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InvisibleMafeki
Umadbro

Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 3,884
Loc: Jamaica
What does my poem inspire in you?
    #17227169 - 11/15/12 11:43 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Your stretched corpse bicycles within the heroin.
Sex dodges above the metal orbit.
How does skill ink the future postscript?
My surface chops the viewer.
Sex learns Skill.

A vicar dines behind the commissioned age.
Should a fabric advertise?
Icelander speculates in my lust.
How will icelander prime diploid?
The arc conforms icelander.
Diploid dooms icelander with your trivial arithmetic.

Does the exact sacrifice wave the mayor?
Should the sober caffeine reason inside the constant?
The resolve treks with the directory sigh.
The subsidiary garble strays around a ringing art.
An astronomer rips our innovative sand.
The blast harms a warning nostalgia.

Should shroomery jail a juice?
The surrounding nurse breaks shroomery.
How will shroomery lose?
Will moderators format each utter ghost?
How will shroomery defeat moderators?
Moderators prosecutes shroomery.


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Invisibleteknix
π“‚€βŸπ“…’π“π“…ƒπ“Š°π“‰‘ 𓁼𓆗⨻
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Registered: 09/16/08
Posts: 11,953
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: Mafeki]
    #17227265 - 11/16/12 12:00 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

It inspires in me to tell you to work out a rhyme scheme, with the same amount of syllables in each line. Free verse or open verse is cool but it doesn't seem to compare to the work and effort that one must put into a rhyme scheme. I tried to write a Shakespearean sonnet which uses iambic pentameter, or 10 syllables / 5 iambs, and really developed an appreciation for art and the amount of work that goes into it.

Here is some more info if you would like:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iamb_(foot)

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InvisibleMafeki
Umadbro

Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 3,884
Loc: Jamaica
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: teknix]
    #17227291 - 11/16/12 12:05 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

I actually didn't make up this poem, I just used this site: Watchout4snakes.
I use it for a creativity tool, I think you're talking about Metre, I understand it a little I understand rhymes even better so I can implement it in songwriting. I learned most of the stuff I know from a book called "writing better lyrics".


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InvisibleRaven Gnosis
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Registered: 02/10/11
Posts: 1,311
Loc: Necoc Yaotl
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: Mafeki]
    #17227325 - 11/16/12 12:12 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

What does my poem inspire in you?

:tearchalice:


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To be human is to be fettered, to endure what one is, in perpetuum, no matter what the debility or perversity.

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OfflinexFrockx
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Registered: 09/17/06
Posts: 10,457
Loc: Northeast
Last seen: 12 days, 18 hours
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: Mafeki]
    #17227360 - 11/16/12 12:20 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Will a governor abort?
The symptom aids Murder after her demented funeral.
The mental beach migrates beneath a mummy.
Murder smiles Sex in a substitute.
Sex trashes Murder.
Sex plagues a robot.

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Invisibleteknix
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Registered: 09/16/08
Posts: 11,953
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: Mafeki]
    #17227420 - 11/16/12 12:28 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Mafeki said:
I actually didn't make up this poem, I just used this site: Watchout4snakes.
I use it for a creativity tool, I think you're talking about Metre, I understand it a little I understand rhymes even better so I can implement it in songwriting. I learned most of the stuff I know from a book called "writing better lyrics".




Yeah, you got it. Sonnet means "little song". I just finished Literature and we had a poetry section and had to read different forms, I end up getting carried away and tried to write one because it seemed so intriguing, and I still haven't managed to get it into iambic pentameters because I had a hard time discerning which syllables are stressed or not.

Quote:



sonnet -

Prosody . a poem, properly expressive of a single, complete thought, idea, or sentiment, of 14 lines, usually in iambic pentameter, with rhymes arranged according to one of certain definite schemes, being in the strict or Italian form divided into a major group of 8 lines (the octave) followed by a minor group of 6 lines (the sestet), and in a common English form into 3 quatrains followed by a couplet.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sonnet





The heroic couplet in Shakespeare's " My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun" really reveals the power that the 2 concluding lines hold over the other 12 lines, in reconciliation.

Quote:


My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
  And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
  As any she belied with false compare.





What do you think about it?

Edited by teknix (11/16/12 12:37 AM)

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InvisibleMafeki
Umadbro

Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 3,884
Loc: Jamaica
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: teknix]
    #17227480 - 11/16/12 12:39 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Couplets are great for wringing anything really, their easily modifiable and you can easily rhyme and unrhyme them, control the metre and such. I'm not exactly sure what you want me to observe, what I've noticed since learning this that (mainly) because I have a hard time understanding what exactly is a stressed word, when singing you can stress any word you want, so I totally ignore it the rhyming scheme on the other hand helps more then anything when writing songs, I just read the last words on every line to figure out what it is.


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Invisibleteknix
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Registered: 09/16/08
Posts: 11,953
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: Mafeki]
    #17227528 - 11/16/12 12:49 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Well, I believe a natural iamb is a word with 2 syllables, or you can use two one syllable words to the same effect.

This definition says:
Quote:


iamb -
(Literature / Poetry) a metrical foot consisting of two syllables, a short one followed by a long one (˘ ¯)
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/iamb





How do you tell a long syllable from a short one?

I was curious about your interpretation of the poem when I asked "what do you think about it".

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InvisibleMafeki
Umadbro

Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 3,884
Loc: Jamaica
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: teknix]
    #17227659 - 11/16/12 01:25 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Oh the poems great, I think it rolls out the mouth nicely. I honestly have read that definition before and I still don't understand the difference between a long syllable and a short one.


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Invisibleteknix
π“‚€βŸπ“…’π“π“…ƒπ“Š°π“‰‘ 𓁼𓆗⨻
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Registered: 09/16/08
Posts: 11,953
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: Mafeki]
    #17227845 - 11/16/12 02:41 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Mafeki said:
Your stretched corpse bicycles within the heroin.
Sex dodges above the metal orbit.
How does skill ink the future postscript?
My surface chops the viewer.
Sex learns Skill.

A vicar dines behind the commissioned age.
Should a fabric advertise?
Icelander speculates in my lust.
How will icelander prime diploid?
The arc conforms icelander.
Diploid dooms icelander with your trivial arithmetic.

Does the exact sacrifice wave the mayor?
Should the sober caffeine reason inside the constant?
The resolve treks with the directory sigh.
The subsidiary garble strays around a ringing art.
An astronomer rips our innovative sand.
The blast harms a warning nostalgia.

Should shroomery jail a juice?
The surrounding nurse breaks shroomery.
How will shroomery lose?
Will moderators format each utter ghost?
How will shroomery defeat moderators?
Moderators prosecutes shroomery.




Line 13: "Should the sober caffeine reason inside the constant?"

This really captures my attention beginning with the oxymoron "sober caffeine" which makes me think of decafinated coffee, The "sober caffeine" is not only an oxymoron but also being personified by being gifted the ability to "reason" and rationale seems to be a uniquely human trait. So you could possibly be depersonifying yourself in the form of a question, and wrote this while you were mostly sober? Was the 13th line a question or dilemma to continue through life sober?

I'm really curious about that and hope you can shed some light on that line for me.

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
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Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: Mafeki]
    #17227912 - 11/16/12 03:35 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

It doesn't :shrug:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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InvisibleMafeki
Umadbro

Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 3,884
Loc: Jamaica
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: teknix]
    #17228451 - 11/16/12 07:55 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

teknix said:
Line 13: "Should the sober caffeine reason inside the constant?"

This really captures my attention beginning with the oxymoron "sober caffeine" which makes me think of decafinated coffee, The "sober caffeine" is not only an oxymoron but also being personified by being gifted the ability to "reason" and rationale seems to be a uniquely human trait. So you could possibly be depersonifying yourself in the form of a question, and wrote this while you were mostly sober? Was the 13th line a question or dilemma to continue through life sober? You have the option to insert two words "diploid, icelander, shroomery, moderator" were four words I used for two of them.

I'm really curious about that and hope you can shed some light on that line for me.




Did you read my first post, it's completely random nonsense, I used that site I liked watchout4snakes.com I said I only used it for a creativity tool. lol
First time using the random paragraph generator, I was surprised by how useful it could be utilized for creativity, even though they don't make sense you can derive some interesting stuff from it.
"Your stretched corpse bicycles within the heroin."
This was literally the first paragraph I generated, it came across to me as poetic, for the longest time I was just generating random single words, then I saw the sites other tools. Though I didn't intend this thread to actually get into how I personally feel about stuff, and maybe even songs I wrote and going to write, you got PM me and we can discuss it or maybe start a thread in the media section. I'm really interested in understanding Metre better.

check out this other thread: http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/17196619/page/2


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InvisiblePenelope_Tree
Shamanic Panic
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Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 8,535
Loc: magic sugarcastle
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: xFrockx]
    #17228617 - 11/16/12 08:35 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

xFrockx said:
Will a governor abort?
The symptom aids Murder after her demented funeral.
The mental beach migrates beneath a mummy.
Murder smiles Sex in a substitute.
Sex trashes Murder.
Sex plagues a robot.





Did you make that up?


--------------------
full blown human

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OfflinexFrockx
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Registered: 09/17/06
Posts: 10,457
Loc: Northeast
Last seen: 12 days, 18 hours
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: Penelope_Tree]
    #17228652 - 11/16/12 08:44 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Used the site he did the one in the OP with

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OfflineLevi
Stranger
Male
Registered: 11/16/12
Posts: 20
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: xFrockx]
    #17228751 - 11/16/12 09:09 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

It inspires me with the refresh of my mind. The poem has attracted my heart and i want to read this poem again and again.


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neocube

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InvisiblePenelope_Tree
Shamanic Panic
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Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 8,535
Loc: magic sugarcastle
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: xFrockx]
    #17229506 - 11/16/12 12:50 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Robot generation. That explains why I was so attracted. :bender:


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full blown human

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OfflineMemories
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Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 10,484
Loc: Suwannee River
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: Penelope_Tree]
    #17229856 - 11/16/12 02:08 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Losing ground with each tick
my hearts morbid beat
counting down to my death
with the steps of my feet

Ignoring it all
through this euphoric haze
ignoring it all
but i still feel the pain

Gaining some ground
with the new things that i do
but when it gets quiet
that tick's louder than you

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InvisibleSlashOZ
:D
Male


Registered: 10/20/06
Posts: 3,557
Loc: Following the water cycle
Re: What does my poem inspire in you? [Re: Mafeki]
    #17230468 - 11/16/12 04:32 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

stupidity? :shrug:


--------------------
"Life sucks but in this really beautiful way" - Axl Rose
"Life's a bitch and then you die that's why we get high cuz you never know when you're gonna go." - NAS
"When people don't know what you're about they put you down and shut you out" - Black Sabbath
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" - Gandhi
"Look up at me I am God, look down on me and I am evil, look at me I am you." - Charles Manson.
"Don't question my reality." - Me (as far as I know)

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