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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Crystal G]
    #18641711 - 07/31/13 09:57 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:

and sucked on his balls




That shit is one of my favorites :nod: I'm not a big fan of blowjobs but the balls love being played with

You guys are crazy though, sometime or another someone's going to spontaneously combust or get struck by lightning. Have you done appropriate sacrifices to the old gods? Maybe try killing a goat before your next escapade

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Invisiblememes
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Crystal G]
    #18641740 - 07/31/13 10:05 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:

And today, we were shopping for food at the grocery store today and walked by the seafood section and he said (in a pretty loud voice) to me "Wanna stick those crab legs up my butt?" And some middle-aged dude totally heard him and looked at both of us with this NASTY look shaking his head at us. LMFAO :lolsy:




now thats funny

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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: memes]
    #18641849 - 07/31/13 10:30 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Crystal g your threads are awesome ur a real character


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16

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OfflineKonyap

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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Sheekle]
    #18642115 - 07/31/13 11:56 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

I found Crystal G's heaven


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OfflineCrystal G
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Registered: 06/05/07
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Konyap]
    #18642581 - 08/01/13 05:04 AM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Oh yeah, I forgot to add that he actually had an orgasm while my fist was in his butt. And no joke, there was SO MUCH AIR stuck up his butt that he let out THE GNARLIEST and juiciest ass-queef afterwards, I just about died hysterically laughing when he pushed it out. YES SO AWESOME LOL!!!! :lol:

Oh, and we both spent some time looking up elephant, donkey, and horse penis pictures, and came across this photo of this cop getting rammed LOL. I can only imagine this is like my best friend's fantasy.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Crystal G]
    #18642609 - 08/01/13 05:27 AM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Wow that picture is gross :lol:

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OfflineConstantine
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Re:Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Repertoire89] * 1
    #18642695 - 08/01/13 06:19 AM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

He seems pretty determined to get his life back on track and stay sober and just do steroids




I am tempted to add this quote to my signature :gombypls:


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OfflinePsychotria
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Crystal G]
    #18644393 - 08/01/13 03:00 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

:badsurprise:


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Offlinekoods
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Crystal G]
    #18644416 - 08/01/13 03:04 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
Oh yeah, I forgot to add that he actually had an orgasm while my fist was in his butt. And no joke, there was SO MUCH AIR stuck up his butt that he let out THE GNARLIEST and juiciest ass-queef afterwards, I just about died hysterically laughing when he pushed it out. YES SO AWESOME LOL!!!! :lol:

Oh, and we both spent some time looking up elephant, donkey, and horse penis pictures, and came across this photo of this cop getting rammed LOL. I can only imagine this is like my best friend's fantasy.






That cop is lucky the horse is white (mostly)


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”

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Offlineblitzd
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: koods]
    #18650380 - 08/02/13 04:36 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

^^ Thats what most cops deserve anyway.

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Offlineurbannerd
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Crystal G]
    #18651044 - 08/02/13 06:58 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
I can only imagine this is like my best friend's fantasy.







dont let him do that haha
he'll end up like the guy from the "2 guys 1 horse" films
and get rammed so hard it tore through to his stomach and died.


--------------------
Soaking in the energy of the universe since '91

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OfflineCrystal G
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: urbannerd]
    #18651656 - 08/02/13 08:52 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

So I came across quite a bit of money this weekend and didn't have jack shit to do for the next 2 days, so my BFF and I went in on like 5g of rock. Everything was going good until he started coming down around 9am.

Wow man, he started freaking the fuck out. He was straight up telling me how guilty he feels as a Christian for doing all this fucked up shit with me. He was like "What the fuck am I doing, I'm fucking doing drugs all the fucking time and I have a 1 year old daughter, I feel like the stuff that I do with my butthole is wrong because sodomy is condemned in the bible, I don't want to work as a bartender at the gay bar anymore because it's fucking shameful and I have pride as a straight man, I am such a scumbag and dirtbag who lies to everybody and steals money from my parents who bend over backwards for me... I mean JESUS CHRIST, I just survived a car accident that should have killed me, my car did 3 flips on the freeway and the entire top of the car was crushed and all my windows shattered, and I'm fucking laughing in god's face by smoking crack like this, bla bla bla... God my life is so messed up. I miss my daughter so much, I almost want to settle down and make another baby just to replace her." Just an hour long rant of all the shit that has gone wrong with his life and how he has done absolutely nothing productive since age 15.

I was like, "Who the fuck are you and what have you done with my friend?" :cuckoo: Honestly some of the shit he was spewing straight up SURPRISED me, because this is the guy that's usually down for ANYTHING. And he has guilt and shame about it?!?!!??!? WTFFFFF

I told him, "I don't see anything wrong with parents doing drugs as long as they don't do it in their kids' presence and the kid has a sitter while you play. And the stuff you are doing with your butt isn't wrong, sodomy also includes oral sex and sex outside of marriage. And who cares, you're just a fucking bartender at a bar, who cares if it's a gay bar or not and whether your parents will disown you or not. But yea, the stealing from your parents is pretty scummy dude... As for staying sober, yea we really should be more productive with our lives."

He had a major freakout and called his uncle crying about how he's in this strange new city with no car and no money and how everything is so messed up because he has no family here. His uncle had to come and pick him up, so I guess he's living with his uncle now? :shrug: Oh well, my roommates were starting to hate him after a week of him staying anyway. He is one of the most loudest, obnoxious motherfuckers, and he would stay up till 4am being obnoxiously loud and waking up the roommates constantly. I'm pretty sure they've heard our late night conversations about sucking off donkey dick, fucking trannies, shooting H, and smoking crack while we are smoking out on the front porch. Wonder what my roommates think of me now. :lolsy:

Edited by Crystal G (08/02/13 10:36 PM)

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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Crystal G]
    #18651670 - 08/02/13 08:54 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
and I'm pretty sure they've heard our late night conversations about fucking donkeys, fucking trannies, shooting H, and smoking crack while we are smoking out on the front porch." :lolsy:




Yeah that's always a pain, having roommates. At least you got one less on your hands

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OfflineThe5thElement
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Repertoire89]
    #18652700 - 08/03/13 12:47 AM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Sounds like things just kinda came down on him at once, he was probably ignoring a lot of stuff thats been bothering him. I don't think he should feel bad about sodomy though :lol:

Although I'm not cheering him on to stick a bottle of raid up his ass either :shrug:

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OfflineCrystal G
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: The5thElement]
    #18653066 - 08/03/13 03:57 AM (10 years, 6 months ago)

I mean this is the same dude who bragged about fucking a Jewish girl while watching Schindler's List, and then bragged again about going through an 8-ball of coke while partying in Vegas and getting rammed by a tranny hooker with an 8-inch dick. The dude is sick and perverted as hell, but he feels shame about working as a bartender at a club because it's a gay club? I swear religious people are so fucking weird and hypocritical man, I will never understand it. :lol: It's like Ted Haggart, that politician who's against gay marriage and then buys male escorts to party and play on tweak with. :lol:

Edited by Crystal G (08/03/13 04:11 AM)

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InvisibleChowder963
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Crystal G]
    #18653119 - 08/03/13 04:39 AM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Just curious? Do you ever think about getting clean and living a less crazy lifestyle or do you love it and will never stop? You have some pretty interesting things to say lol..

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OfflineCrystal G
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Chowder963] * 1
    #18653138 - 08/03/13 04:54 AM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Chowder963 said:
Just curious? Do you ever think about getting clean and living a less crazy lifestyle or do you love it and will never stop? You have some pretty interesting things to say lol..




I go through phases. I get clean for a few years and live a pretty mundane and boring life. Then something inside of me snaps and I fall back into old habits for a bit. I just can't see myself ever settling down with a husband and kids after the lifestyle I've lived, I mean come on. Would I even be happy with so much responsibility? Maybe if it was a swinger marriage and my husband loved the drugs too. But that would just end in a complete disaster. :lol: Although I guess a normal marriage could easily end in disaster as well.

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InvisibleChowder963
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Crystal G] * 1
    #18653146 - 08/03/13 04:58 AM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Well good luck, sounds like once you do a random cleanup you should meet a nice guy who will be there for you to keep you into having a steady life.

But theres nothing wrong with just wanting to party, the crack thing that you said though kinda threw me off. Thats not really all that great.

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OfflineCrystal G
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Chowder963] * 1
    #18653169 - 08/03/13 05:23 AM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Chowder963 said:
But theres nothing wrong with just wanting to party, the crack thing that you said though kinda threw me off. Thats not really all that great.




Yea, recently I am doing it way more often than I should be. I tend to get into these phases where I isolate and don't want to socialize with any of my friends and go out and  be productive, and instead get high all alone. Like I'm escaping from something or something, but I don't know what. My best friend is the only one I do hard drugs with. I don't even know why I do it, I'm so much more outgoing and have an unafraid, outgoing personality when I'm sober. Crack just gives me anxiety and makes me withdraw into myself and turn into an introvert. I don't like it. I am missing something in my life but I can't pinpoint exactly what it is. I guess I am still getting over my last serious breakup, because I think about him all the time when I do crack. What he would think, and how heartbroken he would be, and all that. We went through some SERIOUS shit that I can't ever speak publicly on the forums. And that is the most blunt truth you will ever hear from me.

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OfflineOZA
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Re: I Just Fisted My Best Friend's Asshole [Re: Crystal G] * 1
    #18654200 - 08/03/13 11:55 AM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Meh I think anybody in that guy's position would eventually have the same breakdown. You can't just keep going that hard. Some of the shit you say that he does is straight up weird. Is there a chance he's chasing you as something more than a FWB? Some guys get lost in love and just take a peak outside in the middle of it all and realize how fucked up the situation is. As I'm sure you know, we're not the most rational people when we like a girl.. Reading through a bit of the thread, it kind of seems a bit like that. Maybe not, he does seem fucked up in general.

Anyway, good luck with your whole situation. Crack is no way of getting over a breakup. I know people say don't trip when you're getting over somebody, but maybe having a light trip with a good platonic friend could help you sort your issues out a bit.


--------------------
The happiness consists in realizing that it is all a great strange dream.

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