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Invisiblevampirism
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Registered: 03/14/04
Posts: 8,120
Technicolor Sunset - poem/song
    #1778700 - 08/04/03 05:39 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I had an odd dream.. nevertheless, it inspired me to write this song poem ( think jim morrison or ray manzarek ):

Wandering round the night
I come I see I am
Blue soaked skies of gold
Saw me off today

Yesterdays gone
Hello now, Goodbye then!
Won't you come? Won't you come?
But baby, youre long gone

Moonstruck stargazers
Out at night
Chasing dreams of yesterday
Their desires far away

Yesterdays gone
Hello now, Goodbye then!
Won't you come? Won't you come?
But baby, you're long gone

Swirling stars
Delerious Lament
WHERE ARE YOU?!?
(whispering shades)

Bloody innocence lost
Where have I been?
I look around
All has been lost

I look twice
This is all it's ever been!
Melting Wonder Smiling Insanity
Come on now!

The Technicolor Sunset
So far and wide
Smiles won and smiles lost
They all fade beneath the sun

...Beneath... Beneath

Yeah
***********************
constructive criticism? This is a rough version mind you- needs some help ( it's hard to catch on to if you don't know the tone ... but hmmmm )


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OfflineMeph
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Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
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Re: Technicolor Sunset - poem/song [Re: ]
    #1779572 - 08/04/03 10:38 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I like it!

The "baby" lefts me cold-shouldered though. I'm not sure why, it just doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the song.

I like your descriptions, especially "Blue soaked skies of gold"... I like your use of tangible words that instantly get to the reader.


--------------------
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Demonstration: 152.



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Invisiblevampirism
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Re: Technicolor Sunset - poem/song [Re: Meph]
    #1780048 - 08/05/03 01:21 AM (13 years, 3 months ago)

hrmm
thanks
ill think on why youre getting that feeling from it
perhaps i did something funky..


btw: it was just edited for typos


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General Interest >> Music, Art, and Media

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