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OfflineMorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 12 years, 22 days
Had Enough
    #1729772 - 07/19/03 09:42 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I used to smoke pot every night, every day, every moment of my spare time for about 3 years. This sounds incredibly stupid ( i know it is) But i was very naive at the time " theirs no side effects, its all good fun!". I have learnt the hard way. I realise now that i was doing it to block and numb the feelings of a traumatic experience i had at around the same time.
Even though ive realised this im left with a complete numbness to me. I dont "feel" anything, theirs a thread about 4 posts ago about the numbing feeling, i know exactly how he/she feels but i have other problems to. I hear the "voices" people calling my name when their not or no-ones their, people laughing at me even tho theirs no-one their amongst other things. I also get very panicy and have extreme anxiety even when i hear people walking past my window, this was alot worse when i was high, i literally couldnt move from where i was, i broke out in a cold sweat, my heart raced to 10000000kmh and i also thought a few times i was dieing.  :confused: I just feel like crawling into a ball and staying their. I did think about ending it all, but i realised that that will cause more pain than good and i don't want anybody to feel the pain and hurt ive felt. This all happened about 2 years ago and slowlly got worse till the point i am at now. I just don't know what to do. I've spoke to a friend about it but i always get the same response " their's  nothing wrong with you, it's all in my head" i know this is true, it is all in my head. But what can i do?
I gave up smoking weed about 6 months ago. Things have Definately got better but i still get the anxiety when sum1 walks by my windw or when i go out. But the weird thing is, i only get it when i go out socialising. Im a postman and am constantly out working on the streets and have no problems, its just outside of work. Its driving me crazy.
If anybody has sen the film "the wall" by pink floyd. Thats how im feeling right now. An emotionless enagogue (sp?).
Also i dont know if uve noticed reading this thread but i hardly make much sense with my grammar etc. I used to be "Dead Smart" But now my mind is Plagued by these thoughts of ppl out to getme, society rejecting me and the voices telling me all sorts of things. Im sorry to rant on but ive had this bottled up for to long.
I dot even know if anything people will say will help, but their may be light at the end of the tunnel one day, heres hoping.

Me. 


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OfflineTheHobbit
Pot Head Pixie

Registered: 09/04/02
Posts: 863
Loc: the Oily Way...
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
Re: Had Enough [Re: MorbidHamster]
    #1729858 - 07/19/03 11:56 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I would definately recommend speaking with a psychologist, simple as that, it's their field and you may find a tremendous amount of help and recovery in doing so. Plus, they can't tell anyone what you say to them, so you can talk freely about pot. Check into it, and see if your insurance, if you have some, covers it and how much.


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OfflineOLIO
Made of Bones &Dreams

Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 23
Loc: mountains
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
Re: Had Enough [Re: TheHobbit]
    #1730320 - 07/19/03 04:48 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

^^^^Good advice^^^^
I assume that you have good benefits being a postman. It will probably cover most of the cost of a psychologist. Try some relaxation techniques such as meditation. If that doesn't help, try a few visits to the psychologist. If need be, he can put you on a low grade anxiety med like Buspar. I don't personally take it, but I hear it's pretty mild as far as any side effects, and has no real psychoactive properties (you can't get a buzz off of it). I would use meds as a last resort though.
And don't forget, everyone goes through a decent amount of shit in their life. Everyone. If you wait it out and don't give up, the good always comes around. Its all a big wheel. With out the bad you'd never recognize the good. Just learn from it and move on.

And for Godsakes don't go postal :smirk: 


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OfflineFallenShroom
Shagadelic

Registered: 05/01/03
Posts: 879
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
Re: Had Enough [Re: OLIO]
    #1733208 - 07/20/03 10:05 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

i would recomend seeing your doctor for some blood test to see if your serotonin is at the propper levels. As for seeing a psychiatrist they will just put you on meds without actually knowing there is a deficiency. the best way to deal with this is head on dont just let it happen cause you can feel that there is something wrong. life is great when we except it and we run our lives not in fear ....


--------------------





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Offlinemonoamine
umask 077(nonefor you)

Registered: 09/07/02
Posts: 3,095
Loc: Jacksonville,FL
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: Had Enough [Re: FallenShroom]
    #1733355 - 07/20/03 11:24 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:


i would recomend seeing your doctor for some blood test to see if your serotonin is at the propper levels.




No such test exists. There is no blood test or brain scan or anything that will automatically indicate mental pathology. The closest thing they can do is measure the break down metabolites of neurotransmitters,but blood levels don't necessarily have anything to do with brain levels.


--------------------
People think that if you just say the word "hallucinations" it explains everything you want it to explain and eventually whatever it is you can't explain will just go away.It's just a word,it doesn't explain anything...
Douglas Adams


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Offlinemonoamine
umask 077(nonefor you)

Registered: 09/07/02
Posts: 3,095
Loc: Jacksonville,FL
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: Had Enough [Re: OLIO]
    #1733364 - 07/20/03 11:27 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

and has no real psychoactive properties (you can't get a buzz off of it).




Psychoactive just means that it has some mental effects from entering the brain (Buspar and heroin are both "psychoactive").


--------------------
People think that if you just say the word "hallucinations" it explains everything you want it to explain and eventually whatever it is you can't explain will just go away.It's just a word,it doesn't explain anything...
Douglas Adams


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Invisibletak_old
Endo Smoke

Registered: 05/31/02
Posts: 609
Loc: State of confusion
Re: Had Enough [Re: monoamine]
    #1734846 - 07/21/03 02:19 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

i believe most the side effects are reversable. I smoke pot on occasion but have really cut down from when i used to smoke non stop and im getting my memory back slowly ;] I still suffer greatly from anxiety but i never really noticed it until i relized what it was. When i am at work i do not have it, or when im with certain people. I dunno i guess at certain times im supposed to play a diffrent part than of who i really am, and under this mask i can be myself. Who knows whats going on man, i sure as hell dont. Im sure this post didnt help at all, but i hope its comforting to know that if you are screwed, so am i. :smile:


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OfflineGazzBut
Refraction

Registered: 10/15/02
Posts: 4,770
Loc: London UK
Last seen: 2 months, 27 days
Re: Had Enough [Re: MorbidHamster]
    #1737552 - 07/22/03 08:27 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Its good that your not smoking pot, hopefully you arent doing any class A's at all either as I think they can be worse.
I can relate to how you feel ok when you go to work but paranoid when you are out socialising. I suppose at work what is expected of you is very well defined and also as a postie you have a fairly solitary job. But when you are out socialising however you have less well defined expectations. You have to enjoy yourself and be good company for those around you whilst at the same time trying to appear as "normal" as possible to people. Dunno if that makes sense to you but I used to feel like that myself. Still do sometimes. Obviously it helps if you have some mates you can totally open upto about what your feeling, I dont think thats essential though. I had the mates but I never really let on what I was feeling until sometime after I had got my head around it all. Takes time man, but you have to hang in there. Keep going out, eventually it will get easier. When you hear the voices pay them no mind, dont get worried that you can still hear them just remind yourself they are a product of too much caning it. Laugh at them if you can!

PEACE


--------------------
Always Smi2le


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Offlineneutralizer
Spiritual beinghaving a Humanexperience
Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 635
Loc: This Planet Earth
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
Re: Had Enough [Re: GazzBut]
    #1757001 - 07/28/03 07:44 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

You should see a psychiatrist. I'm not one, but I've been through similar stuff, been through therapy, and taken an abnormal psychology class at university. Sound like you are talking about Avoidant Personality Disorder. That's when you aren't really bothered by being around people or a crowd, but you have big trouble and lots of anxiety and fear about forming social relationships, friendships, etc. You're usually isolated by yourself most of the time. You can get better. For me the problem was stuff I had in my childhood/growing up. I still isolate myself most of the time, but I'm slowly getting more friendly and social, I even made a friend in one of my classes that I've smoked out with and hung out with a couple times already. You can do it too. Seek therapy, seek yourself, look inside yourself and ask yourself what is really going on, and why you are having the problems you are having.

The voices thing, I hear them too, I think of them as some of my unconscious thoughts that I have dipped into for whatever reason. Maybe they are calling your name cause they are trying to get your attention? Try sitting down, meditating, being still and quiet. Listen to them, to what they are saying. I've found that I can talk to mine and have conversations with them - ask THEM why you're having social and anxiety issues. They will know.


--------------------
There are things known, and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors - Morrison


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OfflineMorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 12 years, 22 days
Re: Had Enough [Re: neutralizer]
    #1763861 - 07/30/03 08:59 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Hi their, sorry its been a while, I've read all ur comments and they have been very helpful. Thank You, its nice to know that people have good advice and seem to show concern in other peoples problems, even though they know nothing about them. At the moment im feeling better, as I've met a Lady! So hopefully ill b able to get over the anxiety with her, i wont tell her but being able to go out with her gives me an excuse to get my butt out the door and do something about this. Which is what I'm starting to realise...slowly.

Its gonna be a long bumpy ride, i know, but im gonna take into account what everyone has said and "beat" this. If not beat then live with it, Well im off to Leeds at the weekend, so maybe new surroundings and people will take my mind away from it at least for a while. We can only live in hope.


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Amazon Shop: Pink Floyd

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