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Anonymous #1
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How to forgive?
#18330568 - 05/27/13 09:44 PM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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Someone I know and love was raped. Not a girlfriend, but someone as close as a sister. Others label her as a slut. They claim she wanted it. She cries to me every chance we are one on one, or without any men around. The male involved in this is someone I run into regularly. He has told everyone that she wanted to fuck, not him. He will not let the truth out. Keep in mind this all happened right after she broke up with her boyfriend of three years I can't go a day without thinking about it. How do I muster the strength to forgive? It is too hard...I just cant fathom where to begin
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qman
Stranger

Registered: 12/06/06
Posts: 34,927
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Someone I know and love was raped. Not a girlfriend, but someone as close as a sister. Others label her as a slut. They claim she wanted it. She cries to me every chance we are one on one, or without any men around. The male involved in this is someone I run into regularly. He has told everyone that she wanted to fuck, not him. He will not let the truth out. Keep in mind this all happened right after she broke up with her boyfriend of three years I can't go a day without thinking about it. How do I muster the strength to forgive? It is too hard...I just cant fathom where to begin
Who knows what the truth is? Maybe there is nothing to even forgive. Sounds like a she said he said scenario.
If she did not report the incident to the police, her credibility is lacking in most peoples minds.
There are two sides to every story, just because you listen to a female that is emotionally distraught, it doesn't mean a rape took place.
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shimishimiman
Jaded Optimist


Registered: 03/21/09
Posts: 469
Loc: Shmexas, Texas
Last seen: 2 months, 20 days
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Re: How to forgive? [Re: qman] 1
#18331077 - 05/27/13 11:12 PM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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Several years ago I got really drunk at a friend's apartment. She had this roommate who I could instantly tell was attracted to me, and by the end of the night she and I started making out and taking off each others' clothes on the apartment's outside balcony.
I don't remember too many details because I was fucking obliterated drunk, but what I DO remember is that I was thrown aback by the stench of her pussy to the point where I lost all interest in having sex with her. I don't know if she asked me what was wrong or what, but I confessed to her that she smelled bad and I basically just said a lot of other really blunt things that I imagine were pretty hurtful in retrospect.
We spent the next few hours half naked in each others' arms talking about things I vaguely remember. I do remember her bringing up that she thinks she actually might really like me, and that it's a bad thing. I asked her why, and I don't remember what her response was. The only other thing I remember is that before I passed out she asked me if I wanted to take a shower with her and I said no.
That and the next morning was the first and the last time I ever heard from her again. However, she made no hesitation to tell everyone she ran into who happened to know me that I essentially raped her, and I got a whole hell of a lot of shit for it from multiple people on multiple occasions.
At first it made me extremely angry that anyone who knew me would believe that sort of bullshit, but rather than give into those emotions and try to figure out a way to clear my name, I decided to just drop it and let it die on its own. Things like this only become problems when you pay too much attention to them. People make mistakes that can't be unmade, and the only way to forgive those mistakes is to forget them.
One thing is for sure: it is not your place to deal with this issue. Regardless of whether or not this girl is telling the truth, you can NOT permit yourself to take action without being 100% certain what you are doing will in fact fix the situation rather than just make it worse. The fact that you are asking the shroomery for advice on this is proof enough that you are unsure about the legitimacy of what she is saying.
You don't need to prove how much you love her by confronting her problems for her. Just be there for her when she needs you - don't make a jackass out of yourself by letting your emotions get the best of your judgement.
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
shimishimiman said: Several years ago I got really drunk at a friend's apartment. She had this roommate who I could instantly tell was attracted to me, and by the end of the night she and I started making out and taking off each others' clothes on the apartment's outside balcony.
I don't remember too many details because I was fucking obliterated drunk, but what I DO remember is that I was thrown aback by the stench of her pussy to the point where I lost all interest in having sex with her. I don't know if she asked me what was wrong or what, but I confessed to her that she smelled bad and I basically just said a lot of other really blunt things that I imagine were pretty hurtful in retrospect.
We spent the next few hours half naked in each others' arms talking about things I vaguely remember. I do remember her bringing up that she thinks she actually might really like me, and that it's a bad thing. I asked her why, and I don't remember what her response was. The only other thing I remember is that before I passed out she asked me if I wanted to take a shower with her and I said no.
That and the next morning was the first and the last time I ever heard from her again. However, she made no hesitation to tell everyone she ran into who happened to know me that I essentially raped her, and I got a whole hell of a lot of shit for it from multiple people on multiple occasions.
At first it made me extremely angry that anyone who knew me would believe that sort of bullshit, but rather than give into those emotions and try to figure out a way to clear my name, I decided to just drop it and let it die on its own. Things like this only become problems when you pay too much attention to them. People make mistakes that can't be unmade, and the only way to forgive those mistakes is to forget them.
One thing is for sure: it is not your place to deal with this issue. Regardless of whether or not this girl is telling the truth, you can NOT permit yourself to take action without being 100% certain what you are doing will in fact fix the situation rather than just make it worse. The fact that you are asking the shroomery for advice on this is proof enough that you are unsure about the legitimacy of what she is saying.
You don't need to prove how much you love her by confronting her problems for her. Just be there for her when she needs you - don't make a jackass out of yourself by letting your emotions get the best of your judgement.
That is a fair point to be made. There are always two sides to a story. Whether she got raped or not, nobody on the shroomery can help
The reason I posted this thread was for how to look for emotional strength to forgive. i wasn't doubting what she was saying. But hearing your story kind of puts things into perspective. Only god knows what really happened. Whether my best friend was raped or not
But one thing is for sure. Getting caught up in it isn't really going to help with the situation at all. What happened was that they had sex. It isn't the most pleasant act to be done. But as the good book says "lord forgive them for they know not what they do". It hurts me, but my involvement in the situation isn't going to help. Nothing is going to make a rapist not rape. And if this girl is lying/exagerrating the truth, nothing will make a lying girl tell the truth
thanks for the help and good vibes
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