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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: evenbreak]
#17969905 - 03/17/13 05:29 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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I think the first thing I would do is stop emotionally investing in someone who treats you in a way they wouldn't want to be treated. What makes this girl so special?
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
Edited by Sheekle (03/17/13 05:29 PM)
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tedthekid
Stranger


Registered: 11/13/11
Posts: 452
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: EllisDSox]
#17969920 - 03/17/13 05:31 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Man, you can't let her treat you like that, and don't hangout with her if she does. That's a pretty fucked up thing to do. I get wanting her still, but you gotta let her know that that's unacceptable. Tell her to fuck off and ignore her
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Anonymous #1
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: evenbreak]
#17969951 - 03/17/13 05:37 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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why would you wanna be with a lady whos been married and has three kids? she sounds a bit out of your league and she likes to play with you because youre sweet to her and theres no strings attached (ie sex, feelings SHE has for you, attraction even maybe).
if i were you in your dating history id find someone more to your type that you arent obsessed with so much before getting intimate. im sorry but the situation from your standpoint it seems kinda like a highschool crush. just talk to more women you find interesting and move on.
also it seems like youre trying to make her feel sorry for you or something by acting the way you have. maybe thats another reason why she hasnt told you to go away. she dont like but shes known you long enough to not wanna hurt you too much.
seems highly complicated id find something better.
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evenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: EllisDSox]
#17970010 - 03/17/13 05:47 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
EllisDSox said:
Quote:
evenbreak said: yes she does.. she used to be married and she has 3 kids.
you know what makes me sad?
The guy who said this woman needs a man who's confident to put her in her place.
I want to be that man, but i'm just a weak little bitch and that's why she walks all over me .
I wasn't saying that as a criticism of your character, I'm just observing that there is a certain type of woman who will mistreat and disrespect anyone who doesn't give them a firm hand. Even if you were a guy that's confident in the way a girl like that wants, it wouldn't make her the girl for you. That someone will mistreat anyone they feel will not retaliate and respect only those who they see as strong isn't the best indication of a good person. If you're the type of guy who just wants to avoid games, be straight up and honest and expects the same of a woman, she's not the girl for you. Don't idolise the girl just because you've wanted her for a long time and be denied. Take her as she is, and see if the real person (rather than your fantasy woman personified) is actually worth a damn.
Quote:
evenbreak said: I don't even know what approach to take the next time I see her. Do I show my vulnerability again, or do I harden myself and straight up tell her that she's really messing me up and we can't talk anymore?
You can't fake it, one way or another. If you have the confidence, just ask her straight up whether she's interested or not, make it clear you're fine either way, and that you'd rather drop contact entirely than play games.
Quote:
I don't know if it's as simple as completely cutting her off and moving on. We're coworkers too... and i'd like to maintain friendly relations with her without dying inside every time I see her.
Didn't see that post before I made mine. If cutting contact isn't an option, just amend what I said above to basically state "friends or something more, but no fucking around in between".
i straight up told her that I won't hold it against her if she's not attracted to me. She just said "who said i wasn't attracted to you? i never said that."
you know, now that I thought about it, she didn't say "I'm attracted to you." She kind of dodged the question.
obviously you guys have no emotional investment in this woman so it's easy for you to tell me to cut off contact with her or tell her to fuck off. It's not that simple for me.
So I guess all signs point to her being of a higher social status than me? Out of my league? I even told her that. I told her I don't think i'm her type and she's not attracted to me, and she proceeded to list all my good qualities and say that's not true. That's what makes this hurt so much more. She seriously lied to my face like that, about something so personal?
yeah, i've never been a cutter but i'm getting thoughts.
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evenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: evenbreak]
#17970055 - 03/17/13 05:55 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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alright, listen. Maybe i'm blowing this up in my head, please give me opinions on what actually happened.
The guy asks her if she wants a massage. She says yes, she's very sore. We work a physical job.
He massages her and they talk softly. She moans and giggles and makes sexual noises. She keeps looking at me and saying my name while I awkwardly try to focus on the TV. She acknowledges that I'm jealous, and reaches her hand out to me, offering to hold my hand. I'm way too hurt at this point to do anything but brush her off.
15 minutes of massaging later, she asks if I want her to massage me. I say no. I'm very cold to her at this point, and people can tell. Whenever she says my name or looks at me and smiles while being massaged, the guy massaging her is looking at me too and i just feel fucking pathetic. But I try my best to not show it and keep a poker face. The only thing that gave away my hurt feelings was how quiet and stoic I was, because if it didn't bother me i would just be cracking jokes about it or smiling about it.
Maybe she's just saying my name to reassure me that she still likes me and just wants a massage?
Afterwards, I cold shoulder her for a bit and talk to some other girl and she starts acting jealous and asking why I'm talking to her. We start working, and she calls me out for acting cold. I walk up to her as she's calling me out and I give her a tight hug. I felt her lips on my neck, she says i smell good, and we start flirting again.
But later that night, when we clocked out, she didn't even say goodbye or walk with me to the car. It's a long walk, 10 minutes. She walked with another guy in front of me while talking to him, staring at him, and twirling her hair flirtily. Normally she gives me tons of attention and I would think if we're going on a date in 4 days she would at least want to walk with me to her car...
So those are the 2 incidents that happened yesterday that got me so worked up. Am I taking this out of proportions?
Edited by evenbreak (03/17/13 06:06 PM)
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Anonymous #1
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: evenbreak]
#17970135 - 03/17/13 06:08 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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dude its not complicated. women love attention. thats her whole reason for messing with your head im sure.
and you told her youre out of her league? pity is not how you get women to like you. itd be one thing if your lady cheated on you and you confided or your mom died or something but you dont just play that card 24/7.
you need to start not giving a fuck so much and date. maybe find a different job if its affecting you working around her. all i can say the hole things a bit ridiculous.
best of luck and remember shit can always be worse. least you got a job and some independence and freedom.
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Intelligentxfruit
Earth Hippy


Registered: 01/06/13
Posts: 1,545
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: evenbreak] 2
#17970166 - 03/17/13 06:14 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Dude 100% honesty and not trying to be a dick but you probably turned her off with your huge lack of confidence and jealously. Those two things are incredibly big turn offs to women man. they are warnings signs of an insecure person and a window into what future problems could occur if you guys starting dating regularly.
I haven't commented on this post but I've read it and honestly I think you need to relax a bit, your clearly over analyzing and over indulged in the idea of you two being together.
I think they way you begged her to deny you was a huge mistake as well as giving her a "speech" and this incident you just described sounds like mistake number 3 and a sure sign to her your not confident and the jealous type.
I think you need to take a step back, relax a bit and not worry if things work out with this girl. You need to stop caring about being with her to help you not over think things. This hopefully will let you be laid back, easy going, and confident. Things she will find attractive and a way to redeem yourself a bit.
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#17970182 - 03/17/13 06:16 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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It is of my opinion that "leagues" don't exist really
I've never understood that whole thing, I don't think either of you or better or worse than the other
I dunno what to make of all this shit but i duno just thought i'd throw that out there for you to work with
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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Anonymous #2
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: evenbreak]
#17970213 - 03/17/13 06:22 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
evenbreak said: Am I taking this out of proportions?
Yes, you sound a lot like I did about a year ago
You sound very serious about this whole thing, while the girl sounds like more of a "social butterfly" type of person who just dates whoever does this blah blah
You're more romantic, she isn't
Stop putting so much emotions into one single person in lief, the wisdom of life's experiences will teach you that is an error
Edited by Anonymous (03/17/13 06:26 PM)
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Anonymous #1
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: Sheekle]
#17970239 - 03/17/13 06:26 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sheekle said: It is of my opinion that "leagues" don't exist really
I've never understood that whole thing, I don't think either of you or better or worse than the other
I dunno what to make of all this shit but i duno just thought i'd throw that out there for you to work with
thats not what it means. it refers to experience sexually, dating or relationship wise. also looks can play a factor. so not so much about whos better just the fact that you or them are not on the same level of thinking or being.
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mpd
Lammen Gorthaur



Registered: 10/22/12
Posts: 9,660
Loc: Mostly at home... Mostly....
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#17970294 - 03/17/13 06:36 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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I dunno, OP. I think this has disaster written all over it. Sometimes when the sign says, "No Trespassing" it is really a safety issue. Think this over carefully, please. No sense in getting hurt here.
-------------------- There is no truer calling for mankind than that of true conservatism.
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evenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: mpd]
#17971124 - 03/17/13 09:43 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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ok well I can't stop thinking about her and if she calls me tuesday I'll feel like a dumbass to brush her off. We were going to watch a movie. Should I just take her to starbucks and spend an hour arguing with each other about our emotions before I tell her that I can't talk to her anymore?
You know what fucking kills me if I cut off contact with her?
First she amps up the flirtiness 10x. Then if I keep brushing her off, she starts ignoring me while pouting and looking sad, while still being polite to me and helping me out with my work. It makes me feel like I'm a mean and bad person and she's the victim. It's so fucking stupid because I know I'm ignoring her to protect my emotions, but her tricks always wear me down and I give in and initiate contact again.
she's really really good at playing me. no matter what I try.
someone rip my heart out.
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Intelligentxfruit
Earth Hippy


Registered: 01/06/13
Posts: 1,545
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: evenbreak]
#17971158 - 03/17/13 09:48 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Im sorry dude but how old are you?
Either go on a date with her with confidence, if it doesn't work out then deal with it. Or just be a co-worker who gets along with her and doesn't have feelings. its simple. some girls like to flirt, hell i like to flirt, i do it with all the coffee chicks a beaners everytime I go there. doesn't mean Im going to ask them on a date
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Forestdie
303% Acid

Registered: 12/03/12
Posts: 62
Loc: Canadian Polar Bear
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: Intelligentxfruit]
#17974491 - 03/18/13 02:35 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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First of all, why the hell would you even chase after a woman that was already married and has THREE FUCKING KIDS. Add to that, she's a total fucking manipulative bitch and I would stay the fuck away from her. You're bound to keep getting hurt by this woman...
-------------------- A life of drugs is a life of drugs is a life of drugs is a life of drugs....
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mpd
Lammen Gorthaur



Registered: 10/22/12
Posts: 9,660
Loc: Mostly at home... Mostly....
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: Forestdie]
#17974969 - 03/18/13 04:15 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Forestdie said: First of all, why the hell would you even chase after a woman that was already married and has THREE FUCKING KIDS. Add to that, she's a total fucking manipulative bitch and I would stay the fuck away from her. You're bound to keep getting hurt by this woman...
Mrs. MPD had FOUR kids when I met her. That was 29 years ago and now we have 6 kids and 11 grandkids. Crazy, right?
-------------------- There is no truer calling for mankind than that of true conservatism.
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shimishimiman
Jaded Optimist


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Last seen: 1 month, 26 days
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: mpd]
#17975140 - 03/18/13 04:45 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Damn OP...
I'm sorry you have gotten yourself in this type of situation. It truly is a difficult one to get out of, especially if you have allowed yourself to become so emotionally invested in it.
Don't lose hope though. There is really only 1 way for you to guarantee that you do not end up feeling like a chump over this:
Lose the emotional attachment.
The second you stop giving a fuck about how much she likes attention from other males, the likelier you are to have a fun time with this chick.
I'm sure it sounds extremely difficult, but you really have to become detached from all the expectations you have created in your mind about her. She is a single woman with children, I imagine this makes her very insecure. The last thing she wants around her is someone to make her feel even MORE insecure than she probably already does.
Don't act like a bitch and go have some fun with her. That's the whole point is to go have some fun.
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evenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: shimishimiman]
#17976728 - 03/18/13 09:39 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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she says she's extremely confident. She says guys hit on her all the time and i can tell she loves it. It validates her. She has high standards for guys, she says, and expects them to treat her really really well. A lot of ego in her... I don't think she's insecure at all.
Tomorrow is the moment of truth, if she even calls me or not.
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pachoo
Witchakookoo



Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 7,135
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: evenbreak]
#17976857 - 03/18/13 10:06 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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honestly i would call that insecure. having a man validate your worth. she sounds like she's good at playing a part. also reminds me of the cat in heat from south park.
i don't like the fact that she had some guy rub on her and enjoying it while trying to hold your hand. it kinda seems like she's telling you that she can get any guy and you're not important enough. if a guy i digged was with me and some other dude offered a massage, i'd say i would want one from the guy i digged. although it could be to see how much you could buck up to her.
i think she doesn't know what to do with how emotional you are, how she could be, and how dependent you already are with her. you need to back up. and honestly i was thinking you should ignore the whole thing with the massage, i know this will be really hard but totally act like it didn't even matter in the end. if she wants to do that. that's her thing. whatever. if she keeps doing it. chuck her.
things might change after the date, but like everyone said. have fun. that's it. stop being so up her butt or i'll smack you. you keep telling her about how she probably doesn't like this or that about YOU. you need to tell you that SHE'S probably not YOUR type. stop making yourself feel so goddamn unimportant.
man you gotta check yo self before you wreck yo self. focus on your own worth. you are what you have to live with. learn to love it.
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Kukaracha
Cat wannabe


Registered: 12/18/08
Posts: 1,682
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: evenbreak]
#17981043 - 03/19/13 07:13 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
evenbreak said: i straight up told her that I won't hold it against her if she's not attracted to me. She just said "who said i wasn't attracted to you? i never said that."
you know, now that I thought about it, she didn't say "I'm attracted to you." She kind of dodged the question.
obviously you guys have no emotional investment in this woman so it's easy for you to tell me to cut off contact with her or tell her to fuck off. It's not that simple for me.
So I guess all signs point to her being of a higher social status than me? Out of my league? I even told her that. I told her I don't think i'm her type and she's not attracted to me, and she proceeded to list all my good qualities and say that's not true. That's what makes this hurt so much more. She seriously lied to my face like that, about something so personal?
yeah, i've never been a cutter but i'm getting thoughts.
What the hell, you couldv'e just gone ahead and asked her if you were a pathetic bitch. Never diminish yourself in front of a girl. I'd also say, don't belittle yourself in front of someone at all.
If you want this, you'll need to step up, not physically, or intellectually - just being more confident. Easier said than done but the problem isn't really being confident, but LOOKING confident. You said yourself that you believe she's a confident woman. But maybe she's not? She just looks that way. Appearance is the key, at least in this game. In the general game of life, that's another story...
In short, step up, don't whine, if you felt disrespected simply tell her so, don't apologize or fall on your knees or beg for another date.
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evenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
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Re: my coworker that ive crushed on for 2 years said yes. [Re: Kukaracha]
#17981287 - 03/19/13 08:15 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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lol she didn't even fucking call. fuck. I remember saying to her that I bet she won't even call, all the signs pointed to her not calling, and she swears that she'll call me.
The truth all comes out. Every single word she said about liking me was all just a lie. She just wanted attention, and she'll do whatever it takes to get attention even if it means hurting someone she supposedly cares about. She really just doesn't give a fuck about me as a person, does she?
Every time i think about her, i'm going to hurt myself somehow. I'd rather die than have feelings for a woman like this.
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