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 whole9
LOVE ME BITCH
Registered: 04/28/03
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 Should I forgive him? 
#1796959 - 08/09/03 11:34 PM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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OK well basically I just found out that a kinda good friend of mine has been stealing shit from my house. Lets call him Stealer. Stealer has been taking small bills, and a few random objects (headphones, cd's ect.) from my hose for a long time now I guess. I never knew untill yesterday my other really good friend told me he took $8 from my desk cus we were gona go buy a 20 sack to smoke. I was pissed. I connected a few things that happened over the past few months instantly to him. My dads wallet was stolen, mine was too, and random shit has been disapearing. Now this friend is not just a friend, i mean hes a prety good friend. We have had some good times. He bought me a $250 radar detector just for no reason the other week. I think he feels bad, becuase his parents dont give him money at all, and he doesnt have a job. But I just cant forgive him.. he broke my trust. Its fucking over. Or should I forgive him and just watch him with a close eye? But see thats the thing I dont like the idea of having to watch a friend.. Its either 100% or get the fuck out my house kinda thing with me.. Comments would be appreciated..
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zandorf
OTD residentvirginwizard-abstinenceain'teasy
Registered: 05/29/02
Posts: 3,072
Last seen: 20 years, 4 months
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: whole9]
#1796965 - 08/09/03 11:37 PM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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well
confront him about it and see how you feel afterward?
i can't say that's the best advice in the world, but i know that's
what i would do.
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We live in a world where lemonade is made with artificial flavours and furniture polish is made with all natural lemon.
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LikwidDrawp
Dance EnergyConjuror
Registered: 07/10/03
Posts: 873
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: zandorf]
#1796978 - 08/09/03 11:43 PM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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He may have character defects. Look into his personality, can he talk to you about ANYTHING with you feeling comfortable? The only theives that have come around here are no longer here, because they were all simply fucked up in the head. I was shocked when my buddy Johnny stole a 1/5 of my booze. He never showed any signs of dishonor. He was so ashamed he never came back, and I'm sure he knew not to come. To no suprise he has been diagnosed with bi-polar and gets a friggin' check from the government for his little brain disorder.
To forgive, or not to forgive.
I would forgive him, but never trust him again. Trust is a big thing, ya know. I dont trust many, as many are not trustworthy!
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sroc
connect the dots
Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 102
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: whole9]
#1797298 - 08/10/03 02:23 AM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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You should talk to him .Maybe he has a deeper problem .Trust is something special .
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neutralizer
Spiritual beinghaving a Humanexperience
Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 635
Loc: This Planet Earth
Last seen: 17 years, 2 months
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: sroc]
#1797507 - 08/10/03 06:11 AM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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Confronting him in a supportive and understanding way is probably the best course of action. If you don't do that, then I suggest you try to figure out what's going on in his life and to keep a close eye on him, to the point where it is obvious you're watching him to make sure he's not stealing anything - just don't be an ass about it or mean or anything. Kind of let him know you know what has been going on, and that you want to help him.
If he refuses to get help, then after the problem is discussed and he is refusing to get help, then you need to tell him that you feel uncomfortable with his actions and that you feel it he is being unfair in the friendship. How can he expect to be friends with you when he is engaging in self-destructive and destructive in general behavior? Be supportive, but in the end you may have to draw the line for your own safety if he refuses to get help and if the problem doesn't get any better.
Good luck, hope it turns out well.
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There are things known, and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors - Morrison
Edited by neutralizer (08/10/03 06:12 AM)
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Meph
Synesthesiac
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: whole9]
#1798158 - 08/10/03 12:53 PM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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Some people feel the need to steal. I'm pretty sure there's even a mental disorder associated to compulsive stealing.
Before you jump to any conclusions, sit down with him and talk. Give both of you some time. I'm sure you'll figure something out.
He does sound like a good friend. But maybe he just can't help putting a few things in his pockets here and there. Maybe give him another chance, but if he steals again, forget about him.
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I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.
Demonstration: 152.
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 Lazerouth
Drunkard
Registered: 10/15/00
Posts: 1,091
Loc: England
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: Meph]
#1798231 - 08/10/03 01:28 PM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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yeah confront him and if he doesnt give your shit back tell him you forgive him. then just wait till it dies down and steal loadsa shit from his house.
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vampirism
Stranger
 
Registered: 03/14/04
Posts: 8,120
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: whole9]
#1799171 - 08/10/03 06:39 PM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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id forgive him, but def after confronting him
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whole9
LOVE ME BITCH
Registered: 04/28/03
Posts: 3,265
Last seen: 17 years, 11 months
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: ]
#1799526 - 08/10/03 08:32 PM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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already did confront him he said he would pay me back full, but I dont know what else he has stolen from me really... And its hard to guess becuase I dont how many times he got away with it..
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FileSoup
member
Registered: 08/09/03
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: whole9]
#1799654 - 08/10/03 09:19 PM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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This post made me think of a scene in Trainspotting, where the character Mark has two of his friends living with him. Mark says his two friends sit around all day looking for stuff to steal from him.. but he goes on to say something like: They are my mates, what could I do?
I would confront him about it. He will most likely deny it so make sure you have some evidence to back it up and then see what he says. If he gives you a genuine appology then consider staying friends with him. If he basically tells you to go fuck yourself then don't be friends with him anymore.
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tak
geo's henchman
Registered: 11/20/00
Posts: 3,776
Loc: nowhereland
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: FileSoup]
#1799859 - 08/10/03 10:25 PM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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Confront him about atleast the $8 and mention the other stuff, he probably wont do it again. If he tried to lose contact, i would try and talk to him again cause some people get scared and shamed and will leave forever...especially GOOD friends so it could be a big loss to you. People make mistakes, and when they go unnoticed, and they profit from them, its easy to do again till they get caught..its a flaw, but it doesnt sound like hes trying to rob you, he just has a little thief in him, and you letting him know whats up will probably fix the problem. I cant say, its your call, but if you trusted him while he was still doing this and you didnt know about it, you still had reason to trust him. now that its worn thin, you still know where he stands on those other levels. dont give up a good friend because of a mistake like that.
on the other hand some people gotta get the boot cause they will pawn anyting you got for crack money ;]
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The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.
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MrSleep
P. Cubensis
Registered: 04/05/03
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: tak]
#1803673 - 08/11/03 10:23 PM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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Never forgive anyone. That's something I've learned. Don't trust anyone and don't forgive them.
-Mr.Sleep
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whole9
LOVE ME BITCH
Registered: 04/28/03
Posts: 3,265
Last seen: 17 years, 11 months
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: MrSleep]
#1804474 - 08/12/03 02:44 AM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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gawd this is hard. He hasnt called me in weeks. I think he feels like shit, I miss him too. He also just got a job working at an auto place  good for him. Its like his dream job. It would be mine too ;D we both love cars.
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TheHobbit
Pot Head Pixie
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: whole9]
#1808487 - 08/13/03 06:25 AM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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Fuck that assmaster, I let someone stay with me when he had nowhere else to go, and I ended up $700 on the short end of the deal by the time he left, not to mention the $400 i spent on a futon so he'd have a place to sleep. He even changed his mailing address to mine, even though the cops were looking for him for shit! People are best left to take care of their own problems, I wouldn't worry about the fuck.
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st0nedphucker
Rogue State
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Posts: 1,047
Loc: Wales (yes it is a countr...
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: TheHobbit]
#1808495 - 08/13/03 06:36 AM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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I'd forgive him, my mate used to do it a lot even to me, was never anything major mainly weed and money. I think it all starts when they do it for the first time and get away with it.
I think everyone's taken a candy-bar from a shop when they were younger and felt the fear and andrenalin. I think they kinda get hooked on it and start thinking less about the trust they are violating, all my other friends have practically disowned him, he even moved away but I still see him every now again and he's still one of my close friends. Thankfully, he has changed I think he realised it got him nowhere, friends will share anyway...
Stealing is ultimately self-defeating, if you think your friend is a cool guy that has just fucked up then stick with him, sorry to sound cheesy but lead by example.....
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The punishment which the wise suffer, who refuse to take part in government, is to live under the government of worse men.
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neutralizer
Spiritual beinghaving a Humanexperience
Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 635
Loc: This Planet Earth
Last seen: 17 years, 2 months
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Call him up and ask him if he wants to hang out. Just put it behind you and act like it's old times. Just don't put up with it.
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There are things known, and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors - Morrison
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MrSleep
P. Cubensis
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: neutralizer]
#1808796 - 08/13/03 09:42 AM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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I wouldn't have that shit going on at all. I'd tell him to fuck off and I'd find a new friend.
-Mr.Sleep
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shakta
Infidel
Registered: 06/03/03
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Last seen: 19 years, 10 months
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: MrSleep]
#1808931 - 08/13/03 10:35 AM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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Me too. I would kick his ass first though.
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neutralizer
Spiritual beinghaving a Humanexperience
Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 635
Loc: This Planet Earth
Last seen: 17 years, 2 months
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: shakta]
#1808944 - 08/13/03 10:41 AM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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Of course if he still steals from you, you probably wouldn't want to be around him. But if he's got his shit together, what's the problem with being friends again?
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There are things known, and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors - Morrison
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soylent_green
The greatEnitsuj
Registered: 12/11/02
Posts: 765
Loc: Ontario
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: whole9]
#1819462 - 08/16/03 10:09 AM (20 years, 8 months ago) |
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wow that would really piss me off, i say screw him
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What fun is it in Nirvana while other beings are suffering?
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johnB`
Mountaineer
Registered: 10/03/02
Posts: 505
Loc: The Rocky Mountains
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I would casually approach him and say you have had a few things from the house missing and ask if he knows anything about it. That gives him a non-confrontational chance to confess and hopefully apologize.
Thats my two cents, but it ultimately comes down to doing what you feel is best. You know your friend and yourself better than anyone here. My advice is to not hold a grudge. No good comes of it for either party.
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The greatest form has no shape.
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder
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Loc: South Florida 
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Re: Should I forgive him? [Re: whole9]
#1834394 - 08/20/03 04:40 PM (20 years, 7 months ago) |
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If in truth he has been stealing from you, then he is NOT your friend. Friendship (philias) is a form of love that includes trustworthiness in its essence. Good times mean nothing other than pleasurable activity. This can be had from a whore, without any love at all. Fun is not equivalent to love.
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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