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OfflineThorAxe1
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Sudden Cessation of Methadone, and the paranoia of disease and death
    #18714117 - 08/16/13 11:17 AM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Okay guys,

I know that the typical policy is to UTFSE, but methadone dependency and withdrawal is so individual that I don't feel like I can get a good idea of what I should do.

I was on methadone for a year in FL.
Started at 30, made my way up to 120 in 6 months, and tapered down to 50 in another 6.

Last dose was 7/29, the day we headed off for NJ, and in the interest of brevity, i'll use as little words as possible to describe what has happened since.

spike in anger and irritability immediate, arguing with girlfriend whole ride up.
arrived at my second cousin's where we stayed until just yesterday.
first day: complete misery and frantic calling all of the closest methadone clinics, but the one that is 14 minutes away can't see me for at least a week and wants the first month up front ($300).
called two others but the reality was sinking in that cold turkey was inevitable.
second day: i decide to go to the ER not even expecting them to help me but doing it anyway, they gave me clonidine, which only relieved the restlessness and some chills so i could sleep.
for the next 7 days (the amount of clonidine they gave me) i managed to be sick and take care of my daughter somewhat. i was left home alone with her once and had a complete and utter panic attack and just locked her and I in my room letting her crawl around in the safe and empty room.

once the meds run out, i start looking for other mechanisms to manage or block out the physical agony, and the best candidate ended up being DXM.

Dexed for two days in a row, ran out, and when the w/d set in again, after my mind was bent at the exact wrong time, I got really desperate and rationalized that pain releases endorphines, and cutting myself with a razor might help a little.

I only remember making 2 or 3 cuts.
Blacked out the rest. there are cuts on my arms legs and torso.
like A LOT.
When my family found me they took me to the hospital to maybe be baker acted, but they kept me overnight to see the psychiatrist and i told her about it being a desperate attempt to escape withdrawal, not trying to harm myself. they gave me another week of clonidine and 30 hydroxyzine "for anxiety" and sent me on my way.

Continued dexing, not bothering with the measly clonidine because DXM really really worked for the physical side.
After two days of more madness my girlfriend's mom drives from indiana and they all go back to indiana.
there's a whole universe of things that have happened to me since that moment when they drove away, but this thread is mainly for a medical opinion.

oh, and the most important part is:
i think that sudden cessation of methadone has aggrivated some GI problems. Possibly IBS but I have suspected I have Crohns for at least 3 years.

So what do?


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Offlinewithoutawire
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Re: Sudden Cessation of Methadone, and the paranoia of disease and death [Re: ThorAxe1]
    #18714571 - 08/16/13 12:56 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Stopping methadone is definitely what is causing your GI problems. I am 100% sure about that.

Also did you stop taking methadone at 50mg? That's considered a pretty high dose to stop taking at. Usually people taper down to 5mg-15mg per day before they start the withdrawal process because it makes it much, much easier. Once you reach 30mg of methadone they can detox you and switch you to suboxone and taper/detox with that is much easier than methadone plus you can take your entire script home for the month and don't have to go into a clinic.

Benzos really help me with withdrawal, but coming off methadone you'd be taking the benzos for a really long time and don't want to substitute one addiction for another. Maybe trying taking benzos every few days and only getting a weeks worth and use them to sleep at night, but if the clonidine and hydrozine is helping the it'd be much better to do that. When it comes to benzos and detox look towards your benzo usage in the past. Did you ever abuse them or get high off them? I never got high on benzos besides 1-2 times otherwise I always used them for detox and then stopped immediately so for me it was okay but I had major respect for power of beno because it's a bitch.

Also if you aren't ready for how long this process is then I'd say stay on methadone at a lower dose than 50mg or at least switch to suboxone. The first month of detox is pretty brutal. I didn't sleep right for about 5 months. At 6 months crushing depression hit and feelings of misery and doom lasted until about 12-14 months in when finally I started to forget. If you aren't ready to stick it out through the next 5-6 months of really shitty sleep and rebound withdrawal effects then don't risk relapsing on dope and get off methadone or not try suboxone.


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:tigerbunny:


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OfflineThorAxe1
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Re: Sudden Cessation of Methadone, and the paranoia of disease and death [Re: withoutawire]
    #18715544 - 08/16/13 05:07 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Reason I jumped off at 50 was because I was planning on transferring to a clinic up here, but was so preoccupied with other bullshit that was going on with the girlfriend for the whole month leading up to moving that I told my counselor that I was moving like a week and a half before i did, and didn't even tell her where until two days before.

The clinics up here won't guest dose for more than two weeks, and not at all pending transfer.
At first I thought that regardless of how ready was, I was going to have to do it anyway and hope I don't die or kill myself in the process.

And about feelings of misery and doom, I've had almost a constant obsession with such subjects (especially worldly doom) since 2010.

Really different actually acknowledging and directing your own feelings which actually matter for the first time since I can remember.

As far as benzos, I only ever remember a "high" with 4mg klonopin at a movie theater.
Don't remember anything after I sat down.

I had access to Lorazepam for the first two weeks, except one of the bottles was 10 years expired. the other was 7 years, and the one I had last was only 3 years, and the only bit that actually had an effect.
at 2mg, and they were .5mg, and there were only 10.

anyway, where i am at now is i think  my physical symptoms are largely attached to the extremely frequent swings between manic and depressive.
Not that I feel symptoms from just one of the sides, but the swinging out of control and frequent loss of hope no matter how hard I try to maintain it.

The GI problems really make this all 100x worse. I didn't get any sleep until 2PM today since I woke up yesterday at about 8AM.
I was up all night on the internet trying to distract myself, and spent the morning home alone pacing the entire house.

So much more I could write.
I know if I go to the hospital they are going to put me back on some sort of opiate to reduce the shock to my system, and I REALLY don't think methadone or suboxone would be a good idea.

Opiates with shorter half lives seem a lot more logical, but much less likely.

Youthinks?


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Offlinewithoutawire
hi
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Re: Sudden Cessation of Methadone, and the paranoia of disease and death [Re: ThorAxe1]
    #18715963 - 08/16/13 06:51 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Opiates with a shorter half life are just an excuse for you to get high right now. Either detox and use those benzos to help you sleep (do not take them through out the day-tough it out) or go get back on maintenance. 50mg is really high to jump off at. You aren't going to die, but it is probably a somewhat uncomfortable detox. Those emotions and feelings are going to last for a long time and stay manic and insane. NA really helped center me in the moment 1 hour a day and helped me not feel fucking crazy when I detoxed. That will give you the most relief out of anything besides getting back on methadone maintenance or shooting dope. That 1 hour is better than a benzo or clonidine or hydroxize for the psychological insanity you're going through.


Either stick it out like I said or get on maintenance. Do NOT heroin, dilaudid, opana, oxy, morphine, etc. to detox with. You will end up high again. It sounds like you have a lovely GF since she's by your side right now. Do not throw that all away because the opiates are telling you that it's easier to detox from a drug you can get strung out on.


--------------------
:tigerbunny:


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OfflineThorAxe1
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Re: Sudden Cessation of Methadone, and the paranoia of disease and death [Re: withoutawire]
    #18716105 - 08/16/13 07:27 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

She's not by my side actually. She picked up and moved to Indiana with our 11 month old daughter. Something I know is probably not an entirely bad thing.
I wasn't referring to using shorter-lived opiates in the light that I wanted to use them again. I was just saying that I am hesitant to go to a hospital because I DON'T want to be put back on methadone, and if there are any serious problems I know that is the first thing they will do.


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Sudden Cessation of Methadone, and the paranoia of disease and death [Re: ThorAxe1]
    #18718731 - 08/17/13 12:28 PM (10 years, 5 months ago)

Why are you taking methadone and DXM?

Have you done the googling and the math of what it would cost you to get proper Ibogaine treatment?

Have you given it a shot with an Aya ceremony?



--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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