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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out?
#18714084 - 08/16/13 11:06 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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So I got drunk and on DXM a couple nights ago and Kid Cudi's "Just What I Am" inspired my impaired self to start a grandiose thread about myself, and on a super high dose of DXM alone I sorta did this again the other night (although that might just be giving the VERY KIND ( ) haters over there too much thought).
That said, I find this egodystonic for me and unattractive. I'm beyond sure that this coming out is just me outwardly trying to hide my wounds for how much of a failure I've been the last couple years compared to how immensely successful I was before, so I don't think this is a mental illness per se.
That said--and as MANY have pointed out--I think I've gotten all DXM has to offer me and all it's got for me any more is going to be meaningless fun/thrills. In other words...
Time to move on up to LSD or Shrooms.
I've read a thread about big egos and shrooms but it wasn't very conclusive at all; purely speculative.
Can you guys speculate as to whether this may be an issue with these "normal" psychedelics?
And do you think they could help me with this wounded ego that I seem to feel a need to bloat to overcompensate?
Sorry if these are dumb questions; I have never done any hallucinogen besides DXM, ambien, fly agaric (sorta), and benadyl (I wasn't kidding that I'm a loser when it comes to psychedelics), so I hope you understand why the world of real drugs is still mysterious and baffling to me.
Thanks so much in advance you guys!
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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IISkuNkII



Registered: 04/01/13
Posts: 7,784
Loc:
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: st1llnox]
#18714125 - 08/16/13 11:21 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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What is it with you and DXM? No offense but that shit sucks.
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mr sniffles
expert textpert


Registered: 06/03/13
Posts: 1,663
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: st1llnox]
#18714133 - 08/16/13 11:22 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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you just have to socialize on them with down to earth people and as you integrate your experience it kinda irons out the kinks when you see that deep down we all have the same feelings and needs.
or you could do it without hallucinogens but when you take them the ego kinda goes away if you can let go of your sense of identity.
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GreySatyr
Pagan-Psyche

Registered: 06/20/13
Posts: 3,376
Loc: North Carolina
Last seen: 9 years, 8 months
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: mr sniffles]
#18714235 - 08/16/13 11:50 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Ambien and Benadryl psychedelic? -_-
Anyways, I noticed that I was extremely humble in some ways but with some grandiosity in others after using psychedelics. I really loved who I was/am after doing real psychedelics.
-------------------- ...also, go to hell, huh?
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ThePrototype
Shpongled



Registered: 10/28/11
Posts: 232
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: GreySatyr]
#18714279 - 08/16/13 12:00 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Depends on the dosage and how under the spell you are. Take a large dose and obliterate the ego, then, as you piece it back together, you'll begin to see through the illusion and perhaps you can move beyond having your feelings manipulated by self-talk, good or bad.
All you gotta do is stop identifying with your thoughts. Witness..and suddenly all your problems go away.
LSD/Shrooms are great for lifting the veil, but to cultivate these states of mind on a long-term basis you'll need something like meditation.
-------------------- Revolution is the only solution
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: ThePrototype]
#18714375 - 08/16/13 12:18 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
GreyMorph said: Ambien and Benadryl psychedelic? -_-
Anyways, I noticed that I was extremely humble in some ways but with some grandiosity in others after using psychedelics. I really loved who I was/am after doing real psychedelics.
This sounds promising. And I meant hallucinogens .
Thanks to the other two of you as well--good advice!
I guess I'm just worried about coming off of it with some perma-God complex, but I really think that this all is just me, frankly, feeling like a loser and feeling better (while disinhibited on drugs) by putting on flamboyant displays of grandeur and ego-fapping.
Are you guys alluding to me maybe being able to come to peace with these feelings with the help of these drugs?
Quote:
IISkuNkII said: What is it with you and DXM? No offense but that shit sucks.
It's a problem, IDK what else to say. I've gotten some benefit from it, but at this point I'm beating my head against a wall and selling my well-being--perhaps even health--for cheap thrills.
I want to do a new sig, "no DXM since..." but I know I'm not ready to until I have alternatives to slake my need to trip, like MXE or something. Or just getting busy hanging out more with friends IRL 
Quote:
ThePrototype said: Depends on the dosage and how under the spell you are. Take a large dose and obliterate the ego, then, as you piece it back together, you'll begin to see through the illusion and perhaps you can move beyond having your feelings manipulated by self-talk, good or bad.
All you gotta do is stop identifying with your thoughts. Witness..and suddenly all your problems go away.
LSD/Shrooms are great for lifting the veil, but to cultivate these states of mind on a long-term basis you'll need something like meditation.
Is "metaprogramming" what you're getting at here? I feel like a khole would be a good experience for me, but it wouldn't be *good* for me right now.
Is the meditation you speak of more focussed towards, like... pondering and reinforcing your willful intentionality about how you behave? But then again, your behavior is just the veneer for who you are and doesn't even necessarily correspond... maybe paralleling what you say about not identifying with your thoughts.
Can you point me toward anything to help me learn more about not identifying with thoughts? Or is this something that has to be experienced.
Now I feel like ego-death would be great for me right now, but I have the wherewithal--right now, anyway--to see that this is just me wanting to justify another DXM session.
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations



Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: st1llnox]
#18714386 - 08/16/13 12:19 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
I'm beyond sure that this coming out is just me outwardly trying to hide my wounds for how much of a failure I've been the last couple years compared to how immensely successful I was before
No doubt.
Quote:
And do you think they could help me with this wounded ego that I seem to feel a need to bloat to overcompensate?
Ya want "real" psychedelics, is that the idea? Not ambien or benadryl? 
No drug is gonna fix that problem. It might show you a bit of what's so fucked up (which may not be anything really), but you gotta take it from there. Shrooms will put it straight in your face, repeatedly. So that could help. 
PS
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if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat youPrimal's simple tested teks and projects: Wheat Prep 2.0 Acidic Tea Tek Potency Project!
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ThePrototype
Shpongled



Registered: 10/28/11
Posts: 232
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: PrimalSoup]
#18714449 - 08/16/13 12:31 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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For meditation, I'd suggest something like:
Meditation: The First and Last Freedom (Osho)
Which is a comprehensive book about meditation, the different techniques, the misconceptions, and beyond.
But reading and ruminating can only take you so far. It is an intellectual massage. Nothing is stopping you from sitting down and spending time watching your mind until it quietens down. Spending time in that 'mind of no-mind' is how you achieve mental freedom.
Psychedelics, under heavy doses, can give you a taste of the sublime. But chasing cheap thrills, toying with your self-esteem, will only lead to a superficial kind of depth.
As you can see, it is much harder to explain that experience, and that's why many of the great spiritual leaders tell you to find out for yourself.
Am I speaking from this mindset? Not exactly. I dip in and out. You know you're making progress when life becomes meditation, despite your activity or environment.
Sorry, kinda derailed this onto a strong advocacy for meditation
-------------------- Revolution is the only solution
Edited by ThePrototype (08/16/13 12:31 PM)
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: ThePrototype]
#18714519 - 08/16/13 12:45 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
PrimalSoup said:
Quote:
I'm beyond sure that this coming out is just me outwardly trying to hide my wounds for how much of a failure I've been the last couple years compared to how immensely successful I was before
No doubt.
Quote:
And do you think they could help me with this wounded ego that I seem to feel a need to bloat to overcompensate?
Ya want "real" psychedelics, is that the idea? Not ambien or benadryl? 
No drug is gonna fix that problem. It might show you a bit of what's so fucked up (which may not be anything really), but you gotta take it from there. Shrooms will put it straight in your face, repeatedly. So that could help. 
PS
You speak well... I definitely have accepted that no drug can solve all your problems (believe me, DXM and I tried ), but what I'm looking for is understanding and perspective. Like when I didn't get why I knew I needed to quit cigarettes but couldn't figure out why I didn't give a fuck about it, DXM gave me a fuck.
DXM's spent for me though and it's only a "high" now, plus it's not like I am solving bite size problems... I am looking to clarify my course in life and get my confidence back, though I think the latter is better solved by taking up running or practicing a skill or something.
Thanks again!Quote:
ThePrototype said: For meditation, I'd suggest something like:
Meditation: The First and Last Freedom (Osho)
Which is a comprehensive book about meditation, the different techniques, the misconceptions, and beyond.
But reading and ruminating can only take you so far. It is an intellectual massage. Nothing is stopping you from sitting down and spending time watching your mind until it quietens down. Spending time in that 'mind of no-mind' is how you achieve mental freedom.
Psychedelics, under heavy doses, can give you a taste of the sublime. But chasing cheap thrills, toying with your self-esteem, will only lead to a superficial kind of depth.
As you can see, it is much harder to explain that experience, and that's why many of the great spiritual leaders tell you to find out for yourself.
Am I speaking from this mindset? Not exactly. I dip in and out. You know you're making progress when life becomes meditation, despite your activity or environment.
Sorry, kinda derailed this onto a strong advocacy for meditation 
Dude thanks so much for your thorough reply! 
You actually nailed my original concern in this thread: I think that my grandiosity was manifested as relishing a superficial depth!
And I'll check that book out. I just feel like there are such barriers to me and meditation... I'm such a lively person. I'm certainly going to investigate all this, but could the mindfulness part that seems to have the big psychological benefit be conducted say, while running, or walking, or hiking?
Or do you think that I just need to sit my ass down in the woods and think.
Actually I'm gonna do that.
Can I do it stoned though? That gives me the rubberiness of thoughts to encourage deeper thinking without resorting to DXM.
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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Demonic_Chronic
The Plague Doctress



Registered: 08/10/08
Posts: 4,199
Loc: PNW
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: st1llnox]
#18714569 - 08/16/13 12:56 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Dissociatives are known to cause delusions of grandeur. I can vouch for this personally. Solid 12 months of pretty hard K and MXE use caused me to think up some really off the wall shit about myself,(i.e thinking I was famous or that I will one day rule the world, etc..)
DC
-------------------- The Real violence, the violence that I realized was unforgiveable Is the violence that we do to ourselves When we are too afraid to be, who we really are.
 
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ThePrototype
Shpongled



Registered: 10/28/11
Posts: 232
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: st1llnox]
#18714590 - 08/16/13 01:00 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Try to meditate without drugs, at all. You might discover you don't need 'em to reach these levels of consciousness.
Well, in that book it talks about different forms of meditation, and how runners are prone to meditative states of mind (facilitated by 'runners high'), so yeh, meditate while you run, walk, hike, sit, swim, shower. When you can remain centered in those activities, then bring it into more complicated activities like talking, working, etc.
You're looking for confidence, but having your confidence determined by self-esteem, your achievements, comparisons is unbelievably fickle. That all changes when someone puts a gun to your head. Contemplate death frequently.
It's hard to have this stuff affect you on a deep level without practice. I did it for a while. Listening to Alan Watts, Krishnamurti, Osho. It helps tremendously at first, you start to grasp what they're talking about. Then listening to them while high on LSD = potentially life-changing. But after that..all that is left is you and your mind.
My take on LSD is quite different from most. I rarely take it for recreation. I almost exclusively take it for personal development. I, too, have been on this quest for final freedom, unwavering tranquillity that does not depend on circumstance.
There is a fine line between 'witnessing' your thoughts, and being detached. The idea isn't to become a hollow man without a personality.
Again, though, we can reaffirm, we can discuss different techniques and ways of achieving our desired states (note: desire will prevent you), but in the end without practice we are doing nothing but mentally massaging ourselves.
What's helped me: Alan Watts (out of your mind series, 10 hours, listen a few times), Zen Mind Beginners Mind, Krishnamurti (Awakening of Intelligence), Meditation: First and Last Freedom. This stuff is poetry. Anything beyond 'sit and watch' is superfluous.
-------------------- Revolution is the only solution
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: ThePrototype]
#18714615 - 08/16/13 01:06 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Demonic_Chronic said: Dissociatives are known to cause delusions of grandeur. I can vouch for this personally. Solid 12 months of pretty hard K and MXE use caused me to think up some really off the wall shit about myself,(i.e thinking I was famous or that I will one day rule the world, etc..)
DC
WHEEEW thanks for that... Glad to know it's a thing and not just me. I was really worried about what psychological implications this may have, or what it could mean but of course it's the drugs. 
Quote:
ThePrototype said: Try to meditate without drugs, at all. You might discover you don't need 'em to reach these levels of consciousness.
Well, in that book it talks about different forms of meditation, and how runners are prone to meditative states of mind (facilitated by 'runners high'), so yeh, meditate while you run, walk, hike, sit, swim, shower. When you can remain centered in those activities, then bring it into more complicated activities like talking, working, etc.
You're looking for confidence, but having your confidence determined by self-esteem, your achievements, comparisons is unbelievably fickle. That all changes when someone puts a gun to your head. Contemplate death frequently.
It's hard to have this stuff affect you on a deep level without practice. I did it for a while. Listening to Alan Watts, Krishnamurti, Osho. It helps tremendously at first, you start to grasp what they're talking about. Then listening to them while high on LSD = potentially life-changing. But after that..all that is left is you and your mind.
My take on LSD is quite different from most. I rarely take it for recreation. I almost exclusively take it for personal development. I, too, have been on this quest for final freedom, unwavering tranquillity that does not depend on circumstance.
There is a fine line between 'witnessing' your thoughts, and being detached. The idea isn't to become a hollow man without a personality.
Again, though, we can reaffirm, we can discuss different techniques and ways of achieving our desired states (note: desire will prevent you), but in the end without practice we are doing nothing but mentally massaging ourselves.
What's helped me: Alan Watts (out of your mind series, 10 hours, listen a few times), Zen Mind Beginners Mind, Krishnamurti (Awakening of Intelligence), Meditation: First and Last Freedom. This stuff is poetry. Anything beyond 'sit and watch' is superfluous.
Dude, just what I needed! I'll be checking these out when I get off work later.
I almost got the same way with DXM about using it only as a tool, rather than for recreation but I can't say that fully as it has been my standby even recently (i.e. couldn't get ahold of weed, chug some syrup ).
I think this will be great for helping me in my new, positive direction!
BTW have you read any of the stoics or the Enchiridion of Epictetus? I feel like you've got the zen and the chemical components and that you'd love adding an academic/philosophical component (not that you aren't already there; I just think you'd find these to make good enrichment!).
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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ThePrototype
Shpongled



Registered: 10/28/11
Posts: 232
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: st1llnox]
#18714641 - 08/16/13 01:10 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Can't say I've studied at such a level. I'm check them out, thanks!
I'm very much interested in the philosophy of mind, and psychology, motivations. Psychedelics have helped me greatly in traversing the inner landscape.
-------------------- Revolution is the only solution
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: ThePrototype]
#18714655 - 08/16/13 01:14 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Yeah, you'll really like them. And for when you're down, check out the poem "Invictus" by William Henley Earnst.
I need to figure out motivation because I've just been stalled in life. At least they prescribe ambition tablets for my ADHD
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations



Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: st1llnox]
#18714691 - 08/16/13 01:22 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
or something

PS
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: PrimalSoup]
#18714742 - 08/16/13 01:34 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
PrimalSoup said:
Quote:
or something

PS
You exude wisdom and clarity. What sort of something would you suggest?
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations



Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: st1llnox]
#18714803 - 08/16/13 01:50 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
You exude wisdom and clarity.
No I don't.
Meditation, as has already been suggested, would help a lot. That's the primary step. 
But, you can always just grow shrooms and consume mass quantities. It really IS that simple. 
PS
--------------------
if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat youPrimal's simple tested teks and projects: Wheat Prep 2.0 Acidic Tea Tek Potency Project!
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basetrem
Stranger


Registered: 04/04/13
Posts: 96
Last seen: 9 years, 8 days
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: ThePrototype]
#18714816 - 08/16/13 01:53 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Dont even start with ketamine if youve got a problem with dxm, it can be very addictive and your not coherent enough to bring anything useful back from a k hole
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ThePrototype
Shpongled



Registered: 10/28/11
Posts: 232
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: st1llnox]
#18714954 - 08/16/13 02:31 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
st1llnox said: Yeah, you'll really like them. And for when you're down, check out the poem "Invictus" by William Henley Earnst.
I need to figure out motivation because I've just been stalled in life. At least they prescribe ambition tablets for my ADHD 
Cheers. Fantastic poem!
When I said motivation, I actually meant the motivations of my action, why I or other people do certain things. I've been obsessively analytical all my life, which is something else I'm trying to drop.
..and that's the point in meditation. It isn't about achieving, attaining, amassing; it's about stripping away, becoming less.
Thanks for the suggestions, I've downloaded that book.
-------------------- Revolution is the only solution
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Agentchewy
Pantheism.


Registered: 12/12/12
Posts: 3,960
Loc: vietnam
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: ThePrototype]
#18715367 - 08/16/13 04:20 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Mushrooms will shatter your ego
DMT will show you "love"
--------------------
If I knew the way, I would take you home.
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Trance in my sig n blood



Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 16,712
Last seen: 13 hours, 11 minutes
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: st1llnox]
#18715694 - 08/16/13 05:42 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
st1llnox said: WHEEEW thanks for that... Glad to know it's a thing and not just me. I was really worried about what psychological implications this may have, or what it could mean but of course it's the drugs. 
It's not just the drugs in some cases. For some people doing drugs brings out underlying mental illnesses.
--------------------
  I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ;   
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leon trout
Estimated Prophet



Registered: 09/13/12
Posts: 1,089
Loc: The Timbers of Fennario
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: st1llnox]
#18715756 - 08/16/13 05:55 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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st1llnox said:I want to do a new sig, "no DXM since..." but I know I'm not ready to until I have alternatives to slake my need to trip, like MXE or something.
man, if you could just read yr posts from a third person perspective, i think you'd be a little scared... if yr looking for classic psychs just to get away from dxm, yr in it for the wrong reason... you should really take some time off drugs all together & get yr head on straight... god forbid you stumble on some heroin, i feel like that would be a short spiral... seriously, bro, not trying to be a dick, but you are exhibiting every sign of true junkie behavior... be better than that...
-------------------- “I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I’m more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.” ~ St. Jerome of Marin
the bus come by & i got on, that's when it all began
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Trance in my sig n blood



Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 16,712
Last seen: 13 hours, 11 minutes
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: leon trout]
#18715764 - 08/16/13 05:58 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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leon trout said:
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st1llnox said:I want to do a new sig, "no DXM since..." but I know I'm not ready to until I have alternatives to slake my need to trip, like MXE or something.
man, if you could just read yr posts from a third person perspective, i think you'd be a little scared... if yr looking for classic psychs just to get away from dxm, yr in it for the wrong reason... you should really take some time off drugs all together & get yr head on straight... god forbid you stumble on some heroin, i feel like that would be a short spiral... seriously, bro, not trying to be a dick, but you are exhibiting every sign of true junkie behavior... be better than that...
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  I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ;   
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: leon trout]
#18716788 - 08/16/13 10:50 PM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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basetrem said: Dont even start with ketamine if youve got a problem with dxm, it can be very addictive and your not coherent enough to bring anything useful back from a k hole
This is good to know. I've already come to understand and accept that things like MXE, Ketamine, and (though I haven't abided well on this one) DXM are only okay for occasional fun and exploration. Pretty much nothing besides weed can be used as casually and often as weed.
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ThePrototype said:
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st1llnox said: Yeah, you'll really like them. And for when you're down, check out the poem "Invictus" by William Henley Earnst.
I need to figure out motivation because I've just been stalled in life. At least they prescribe ambition tablets for my ADHD 
Cheers. Fantastic poem!
When I said motivation, I actually meant the motivations of my action, why I or other people do certain things. I've been obsessively analytic all my life, which is something else I'm trying to drop.
..and that's the point in meditation. It isn't about achieving, attaining, amassing; it's about stripping away, becoming less.
Thanks for the suggestions, I've downloaded that book.
Dude glad you enjoyed it, and I think the book will really fortify your resolve. I'm hyperanalytical too and it has really gotten in the way sometimes when it comes out where it doesn't belong, like trying to be super analytic about dating, for instance.
How you describe meditation almost makes it sound a little bit of what I was liking so much about the psychedelic experience of DXM.
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lifeiswhatyoumake said:
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st1llnox said: WHEEEW thanks for that... Glad to know it's a thing and not just me. I was really worried about what psychological implications this may have, or what it could mean but of course it's the drugs. 
It's not just the drugs in some cases. For some people doing drugs brings out underlying mental illnesses.
This has been thoroughly explored and ruled out with a fair degree of confidence over the last two years of my life, but this is something important for people to consider. I would also posit that drugs can leave lingering effects (sometimes long-lingering) that have some of the same features (a subset, I mean) of classic mental illnesses.
It's also important to say that a lot of times, things are misinterpreted as mental illness, either prominent and flagrantly showing or as being underlying issues coaxed out by drugs, when in fact... it is the drugs.
Thank you for bringing this to everyone's attention though! 
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leon trout said:
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st1llnox said:I want to do a new sig, "no DXM since..." but I know I'm not ready to until I have alternatives to slake my need to trip, like MXE or something.
man, if you could just read yr posts from a third person perspective, i think you'd be a little scared... if yr looking for classic psychs just to get away from dxm, yr in it for the wrong reason... you should really take some time off drugs all together & get yr head on straight... god forbid you stumble on some heroin, i feel like that would be a short spiral... seriously, bro, not trying to be a dick, but you are exhibiting every sign of true junkie behavior... be better than that...
I appreciate your concern and I can't help but concede that you do have a good point there. I'm super reckless too: a strong potentiator of many a drug problem.
DXM's role/place in things falls under what I'm wanting to get out of the classic, "real" psychs. That said, I'm also looking for new experience, new perspective, and, fuck... just a fun time (although it's clear to me that psychedelics are not something you do cause you're bored on a Tuesday or because you and your friends are looking to get fucked up).
My best friend, and many on here, are convinced that shrooms will help me understand myself more and see more clearly the ways I've been hurting myself, perhaps even imparting a will to do better for myself. 
That said, I'm not expecting any of that--I'm going into it with an open mind. I also am adamant (to myself and about others) that using a drug to solve an issue with another one isn't problem solving; it's potentially replacing it.
So instead of leaning on that, I'm simply practicing self control, restraint, and moderation with some decent success so far.
Thank you deeply for your concern though, and it's clear I need to do SOMETHING besides "not doing DXM" to take care of this.
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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zzripz
Stranger


Registered: 12/23/08
Posts: 8,292
Loc: Manchester, UK
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
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Re: I'm worried about grandiosity and drugs, especially my transition towards LSD/Shrooms.. help me out? [Re: st1llnox]
#18717766 - 08/17/13 04:36 AM (10 years, 5 months ago) |
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in mythology there happened anciently a transition from linarb mythology of the Goddess to solar mythology of patriarchal and militaristic mindsets. The latter tried to subsume and suppress the former.
This is a greatdeep overview and explains the difference between ego transcendence, and the grandiosity you fear:
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Reading The Sun God chapter from, The Great Cosmic Mother: Rediscovering the Religion of the Earth, by Monica Sjöö and Barbara Mor :” This was the pattern: The sun hero who vanquishes “evil” in the form of monster serpents or dragons was originally a moon hero, like Hercules, and as such the son/lover of the Great Goddess. In moon mysteries he overcame death in ecstatic self-transcendence experiencing luminous oneness with her. But when he becomes the patriarchal sun hero, he kills the Mother Goddess in Her dark underworld-serpent aspect. Instead of transcending his ego, he “transcends” the whole world, cosmic union giving way to worldly conquest and destruction of the sources of life. He destroys life in the name of “conquering death”. Jungian psychoanalysts interpret this process as the liberation of the individual ego---the male ego, of course---from the “forces of darkness” and “the unconscious”, i.e., the mother. The hero’s action in rescuing the “maiden” from the dragon symbolizes, Jung says, the freezing of his own anima—his essential self—from the “devouring” aspect of the mother. This almost suggests that woman, in herself, is merely a projection of the male anima; and indeed that’s what women are in most patriarchal systems. Jungians have never shown an awareness of the politics of mythology---or of mythology as the history of the preliterate real world. The sun hero is doing more than “liberating his ego” from the mother; he is “liberating” his being from responsibility to the being of the world. He liberates himself by arrogantly and recklessly destroying the interconnecting webwork of which he is a part---and then the “tragic hero” is surprised when he looks around himself, and sees nothing but wasteland and death…The sun hero slashes through the timeless web of interconnecting life energy and lays it all waste, in order to enjoy swift satisfaction, fame, and conquest. Conquest of what? Of the fact that life is paradox: (1) the fact that psychic powers are deeply hidden and dangerous, needing to be guarded by wisdom (the serpent guarding the treasure), and (2) the fact that their release can cause destruction as easily as integration. The sun hero wars against the double-edged reality of the cosmic process, slashing through paradox, denying cyclic recurrence and the serpent wisdom that comes with it, refusing to believe that his ego must die before the true magic power can be safely revealed. From Marduk to Superman, he is a little boy warring against the subtle (serpentine) nature of life: demanding it be made neat, simplistic, logical, unambiguous, designed as a flat stage for his triumph---and nothing more. In The Second Sex Simone de Beauvoir catalogues men’s hatred and fear of woman because she presents him with the ambiguities with life and death, his classic response to these ambiguities is denial and conquest. (pages 255-256) “The pattern was repeated everywhere. The Sumerians* who invaded Mesopotamia circa 3000 BC plundered the superior civilization of the settled matriarchal inhabitants, and put their own solar king on the throne. The solar king was surrounded by solar priests, who “rewrote” religion into a mythic-spiritual rationalization of war, conquest and “royal” hierarchy. Since the Sun God rose to power through war and conquest, it follows that the mythology, popular epics, and religious doctrine of worldwide patriarchy should stress and glorify the virtues of warriors. Facism is inherent in a patriarchal worldview. Life came to be seen as a battleground in which the victor deserves his spoils” (pages 257-258)
Edited by zzripz (08/17/13 04:39 AM)
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