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stardust_lucey
Stranger
Registered: 03/06/13
Posts: 4
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
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My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore
#17912321 - 03/06/13 08:52 AM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Hi everybody,
First I have to say...this is not something I thought I would ever have to post or even think about! This is my first post here.
My boyfriend and I live together and have been together for about a year and a half. We have been very close and have had a healthy relationship all along. We were a very physical, sexually intimate couple; we had sex at least once a day for the most part and we were very good together--the best either of us had ever had, thrilling, exciting, adventuresome. We watched porn together, tried new positions regularly, weren't afraid to explore things with the other person and always finding new ways to pleasure each other.
On Saturday night my boyfriend woke me up having what seemed like a panic attack. He was raving, speaking loudly and quickly at first, and then shouting. He said he could not do this anymore...could not have sex with me anymore. He said God had appeared to him and told him that it was wrong because he is still legally married to another woman (but they have been legally separated since before we got together, just never had the money for the divorce), and that if he has sex with me before his divorce is final, his soul will be damned to hell.
I had known of his legally married status, of course, but I always said it didn't bother me because it had nothing to do with me. They hadn't been together for a long time before I came into the picture. I did know my boyfriend is a very religious, spiritual person, but he had usually seemed at peace and extremely happy with the way things were between us. (I say usually because we did have a discussion last year about the possibility of not having sex until he was divorced, but he looked into it and determined that he truly couldn't afford it, and made his peace with it somehow.)
But now suddenly I am told we are not going to have a physical relationship until this legal business is taken care of. I have no choice. I basically feel like he has dumped me...he has, right? He doesn't see it that way somehow, he still sees us as together, but he literally won't touch me for the most part, definitely won't kiss me or share a bed with me.
I feel obligated to let him stay with me for now because he is on disability and can't afford to live on his own. But I feel that our relationship is basically over. How am I supposed to live sex-free as friends/roommates for likely several months or more, then suddenly go back to the level of intimacy, trust, physical enjoyment etc. that we shared?
I am heartbroken and just don't know what to do. I realize there are people who will judge about the whole marriage thing...but that's not what's important to me. I've been married and am divorced. I respect the institution but if you're legally separated and just can't afford the process, I don't see a problem being with other people.
I would welcome any thoughts, words of encouragement, suggestions to kick his ass to the curb, advice on how to come back to each other someday (I am not religious but respect his belief in God and haven't even considered attempting to seduce him into changing his mind)...anything would be helpful to hear! Even haters would be good, I can use a laugh. I haven't been able to tell any of my friends or family yet, I feel like if we ever did get back together no one would trust him in the future. I'm not even sure I can.
Stardust Lucey
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broken
455 member(s)



Registered: 09/07/10
Posts: 14,063
Loc: fuckyeah!
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: stardust_lucey]
#17912356 - 03/06/13 09:04 AM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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DSHSB
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qman
Stranger

Registered: 12/06/06
Posts: 34,927
Last seen: 1 day, 6 hours
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: broken] 12
#17912395 - 03/06/13 09:17 AM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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1. Married
2. No money
3. On disability
4. No sex
5. Very religious
I think you need a better selection process in the future.
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Almond Flour
...get off my lawn!



Registered: 12/26/08
Posts: 11,340
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: qman]
#17912429 - 03/06/13 09:30 AM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Be sure to tell him the bible does not recognize divorce in Gods eyes. As a Lutheran im not saying these things dont happen....unfortunately, but Christ never recognized the whole "Legal Marriage" bullshit. When someone is married its in gods eyes forever, and another reason for why we need grace through him.
Tell him not to stress. If his moral compass is THAT up in arms about this issue then he should be getting back with his "Legal wife". But assuming he is Christian, just because a marriage is legally valid or void doesnt take away the sin none the less 
Im sorry hes freaking out about this, and hes obviously confused about the workings of God and the Bible, but if he feels this strongly about it your relationship will definitely go through some trying times He obviously feels guilty about being with you while still married to his X.
Matthew 5:31-32
"And it was said, 'Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce'; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Luke 16:18
"Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.
Truth be told the fact that you are an unbeliever and he is with you seems kind of silly if he is THAT up in arms about his faith and the validity of your relationship. The bible doesnt even smile on you two being together (married or not )
I guess what im saying is.....why he is choosing to freak out about this one particular sin when hes committing a fuck ton of others is beyond me. Not to mention we are caught in a constant cycle of sins no matter WHAT we do (hence needing Christ to save us). Even if he wasnt with you and was with his wife he would be commiting adultery
Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
We are all fucked
-------------------- Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church"
Edited by Almond Flour (03/06/13 09:50 AM)
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memes
Blessed



Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: qman]
#17912438 - 03/06/13 09:34 AM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
qman said: 1. Married
2. No money
3. On disability
4. No sex
5. Very religious
I think you need a better selection process in the future.
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eyedea
Synaesthesiologist


Registered: 09/24/09
Posts: 563
Loc: The Central Scrutinizer
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: memes]
#17912447 - 03/06/13 09:40 AM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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I feel like if there is a god.. he's not much for legal stuff.. probably a bit beyond that. As long as his heart is in the right place I'd think hes alright. But then again he is known to be the Alsmitey Smiter.
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The5thElement
Smile Friends :)



Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 4,675
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: memes]
#17912459 - 03/06/13 09:43 AM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Tell him what you have told us. If he really cares about you he'll smarten up and realize he's going to lose you for what I think is a silly reason.
If you tell him exactly how you feel, and that your really unhappy with this decision( I would be as well) and he's still not willing to touch you I'd say get rid of him. It's a crappy situation to be in, but I don't think he's being very fair to you.
Woops wrote unfair when I meant to write fair.
He's being unfair to you!
Edited by The5thElement (03/06/13 02:07 PM)
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,670
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Almond Flour]
#17912553 - 03/06/13 10:08 AM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Almond Flour said: Be sure to tell him the bible does not recognize divorce in Gods eyes. [...snip...] if he feels this strongly about it your relationship will definitely go through some trying times
so first you are implying that the previous marriage cannot be over because God wouldn't recognize the concept of a divorce, and then you're telling this lady that her relationship is going through 'trying times'. Trying times indeed, if his marriage isn't over, but this supposedly adulterous relationship isn't either :thatsrich:
The reason why Christians get so screwed up about these things is because the rules they so badly want to live by are (1) largely incompatible with human nature and (2) inconsistent to begin with.
Anyway, stardust_lucey, sounds like you're stint with this man is over. If he thinks your relationship is a sin and it is such a huge issue, then I'd simply kick him onto the curb. Too bad about the lack of funds and the disability; he should have thought about that when he moved in with you and subsequently failed to improve his situation. Sounds harsh, but I think it's important to protect yourself from being taken advantage of at this point.
Also, interestingly, a friend of mine went through a similar thing. They had been together for multiple years, but a little while after they set up shop together, the guy suddenly went all Christo-zealot on her and declared that there would be no more sex before marriage. Within a year they had separated. He's married to some Eastern European religious girl now, while she's enjoying the fuck out of a life filled with liberty and debauchery
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 5 days
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: qman] 1
#17912619 - 03/06/13 10:33 AM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
qman said: 1. Married
2. No money
3. On disability
4. No sex
5. Very religious
I think you need a better selection process in the future.
Damn one of the few times I actually agree with gman
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HeadTripVertigo
at least I'm housebroken




Registered: 05/07/06
Posts: 10,788
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Crystal G]
#17912641 - 03/06/13 10:40 AM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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jesus fuck this thread got christy as fuck really quick outb4fuckyou
-------------------- TACOS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER
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Lynnch
Strangerer



Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: koraks]
#17912652 - 03/06/13 10:42 AM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Wow. This guy is either a total lunatic, or he's fucking somebody else. GOD came to HIM and TOLD him that he would go to HELL... wow I usually don't have a problem with religion, but it's shit like this that ugh 
I guess you could play his bullshit religious games and tell him god is forgiving and to fucking relax and take care of his divorce... But expect more prophetic religious epiphanies in the future...
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qman
Stranger

Registered: 12/06/06
Posts: 34,927
Last seen: 1 day, 6 hours
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Crystal G]
#17912735 - 03/06/13 11:06 AM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said:
Quote:
qman said: 1. Married
2. No money
3. On disability
4. No sex
5. Very religious
I think you need a better selection process in the future.
Damn one of the few times I actually agree with gman 
Oh come on Crystal, we agree on 99% of the stuff we don't discuss, it's just the 1% we have different perspectives.
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Almond Flour
...get off my lawn!



Registered: 12/26/08
Posts: 11,340
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Lynnch]
#17912927 - 03/06/13 11:56 AM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Lynnch said: Wow. This guy is either a total lunatic, or he's fucking somebody else. GOD came to HIM and TOLD him that he would go to HELL... wow I usually don't have a problem with religion, but it's shit like this that ugh 
I guess you could play his bullshit religious games and tell him god is forgiving and to fucking relax and take care of his divorce... But expect more prophetic religious epiphanies in the future...
-------------------- Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church"
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stardust_lucey
Stranger
Registered: 03/06/13
Posts: 4
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Almond Flour]
#17913151 - 03/06/13 12:46 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Thanks, everybody, for your replies. The funny ones gave me a laugh, the serious ones gave me stuff to think about, and that first one (that is just 5 capital letters) is in some internet-code that I don't understand. All just what I had been hoping for and needed to hear!
Would still love to hear others' opinions as well. I guess I forgot to add (and am laughing at myself a little for forgetting) that aside from fucking all the time, we were also very much in love. (Aww.) I can't stand the thought of just letting everything we had go. But it's hard because I feel like he already did.
Also, I just had to say this! If he's fucking somebody else, he deserves a medal for secrecy! Considering I work from home and he's disabled...bleh, that would actually almost be easier to handle, at least then I would know what to do!
Stardust Lucey
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eyedea
Synaesthesiologist


Registered: 09/24/09
Posts: 563
Loc: The Central Scrutinizer
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: stardust_lucey]
#17913309 - 03/06/13 01:18 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
stardust_lucey said: and that first one (that is just 5 capital letters) is in some internet-code that I don't understand.
You aren't missing out on anything important I assure you.
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Sham87
mashAllah


Registered: 05/16/11
Posts: 9,815
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: eyedea]
#17913347 - 03/06/13 01:24 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Well we need to see a picture of yourself for us to dictate the appropriate response to your dilemma.
Aside from that, have you given it any thought that he might be back with his ex-wife? Something to consider.
Gawd I love your name username,
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   ...once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest places if you look at it right...
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Anonymous #1
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: stardust_lucey]
#17913349 - 03/06/13 01:24 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Give him Viagra maybe, it will get him in the mood and he won't be able to resist.
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eyedea
Synaesthesiologist


Registered: 09/24/09
Posts: 563
Loc: The Central Scrutinizer
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: Anonymous #1]
#17913379 - 03/06/13 01:30 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Give him Viagra MDMA maybe, it will get him in the mood and he won't be able to resist.
fixed
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 5 days
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: eyedea]
#17913401 - 03/06/13 01:33 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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How are you going to get him to take it? Slip it in his drink? I like the way you think, Shroomery.
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withoutawire
hi


Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 11,384
Loc: Honolulu, Hawaii
Last seen: 7 months, 15 days
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Re: My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore [Re: qman]
#17913474 - 03/06/13 01:48 PM (10 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
qman said: 1. Married
2. No money
3. On disability
4. No sex
5. Very religious
I think you need a better selection process in the future.
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