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Registered: 03/12/02
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Insecurities, Negative Thoughts, The Dark Side
    #1764252 - 07/30/03 11:22 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Who here lives with them?
I try to get over them, positive thinking and all, but they always seem to creep back every now and then.
I mean, a lot of the time, I am a positive person, happy to be who I am, I regard myself as being cute and attractive, think I am a great bassist, can go with the flow, and can interact with people and leave a good impression, even though I don't really care if they like me or not or what opinions they have of me. Almost no situation will effect this calm center I keep, and I can accept what is going on around me.

Every so often, something brings forth quite a change in who I am, or at least the thoughts of who I am. I'll look in the mirror, and maybe that time I'll not like the way I look, or something. I'll start hating the way I look, or start thinking that I'm a loser, my life sucks, etc. Quite the shift. What people think of me suddenly becomes important.

It doesn't happen so often anymore, and I'll usually curb it pretty soon. I think it is possibly old ways of thinking emerging again. Anyways, I have quite the inventive mind, and when the whole negative mindset thing comes into effect, it really does feel like it is true.

I have a strong belief that our thoughts shape us.. our personalities, even our looks. I always convince myself that this is true, and that where I am at now as a person does not define where I will be later......
That as long as I keep the thoughts flowing that keep me in the state I first described, that I'll be fine. Steve Vai (the master of emotional expression through guitar and music) once said that he believes that our view of who we are eventually becomes true.

That is why it is so important for us to be able to hold the ideal of who we are in mind at all times, so that we can always be who we really want to be. It is important, I think, for us to avoid these pendulum emotions, too, because they just create a contradiction... leads to mood swings. I always find that I have much more energy in my positive personality, that I am a very strong person. The negative shit cuts me down, and it doesn't help me any.

I don't have enlightening thoughts while in my negative headset, I don't enjoy doing what I am doing, I don't feel good about myself, I don't have any tolerance, etc. What good is it? Absoutely none. Why even allow this shit to come out? I usually cut it down when it starts, if it does, I usually can cut it down sometime afterwards. But how much does it adversely effect me and who I am when it is allowed to run its course? It ruins my experience of this life, and I am now determined to kill it once and for all.

We all have a dark side, and I think it needs to be explored extensively. However, living in the dark side of us will get us nowhere, and at some point, it is necessary for us to discard it, to render it useless. It is necessary for our enjoyment of this life, and it is necessary for our evoultion.

I mean, truthfully, I'm quite the attractive and cute guy (or so I've been told by quite a few similiarily attributed girls, now that I think about it, but have always been too buried in this negative bullshit to ever capitalize on it..... see?! it is ruining my life!). I am intelligent, and fucking capable of anything, if I set a clear head onto it.
I am going to Norway tomorrow, and I am embracing this as a life-changing, enriching experience, and I am using this as a chance to completely step into my positive life. I won't be scared of people, of changes, of something new and exciting. To let that shit get the better of me would be to fail.
I am a super-talented bassist with a mind drenched in musical knowledge, and have the capabilities of fronting a mega-successful and popular band that plays heavy fucking, Enlightening music. That is why I am here, and I'm not going to hinder it anymore.

Anyways, sorry for the long post, but does anyone here identify with me? Life's too short.. life is just way too fucking short.
Long live Experience!

If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:

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Registered: 05/29/01
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Re: Insecurities, Negative Thoughts, The Dark Side [Re: fireworks_god]
    #1764580 - 07/31/03 01:31 AM (14 years, 10 months ago)

well put man, arrogant, but well put :wink:

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T'was born oftrue in the yearof the cock!

Registered: 04/07/03
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Re: Insecurities, Negative Thoughts, The Dark Side [Re: Faaip_De_Oiad]
    #1764959 - 07/31/03 04:26 AM (14 years, 10 months ago)

once and a while i get into a super defensive mentality when im with my girlfriend in public spaces. I constantly think someone is going to randomly attack us (which has happened recently). So I am always on the Samurai tip, meditating on being ready to kill someone if I have to.

enjoy the entertaining indentity i have constructed for you while you can.

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General Interest >> Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology

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