Home | Community | Message Board


FreeSpores.com
Please support our sponsors.

Community >> The Pub

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | Next >  [ show all ]
InvisibleCherryBomM
Yoga Gypsy
Female User Gallery

Registered: 12/27/98
Posts: 11,118
Loc: Ontario
Married?
    #1840766 - 08/22/03 03:06 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

My boyfriend asked me to marry him. I said no, but in my head I'm buying furniture, planning a wedding, naming kids....

I'm only 21. I want to travel, explore the world, make lots of money, try new things...you know, live. But at the same time I got wedding bells in my head. I already said no...he doesn't know what I'm thinking and I'd like to keep it that way.

I always thought I was gonna be independent and strong and just be me. My OWN apartment, my OWN car, my OWN bills, my OWN army of cats...but then this guy comes along and sweeps me off my feet and "Hey, I love you!" and "Hey, let me take care of you and make you feel safe!" and "Hey, lets get married and live happily ever after!"

He even asked my dad for his blessing. How fucking cute is that?

My parents love him. My grandmother told me she wants to see me married and making babies before she croaks, or she's leaving this earth unfulfilled.

So how many of you out there are married? Are you happy? How long have you been married for? How did you know it was right? How many times have you been married? FOR GODS SAKE HELP ME!!!

Annie, I'm looking in your direction here.

**sigh**


--------------------


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineRavinoff
LethargicSnorting Duck

Registered: 07/15/03
Posts: 686
Last seen: 14 years, 3 months
Re: Married? [Re: CherryBom]
    #1840797 - 08/22/03 03:18 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

I NEVER understood the whole marriage thing, and still don't...

I don't understand why you have to MARRY someone if you love them. Why can't you just live with them and be happy like that?

Marriage always seemed a bit conformist to me...


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineBruiser
Fuel Injected Suicide Machine

Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 15,255
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
Re: Married? [Re: CherryBom]
    #1840859 - 08/22/03 03:36 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

I will never be married. I may live with someone and love them, but no kids or marriage in my future. I seriously don't know anybody that's happily married. Not even in my own disfunctional family. :smirk: 


--------------------
-I put the chrome to your dome


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinedomite
Puppet
Male User Gallery
Registered: 04/12/03
Posts: 2,978
Loc: Who's askin'?
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
Re: Married? [Re: Ravinoff]
    #1840861 - 08/22/03 03:37 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

eh, who cares, dont judge if you want to do something on whether other people do it. We really cant answer your question, only you can. The real question is if you want to do it. keep in mind, you can still travel, explore, and try new things when you are married, you dont have to have kids right away, you will just have a person to try new things with. There are some things you should consider though, such as whiether he shares your goals and whiether he will help you achieve them with his support. Another thing to take in mind is at 21 you are still pretty young, and the younger you are, the more you will change. At 21 most people dont yet have a strong sense of self, and they need to achieve that before they decide to spent the rest of their life with someone. Also, marriage just is not right for some people, particularly people who prefer to live and acomplish things on their own.

there is none who can give you a final answer, hopefully you will get as many of ^^those^^ and other questions answered, so you will be more confident in your position.

-peace


Edited by domite (08/22/03 03:41 PM)


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleFreakQlibrium
Son of Uncle Meat
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/06/02
Posts: 19,058
Loc: Toronto Canada Flag
Re: Married? [Re: CherryBom]
    #1841017 - 08/22/03 04:20 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

"I'm only 21. I want to travel, explore the world, make lots of money, try new things...you know, live. But at the same time I got wedding bells in my head. I already said no...he doesn't know what I'm thinking and I'd like to keep it that way."

^^^^i'd say to just go with that Bomb, as far as your grandmother laying the "produce babies or MY life will be unfufilled", screw that, you don't owe ANYone anything in that regard.....i was sort of in your position(once) where even my parents were saying like..."Freak, you never find another girl like THAT one"(a girl i was with 2 and a half years)On one level i knew they were right, imagine that....

    ME with my own little domestic house slave to cook and clean up after me.....no thanks lol, personally, i don't know even ONE married couple who's life isn't a living hell in some regard....sure the only decent meal i ever get these days is if i order in and my apartment looks like a pig pen but hey! wtf, you know?

    Follow your heart's desires and aspirations, that's the only reasonable advice i could ever give based on my own experience....bottom line: i think you'll end up kicking yourself in the butt once you have given up your personal autonomy :wink:
 


--------------------
"Being crazier than a shithouse rat is not sufficient grounds for banishment"



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleSenor_Doobie
Snake Pit Champion
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/12/99
Posts: 22,678
Loc: Trump Train
Re: Married? [Re: CherryBom]
    #1841042 - 08/22/03 04:27 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Whatever you do, do it for the right reason.

Don't get married for the wedding.
Don't stay single for independance.

We work better as teams, us humans. We need someone else. It's part of who we are


--------------------
"America: Fuck yeah!" -- Alexthegreat

“Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle. The real extent of this state of misinformation is known only to those who are in situations to confront facts within their knowledge with the lies of the day.”  -- Thomas Jefferson

The greatest sin of mankind is ignorance.

The press takes [Trump] literally, but not seriously; his supporters take him seriously, but not literally. --Salena Zeto (9/23/16)


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineBaby_Hitler
Errorist
 User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/06/02
Posts: 22,844
Loc: To the limit!
Last seen: 3 months, 9 days
Re: Married? [Re: CherryBom]
    #1841130 - 08/22/03 04:59 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Make a frozen embrio, and send it to your grandmother.


--------------------


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineRhizoid
carbon unit
Male

Registered: 01/23/00
Posts: 1,729
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 19 days, 11 hours
Re: Married? [Re: CherryBom]
    #1841143 - 08/22/03 05:04 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

If you have to ask for advice about it, then you're obviously not ready to marry him. If you love him, tell him to ask you again in a couple of years, and explain why you're saying that. And ignore your grandmother, she already did her part. It's you who decide when and if you have babies.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleSenor_Doobie
Snake Pit Champion
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/12/99
Posts: 22,678
Loc: Trump Train
Re: Married? [Re: Rhizoid]
    #1841196 - 08/22/03 05:26 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

>If you have to ask for advice about it, then you're obviously not ready to marry him

Good point


--------------------
"America: Fuck yeah!" -- Alexthegreat

“Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle. The real extent of this state of misinformation is known only to those who are in situations to confront facts within their knowledge with the lies of the day.”  -- Thomas Jefferson

The greatest sin of mankind is ignorance.

The press takes [Trump] literally, but not seriously; his supporters take him seriously, but not literally. --Salena Zeto (9/23/16)


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineHorseman
Old Timer
Registered: 04/24/01
Posts: 118
Loc: Houston, Texas
Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
Re: Married? [Re: Rhizoid]
    #1841209 - 08/22/03 05:31 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

You're young...I learned more from the age 21-25 that any other 5 year span in my life...I am now 28, married, with a 11 month old daughter...marriage isnt easy by any means...but it is rewarding in ways unmarried people cant understand...especially when you have kids.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflinePed
Interested In Your Brain
 User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/31/99
Posts: 5,494
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 1 year, 1 day
Re: Married? [Re: Horseman]
    #1841586 - 08/22/03 07:42 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

My God,

It seems like yesterday we were a couple of kids in a chatroom, Bom.

Now all this!

Asking for advice doesn't necessarily denote unreadiness to make this decision. As you pointed out, Bom, this is an enormous decision that will demand an equally enormous amount of sacrifices. Along with that insight comes an understandable degree of fright and hesitation.

Exploring the world and such are common and lofty goals, but equally common and depressingly destructive are the lamentations of those who settled down without fulfilling those dreams. This, among many other factors to consider, are crucial when deciding to marry without entertaining the convenience of a divorce should it become prudent. Far too often people leap into wedding vows expecting to be able to fall back on the divorce route should it not be as quick and easy as desired.

Let's not forget that marriage does not necessarily alter the essence of your relationship. There is a certain sanctity that comes along with taking such elaborate vows and exchanging jewelery, but your hearts and minds reside far above these things. The real benefits of marriage in this day and age are social, governmental. There are alternatives, such as common-law.

Of course, I'm young. Younger than you, Bom, and so far unmarried. This being so, I've not the experiential wisdom on this issue. I'm with someone very important to me right now, more than I can otherwise distinguish, but marriage thus far does not seem like a realistic endeavour between her and I.

Her and I, though, are not You and Him.

As for advice, I couldn't possibly offer anything conclusive. Though, I hope I've helped clear the air a little bit.


--------------------


:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous

Re: Married? [Re: FreakQlibrium]
    #1841659 - 08/22/03 08:09 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Do your parents really call you "Freak" ? :crazy:


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisibledjfrog
omgws!!!1!

Registered: 10/23/00
Posts: 3,710
Re: Married? [Re: CherryBom]
    #1841724 - 08/22/03 08:32 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

There is no right time. There is only the right person. A lot of people make the mistake of marrying because its the 'right time'. Anyhow, if you've found the right person don't let them slip away.

You should look at those things you want to do though, and see if thats possible with this sort of person, as that is part of being the right person. Does he want to travel and experience new things, or get a cottage at some remote farm and live quietly the rest of his life?


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflinePhluck
Carpal Tunnel
 User Gallery

Registered: 04/11/99
Posts: 11,393
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 5 months, 22 days
Re: Married? [Re: CherryBom]
    #1842392 - 08/23/03 12:08 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

21 seems so young to get married... but you never know, it could be the best thing you do.

What it really comes down to is whether or not this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Don't get married thinking "I could always get a divorce if things aren't right", that kind of defeats the point of choosing marriage.

There's no rush to get married, you're still young and time certainly isn't running out. Marriage really doesn't change the dynamic of the relationship, all you're really missing out on if you don't get married now is a big party where people give you free toasters.

Whatever you choose to do, good luck.


--------------------
"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleFreakQlibrium
Son of Uncle Meat
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/06/02
Posts: 19,058
Loc: Toronto Canada Flag
Re: Married? [Re: TxTec]
    #1842715 - 08/23/03 03:07 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

TxTec said:
Do your parents really call you "Freak" ? :crazy: 





Only during seances these days Tex :wink: 


--------------------
"Being crazier than a shithouse rat is not sufficient grounds for banishment"



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineWildCardsRevenge
Grade Eh Meat
 User Gallery

Registered: 07/18/00
Posts: 4,005
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: Married? [Re: FreakQlibrium]
    #1843246 - 08/23/03 01:52 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Whoa our little bom is growing up.

Just explain to your boyfriend that it isn't him its the concept of being married. Obviously you can see yourself with him for many many years to come but that doesn't mean your ready to do whole marriage thing. Why not live common law for a while, give that a shot. But at the same time start making plans to travel and do things while you still can.

Your young enough that you still have time to go out and see the world and yet I know your mature enough to be able to commit to someone like that.


--------------------
--------------------------


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineboOM
Female User Gallery

Registered: 06/26/99
Posts: 5,355
Last seen: 1 month, 1 day
Re: Married? [Re: WildCardsRevenge]
    #1843417 - 08/23/03 03:06 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

hi

as many of you guys know (since i'm always talking about it :nut:) i'm engaged to get married in a year's time. my fiancee and i have been engaged now for a year so that's one thing you could do...be engaged but not get married for a couple or a few years. being engaged doesn't necessarily mean that you guys have to get married asap...take your time, get to know each other and just hold the "status" i suppose.

i know how you feel..when he proposed to me i had the whole wedding bells, picking out furniture and naming our kids type of thing going on in my head. i said yes obviously but then it started to sink in and i told myself wait a min i'm too young, i still want to visit places, think about my career etc. but, i had grown up quite quickly i suppose...i became independent at 17, went through uni, travelled and grew up quicker than my peers. at the moment i feel like i want to settle down so i chose that path and so far it's good...

how does your boyfriend feel about the answer you gave him?


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineGillette
Jaded
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/11/99
Posts: 4,053
Last seen: 4 months, 25 days
Re: Married? [Re: boO]
    #1844411 - 08/24/03 12:08 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

funny as you were thinking about how much you'd like to get married, I was thinking how I never will.


I tried to call you long distance from Florida probably more then you caled me.


--------------------
~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~

A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisible40oz
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/19/01
Posts: 30,038
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
Re: Married? [Re: CherryBom]
    #1844916 - 08/24/03 05:55 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

2 words:
"prenuptial agreement"


--------------------
:pacman: - - - -  :pill: :mushroom2: :pill2: :mushroom2: :regularshroom: :mushroomgrow: :pill: :pill2: :mushroom2: :poison:

:sun::heart::sun:

tiny_rabid_birds said:
"your avatar is dirty."


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineGillette
Jaded
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/11/99
Posts: 4,053
Last seen: 4 months, 25 days
Re: Married? [Re: 40oz]
    #1845092 - 08/24/03 11:08 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

oh right and what I meant to say was, dude you know what I think of marriage, but I'd support any decision you make anyways.


--------------------
~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~

A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Jump to top. Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | Next >  [ show all ]

Community >> The Pub

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Gay Marriage
( 1 2 all )
daimyo 3,606 36 11/18/05 06:40 PM
by leery11
* top 10 reasons why gay marriage is a bad idea kaniz 970 9 11/22/05 06:58 PM
by goobler
* got a marriage proposal
( 1 2 3 4 all )
Bridgeburner 5,251 77 07/07/08 07:32 AM
by Coaster
* I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!
( 1 2 3 4 all )
agr8fulchick 2,357 63 03/20/05 09:23 PM
by Smallworlds
* I don't know any men who want to get married or have kids
( 1 2 3 4 all )
RandalFlagg
3,497 60 06/07/07 11:59 PM
by dcstar500
* Homosexual Marriage
( 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 all )
Tangerines 9,606 120 04/28/11 10:15 AM
by Asante
* Does marriage make a male, a sucker?
( 1 2 all )
LayYouIn 2,560 30 02/10/08 04:13 PM
by AlteredAgain
* Gay Marriage? right or wrong
( 1 2 3 4 5 6 all )
luckysky 5,178 111 04/08/09 02:55 PM
by BuggingOUT

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Entire Staff
4,205 topic views. 20 members, 74 guests and 46 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Toggle Favorite | Print Topic | Stats ]
Search this thread:

Please support our sponsors.

Copyright 1997-2017 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.032 seconds spending 0.003 seconds on 18 queries.