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Anonymous #1

A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby...
    #18018647 - 03/27/13 11:45 AM (10 years, 9 months ago)

So, I've been single for several years now up until recently. I got into a relationship with a coworker about 4 months ago after she repeatedly asked me out and even my boss told me to date her... "she isn't waiting for my invitation!" he once said.

I was hesitant due to my life circumstances. I am 27, she is 22. I want to further my career/switch careers entirely. I spend a lot of time doing things like studying, pursuing hobbies, keeping in shape, and consuming mushrooms. I explained all of this numerous times before finally caving in and going on a "date," something I never do.

Now, things started off great and it was nice to finally be getting out of my comfort zone. But after a month or so I began learning things about her that were a cause for concern but only furthered my will and desire to help her and be with her. She told me she was raped twice, and that she has serious fears and nightmares all the time and needs to sleep with a nightlight. She has also complained numerous times about her fears of being cheated on, that she was cheated on in her previous relationship (that she was still in prior to meeting me) and could only assume that nobody wanted her, etc. I did nothing but reassure her. I only mention this to give a bit of background on her mental maturity level.

We began having sex very soon into the relationship. At first I would drive 30 min home after work to have sex then drive her 35 min to her house and another 35 back to my place. That was over 2 hours of driving every day. This went on for 2 months. I decided to offer her the chance to move into my place, where I lived alone, for my own benefit and hers since she kept complaining about how she doesn't get along with her family anyway. She agreed and now things have been going much better for me health-wise. (I was seriously losing out on sleep/neglecting my lifestyle and it was incredibly stressful.)

Please note: about 2 weeks into the relationship she told me she wants to marry me and that we are soul mates and stuff.

So here's my dilemma: a month ago she told me she was pregnant. I kept telling her that birth control is not always 99% effective especially if she's not taking it right. I was visibly worried and suggested the use of condoms but she would have none of it, saying it didn't feel as good. She miscarried 4 weeks in, soon after finding out, much to my relief that I kept fully to myself because I felt really bad. (We discussed the possibility of her getting pregnant and I made it clear I was not ready for children, much as I have said that I am not ready to get married. But, I told her it is NOT my decision to keep the baby or not if she was. It was her decision. It's irrelevant now, but I am wondering: could she possibly be trying to get pregnant on purpose in order to "trap" me? All she talks about when she's not telling me how much she loves me is that she wants to have a baby. And get married.

tl;dr ~ Girlfriend of 4 months moved in and constantly wants sex. She cooks for me all the time, wants to be a "good wife," and have kids, but I am nowhere near ready for it (the cooking thing is pretty sweet though.) She got pregnant after only 3 months of dating, miscarried, and told me she wasn't even sure if she wanted to tell me about it. I really do love her, but can't help but wonder if she only wants sex all the time in order to get pregnant "on accident." I am very attractive and great at sex, or so she says, so I am thinking I might be a bit paranoid on this.

What the effing hell should I do?


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InvisibleVivaLaMushie
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: Anonymous #1] * 8
    #18018683 - 03/27/13 11:54 AM (10 years, 9 months ago)

End it now. Honestly.


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OfflinePDU
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: VivaLaMushie] * 1
    #18018695 - 03/27/13 11:57 AM (10 years, 9 months ago)

GTFO.

Holy bad situation narrowly avoided. The universe gave you a second chance, use it wisely.

I can't believe you are asking this - i am watching ALL my young friends getting "trapped," through thoughtless sex and unintended pregnancies, and count my blessings that my partner and I are on the same page in that respect.

Sounds like you know what's up, and are just looking for reassurance.


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GO OUTSIDE.


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OfflineUzziel
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: VivaLaMushie] * 1
    #18018708 - 03/27/13 12:00 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

You almost had a kid with this girl. THINK ABOUT IT. You said it yourself, you aren't ready. She isn't willing to let you use a condom. You have NO idea if she is actually using birth control.

Honestly man, not worth it. You dodged a bullet once, can you dodge it twice?

I mean if you feel like the sex is worth the kid and having her be your babys mamma than fine go ahead but its a weird situation and I wouldn't want to be the guy in the situation that is for sure.


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Anonymous #1

Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: PDU]
    #18018792 - 03/27/13 12:23 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

PDU said:The universe gave you a second chance, use it wisely.




Quote:

Uzziel said:You dodged a bullet once, can you dodge it twice?




It's good to hear this sort of thinking from someone other than myself. Thanks.

On the one hand, I feel fully responsible for this situation. On the other, I feel as if the universe has set me up perfectly to get into it. It's strange how things go...


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OfflinePink_Mushroom11
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Registered: 03/19/13
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18018888 - 03/27/13 12:46 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

I have been with my husband 7 yrs been married for 3 yrs jus now having a child I wasnt able til now but we got engaged 3 months in to our relationship! The way I see it is if ur not ready make sure to tell her once more and I think she is jus maybe a lil immature about it but after a miscarriage weman tend to try to fill a void! I have had 10 or so in my 7 yrs with my husband! we feel there's something missing so we try to fill a hole that is not there its very hard on a woman after a miscarriage it makes us very emotional! Thats the best way to explain it in my experience! I see it as maybe she trying again because of her emotional state! Its ur choice how u want ur life to go if its not going correctly then the best way is to either step away or compromise! Life is hard when u love someone but arent ready for everything they want! I hope things get better!


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“I am... a mushroom; On whom the dew of heaven drops now and then.”John Ford :mushroom2:


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OfflineBikerfool
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18018896 - 03/27/13 12:47 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

I got out of a similar situation a couple months ago.
The breakup was terrible at first, but after a couple of months I feel better and am glad I got out of the situation sooner rather than later.
Hell is on earth. Hell is being trapped with someone you thought you loved, and wishing you had stayed true to yourself.

Turn and run. Keep improving yourself. Someone will come along with similar life goals.


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Just an angsty teen contributing to the pubs decline with contentless posts.


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Invisibletrekie
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: Bikerfool] * 2
    #18019165 - 03/27/13 01:55 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

RUN THE FUCK AWAY

DONT CUM IN HER ANYMORE

RUN NOW


:cactuarrun:


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I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.



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OfflineFishOilTheKid
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: trekie] * 3
    #18019615 - 03/27/13 03:39 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

DONT CUM IN HER ANYMORE




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Offlinespoonbomb
Registered: 10/16/10
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #18019861 - 03/27/13 04:32 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

Do not get her pregnant.
End the relationship.

Don't stick your dick in crazy.


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Offlinetedthekid
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: spoonbomb]
    #18019960 - 03/27/13 04:53 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

Dude, you sound a lot like my buddy who has gotten involved with a similar girl, but he's actually falling for it and is down with with all the ' we should get married' and ' I want to have you're babies' stuff. He's only known the girl for 4 or so months, too. And he wants me to be the best man at their wedding, which I don't know how to feel about. Luckily they don't plan on getting married for over a year so I'm thinking he'll have time to realize it's a bad idea, or maybe fully decide it's a good one. The chick is actually damn cool though, so I have mixed feelings.

Shit, if you actually like her, just demand that she respects your wishes to not have a kid and get married any time soon. If she can't deal with that, then ditch her and move on. And for the love of god, like those dudes have said, Do Not Cum In Her. She'll obviously take the opportunity to get pregnant if it presents itself. Don't put yourself at risk for having a kid with a confused much younger girl


Edited by tedthekid (03/27/13 04:54 PM)


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OfflineAser
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18020033 - 03/27/13 05:03 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

Many have said it already, but I feel it needs to be said again to get the point across: Get out while you can!

Not letting you wear a condom for sex is a pretty strong indicator that she is trying to trap you with pregnancy. Put your foot down and wear one, or bail.


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Anonymous #1

Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: Aser]
    #18020294 - 03/27/13 05:58 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

It's tough. I really feel connected to her and love her a ton, but she just has really bad self esteem issues. She came home from work and I dropped what I was doing and ran to her to hug her and tell her I love her.

Then we sat down and I told her again I'm sorry about the miscarriage and I love her. And I tried to tell her to talk to someone because I just don't understand exactly how bad it must feel. But she said no. Then I asked her if she still likes me and she looked at me with this look of semi-worry. She said, "do you not want to be with me?" I said no no no I love you, I just am worried that I am not what you expected. (Not financially ready for marriage and not mentally ready for a child.)

She ran into the bedroom and hid in the closet. I brought her some ice cream and tried to talk to her, like tell her I'm sorry again about the miscarriage and it must make her feel empty but she just like glared at me almost seemed like hatred.

I told her I don't understand and she said that sometimes I act like I don't love her, or that I seem like if she wasn't there I would be 'ok'

I don't get it. I left her to finish sulking in the closet after she said that "it's just the way you act." She just came out while I am typing this to go to the basement to do laundry. I am a little worried and honestly bewildered as well.

Thanks for the comments. I definitely will avoid cumming in her. Will keep you updated.


Edited by Anonymous (03/27/13 06:01 PM)


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OfflineFishOilTheKid
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18020310 - 03/27/13 06:03 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

hid in the closet sounds like issues.


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OfflinePDU
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #18020940 - 03/27/13 08:50 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

Really fucked up situation - she definitely has issues, and they will rub off on you. Beware!

In the OP you wrote how you wanted to help her.

I've been there and done that and it's a trap. It is not your responsibility to help someone, and honestly it's too much burden to be thinking like that. IMO.


Quote:

Hell is being trapped with someone you thought you loved, and wishing you had stayed true to yourself.

Turn and run. Keep improving yourself. Someone will come along with similar life goals.




This is good advice.


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GO OUTSIDE.


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OfflineEDM
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: PDU]
    #18021528 - 03/27/13 10:46 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

:vineclimb: GTFO


Or you will have a kid. No biggy, except you need to put a huge portion of what you make towards the kid. You have to do this for at least 18 years. Who cares? its just 18 years of your life. . EIGHTEEN YEARS of your life. .. Forget any other dreams depending on your income because you now have a HUGE investment. Not ready? Want to do some more things in your life that you have not done yet? Well, you can say fuck it once you have a kid. Whatever your dreams and free life you once thought you could have, are now gone. Have fun. :dawerp:


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Yahweh is lying to you... I will show you the way. Trust me.




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OfflinePDU
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: EDM]
    #18021664 - 03/27/13 11:16 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

The news had a projection of estimated tuition costs for a baby born in 2013: (so in 2031 when they are 18) a 4 year undergrad degree will be $140,000


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: PDU]
    #18023143 - 03/28/13 10:02 AM (10 years, 9 months ago)

For just tuition?  And at what school?  There's a massive difference between schools.


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OfflinePink_Mushroom11
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18023783 - 03/28/13 12:50 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

:confused:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
It's tough. I really feel connected to her and love her a ton, but she just has really bad self esteem issues. She came home from work and I dropped what I was doing and ran to her to hug her and tell her I love her.

Then we sat down and I told her again I'm sorry about the miscarriage and I love her. And I tried to tell her to talk to someone because I just don't understand exactly how bad it must feel. But she said no. Then I asked her if she still likes me and she looked at me with this look of semi-worry. She said, "do you not want to be with me?" I said no no no I love you, I just am worried that I am not what you expected. (Not financially ready for marriage and not mentally ready for a child.)

She ran into the bedroom and hid in the closet. I brought her some ice cream and tried to talk to her, like tell her I'm sorry again about the miscarriage and it must make her feel empty but she just like glared at me almost seemed like hatred.

I told her I don't understand and she said that sometimes I act like I don't love her, or that I seem like if she wasn't there I would be 'ok'

I don't get it. I left her to finish sulking in the closet after she said that "it's just the way you act." She just came out while I am typing this to go to the basement to do laundry. I am a little worried and honestly bewildered as well.

Thanks for the comments. I definitely will avoid cumming in her. Will keep you updated.



I think maybe shes jus a lil immature I mean I have hid in the bathroom and cryed when my husband was a dick but nvr my closet! Idk dude I am a chick and dont get it best advice I got is Dont get her pregnant she needs to grow up a lil bit! Maybe she jus is emotional idk dude! Hope it gets better!:confused:


--------------------
“I am... a mushroom; On whom the dew of heaven drops now and then.”John Ford :mushroom2:


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OfflineFishOilTheKid
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Re: A little worried. Girlfriend wants baby... [Re: Pink_Mushroom11] * 1
    #18023909 - 03/28/13 01:24 PM (10 years, 9 months ago)

She doesn't sound like she's fit to be a mother if that is how she handles her problems.:thumbdown:


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