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OfflineNIMH
MadCap
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Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 831
Last seen: 6 years, 22 days
Hallo i have story about my first make sex * 19
    #17298601 - 11/28/12 05:11 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Hallo i have story about my first make sex with girl. I sorry that english is not academic enough for you, as i am france.

I know my girlfriend for 1 ½ years. We met on the internet and this weekend was the worst of my life. The best day of my life has ended in failure and a total humiliation unparalleled on our planet.

So after a year and a half distance relationship she convinced her parents to let me come to her house in Saint Genis les Ollières in his hometown, his family home.
Let the details, his grandparents, his father, his mother and siblings live in this big barracks.

So I get a few miles from hometown, I met my girlfriend, kissing (first time in my life that I embrace), dinner with parents and seniors to whom I am the guy seriously.
A little later, my girlfriend told me to go with it. It does not preach that good.

We go into her room, she told me not to make noise. Everyone is asleep so we'll make it in silence. I shed a tear quietly, my first time at last ...

We go upstairs in his room, it rolls shovels. Yum ...

When suddenly, a pain in the belly ... Unimaginable pain. I really had to go to the bathroom for very very large commission.

My girlfriend told me that I grew pale, I stood frozen. The slightest movement could cost me dearly, dearly. I was stuck ...

I ask my friend where are the toilets.

Small clarification: we are on the floor of what was an old barn. The walls are cardboard (cons plated) and the piping is something that the plumber has crafted the village to removal. Plated cons ... I think you guessed what the problem is: We keep hearing there is no insulation.

And then I could no longer hold as a mad bull rushes toward the toilet, I close the door key. I say: - Never mind the noises I can not go!

Then I released my abs, forced on the ass so hard you immaginez not. So hard that I nearly fainted. My sight is troubled, I forced as much as Goku Goku to transform into 3, I felt my veins ... And despite my best efforts, nothing came out. I did not understand. Monumental shits and nothing comes.

I caught my breath, I forced again, but nothing came out, I'm so forced that I had a stomach ache of madness I thought an alien was going out of my womb.

But nothing worked. Good past pain I was going up the bowl when suddenly my anus opened 10 times its diameter as the tail of Cell when it absorbs a Cyborg, and under a deafening noise, poured out a torrent of mud at the bottom shitter.

It was delayed, I contracted my muscles anal intercourse ("anal" in the plural) and it was after the Big Bang happened. I tried to hold the line against this gargantuan pressure but it was not easy because of what came next ...
Hell! A deluge, a veritable geyser of shit! It does not stop I did not understand. I emptied intestinalement. It lasted a good 30 seconds between pets so crappy movies creampies balls and brown waste creams I expulsais.

I felt like a titanic size of a cucumber out of my rectal paroies to infinity ... I began to tremble before the unknown power.

I heard the family members to my girlfriend woke up believing the thief. While I was trying to evict a torpedo, the mother asked me out the door if I wanted cardboard called SOS Doctor. I said while trying not to let me hear among my bowel sounds deafening.
Silence.

Total silence, I thought that I be released when the stomach pains returned with even more beautiful a double jet of hot and spicy shit out of my asshole. Incredibly, the stream seemed limitless. 2 minutes non-stop! I wondered where I had to have stashed all that. It is said that the intestine is 8 meters long, 8 meters are spent at home. It flowed so much that I knew more or if I pissed chiais at times. I look once, not two ... it was the pistachio nougat or the Ferrero Rocher. I looked away ...

And lasted nearly 45 minutes, between phases and stop action. I heard comments from grandparents, etc. ... Rabies ...

I watched my belly. He returned, depressurization was created.

I pulled it from hunting rechargais.

Done? ... Not yet, and no end. I swung the turds. I feel like the alien queen laying eggs a colony. I felt weak and even whiter than a woman having given birth. I had the feeling of having lost part of my body, an internal organ to be the trunk of discreetly.

The ordeal ended, four flushes to from it all, I'm back in the room to my girlfriend as pale as death. I still have the asshole in cauliflower.

In an attempt to lighten the mood as I could see she was embarrassed, I told my girlfriend: - Okay, now you'll make me a rim job. I had a history of stroke PQ ... Now's your move.

he rejected me.

I told him that I said it for fun, for fun.

he re-released, she preferred to sleep.

Between looking ashamed of his family as soon as I left the toilet, between its rejection, it put me rabies.

I told him that I have not done half of France just to talk and hit me the shits in a cardboard house.


She told me that I was not the John with whom she Fulbert gab for over a year and asked if I took it for a whore.
Because it was dead, I tried everything on the following adage: The woman is like a shadow, you follow it flee, flee the it follows you. So I threw: - If I had diarrhea whose fault?

Less than 5 minutes after I am deep in the asshole of the world: Outside ... With my big bag on his back, ass and balls full vacuum.

I went to a seedy hotel at 45 euros (expensive for this shit) and I masturbate like a virgin in the bathroom until 7:00 am the bus there.
Fin.


--------------------
I must not Fear. Fear is the mindkiller . Fear is the little-death that
brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and
through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. ONLY I WILL REMAIN.

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OfflineTeliis
Tree Dweller
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Registered: 03/29/07
Posts: 172
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex [Re: NIMH]
    #17298659 - 11/28/12 05:20 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

:picdidnthappen:

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Invisible404
error
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Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex [Re: NIMH] * 1
    #17298661 - 11/28/12 05:20 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

:ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold::ilold:

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Invisiblekr0nik0
Ole' Salty
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Registered: 02/13/12
Posts: 17,756
Loc: Western Slope, CO Flag
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex [Re: 404] * 1
    #17298675 - 11/28/12 05:24 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

I thought your French to English translation was just as entertaining as the story itself. "I have to make commission" as opposed to having to take a shit made me :lol:


--------------------

“[...]the only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved,
desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”


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Invisiblelar20
Strange guy in a park
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Registered: 01/17/11
Posts: 3,078
Loc: massachusetts
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex [Re: 404]
    #17298707 - 11/28/12 05:28 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

:rofl2: :rofl2::rofl2:


--------------------

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OfflineJonnyBtreed
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/09/10
Posts: 2,096
Loc: Northeast
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex [Re: 404]
    #17298711 - 11/28/12 05:29 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Is this what it looks like when I use Google Translate???










probably not... :lolsy:

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OfflineBoiledAngel
Ronosol Drinker


Registered: 11/22/12
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex [Re: NIMH]
    #17298717 - 11/28/12 05:30 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Classic. I love the shop Amazon for toilet paper ad too!


--------------------

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OfflineNIMH
MadCap
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Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 831
Last seen: 6 years, 22 days
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex [Re: BoiledAngel]
    #17298750 - 11/28/12 05:37 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

BoiledAngel said:
Classic. I love the shop Amazon for toilet paper ad too!




Hahah I just noticed that!


--------------------
I must not Fear. Fear is the mindkiller . Fear is the little-death that
brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and
through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. ONLY I WILL REMAIN.

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InvisibleSham87
mashAllah
Male

Registered: 05/16/11
Posts: 9,826
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex [Re: NIMH]
    #17300722 - 11/28/12 11:09 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

:borat: This is all I heard as I read. Fucking hilarious.


--------------------
:mushroom2::sun::crazy2::leaf:




...once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest places if you look at it right...



:feelsgoatman:

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InvisibleChairman Meow
Concern Pork
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Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 39,658
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex (moved) [Re: NIMH]
    #17300737 - 11/28/12 11:13 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

This thread was moved from the user's journal.

Reason:
.

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InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*
Other

Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan Flag
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex (moved) [Re: Chairman Meow] * 1
    #17300760 - 11/28/12 11:19 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Is glorious story, much laughs comrade, is like standup but instead of having laugh at jokes we laugh at your life.

Edited by Bodhi of Ankou (11/28/12 11:26 PM)

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OfflineJesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex (moved) [Re: Bodhi of Ankou]
    #17300803 - 11/28/12 11:30 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

tl:dr


first time i sexed i busted the condom. freaked me out


--------------------


And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.

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Offlinegary gnu
Stranger


Registered: 09/16/12
Posts: 315
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex (moved) [Re: Bodhi of Ankou]
    #17300822 - 11/28/12 11:34 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

OMG I haven't laughed that hard in a looong time. Excelent story!
Shop for toilet paper is the cherry on top. How google came to that conclusion from that story is scary.

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Offlinekendawg
noooob
Male


Registered: 02/11/12
Posts: 1,792
Loc: good old va
Last seen: 9 years, 11 months
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex (moved) [Re: JesusIsLord]
    #17300838 - 11/28/12 11:37 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Pffffffffffffffttttttttttt :lolsy::lolsy::lolsy::lolsy:


--------------------


            You Can doooo it, you can dooo it all nite long

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InvisibleVivaLaMushie
RIP LS :(
Female User Gallery


Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 15,711
Loc: Switzerland Flag
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex [Re: Sham87]
    #17300848 - 11/28/12 11:39 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Sham87 said:
:borat: This is all I heard as I read. Fucking hilarious.




Me too lol


--------------------

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Offlineblastedbasted
TripsAmillion
Male
Registered: 10/01/12
Posts: 5
Loc: PA
Last seen: 3 years, 5 days
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex (moved) [Re: JesusIsLord]
    #17300859 - 11/28/12 11:41 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Glad my first post is here...good shit!

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OfflineShroomslip
Architekt
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,669
Last seen: 3 hours, 35 minutes
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex (moved) [Re: kendawg]
    #17300883 - 11/28/12 11:46 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

"While I was trying to evict a torpedo"

From now on, that's what I'm going to call taking a shit..


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline

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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,479
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex (moved) [Re: gary gnu]
    #17300891 - 11/28/12 11:49 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

that sucks man. funny, but just sucks that it had to happen to you.

:hugitout:......j/k not really. :tongue:


--------------------
https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv

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OfflineTurkeyTom
Trippy
Male


Registered: 08/02/11
Posts: 2,435
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex (moved) [Re: zZZz]
    #17300917 - 11/28/12 11:56 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

This had me laughing so hard, I dont think I've laughed that hard in a long time. Sorry to hear that it didnt turn out so well though, man. But thanks for sharing :lol:

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Invisiblekr0nik0
Ole' Salty
Male User Gallery


Registered: 02/13/12
Posts: 17,756
Loc: Western Slope, CO Flag
Re: Hallo i have story about my first make sex (moved) [Re: TurkeyTom]
    #17301236 - 11/29/12 02:35 AM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Is glorious story, much laughs comrade, is like standup but instead of having laugh at jokes we laugh at your life.




:lol:

NIMH: Please post some more life stories in the pub. I haven't enjoyed a story like yours in a long time.


--------------------

“[...]the only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved,
desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
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