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Offlinelucid
Jack's AlteredConsciousness

Registered: 03/29/03
Posts: 6,319
Loc: up on the bidet
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Life
    #1819429 - 08/16/03 11:37 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

warning...whining follows... :grin:
but then that's what this place iz for :grin:
i can barely type, jus fractured ma hand in a bike
accident, so this will be quick and pointless :smirk:
Summery of past 2 years of my life, roughly in chronological
order...
1. parents become homeless, they move in wit me n wife
2. wife leaves me
3. parents fighting viciosusly in my home
4. Get mom a car and she has an accident and
totals the car - mom ok tho
5. lose my job
6. lose 1/4 million dollars in stocks (pretty much everything i had)
7. lose second job
8. lose work visa in the U.S
9. hit a deer n total my own car
10. have to move to Montreal cuz i found a job there but i
don't speak french
11. take shrooms first time, freak out completely
get PSTD, Depression, Panic Attacks
12. parents get divorced
13. lose third job
14. react badly to certain Anti-Depressents (Desyrel)
15. Apply for disability get rejected (they say it was
self-inflicted due to shrooms).
16. Find out i can't get unemployment benefits - havnt
wroked long enough in Canada
17. gianed about 30 lbs since shroom incident
18. have a bike accident, chain slips, i take out someones side mirror
have to pay damages
19. have another bike accident, got "doored", i got an appology
n a fractured hand
20. No mo prescription insurance so not sure how I'll afford
all my meds

so i'm a Depressed, wifelss, friendless (don't know anyone here in Montreal),
unemployed insomniac who get's Panic attacks :grin: wanna go oot (gotta
practice that canadian accent eh?) with me sometime :grin:
soon to be homeless... gonna run out of the last vestiges of cash shortly
so what's my take on all this ?

1. I'm still better off than the poor deer (see 9 above) :grin:
2. there are still tree's n flowers out side that are just as
beautiful as before my life started to crumble. I can't appreciate
em when i'm in the throes of depression/anxiety but that's just
me, the tree's n flowers are still intrinsicly beautiful
3. It's all a matter of perspective - altho that's easier said
than done
4. the shrooms were the worst thing that ever happened to me
(every thing else is trivial in comparison - trust me),...but...
maybe the effect will fade and i will return to my normal
state of well being (or maybe not... but i will allow that
possibility)
5. i've experienced unattached bliss on a few rare occasions while
meditating (well before the shroom incident)...
and while it's a faded distant memory, i know it existed,
so perhaps someday i'll experience it again
6. i don't believe that things will eventuall get better...
it is a posssibility and the opposite is also true...
and it's also true that things gettting better or worse
does not necesarily mean they will affect me, maybe
i'll just be happy for no reason at all as i was depressed/panicy
for no reason at all after the shrooms. like the Zen story
"u so lucky u so happy..." (if u get the reference)
7. i get to whine more comprehensively when my hand heals :grin:

there... my 5 minutes of indulgent self-pity :grin:

"i exist as i am, that is enough,
if no other in the world be aware i sit content
and if each and all be aware i sit content

one world is aware, and by far the largest to me, and that
is myself,
and whether i come to my own today or in ten thousand
or ten million years,
i can cheerfully take it now, or with equal cheerfulness,
i can wait"
Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass 


--------------------
"no-mind un-thinks no-thought..."


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InvisibletrendalM
point of inflection
Male User Gallery

Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 19,611
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Re: Life [Re: lucid]
    #1820022 - 08/16/03 04:25 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Here's to Optimism  :bong: !!

It's good to see that you know how to look on the "bright side of things"! It's something I always do, and something I reccomend to anyone feeling down!

You are not a slave to your emotions. Your emotions are a part of you, and as such are under just as much control as any other part of you.

So learn to live and know there is always a light at the end of the tunnel!

Here's to you, lucid!
And my best wishes for you and your fortune in the future!  :smile:


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