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OfflineGernBlanston
unintended sideeffect

Registered: 05/28/03
Posts: 841
Loc: In my pants
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
The Thong of Thor
    #1806304 - 08/12/03 05:27 PM (13 years, 3 months ago)

(funnier if read aloud with an Irish or Scottish accent...)

The Thong of Thor


In days of yore, the great god Thor would ramp around creation.
He'd drink a pint and slay a giant and save the Nordic nation,
Or kill a Worm to watch it squirm and vainly try to fang him,
Or lock up Loki in the pokey and on the noggin bang him.

Once he did bawl through Thrudvang Hall that on a trip he'd wander
In a disguise from prying eyes, in Midgard way out yonder,
So all his slaves, huscarls and knaves, packed up his goods and gear-O,
And off he strode, on Bifrost road, a perfect Aryan hero.

In Midgard land he joined a band of hardy Viking ruff-i-ans,
And off they sailed and rowed and bailed among the auks and puff-i-ans.
Whene'er they'd reach a foreign beach they stopped to raid and plunder;
Each Nordic brute got so much loot their longship near went under.

But as they rolled in coins of gold, they had one joy forsaken,
For on each raid Thor's party made, no women could be taken.
Each drab and queen fled from the scene when Viking sails were sighted,
And Thor felt the need for certain deeds that had gone unrequited.

Thor's brows were black as they went back to Oslo's rocky haven;
Unto his crew he said, "Beshrew me for a Frankish craven
"If I don't wrench some tavern wench, or else may Frigga damn her."
Replied one voice, "You got first choice; you've got the biggest hammer."

Into an inn that crew of sin disembarked upon their landing,
Each tavern maid was sore afraid of pirates of such standing.
But golden coins warmed up their loins and the ale soon ran free;
Thor's motley crew poured down the brew and made an all-night spree.

Thor's glances strayed unto a maid with hair as gold as grain,
A lisp so shy, a downcast eye, and not a trace of brain;
He swept her charms into his arms and to an upstairs bower,
And did not cease nor give her ease for six days and an hour!

When he rose up and drained a cup, she looked like one that's near death:
Her limbs were weak, she could not speak, and only gasped for her breath.
"You ought to know, before I go, I'm Thor," he bade adieu.
"You're Thor!" said she. "Conthider me! I'm thorer, thir, than you!"


--------------------
There is no flag large enough to cover the shame of killing innocent people.
  --  Howard Zinn


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InvisibleAhab McBathsalts
Nihilist RiFF RaFF
Other User Gallery Arcade Champion: Blackjack

Registered: 11/25/02
Posts: 17,824
Loc: BC
Re: The Thong of Thor [Re: GernBlanston]
    #1806310 - 08/12/03 05:29 PM (13 years, 3 months ago)

i know this morman, and his brother is named Thor. Its the koolest fuking name ever. Exsept the kid is a wad.


--------------------
"Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's going to die."


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Invisiblefarfelu
Stranger
Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 104
Re: The Thong of Thor [Re: GernBlanston]
    #1806622 - 08/12/03 06:48 PM (13 years, 3 months ago)

lol Very funny post. :thumbup:

Wish those maids were sore afraid of me! :wink: 


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OfflineCrass
Explorer of theMind

Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 626
Last seen: 4 years, 11 months
Re: The Thong of Thor [Re: Ahab McBathsalts]
    #1807762 - 08/13/03 12:15 AM (13 years, 3 months ago)

I know a greek kid named thor.. he had a dog named zues.

Havn't seen em in like 2 years though.


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OfflineMsPacMan
Stranger

Registered: 10/05/02
Posts: 1,054
Loc: Florida, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
Re: The Thong of Thor [Re: Crass]
    #1807883 - 08/13/03 12:52 AM (13 years, 3 months ago)

the instant i'd finished, i heard a ga-ZUMP!
i looked.
i saw something pop out of the stump
of the the tree i'd chopped down
it was sort of a man.
describe him? that's hard.
i don't know if i can.
he was shortish. and oldish.
and brownish. and mossy.
and he spoke with a voice
that was sharpish and bossy
"mister!" he said with a sawdusty sneeze
"I am the Lorax! I speak for the trees!
I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues
and i'm asking you sir at the top of my lungs---
he was very upset as he shouted, and puffed---
"What's that THING you've made out of my Truffula tuft!?!?!"


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InvisibleLe_Canard
Danger Man

Registered: 05/17/03
Posts: 93,263
Loc: Earthfarm 1
Re: The Thong of Thor [Re: GernBlanston]
    #1807908 - 08/13/03 01:06 AM (13 years, 3 months ago)

All I gotta say is... :lol: !
Thanx for the laugh, GB! :laugh: 


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Offlinegnrm23
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/30/99
Posts: 6,481
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 2 months, 24 days
Re: The Thong of Thor [Re: Le_Canard]
    #1808455 - 08/13/03 07:55 AM (13 years, 3 months ago)

why irish or scots?
wouldn't scanderhoovian be better?
~
once in the marvel comic book universe, thor came to NYC for some superhero gig & a hippie-type chick (?) knelt down & began to revere him as thor odinsson --- he bade her rise, and told her plainly that the time for worshipping the old gods had passed (though, indeed, the old gods still had their work to do in the world)...
~
one of ralph metzer's more recent books delved deeply into the norse
mythos in order to shed light on the workings of mind as manifested in the northern european (or more widespread?) worldview... odin, baldur, thor, freya, the great battle of ragnarok, the death (and rebirth) of the world...


--------------------
old enough to know better
not old enough to care


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InvisibleSammi
stoner

Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 356
Loc: Texas
Re: The Thong of Thor [Re: gnrm23]
    #1812293 - 08/14/03 04:43 AM (13 years, 3 months ago)

I had a great uncle Thor (my Grandmas brother inlaw).. he lived to be 94.


--------------------
Every cause has an effect, but in the end you get what you give.


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