, I just think she could do a little better to help herself. There are far more details but they're extremely personal and not my right to tell.

I think my main issue is not getting the space to deal with the issues at hand. Like a married couple. Little things get blown up and stacked upon because there is no reflection time. Hmmm. So I was wondering if it's common to be frequently in tense territory and how you respectfully resolve it. I guess I have the answer. I just wanted to make sure that's what it was and not that I'd just be wasting my time when there are deeper issues at hand. At the beginning it was like we were such a perfect match it was unreal


Edited by Anonymous (08/19/13 01:34 PM)


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18727725 - 08/19/13 01:52 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

How old are you?  You never answered the question. I'm going to go with 18-20.  You are both way too young and immature to be living with one another.  That combined with the fact that you have only been dating for 3 months means this is almost certainly doomed to failure.

We're not trying to be dicks here, but I'm going to guess that most people posting in this thread have a quite bit more life experience than you.  Moving in with someone the instant you start dating will pretty much never work out.

What do you even mean by "I fell asleep on her bed on a first date acid trip and it's kind of hard to turn back at that point"?  You felt you had to move in together because you fell asleep on her bed?  That doesn't even make any sense.  I don't see how one follows from the other.

I don't know what your living situation is like - you are still very short of basic details.  Are you guys living together with one of your parents, do you rent an apartment, something else entirely?

Most people will typically not consider moving in together for at least 1-2 years after starting to date.  You simply don't know someone well enough before that point to know if it will work out.  Even then, it very well might not.  Living with someone really changes the dynamics of your relationship and will quickly expose any flaws you guys have.


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18727731 - 08/19/13 01:55 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

So you have problems with her drug use and she told you 'I do what I want!' ?
You may have tons in common, but 3 months is not long enough to get to know someone. Really, you hardly know each other at all. You're just finding some things about her that you don't like. You can either suck it up and deal with it, or not. It's not your job to fix her. I mean, sure, advise her on safe drug use, but you can't make her listen. You're both in your wild experimentation phase, so it's unlikely she's going to change any time soon. Like it or leave it.
Honestly my first thought is that this is likely going to blow up in your face sooner rather than later. She's gonna run off and trip with someone else, or steal from your stash, or some other shit... So enjoy the ride while you're on it, but don't get too attached too soon.


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InvisibleGlobal_Roaming
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Lynnch]
    #18727783 - 08/19/13 02:08 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Mate, only read your original post, but whenever you move in with a GF its always the same hard few months of discovering how each other feels on about a thousand different little things - sort of testing each others' tolerance to put up with whatever the other is doing.

My advice is to only stick up for what you really care about, and be chill for everything else.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Living with gf [Re: Lynnch]
    #18728849 - 08/19/13 05:51 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

@pwn.

Sorry didn't see the question. Turning 21 soon so you're pretty close and she's a year and a half older. You may be older, and may be in this case wiser but I assure you in my gen this is not uncommon. I don't mean sharing finances. I mean in sleeping at her place nightly. Not with rents. We were getting pretty close and liked each other but didn't find out until we tripped together and it just sort of spilled into the open in a very intense, and honestly amazing way. Well anyways I slept at her place that night. So next time we're hanging out til the wee hours of the morning and same deal. Just spend the night. It's exciting you know? But soon enough I'm in that routine and im at school with her all summer while all my friends are back home do she's all I got. So I just stay with her most of the time. It's not like we say down and decided it was best to move in together. There was no conscious effort.

Quote:

Lynnch said:
So you have problems with her drug use and she told you 'I do what I want!' ?
You may have tons in common, but 3 months is not long enough to get to know someone. Really, you hardly know each other at all. You're just finding some things about her that you don't like. You can either suck it up and deal with it, or not. It's not your job to fix her. I mean, sure, advise her on safe drug use, but you can't make her listen. You're both in your wild experimentation phase, so it's unlikely she's going to change any time soon. Like it or leave it.
Honestly my first thought is that this is likely going to blow up in your face sooner rather than later. She's gonna run off and trip with someone else, or steal from your stash, or some other shit... So enjoy the ride while you're on it, but don't get too attached too soon.




Well it's more like I have problems with her addictive and abusive habits. Like almost fucking me over at my parents place and a general lack of regard for reasonable drug use. I had to hold on to her benzo script for a while because she wouldn't stop eating them. I didn't forcefully take it, she told me to. So she knows she has issues. And it's a little deeper than "in the experimentation phase." Shes diagnosed with PTSD, OCD and other trauma related psychological disorders. So she's not always in the best state of mind to make good judgements regarding her mental and physical health because she flat out doesn't give a shit. The problem is, she hasn't done the research to understand how much worse abusing hallucinogens can make her mind set. She's still in the honeymoon phase. Just pretty colors and euphoria and a sense of novelty. She refuses to believe in bad trips, Hppd, dp/dr, psychosis, etc. In fact when I bring it up she says psychosis sounds fun like she even has a fucking clue. I've had some trips where I swear to god if I didn't come all the way out of it I would have killed myself within the week. That shit is nooooo fun, even for a few hours. But she's too stubborn to hear it out or at least do the research. If she was at least as well researched as me on this stuff I'd say "go ahead." She's her own person, my intelligence is not worth more than hers. But it's that self-destructive and stubborn mentality I can't stand. Shit irks me. I've put time into understanding this stuff the best I can. It's like walking up to a physicist and saying you don't believe in mesons because you can't see them. It's almost insulting in a way

On top of it I can't help but feel guilty because im the one who tipped off her tripping career in the first place. She had only done it twice long before she met me. In the three months we've been dating we've tripped more than I have in the prior two years and on increasingly heavy doses. We both got a little in over our heads but I'm always taking a step back to reevaluate and she's always diving deeper.

I know it's going to blow up but I don't know what to do. I guess leave it alone, but it's going to fuck with me too much if I hold it back.


I'm a little frustrated so let me know your guys opinion on this. I want to make sure I'm not subconsciously doing anything to stir up more trouble. But I'm thinking I'm going to back off my trips to once a month again and stand my ground on that. Quit offering my advice without her asking. Let her be responsible for her shit and not babysit her trips anymore. Ie, if she gets to tripping all the time I don't feel compelled to hang out with her into the wee hours of the morning or watch her climb the jungle gym. First of all because I'm not up to babysitting someone all the time when I'm not on the same level.  Second because I don't support it and I'm hoping she gets bored and realizes its affecting the relationship. And the ketaminea mine so I won't even let her touch that without me but she can eat all the fucking DOC and moxy she wants


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Anonymous #1

Re: Living with gf [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18728905 - 08/19/13 06:03 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

I also want to say the tension has only been serious the past two weeks. Starting with our beach trip (which we also had plenty of fun on). This is by no means a bad relationship. We've had our off moments like any couple but it's otherwise pretty good. It's just been recently where the frequency of discontentness is escalating. I won't even call it a fight. We rarely get snappy. So sorry if I'm portraying a horrible view of her. She's quite sweet in all honesty, but this kind of stuff can really fog that up and I'm not dismissing the possibility that I have some blame in the negativity too. This is just my perspective. Unfortunately that's all I can get for you guys


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InvisibleCyclohexylamine
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Lynnch]
    #18728982 - 08/19/13 06:21 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Lynnch said:
So you have problems with her drug use and she told you 'I do what I want!' ?
You may have tons in common, but 3 months is not long enough to get to know someone. Really, you hardly know each other at all. You're just finding some things about her that you don't like. You can either suck it up and deal with it, or not. It's not your job to fix her. I mean, sure, advise her on safe drug use, but you can't make her listen. You're both in your wild experimentation phase, so it's unlikely she's going to change any time soon. Like it or leave it.




:thumbup:This.


--------------------
Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name

Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world?


There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K
Something abut that anaesthetic rush... :inlove:

Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences
The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine
The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One


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OfflineMagenta
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18730949 - 08/20/13 05:07 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
So I've been living with my gf for the past 3 months and let me tell you shit can get tennnnse. This is my first time living with a gf and I'm not sure how normal it is to feel that way. We have pretty much everything in common so it seems odd that weget like this. Do we just need to establish space? Or a sure sign we're just not going to work? I'll admit I'm an introvert so I don't know if that's a factor, but I'm pretty much losing my mind here




Holy crap you and i are similar. Here's what i used to do with my ex. I used to have to travel around 1.5 hours a day, then work for 8, and then like to be in bed by 9 pm. With all that, i used to only get four hours of spare time. Living with my unemployed girlfriend, she used to want to spend as much time with me as possible. I never used to get any time to my self. So here's what i used to do to get a little.
Once you get home, invite her into the bedroom to watch a movie. Put something on you'll both like, but something she'll likely like more, Start watching, and snuggle her from behind. Watch for about 30 mins at the least, so she has enough time to get into it. Say you're just going to get a drink or something like that; make sure you ask her if she wants one too. Leave and go get the drink; return and say, you've just remembered, you need to go do something quickley, and then don't come back until it suits you.
I like gardening so i was able to use my garden as an excuse often. For the record, our relationship didn't work, so you can take my strategy with a grain of salt.


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InvisibleVivaLaMushie
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Magenta]
    #18730998 - 08/20/13 05:45 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah OP - I personally think you rushed into things w this girl. Did you guys sign a year lease or what?


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: Living with gf [Re: VivaLaMushie]
    #18731297 - 08/20/13 08:26 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

OP do you honestly think that a relationship entirely based of drugs will work out?

Just ditch that chick man, she'll get you in trouble.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Living with gf [Re: Patlal]
    #18731550 - 08/20/13 10:06 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Some of you all aren't even reading. No year lease. I'm staying at her place nightly is all I meant. We didn't rent it together. There's no shared finances or anything

Quote:

Patlal said:
OP do you honestly think that a relationship entirely based of drugs will work out?

Just ditch that chick man, she'll get you in trouble.




Because we both like drugs our relationship is entirely based off them? That's a pretty poor assumption. Some of my issues with her are drug-related. Doesn't mean it's a drug relationship


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InvisibleVivaLaMushie
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18731582 - 08/20/13 10:21 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Then what's the issue? Leave, go back home. Go get your own apt.


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Invisiblemillzy
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Re: Living with gf [Re: VivaLaMushie]
    #18731668 - 08/20/13 10:50 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

i miss having a woman around the house. i'm not settling though.


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Offlineurbannerd
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18731896 - 08/20/13 11:49 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Some of you all aren't even reading. No year lease. I'm staying at her place nightly is all I meant. We didn't rent it together. There's no shared finances or anything

Quote:

Patlal said:
OP do you honestly think that a relationship entirely based of drugs will work out?

Just ditch that chick man, she'll get you in trouble.




Because we both like drugs our relationship is entirely based off them? That's a pretty poor assumption. Some of my issues with her are drug-related. Doesn't mean it's a drug relationship





seems like you came here to nag and try to get similar responses to your nagging and it went all bad for you.

you dont LIVE together youre just staying there and just like you fell asleep there one night, its that easy to leave.


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Re: Living with gf [Re: urbannerd]
    #18732165 - 08/20/13 12:53 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Exactly.  Tell her "I think we took things a little too quickly.  I'm going to stop sleeping here every night so that we don't spoil our relationship so early on."  Something like that.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Living with gf [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #18733018 - 08/20/13 04:00 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

pwnasaurus said:
Exactly.  Tell her "I think we took things a little too quickly.  I'm going to stop sleeping here every night so that we don't spoil our relationship so early on."  Something like that.




Thanks for at least a decent response. 5 shrooms for you. Some of the comments on here are beyond ridiculous. Coming here to nag? Just walking out without any thought to what I say? Getting my own place? Pretty clear some people have dyslexia on this board or are just too eager to slam someone that they don't actually pay attention to my posts. Lack of details in the first post should show that I was not coming here to nag. I was asked by like 3 people to spill the deets so I did. I was hoping to not get into dirty details and just get a general response on the difficulty of adjusting to living together. Walking out is not as easy as walking in because I do like her and I'm not going to dump the relationship on silly stuff and just head out the door. And I do have my own place, also states multiple times.

Anyways, an update. We sat down and talked (clearly something we need to do more) and things are looking better. I've got classes coming on and am getting out to the gym with my buds so that should be some good separation time


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InvisibleVivaLaMushie
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18736080 - 08/21/13 06:16 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

[Mod edit: no flaming]


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Edited by tymoteusz3 (08/21/13 08:08 AM)


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Invisiblemillzy
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Re: Living with gf [Re: VivaLaMushie]
    #18737113 - 08/21/13 11:55 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

spending the night is way different than actually living with someone. but it sounds like it might be for the best that you're not tied to this person through a lease due to the circumstances.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Living with gf [Re: millzy]
    #18772413 - 08/29/13 10:31 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I figured I would update for anyone with similar issues. Things have been AWESOME lately. When I made this post there was a lot of stress about random little things and I think people were taking it that we had problems with each other, but it was more that the little unavoidable differences were stacking up.

As simple as this sounds the big issue was communication. I was at the point in the relationship where I was afraid to talk out and be honest. Considering it was still rather young I was afraid it would be too early to start noticing big differences if we dug too deep (bad long term plan I know, but emotionally I wasn't ready for the possibility of letting it go). Well anyways, as logic would suggest, it did worlds of good. Other stressors on her end were exposed that I was unaware of and it was kind of a relief to talk about it. Also going about my own day now that school has started has helped tremendously in terms of mental space.

So I guess the moral of the story, speak out before it builds up. Nothing's perfect, but far more manageable when both sides can be put into perspective honestly. I've been working on assertiveness more in counseling too. It's a big issue I've had my whole life. I tend to be really passive until I can't take it anymore and explode rather than throwing my thoughts out when it's the proper time? I'm starting to realize how much not having a voice sucked


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Offlineurbannerd
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Re: Living with gf [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18772434 - 08/29/13 10:35 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)



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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Re: Living with gf [Re: urbannerd]
    #18772677 - 08/29/13 11:31 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Communication makes and breaks relationships.  Truthful, honest communication is THE most important factor in any relationship.


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