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Offlinestardust_lucey
Stranger
Registered: 03/06/13
Posts: 4
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore
    #17912321 - 03/06/13 08:52 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Hi everybody,

First I have to say...this is not something I thought I would ever have to post or even think about! :frown: This is my first post here.

My boyfriend and I live together and have been together for about a year and a half.  We have been very close and have had a healthy relationship all along.  We were a very physical, sexually intimate couple; we had sex at least once a day for the most part and we were very good together--the best either of us had ever had, thrilling, exciting, adventuresome.  We watched porn together, tried new positions regularly, weren't afraid to explore things with the other person and always finding new ways to pleasure each other.

On Saturday night my boyfriend woke me up having what seemed like a panic attack.  He was raving, speaking loudly and quickly at first, and then shouting.  He said he could not do this anymore...could not have sex with me anymore.  He said God had appeared to him and told him that it was wrong because he is still legally married to another woman (but they have been legally separated since before we got together, just never had the money for the divorce), and that if he has sex with me before his divorce is final, his soul will be damned to hell. 

I had known of his legally married status, of course, but I always said it didn't bother me because it had nothing to do with me.  They hadn't been together for a long time before I came into the picture.  I did know my boyfriend is a very religious, spiritual person, but he had usually seemed at peace and extremely happy with the way things were between us.  (I say usually because we did have a discussion last year about the possibility of not having sex until he was divorced, but he looked into it and determined that he truly couldn't afford it, and made his peace with it somehow.)

But now suddenly I am told we are not going to have a physical relationship until this legal business is taken care of.  I have no choice.  I basically feel like he has dumped me...he has, right? He doesn't see it that way somehow, he still sees us as together, but he literally won't touch me for the most part, definitely won't kiss me or share a bed with me.

I feel obligated to let him stay with me for now because he is on disability and can't afford to live on his own.  But I feel that our relationship is basically over.  How am I supposed to live sex-free as friends/roommates for likely several months or more, then suddenly go back to the level of intimacy, trust, physical enjoyment etc. that we shared?

I am heartbroken and just don't know what to do.  I realize there are people who will judge about the whole marriage thing...but that's not what's important to me.  I've been married and am divorced.  I respect the institution but if you're legally separated and just can't afford the process, I don't see a problem being with other people.

I would welcome any thoughts, words of encouragement, suggestions to kick his ass to the curb, advice on how to come back to each other someday (I am not religious but respect his belief in God and haven't even considered attempting to seduce him into changing his mind)...anything would be helpful to hear! Even haters would be good, I can use a laugh. :wink:  I haven't been able to tell any of my friends or family yet, I feel like if we ever did get back together no one would trust him in the future.  I'm not even sure I can.

Stardust Lucey


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Offlinebroken
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: stardust_lucey]
    #17912356 - 03/06/13 09:04 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

DSHSB :shrug:


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:willynilly:


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Offlineqman
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Registered: 12/06/06
Posts: 34,927
Last seen: 1 day, 6 hours
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: broken] * 12
    #17912395 - 03/06/13 09:17 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

1. Married

2. No money

3. On disability

4. No sex

5. Very religious

I think you need a better selection process in the future.


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OfflineAlmond Flour
...get off my lawn!
Male


Registered: 12/26/08
Posts: 11,340
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: qman]
    #17912429 - 03/06/13 09:30 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Be sure to tell him the bible does not recognize divorce in Gods eyes. As a Lutheran im not saying these things dont happen....unfortunately, but Christ never recognized the whole "Legal Marriage" bullshit. When someone is married its in gods eyes forever, and another reason for why we need grace through him.

Tell him not to stress. If his moral compass is THAT up in arms about this issue then he should be getting back with his "Legal wife". But assuming he is Christian, just because a marriage is legally valid or void doesnt take away the sin none the less :shrug:

Im sorry hes freaking out about this, and hes obviously confused about the workings of God and the Bible, but if he feels this strongly about it your relationship will definitely go through some trying times :sad: He obviously feels guilty about being with you while still married to his X.

Matthew 5:31-32

"And it was said, 'Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce'; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.


Luke 16:18

"Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.




Truth be told the fact that you are an unbeliever and he is with you seems kind of silly if he is THAT up in arms about his faith and the validity of your relationship. The bible doesnt even smile on you two being together :eek: (married or not :lol:)

I guess what im saying is.....why he is choosing to freak out about this one particular sin when hes committing a fuck ton of others is beyond me. :strokebeard: Not to mention we are caught in a constant cycle of sins no matter WHAT we do (hence needing Christ to save us). Even if he wasnt with you and was with his wife he would be commiting adultery

Matthew 5:28
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.


We are all fucked :onfire:


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


Edited by Almond Flour (03/06/13 09:50 AM)


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Invisiblememes
Blessed


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Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: qman]
    #17912438 - 03/06/13 09:34 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

qman said:
1. Married

2. No money

3. On disability

4. No sex

5. Very religious

I think you need a better selection process in the future.




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Invisibleeyedea
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Registered: 09/24/09
Posts: 563
Loc: The Central Scrutinizer
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: memes]
    #17912447 - 03/06/13 09:40 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

I feel like if there is a god.. he's not much for legal stuff.. probably a bit beyond that. As long as his heart is in the right place I'd think hes alright. But then again he is known to be the Alsmitey Smiter.


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OfflineThe5thElement
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Registered: 07/01/12
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: memes]
    #17912459 - 03/06/13 09:43 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Tell him what you have told us. If he really cares about you he'll smarten up and realize he's going to lose you for what I think is a silly reason.

If you tell him exactly how you feel, and that your really unhappy with this decision( I would be as well) and he's still not willing to touch you I'd say get rid of him. It's a crappy situation to be in, but I don't think he's being very fair to you.


Woops wrote unfair when I meant to write fair.

He's being unfair to you! :lol:


Edited by The5thElement (03/06/13 02:07 PM)


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,670
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Almond Flour]
    #17912553 - 03/06/13 10:08 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Almond Flour said:
Be sure to tell him the bible does not recognize divorce in Gods eyes.
[...snip...]
if he feels this strongly about it your relationship will definitely go through some trying times



:lol: so first you are implying that the previous marriage cannot be over because God wouldn't recognize the concept of a divorce, and then you're telling this lady that her relationship is going through 'trying times'. Trying times indeed, if his marriage isn't over, but this supposedly adulterous relationship isn't either :thatsrich:

The reason why Christians get so screwed up about these things is because the rules they so badly want to live by are (1) largely incompatible with human nature and (2) inconsistent to begin with.

Anyway, stardust_lucey, sounds like you're stint with this man is over. If he thinks your relationship is a sin and it is such a huge issue, then I'd simply kick him onto the curb. Too bad about the lack of funds and the disability; he should have thought about that when he moved in with you and subsequently failed to improve his situation. Sounds harsh, but I think it's important to protect yourself from being taken advantage of at this point.

Also, interestingly, a friend of mine went through a similar thing. They had been together for multiple years, but a little while after they set up shop together, the guy suddenly went all Christo-zealot on her and declared that there would be no more sex before marriage. Within a year they had separated. He's married to some Eastern European religious girl now, while she's enjoying the fuck out of a life filled with liberty and debauchery :datass:


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 5 days
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: qman] * 1
    #17912619 - 03/06/13 10:33 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

qman said:
1. Married

2. No money

3. On disability

4. No sex

5. Very religious

I think you need a better selection process in the future.




Damn one of the few times I actually agree with gman :lol:


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OfflineHeadTripVertigo
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Crystal G]
    #17912641 - 03/06/13 10:40 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

jesus fuck this thread got christy as fuck really quick outb4fuckyou


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TACOS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER


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InvisibleLynnch
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Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: koraks]
    #17912652 - 03/06/13 10:42 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Wow. This guy is either a total lunatic, or he's fucking somebody else. GOD came to HIM and TOLD him that he would go to HELL... wow :facepalm: I usually don't have a problem with religion, but it's shit like this that ugh :nonono:

I guess you could play his bullshit religious games and tell him god is forgiving and to fucking relax and take care of his divorce... But expect more prophetic religious epiphanies in the future...


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Offlineqman
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Registered: 12/06/06
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Crystal G]
    #17912735 - 03/06/13 11:06 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
Quote:

qman said:
1. Married

2. No money

3. On disability

4. No sex

5. Very religious

I think you need a better selection process in the future.




Damn one of the few times I actually agree with gman :lol:




Oh come on Crystal, we agree on 99% of the stuff we don't discuss, it's just the 1% we have different perspectives.  :cool:


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OfflineAlmond Flour
...get off my lawn!
Male


Registered: 12/26/08
Posts: 11,340
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Lynnch]
    #17912927 - 03/06/13 11:56 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Lynnch said:
Wow. This guy is either a total lunatic, or he's fucking somebody else. GOD came to HIM and TOLD him that he would go to HELL... wow :facepalm: I usually don't have a problem with religion, but it's shit like this that ugh :nonono:

I guess you could play his bullshit religious games and tell him god is forgiving and to fucking relax and take care of his divorce... But expect more prophetic religious epiphanies in the future...



:rofl:


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


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Offlinestardust_lucey
Stranger
Registered: 03/06/13
Posts: 4
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Almond Flour]
    #17913151 - 03/06/13 12:46 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Thanks, everybody, for your replies.  The funny ones gave me a laugh, the serious ones gave me stuff to think about, and that first one (that is just 5 capital letters) is in some internet-code that I don't understand.  All just what I had been hoping for and needed to hear!

Would still love to hear others' opinions as well.  I guess I forgot to add (and am laughing at myself a little for forgetting) that aside from fucking all the time, we were also very much in love. (Aww.)  I can't stand the thought of just letting everything we had go.  But it's hard because I feel like he already did.

Also, I just had to say this! If he's fucking somebody else, he deserves a medal for secrecy! Considering I work from home and he's disabled...bleh, that would actually almost be easier to handle, at least then I would know what to do!

Stardust Lucey


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Invisibleeyedea
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Posts: 563
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: stardust_lucey]
    #17913309 - 03/06/13 01:18 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

stardust_lucey said:
and that first one (that is just 5 capital letters) is in some internet-code that I don't understand. 




You aren't missing out on anything important I assure you.


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InvisibleSham87
mashAllah
Male

Registered: 05/16/11
Posts: 9,815
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: eyedea]
    #17913347 - 03/06/13 01:24 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Well we need to see a picture of yourself for us to dictate the appropriate response to your dilemma.

Aside from that, have you given it any thought that he might be back with his ex-wife? Something to consider.

Gawd I love your name username,  :sexymeow:


--------------------
:mushroom2::sun::crazy2::leaf:




...once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest places if you look at it right...



:feelsgoatman:


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Anonymous #1

Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: stardust_lucey]
    #17913349 - 03/06/13 01:24 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Give him Viagra maybe, it will get him in the mood and he won't be able to resist.


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Invisibleeyedea
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #17913379 - 03/06/13 01:30 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Give him Viagra MDMA maybe, it will get him in the mood and he won't be able to resist.




fixed


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: eyedea]
    #17913401 - 03/06/13 01:33 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

How are you going to get him to take it? Slip it in his drink? I like the way you think, Shroomery. :lol:


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Offlinewithoutawire
hi
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Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 11,384
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: qman]
    #17913474 - 03/06/13 01:48 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

qman said:
1. Married

2. No money

3. On disability

4. No sex

5. Very religious

I think you need a better selection process in the future.




--------------------
:tigerbunny:


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Offlinempd
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: withoutawire]
    #17913548 - 03/06/13 02:07 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Am I the only one who smells a whiff of an underlying mental disorder on his part?  I think he needs some therapy.  God speaks to me too, but God doesn't judge people, so I am thinking there might be something else going on here.


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There is no truer calling for mankind than that of true conservatism.


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OfflineEDM
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Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 856
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: mpd]
    #17915835 - 03/06/13 09:05 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

He was suppose to pay for his wife and he is not allowed to divorce.


Deuteronomy 22:29
Quote:

Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the young woman's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he has violated her, he may not put her away all his days.






This guy seems a little :crazy2:

I could only imagine if I was with a loved one and they pulled that, It would be incredibly hard for me to realize how stupid and immature my partner was.


--------------------
Yahweh is lying to you... I will show you the way. Trust me.




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OfflineAlmond Flour
...get off my lawn!
Male


Registered: 12/26/08
Posts: 11,340
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: EDM]
    #17915919 - 03/06/13 09:21 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

EDM said:
He was suppose to pay for his wife and he is not allowed to divorce.


Deuteronomy 22:29
Quote:

Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the young woman's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he has violated her, he may not put her away all his days.






This guy seems a little :crazy2:

I could only imagine if I was with a loved one and they pulled that, It would be incredibly hard for me to realize how stupid and immature my partner was.




Come on, you guys never had a drug trip, or some profound experience that made you suddenly wanna change/stop certain behaviors you deemed inappropriate towards your well being?

We can take pot shots at the good book all day long, but the fact remains this guy obviously had some profound dream or realization of the sort. To act like hes any more nuts than you guys is the real childish move.


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


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OfflineEDM
Stranger


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 856
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Almond Flour]
    #17915994 - 03/06/13 09:35 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

You actually have a real good point man. I have had profound drug experiences that have changed some of my views. However, none of these views led me to believe in mythical type stuff,  or that someone is talking to me (even though no one else can hear it).


Revelation 12:3
Quote:

And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads.





Just saying, I think his justification for not even touching her is a bit ridiculous. "Ohhh boo hoo I am still married, OHHHH the sacrilege of marriage! Oh how horrible. My dreams told me that it is bad and that I should stop such a filthy act!"

"Even though I have not been with my EX for awhile and care about this person who also cares about me, I am going to be a selfish prick and risk such a relationship because I might be slightly insane"..

lol.


--------------------
Yahweh is lying to you... I will show you the way. Trust me.




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OfflineEDM
Stranger


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 856
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: EDM]
    #17916010 - 03/06/13 09:39 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

The bible set aside, what is the reason for him doing this to his girlfriend? Oh, its the bible. That is kind of the point I am trying to make and it seems a bit crazy only because he has been cool up to this point.


--------------------
Yahweh is lying to you... I will show you the way. Trust me.




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OfflineAlmond Flour
...get off my lawn!
Male


Registered: 12/26/08
Posts: 11,340
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: EDM]
    #17916026 - 03/06/13 09:41 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

EDM said:
The bible set aside, what is the reason for him doing this to his girlfriend? Oh, its the bible. That is kind of the point I am trying to make and it seems a bit crazy only because he has been cool up to this point.




Nothing wrong with the good book my friend. Just BELIEVE  :Awemazing:


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Male


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: qman]
    #17916042 - 03/06/13 09:44 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

qman said:
1. Married

2. No money

3. On disability

4. No sex

5. Very religious

I think you need a better selection process in the future.




So he starts off as an : A

1. Dropped to B
2. Dropped to C
3. Dropped to D
4. Dropped to F
5. Dropped to short bus


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OfflineAlmond Flour
...get off my lawn!
Male


Registered: 12/26/08
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Repertoire89]
    #17916051 - 03/06/13 09:45 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Repertoire89 said:
Quote:

qman said:
1. Married

2. No money

3. On disability

4. No sex

5. Very religious

I think you need a better selection process in the future.




So he starts off as an : A

1. Dropped to B
2. Dropped to C
3. Dropped to D
4. Dropped to F
5. Dropped to short bus



:lol:


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


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InvisibleLynnch
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Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Almond Flour]
    #17916126 - 03/06/13 09:59 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Almond Flour said:
an take pot shots at the good book all day long, but the fact remains this guy obviously had some profound dream or realization of the sort. To act like hes any more nuts than you guys is the real childish move.



Sorry, but no.
Its one thing if he woke up one morning and sat his gf down and said "You know, I've been studying the bible a lot and doing some thinking, and last night I had a dream that made me realize this isn't the best choice for me..."
Its a totally different thing to wake up in the middle of the night yelling about how god told him he is going to send him to hell if he touches his girlfriend. That's one step away from waking up yelling about how god told him he is the angel of death and it's time to start offing neighbors.


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OfflineAlmond Flour
...get off my lawn!
Male


Registered: 12/26/08
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Lynnch]
    #17916250 - 03/06/13 10:19 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Lynnch said:
Quote:

Almond Flour said:
an take pot shots at the good book all day long, but the fact remains this guy obviously had some profound dream or realization of the sort. To act like hes any more nuts than you guys is the real childish move.



Sorry, but no.
Its one thing if he woke up one morning and sat his gf down and said "You know, I've been studying the bible a lot and doing some thinking, and last night I had a dream that made me realize this isn't the best choice for me..."
Its a totally different thing to wake up in the middle of the night yelling about how god told him he is going to send him to hell if he touches his girlfriend. That's one step away from waking up yelling about how god told him he is the angel of death and it's time to start offing neighbors.



:strokebeard: you actually make a GREAT point :pokerawe:


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


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OfflineEDM
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Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Almond Flour] * 3
    #17916283 - 03/06/13 10:25 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

A year from now, Almond Flour is no longer religious.


:wellholyshit:


--------------------
Yahweh is lying to you... I will show you the way. Trust me.




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OfflineAlmond Flour
...get off my lawn!
Male


Registered: 12/26/08
Posts: 11,340
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: EDM]
    #17916296 - 03/06/13 10:28 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

EDM said:
A year from now, Almond Flour is no longer religious.


:wellholyshit:




Ill never lose my faith. But am fully capable of handling a well put fourth argument, and can even see the psychosis within my own beliefs (and the Religion in general). :shrug:


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


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OfflineEDM
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Registered: 10/04/12
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Almond Flour]
    #17916391 - 03/06/13 10:45 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Well you really cannot explain dragons, Noah's Ark, a talking snake. ..

Good for you though that you will stick to your beliefs. I once did the same until I realized that the book I was following was more science fiction then reality.

Never make permanent decisions off of temporarily feelings.
Once you get rid of the idea of a hell, and not going to heaven, it is incredibly easy to forget a 2000 year old book.

Then again you say you will never lose your faith, so even if you are presented with something that makes more sense then your own beliefs, you will still stick to those beliefs.


--------------------
Yahweh is lying to you... I will show you the way. Trust me.




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Invisiblemetalfaith
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Re: My boyfriend [quote][b][i]EDM said:[/i][/b] Well you really cannotwon't have sex with me anymore [Re: EDM]
    #17916620 - 03/06/13 11:21 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Has no one come to the conclusion that he has thought this all along but the short-lived pleasure had him in denial? I mean prodigal son anyone?

Assuming g-d did not talk to him(which I do think is a viable option, though I would approach it with extreme skepticism), isn't he just retorting to a previous standpoint you previously discussed?

This place is so biased it's ridiculous. Once you mention the word 'god' you automatically have set a good majority of the community against you(or him in this case). If you just said that he wasn't in the mood, I feel most here would say that that kind of thing happens and to be compassionate and give him time. Nevertheless, I think you should establish some firm guidelines as to what needs to happen for your physical relationship to be reestablished and make a rational decision on whether he is someone you'd like to be with.

That being said, I would expect these types of things to be repeated in due time.


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Offlinepronto
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: metalfaith]
    #17916734 - 03/06/13 11:50 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

is he a porn addict?
many people are facing that trouble

maybe you should check his history to make sure


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Offlinesirbojangles
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: stardust_lucey]
    #17917316 - 03/07/13 05:27 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

stardust_lucey said:
Hi everybody,

First I have to say...this is not something I thought I would ever have to post or even think about! :frown: This is my first post here.

My boyfriend and I live together and have been together for about a year and a half.  We have been very close and have had a healthy relationship all along.  We were a very physical, sexually intimate couple; we had sex at least once a day for the most part and we were very good together--the best either of us had ever had, thrilling, exciting, adventuresome.  We watched porn together, tried new positions regularly, weren't afraid to explore things with the other person and always finding new ways to pleasure each other.

On Saturday night my boyfriend woke me up having what seemed like a panic attack.  He was raving, speaking loudly and quickly at first, and then shouting.  He said he could not do this anymore...could not have sex with me anymore.  He said God had appeared to him and told him that it was wrong because he is still legally married to another woman (but they have been legally separated since before we got together, just never had the money for the divorce), and that if he has sex with me before his divorce is final, his soul will be damned to hell. 

I had known of his legally married status, of course, but I always said it didn't bother me because it had nothing to do with me.  They hadn't been together for a long time before I came into the picture.  I did know my boyfriend is a very religious, spiritual person, but he had usually seemed at peace and extremely happy with the way things were between us.  (I say usually because we did have a discussion last year about the possibility of not having sex until he was divorced, but he looked into it and determined that he truly couldn't afford it, and made his peace with it somehow.)

But now suddenly I am told we are not going to have a physical relationship until this legal business is taken care of.  I have no choice.  I basically feel like he has dumped me...he has, right? He doesn't see it that way somehow, he still sees us as together, but he literally won't touch me for the most part, definitely won't kiss me or share a bed with me.

I feel obligated to let him stay with me for now because he is on disability and can't afford to live on his own.  But I feel that our relationship is basically over.  How am I supposed to live sex-free as friends/roommates for likely several months or more, then suddenly go back to the level of intimacy, trust, physical enjoyment etc. that we shared?

I am heartbroken and just don't know what to do.  I realize there are people who will judge about the whole marriage thing...but that's not what's important to me.  I've been married and am divorced.  I respect the institution but if you're legally separated and just can't afford the process, I don't see a problem being with other people.

I would welcome any thoughts, words of encouragement, suggestions to kick his ass to the curb, advice on how to come back to each other someday (I am not religious but respect his belief in God and haven't even considered attempting to seduce him into changing his mind)...anything would be helpful to hear! Even haters would be good, I can use a laugh. :wink:  I haven't been able to tell any of my friends or family yet, I feel like if we ever did get back together no one would trust him in the future.  I'm not even sure I can.

Stardust Lucey




break up with this whack job and stop listening to the zealots on this thread. dont you see how religion STARTED this problem? this guy sounds absolutely crazy. get out before its too late.


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OfflineAlmond Flour
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: sirbojangles]
    #17917594 - 03/07/13 08:27 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Come on assholes :strokebeard2: there are lots of badass religious folks out there.

Just look at me :datass: Everyone loves me!


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


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Invisibleshroom-a-zoom
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Almond Flour]
    #17917648 - 03/07/13 08:42 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

OP, I have a couple things to say about all of this.
Look into a pro se' divorce. I got one years ago and it was very cheap. You basically do all of the work but you dont have to pay the lawyers to do it for you.
Next, if you truly love him, you should be ok with his decision as long as you trust that he is not cheating on you or has alterior motives.
Personally, when I started reading this post, it stunk of cheating on his part. I hope, for your sake, that is not the case but, keep your eyes wide open. 
Anyway, that is :2cents:
I hope this works out for the best for you.
Good luck.


--------------------
How it should & shouldn't look - NEW CULTIVATORS GUIDE

:imo:Lets get rid of the SWIM shit, This also goes for my dog, someones pet ferret, and any other way of saying you are not really you.
Its bullshit and we all know it. Man up and admit you are the SWIM.:2cents:


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OfflineAlmond Flour
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: shroom-a-zoom]
    #17917805 - 03/07/13 09:27 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

shroom-a-zoom said:
OP, I have a couple things to say about all of this.
Look into a pro se' divorce. I got one years ago and it was very cheap. You basically do all of the work but you dont have to pay the lawyers to do it for you.
Next, if you truly love him, you should be ok with his decision as long as you trust that he is not cheating on you or has alterior motives.
Personally, when I started reading this post, it stunk of cheating on his part. I hope, for your sake, that is not the case but, keep your eyes wide open. 
Anyway, that is :2cents:
I hope this works out for the best for you.
Good luck.



I agree with mild psychosis more than cheating. :bored:


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: shroom-a-zoom]
    #17917856 - 03/07/13 09:38 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Religious feelings aside, if my significant other wakes me up in the middle of the night, yelling about not wanting to have sex with me any more, uh, i'm going to reconsider the relationship. And tell them to take their meds.

I first brought up cheating because it seemed like a possible excuse, or lie to cover his tracks - "Naw honey, it's not that im seeing another woman, its god, thats why im leaving you..."  But I doubt it.


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Invisibleshroom-a-zoom
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Lynnch]
    #17917906 - 03/07/13 09:51 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

I brought it up because I have seen it too many times. I didnt say it was the case, but a thought.


--------------------
How it should & shouldn't look - NEW CULTIVATORS GUIDE

:imo:Lets get rid of the SWIM shit, This also goes for my dog, someones pet ferret, and any other way of saying you are not really you.
Its bullshit and we all know it. Man up and admit you are the SWIM.:2cents:


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OfflineAlmond Flour
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: shroom-a-zoom]
    #17918000 - 03/07/13 10:14 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

shroom-a-zoom said:
I brought it up because I have seen it too many times. I didnt say it was the case, but a thought.




Really? Not being a smart ass but I had no idea people used religion as an excuse to cheat :strokebeard:


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


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Offlinemigraineur
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Almond Flour]
    #17918026 - 03/07/13 10:21 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Abandon ship!


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OfflineSHROOMYG
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: migraineur]
    #17918047 - 03/07/13 10:26 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

stop bangin some ladys husband.


--------------------
“Plants are the missing link in the search to understand the human mind and its place in nature.” - Terrence McKenna


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Repertoire89]
    #17918612 - 03/07/13 12:23 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Well since theres so much anti-religious talk here, I'll point out that my post dropping him to "short bus" for being religious was referring to the combination of events and his particular take on religion.


Quote:

Lynnch said:

Its one thing if he woke up one morning and sat his gf down and said "You know, I've been studying the bible a lot and doing some thinking, and last night I had a dream that made me realize this isn't the best choice for me..."
Its a totally different thing to wake up in the middle of the night yelling about how god told him he is going to send him to hell if he touches his girlfriend. That's one step away from waking up yelling about how god told him he is the angel of death and it's time to start offing neighbors.




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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: stardust_lucey]
    #17918758 - 03/07/13 01:04 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

The man is the worst kind of zealot....a fake one. Op, can't you see that he is banging her again and using God as a scapegoat?

Go with your first instinct....that's my advice.:sunny::peace:M


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Thayendanegea]
    #17918856 - 03/07/13 01:24 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

LOL.

Op was too funny. Maybe you're just fat.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Enjoywho]
    #17918895 - 03/07/13 01:30 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Enjoywho said:

fat.




That was my first thought and probably the truth of the matter


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Repertoire89]
    #17918905 - 03/07/13 01:32 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

I've never cut off my pussy flow intentionally. Either they go crazy or get fat.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: qman]
    #17918938 - 03/07/13 01:37 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

qman said:
1. Married

2. No money

3. On disability

4. No sex

5. Very religious

I think you need a better selection process in the future.




--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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Offlinestardust_lucey
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: stardust_lucey]
    #17919114 - 03/07/13 02:08 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Hi everybody!

It's the OP here.  I tried to write a thank you to everybody who posted yesterday, now I can't find it, but I meant to thank everybody! You have all given me a lot to think about.

I wish there were a more "easy" answer to what the fuck happened here with him/us.  I doubt he's physically cheating on me with someone else, since I work from home, he's disabled so he's home all day too..just time-wise it would be quite a feat! He's not with his (scary) ex, she lives about 1,000 miles away from us. 

I also wish I could just say, oh I'm just not attractive anymore, but I truly don't believe that to be the case.  I tend to avoid posting my picture online to a group of (albeit very helpful, and funny) strangers but you have to kind of think, if I thought it was that, why would I bother posting here? :laugh:  Here's a description of me that I think is pretty honest: I'm 5'1, weigh 115 pounds, I work out regularly and have a pretty nice body but a small frame (meaning: small boobs! but nicely shaped, and I have a great little ass to make up for it), I have blue eyes and shoulder-length blond hair, I think I'm slightly above average on the attractiveness scale.  Oh, and I'm 34 years old, and bf is 42--he's also attractive (probably a bit more so than me, I think), 6'6 and black.

I did know when I posted that a lot of people would immediately think "cuckoo!" about the religious stuff.  I'm not religious at all myself (agnostic) but I try to keep an open mind for his sake and in matters concerning him.

What I have pretty much told him is that I would like him to talk to a psychiatrist to find out if they could help him with the issues he's having as a result of his religious experience on Saturday, and consider if he could compromise to slowly become comfortable with rebuilding a physically intimate relationship with me.  I love him very much, it's hard to think of life without him.  And I think he feels very trapped by his religious beliefs and the experience he believes he has.  But if he can't compromise at all, I do not know how we can move forward.

Anyway...thank you everyone for all the food for thought.  It really is helpful to hear other people's input.  Even the haters! :smile:

Take care, all,
~Stardust Lucey


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: stardust_lucey]
    #17919401 - 03/07/13 02:48 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

I also wish I could just say, oh I'm just not attractive anymore




Why do you wish that? :eek:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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Invisiblemetalfaith
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #17919737 - 03/07/13 03:40 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

OP, you're missing it. You need to figure out what his choices are going to be, then decide whether you are in or out. Not make decisions for him, etc. Not that i don't agree with the whole psychiatrist thing, i just imagine you setting him up to have another epiphany of something he already desired.


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OfflineAlmond Flour
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: metalfaith]
    #17919865 - 03/07/13 04:02 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Taking him to a psychiatrist because of his faith in god? That's fucked up. He doesn't want to have sex with you on moral grounds....not sacrifice your first born child.

You seem pretty selfish to be honest. His options are pills...going against his beliefs...or hitting the road? You sure are wife material arnt ya :stonedjerk: way to stand by your man in his hour of crises. Sorry it postpones your pussy getting wet while he figures shit out.


:morningtoke:


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


Edited by Almond Flour (03/07/13 10:09 PM)


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OfflineAll The Colors
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Almond Flour]
    #17921361 - 03/07/13 08:29 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

I can take his place while he makes up his mind :wink:


--------------------
"I have never let schooling interfere with my education." - Samuel Clemons (Mark Twain)
"Curiosity often leads to trouble." - Alice


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Offlineuser1837483975
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: All The Colors] * 1
    #17926083 - 03/08/13 07:39 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Your boyfriend is crazy and I'd get rid of him


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Invisiblekoraks
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Almond Flour]
    #17927530 - 03/09/13 01:52 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Almond Flour said:
Taking him to a psychiatrist because of his faith in god?



No, she's suggesting he seeks help because of the panic attack he experienced as a result or during his religious experience. If his issues persist, i.e. he is still (or regularly) panicky or shows other symptoms that could point towards mental issues, then it isn't such a far-fetched idea.

Look dude, I have a neighbor who's really religious. She's into God like there's no tomorrow. She's also schizophrenic. If she becomes psychotic  (and she has been from time to time) and her psychosis involves all sorts of religious aspects, of course she needs to seek professional help. Not because she has religious experiences, but because she's psychotic.

Same with this guy here: don't send him to a shrink if he's religious, send him to a shrink if he's showing signs of going mad. None of us an judge this; OP is closest to this guy and if she says he's going bananas and the guy needs professional help, then that's the best assessment we've got.


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OfflineManifestTheMind
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: koraks] * 1
    #17928084 - 03/09/13 07:09 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

You can always have sex with me :yeahthatsfunny:


--------------------
"If the words 'life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness' don't include the right to experiment with your own consciousness, then the Declaration of Independence isn't worth the hemp it was written on."

― Terence McKenna


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OfflineFishOilTheKid
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: ManifestTheMind]
    #17928255 - 03/09/13 08:34 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Sorry it postpones your pussy getting wet while he figures shit out.




Give it time.  You act like its over already?


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Offlinestardust_lucey
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: stardust_lucey]
    #17953398 - 03/14/13 05:18 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Hi everybody,

OP here....I truly appreciated all of your responses (even the haters and pickups...really).  I wanted to tell you all the "answer" to what had really happened.

As it turned out, those who had suggested mental illness were correct.  As the week went on, my boyfriend continued to have more and more panic attacks and his behavior got stranger and stranger.  It was weird, we would have totally normal, nice days (still nothing physical, in fact being around me was increasingly difficult, and caused panic attacks) and then it was like a switch was flipped and he would be talking about God and Jesus again.  We tried going to a church and I really thought this would be a healthy outlet for his spirituality (and I still think it would be).

But unfortunately, he had another massive, night-long panic attack Sunday night into Monday morning, where he was raving about this life not mattering at all and the next one being what mattered--something finally clicked inside me and I realized, he needs help or he is going to harm himself or me (or my 3-year-old daughter).  We checked him into a mental hospital that day and he is still there, starting some anti-anxiety meds and anti-depressants, and then we will go from there.

I wanted to thank everybody who responded to my bewildered post.  I had trouble figuring out what had happened--it was hard to come to realize, this truly wasn't about me at all.  Something just snapped inside his brain, as hard as it is for me to come to grips with--the old him I knew isn't there anymore, at least right now.  I hope in time and with therapy he can come back.

Take care, everybody, and hug the ones your with extra tight tonight...you never know when they will suddenly be taken from you, even if they are still right there living and breathing before your eyes.

Stardust Lucey


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OfflineAlmond Flour
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: stardust_lucey]
    #17954242 - 03/14/13 09:46 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Luckily though for you....being wife material...your gonna stand by him through this no matter how shitty it may be!

Seriously though how old is he


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


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OfflineAlmond Flour
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Almond Flour]
    #17954390 - 03/14/13 10:31 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Im also curious to what he was screaming about, and how you got ....."Panic attack" = serious danger to me and my daughter?

Seems like you kind of gave yourself a bullshit excuse to get him on pharmaceutical drugs in a feeble attempt to get your boyfriend back :bored: Depression, and panic attacks are far from psychosis (which is what you are trying to make it out as).

Seriously though I could be wrong, what was he ranting about? How old is he? Why are you on the shroomery also? The vast majority of the folks here dont go running for prozac at the first sign of mental troubles. We definitely have members who are ON anti depressants, but your mentality and response towards this issue seems foreign to that of your average shroomerite.


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


Edited by Almond Flour (03/14/13 10:31 AM)


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Invisiblekoraks
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Almond Flour] * 2
    #17954732 - 03/14/13 12:03 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

:facepalm: The dude gets admitted to a fucking mental ward and you are still looking for reasons to claim that she's mad and not him.

Let me spell it out for you dude: if you have a little kid and your partner goes haywire and starts talking shit about not caring to live anymore, you don't take fucking risks. Ask any parent. There's plenty of examples of men or women flipping out and taking the lives of their partner and kids. The odds that it happens to you are small, but if you're sitting there holding a 3-year old, you're not going to wait and see on what side of the statistics you're going to end up.

Get a grip man. The lady acted responsibly.


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OfflineAlmond Flour
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: koraks]
    #17954852 - 03/14/13 12:32 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

koraks said:
:facepalm: The dude gets admitted to a fucking mental ward and you are still looking for reasons to claim that she's mad and not him.

Let me spell it out for you dude: if you have a little kid and your partner goes haywire and starts talking shit about not caring to live anymore, you don't take fucking risks. Ask any parent. There's plenty of examples of men or women flipping out and taking the lives of their partner and kids. The odds that it happens to you are small, but if you're sitting there holding a 3-year old, you're not going to wait and see on what side of the statistics you're going to end up.

Get a grip man. The lady acted responsibly.



I actually missed that part. You are right. Sorry


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Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,670
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Almond Flour]
    #17954857 - 03/14/13 12:33 PM (10 years, 10 months ago)

's alright man, sorry for losing my temper :hug:


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Offlinesidewayz6.6
Bewildered White Boy


Registered: 07/27/07
Posts: 1,348
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: stardust_lucey]
    #17958898 - 03/15/13 03:32 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

stardust_lucey said:
Hi everybody,

OP here....I truly appreciated all of your responses (even the haters and pickups...really).  I wanted to tell you all the "answer" to what had really happened.

As it turned out, those who had suggested mental illness were correct.  As the week went on, my boyfriend continued to have more and more panic attacks and his behavior got stranger and stranger.  It was weird, we would have totally normal, nice days (still nothing physical, in fact being around me was increasingly difficult, and caused panic attacks) and then it was like a switch was flipped and he would be talking about God and Jesus again.  We tried going to a church and I really thought this would be a healthy outlet for his spirituality (and I still think it would be).

But unfortunately, he had another massive, night-long panic attack Sunday night into Monday morning, where he was raving about this life not mattering at all and the next one being what mattered--something finally clicked inside me and I realized, he needs help or he is going to harm himself or me (or my 3-year-old daughter).  We checked him into a mental hospital that day and he is still there, starting some anti-anxiety meds and anti-depressants, and then we will go from there.

I wanted to thank everybody who responded to my bewildered post.  I had trouble figuring out what had happened--it was hard to come to realize, this truly wasn't about me at all.  Something just snapped inside his brain, as hard as it is for me to come to grips with--the old him I knew isn't there anymore, at least right now.  I hope in time and with therapy he can come back.

Take care, everybody, and hug the ones your with extra tight tonight...you never know when they will suddenly be taken from you, even if they are still right there living and breathing before your eyes.

Stardust Lucey




It sounds like he had a bad trip and is kinda spun out.  Hopefully the meds bring him back in, but I am sorry to say that some people are just never the same after something like that.  I personally know people that were never the same afterwards.:sad:


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Anything I post is purely theoretical, and not based in reality.  All pictures are from google.

A big part of me has died inside and I don't know if it will ever come back.  Nothing makes me happy anymore.  I use drugs and alcohol to numb the pain, and my sense of humor to hide the rest.  I don't share these feelings with anyone in real life.


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OfflineFishOilTheKid
Ascended
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Registered: 11/14/10
Posts: 5,401
Last seen: 1 day, 6 hours
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: sidewayz6.6]
    #17959265 - 03/15/13 07:12 AM (10 years, 10 months ago)

I was never the same afterwards.  The psych ward stay might even freak him out more as he catches onto how it all works there.


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Offlinesteve1111
LoSt iN SpAc3
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Registered: 02/12/13
Posts: 47
Last seen: 10 years, 9 months
Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: memes]
    #18070656 - 04/07/13 05:57 AM (10 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

meams said:
Quote:

qman said:
1. Married

2. No money

3. On disability

4. No sex

5. Very religious

I think you need a better selection process in the future.







This is dead on,  your boyfriend or whatever seems pretty worthless you need to kick him out.


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