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InvisibleLeViTY
I missed theark.

Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 1,988
Loc: CA
Tired of living...
    #1714159 - 07/14/03 12:41 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

My entire life is falling apart as I'm realizing that I've done everything wrong and I lost the only person I ever cared about.

I honestly can't see any reason not to jump out into the street and kill myself. My Dad wants to send me back to a full-time psychiatrist, so I can be monitored to ensure I won't hurt myself.

What is the point of living? How do you all do it? I see no reason to ever breathe again.

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InvisibletrendalM
J♠
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Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 20,815
Loc: Ontario, Canada Flag
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1714191 - 07/14/03 12:51 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Oh Jacki  :confused:

I know things may look bad right now, and that makes you feel bad, right? But TRUST ME when I say this...things get better!

What's the point of living? Well if you don't live...you'll never find out, that's the key  :wink:

I don't know what "the point" is, yet, but I'm willing to take the time to find out!

You may have "lost" someone, but it's not the end. We all lose people in life. It will happen to you again, like it happens to all of us again. But you have to remember that you WILL have that chance again, and that's why it's worth going on!

Because if you're not alive, you're chances are up. The longer you live, the more chances you get  :wink:




--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.

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OfflineEarth_Droid
Stranger
Registered: 04/19/02
Posts: 5,240
Last seen: 17 years, 8 months
Re: Tired of living... [Re: trendal]
    #1714198 - 07/14/03 12:52 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

You should live to find out why to live. That is what keeps me going. And don't harm yourself, it will not help. I know this isn't much help, but things WILL get better.

Edited by Earth_Droid (07/14/03 12:53 PM)

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Offlinetoned3f
Comfortably Numb
Registered: 05/27/03
Posts: 124
Loc: NY, Amerika
Last seen: 15 years, 11 months
Re: Tired of living... [Re: Earth_Droid]
    #1714210 - 07/14/03 12:55 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Just think about it this way:

If you're dead, you'll never have the chance to find out what you could be missing. Life will get better, but from death there's not much room for improvement.

Plus, OTD would be boring without you  :tongue:

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InvisibleLeViTY
I missed theark.

Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 1,988
Loc: CA
Re: Tired of living... [Re: trendal]
    #1714213 - 07/14/03 12:55 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Thanks for the responses.

It just seems as though life is so fucking ridiculous anyway, because there is no 'known' point of it all. By the time we finish living our lives to discover this point of living, we won't need to know it! Because we will be dead!

I don't see why I shouldn't just speed up the process.

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InvisibletrendalM
J♠
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Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 20,815
Loc: Ontario, Canada Flag
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1714224 - 07/14/03 12:56 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Because there are people who love you.

Do you want to hurt them?


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.

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InvisibleLeViTY
I missed theark.

Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 1,988
Loc: CA
Re: Tired of living... [Re: trendal]
    #1714233 - 07/14/03 12:58 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

I've already hurt the people that I love...

And I've hurt the one person who I loved the most. Knowing that I've hurt the people I love is reason enough for me to end it all! I have a feeling some people would be better off if I disappeared, even my parents.

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OfflineEarth_Droid
Stranger
Registered: 04/19/02
Posts: 5,240
Last seen: 17 years, 8 months
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1714248 - 07/14/03 01:01 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

You don't know if you will get reborn and have to face the same problems next life. So you might as well try and stop the karma within yourself during this life. You might as well just have faith and wish for the best. Besides you will have many happy experiences this life.

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InvisibletrendalM
J♠
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Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 20,815
Loc: Ontario, Canada Flag
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1714262 - 07/14/03 01:03 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Well I'll tell you now that YOU ARE WRONG!

Well all have a purpose in life, trust me  :smile:
I know that I have one, and I know that you have one too.
Most of the time we don't get to know our purpose until it's time, I think.

But it's always there, waiting for you. If you go out now...the effects down the road are unknowable.

If you've hurt the people you love, then FIX IT. Don't complain about things, it doesn't solve a thing. Just fix what's wrong.

This is the third time I've tried to tell you, Jacki, but YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE  :smirk:

YOU have the power to make things right...but if you're dead you can't fix a thing.

And no, death itself never fixes anything. Ever.


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.

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InvisibleLeViTY
I missed theark.

Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 1,988
Loc: CA
Re: Tired of living... [Re: trendal]
    #1714279 - 07/14/03 01:06 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

I know I'm USUALLY in control, but this time I'm not. The things that I did to hurt my loved ones are irreversable, and I know this. That's why I don't see a reason to live, because I can't fix anything!

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InvisibletrendalM
J♠
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Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 20,815
Loc: Ontario, Canada Flag
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1714325 - 07/14/03 01:15 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

No, you're wrong again :-)

Everything that can be done, can be undone. If you have made a mistake, it's not the end of the world. WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES, silly  :smirk:

I make mistakes. You make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.

But ending it is no way to fix anything.

Not only will you feel better, someday you'll find it silly that you were even upset right now  :smirk:


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.

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OfflineWysefool
I AM SKELETON JELLY
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Registered: 12/26/02
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: trendal]
    #1714434 - 07/14/03 01:35 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Find a bunch of hobbies - An idle mind is the devil's playground.

And if you don't mind me asking what have you done that you think is so irreversible?


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]

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InvisibleXibalba
Stranger
Registered: 05/13/00
Posts: 2,114
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1714622 - 07/14/03 02:27 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)


Edited by Xibalba (09/30/05 12:39 AM)

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Offlinegnrm23
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/29/99
Posts: 6,488
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 5 months, 21 days
Re: Tired of living... [Re: Xibalba]
    #1714663 - 07/14/03 02:37 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

please hang in there...
gott knows we have all screwed up at one time or another...
but i rather suspect your parents would not feel better of with you checking out...
and you do have friends in the world... and friends on the 'net...
"this too shall pass" --- and the sun will shine a bit brighter, and you will find ones who will reurtn your smiles, and will return your hugs...
give this old world another few spins around the axis, and maybe even a few more turns around the sun...
yeah, maybe the best part of the game is going to the showers, but, friend, the game isn't over yet (and let's not call it on account of this bit of rain, ok?)
~
be well
be very well
be very well indeed...
~
(gnrmi gives levity a big hug & a small smack upside the head, & a hot cuppa cocoa with those li'l marshmallows...)
~
~


--------------------
old enough to know better
not old enough to care

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InvisibleXibalba
Stranger
Registered: 05/13/00
Posts: 2,114
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1714671 - 07/14/03 02:39 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)


Edited by Xibalba (09/30/05 12:38 AM)

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OfflineJackal
Well Versed In Etiquette
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Registered: 10/16/02
Posts: 4,576
Last seen: 8 months, 2 days
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1714688 - 07/14/03 02:43 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

You're right, life does suck. It always has and it always will - if that's your perspective.

Things have got to change, you have to ask yourself whats easier: Changing the whole world so its a better place, or changing your way of looking at it.

You seem to be convinced that the hurt you have caused is irreversible, but they aren't! I assure you! I have done some pretty fucked up things in my life, hurt those around me really bad, attempted suicide - thought I was worthless and that no-one would miss me.

However, I fought through that shit, and it was down to similar advice that is being given out here. People kept telling me that death isn't the answer and that things will get better. At the time, it took a while to sink in. But you want to know something? They Were Right!

The shit passes, things do get better, life will become more fulfilling. A time will come when you're smoking a blunt with some friends, sitting in the Sun and you'll think to yourself. 'What the fuck was I thinking?'

Keep telling yourself that it will pass.

You're an intelligent, pretty, witty girl, with a lot more things going for you than you think.

Take Care

Jackal


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InvisibleLeViTY
I missed theark.

Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 1,988
Loc: CA
Re: Tired of living... [Re: Jackal]
    #1714824 - 07/14/03 03:28 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Xibalba: The reason I feel like everything is wrong is because the one thing that went wrong just happened to be my ENTIRE life. It doesn't matter that I am in high school, it doesn't make any of the hurt or importance of my pain go away.

I'm not pretty and I'm not witty, I'm just a bitch. I appreciate all of your comments and trying to help, but like... what's the point of living a life where nothing you do is ever right?

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InvisibletrendalM
J♠
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Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 20,815
Loc: Ontario, Canada Flag
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1714834 - 07/14/03 03:31 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

What's the point of thinking that nothing you ever do will ever be right?


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.

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InvisibleLeViTY
I missed theark.

Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 1,988
Loc: CA
Re: Tired of living... [Re: trendal]
    #1714859 - 07/14/03 03:37 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

It's more of a certainty than a thought. I've been alive long enough to know that the only thing I can do right is make mistakes.

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OfflineJackal
Well Versed In Etiquette
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Registered: 10/16/02
Posts: 4,576
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1714876 - 07/14/03 03:43 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

It seems as though all you can do is fuck things up. I went through something very similar to you a few years back.

Things won't change instantly, they take time. But the good thing is, is that it is inevitable.

I believe that good times are ahead for you, it may seem unlikely but it's all to do with balance.

And you are pretty, I said so long ago - especially with that moody look. :wink:

Don't forget it!


--------------------

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InvisibletrendalM
J♠
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Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 20,815
Loc: Ontario, Canada Flag
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1714878 - 07/14/03 03:43 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

No that's not true. You have fooled yourself into believing it is, though.

I know it's hard to accept, lev, but you'll understand in time. You just have to give it that time.

If you think you will screw up...you probably will.

If you think you will succeed...you probably will.

It's all up to you! But choose to live! The world is too full of death as it is  :frown:


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.

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InvisibleLeViTY
I missed theark.

Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 1,988
Loc: CA
Re: Tired of living... [Re: trendal]
    #1714882 - 07/14/03 03:44 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

The world is full of overpopulation and famine.

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Offlinelucid
Jack's AlteredConsciousness

Registered: 03/29/03
Posts: 6,319
Loc: up on the bidet
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1714909 - 07/14/03 03:51 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Levity, trust me you are capable of/and have done much right and
good (trust me !!).
I can empathise with u... I've been suicidal for that past 5 months
after a bad shroom trip and I'll admit that I've tried it once
a few weeks ago. But my reasons are different. I get bouts of
angst/confusion/horrific depression/terrifying fear that I can
barely describe to others. I've been trying desperately to cope
because I know that there are people who care about me and who
my death would affect deeply (even people on this board will be
affected deeply - I know this). My stuggle is that I cannot bear
the pain sometimes and the terror and think about ending it all.
But I know that suicide is not "right" in some deeply intrinsic
sense. I'm divorced (the love of my life for 6 years walked out
on me without an explaination), I've lost 2 jobs (layed off from
one and one due to visa issues), and I've lost the place I loved
to live and called home. BUT, I *know* that I may meet someone
and fall in love again, I *know* that I might get another job,
I know that I might be able to find a place to live that I like
and call home... but what I don't know (and what I'm concerned about)
is that I'll never be my old happy self again, I'll never be what
I was before I took the shrooms. I feel like I'm incapable of
being happy (regardless of my circumstances). And I doubt myself,
I doubt that I can recover. But, God knows, I plan to fight this
thing to the end and try everything in my means to get back on my
feet. When I was a kid I remember seeing a cartoon about a little
froggie struggling against all odds, there was a line in the cartoon
where the froggie sez "ribbit... to the limit...every minute...put
your heart in it..." :smile: beautiful, those words have stuck with me
since...
PM me anytime. May u have everlasting peace and happiness :smile:


--------------------
"no-mind un-thinks no-thought..."

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Offlinetoned3f
Comfortably Numb
Registered: 05/27/03
Posts: 124
Loc: NY, Amerika
Last seen: 15 years, 11 months
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1714910 - 07/14/03 03:52 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Consider yourself lucky enough to not have to deal with the overpopulation and famine plaguing the world, and consider the effects on the people around you should you go through with committing suicide.

Life may suck at times, but killing yourself certainly won't make anything better.

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InvisibleArmFromTheAbyss
Old Hand

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 1,368
Loc: Down here in Babylon
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1715046 - 07/14/03 04:27 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Levity, this is part of life. Everybody goes through it at some point.

Stick in there and good times will come. Growth will come...

If you are ever in NYC and wanna trip, I'm down. Even if you don't wanna trip...

:grin:    :sun: 


--------------------

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InvisibleXibalba
Stranger
Registered: 05/13/00
Posts: 2,114
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1715088 - 07/14/03 04:37 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)


Edited by Xibalba (09/30/05 12:37 AM)

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OfflineStatic
Can you hear menow?

Registered: 06/15/03
Posts: 113
Last seen: 20 years, 2 months
Re: Tired of living... [Re: Xibalba]
    #1715439 - 07/14/03 05:58 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Out of the ashes of dispair grow the Roses of happiness.
Don't give up, things have a way of working out. You never see it coming but it always does. I have been in bad places as many here have and things always somehow work out. After I had to leave my GF some 6 years ago I thought wtf! this agony just plain sucks dirty donkey dicks but I did not give up. Today I am a happy camper and am glad thing happened the way they did. As a child I was always getting in trouble with everything. Nothing I did was good enough for dad and I was on the honor role, took all the highest classes and played sports. For crying out loud dad what could I do better? Nothing. Be yourself and hang in there. You will have your sun shine...  :sun:


--------------------
Astronauts get all the tang they want.

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OfflineStrumpling
Neuronaut
Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1715969 - 07/14/03 08:19 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

I would say give yourself a couple more years, and then re-think the whole "jumping out into the street" thing.


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE

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OfflineSheepish
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Registered: 04/02/02
Posts: 10,137
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Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1716004 - 07/14/03 08:28 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

The Patient

A groan of tedium escapes me, startling the fearful.
Is this a test?
It has to be. Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience. drain vitality.
this paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.

But I'm still right here, giving blood and keeping faith. And I'm still right here.
But I'm still right here, giving blood and keeping faith. And I'm still right here.

I'm gonna wait it out

If there were no rewards to reap,
no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.

I'm gonna wait it out

If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along this tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.

I still may. And I still may.
Be patient.

I must keep reminding myself of this...

If there were no rewards to reap,
no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may. And I still may. And I still may.

I'm gonna wait it out.
I'm gonna wait it out.
Gonna wait it out.
Gonna wait it out.





This song has a lot of meaning to me - it's pretty much what I decided to do when I was really depressed younger - WAIT IT OUT. It wasn't all sunshine and sweet smelling flowers, but I got through it. When I think about "What if I went through with it", it's kind of freaky to think about what experiences I would have missed. Try not to rely on other people for your happiness, you need to find it from within yourself. Spend some time alone, be comfortable with yourself, learn to have fun with just yourself (and I don't mean masturbation) and watch a sunset. When things get too much (with people, and the problems that arise from them), I drive out to a beach and listen to music, and just watch how beautiful nature is. Just as nothing good lasts forever, nothing bad does either. Things come and go, you just have to enjoy the good times, and ride out the bad. Don't feel bad about your mistakes - we all make them. If we didn't make mistakes, how could we learn from them? There's not one human alive that hasn't made a mistake that they regret. It's just not possible, NONE of us are perfect. There's no point trying to be perfect, just admit your mistakes/faults and move on and work on how to not repeat your mistakes.

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Offlinepattern
multiplayer

Registered: 07/19/02
Posts: 2,185
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 4 years, 16 days
Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1716647 - 07/14/03 10:38 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Hi Levity:

You'll make mistakes every day, but you gotta roll with the punches. Tomorrow is another day. When they knock you down, or when you trip, maybe lie there and think about it for a while, and laugh at yourself. You have to get back up and fight.

Make the best of your opportunities. Even when those opportunities aren't the best.


--------------------
man = monkey + mushroom

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OfflineDigireal
Stranger
Registered: 07/01/03
Posts: 1
Last seen: 20 years, 1 month
Re: Tired of living... [Re: pattern]
    #1719968 - 07/16/03 12:07 AM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Levity, I'd like to share a story with you about how bad things can get, and how they get better.

A little over one year ago, I got arrested at work for some stupid shit. I spent 3 months in jail, when I got out, everything I owned that was of any value had been sold by room mate, I was left with 2 shirts, the pants I was wearing and another pair of tennis shoes. I had been served with an eviction notice while in jail, so I was homeless, I didn't have a dime to my name, There was still a very real chance of me going to prison for a very long time, my girlfriend of four years left me for another GIRL, I was disowned by my family. I had lost my job when I went to jail. And my probation officer was telling me that if I didn't find a permanent residence in 7 days I was going to go back to jail until my sentencing - another 60 days, and that not having a permanent residence would greatly increase my chances of going to prison. I sat in my city-furnished hotel room for 3 days with a bottle of coumadin debating on whether or not to kill myself. I finally decided that it would be better than living this nightmare. As I was putting the pills in my mouth, I realized that this was not an escape route. I had to stand up and do something to make my life better. I know I got my self into this mess, but it was still so overwhelming. I make a decision that I was going to tough it out no matter what happened. Life gets shitty, but it always gets better. You can only go down so far. most of the time, how far down you go depends on haw far you are willing to let yourself fall. For me, I had to hit rock bottom before I was ready to make a change. I decided suicide was not an option and that I had to get some help.
I called a crisis hotline and the lovely lady on the other end of the line referred me to the local mental health clinic. I asked for help and I got it. Today I'm a college student majoring in psycholgy, I've made my amends with my family, I go go to school full time, and work 30 hours a week. I'm not in a relationship now and I'm ok with that. What I'm trying to say is, don't take the easy route to escape your problems. There are many other options availiable to you. I highly suggest contacting your local mental health clinic, they can usually provide free or low cost help to anyone in need, and many are 100% confidential. Contemplating suicide is serious shit, you obviously have had some traumatic events happen lately. I really hope you will seek help. That's what these people are there for. --

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Offlinepolarity
vagabond
Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 99
Loc: Jackson, MS
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
Re: Tired of living... [Re: Digireal]
    #1720997 - 07/16/03 08:59 AM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Levity: I know people have been giving you tons of advice and stories, so I figured I'd add mine. Some really bad things happened in my life, my aunt (who acted as my mother, because my mother was always gone) died of cancer. I cared for her in her last years and was standing there when she took her last breathe. It was like watching myself die. At that moment I became pissed off at the world, I turned my back on my family, my friends, and my religion. To this day I still have not accepted religion again. My mom turned to suicide after seeing her sister die, she tried to OD on pills almost everynight. My brother and I stayed up countless nights holding her head over a toilet so she would not die. We took countless trips to hospitals and clinics for stomach pumps and whatever else doctors do. My mom decided I was not coping with my aunts death well (because I didn't appear to be grieving(sp)) at all, so she sent me to a shrink. This only made me feel worse, like not only was everything falling apart around me, but I was crumbling with it. I turned to suicide. I slit my wrists, 3 times. The first time, I cut myself, unsure about death and if it';s what I wanted so the cut was not bad. I bled alot, passed out and was left with a horrible cut. The next week was worse this time I was serious, I cut them both about a 2 inch slit running up and down and a slit the size of my wrist across (forming a t or a cross or something) on both wrists. My brother found me and my neighbor took me to the hospital. I spent a good while in there recovering and I was forced to go to a shrink more. To me, it seemed like more weakness and I tried one final time. Obviously I did not succeed. I still have the scars on my wrist and everytime I look at them I remember that I might not be alive today.

Today I lead a better life, I have a good job and work with people who respect me as a coworker and as a person. My mom and I have a great relationship and she has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I still have alot of problems today, but when I think about just how bad it can get and I see those scars I know that this is nothing. I finally grieved for my aunt (about 2 weeks ago, it has been approximately 7 years) when my friend forced me to open up a little (he has been my friend for a few years and knew nothing of my past). We were on lsd and x at the time and I told him about all of it and I finally cried. I felt better it was a huge release.

Now after all that babbling this is what I can tell you. No matter what you've done, it may not be able to be fixed, but it can be mended a little. Talk to the people you have hurt tell them what has happened and that you feel bad for it. Even if things don't go back to how they were, you would feel better. I promise you suicide is not the answer, you keep asking what's the meaning of life, what's the purpose. The purpose IMHO is to live. To have your life and in the end look back and say, I had some bad times, I has some really horrible times, but I also had some great ones. Take all the things in life right now that hurt, and match them to all the things in your life that you've enjoyed (death of a friend, to birth of a sibling) things like that. One may outweigh the other. Start to look for things that make you happy (hobbies, friends, games, art, music) anything that you can put your heart into. Stick with it. It will get better.

I'm online all day during the day if you get online look me up on AIM: If I'm gone, it will just be to lunch and I'll chat with you. I've been where you are and I know how much it hurts. Sometimes you just need someone to share it with.

AIM: polaritywork

'I?d run away, But you can?t run away from yourself or your health so
I deal with the cards that I?m dealt.'




--------------------
But I?ll survive, the pain lets me know I?m alive.
But I still feel that this ain?t livin.

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InvisibleLeViTY
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: Digireal]
    #1721332 - 07/16/03 11:14 AM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Thanks for the help, you guys.

Update:

Some of the issues WERE fixed, but things won't ever really be the same and I can't seem to shake this depression.

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InvisibleZero7a1
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1721586 - 07/16/03 12:55 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

with time... the cold wounds weather like the crevices of the earth. and as you see when you look back into your past you can see the memories... and with time trees will grow, things will flourish where their once thought to be tragedy. this is the change of all life, all we have to try and do is understand what we can. To grow, to live, to change like sky, the rolling hills, or the tides of the ocean. Go outside and stare into the sky, and just watch it as it changes colors, as the clouds morph in and out. its always hard at first, but isnt it always hard when you first start to walk. you know like when you wake up and you cant make a fist? after time, you find the strength again.


--------------------
What?

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OfflineTheHobbit
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1721648 - 07/16/03 01:16 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

I'm truly sorry you're feeling so bad right now, but I really believe that time takes care of the loss of those previously close to you, as far as that goes.
I also get very depressed at times too, and am supposed to see a psych for the first time next week; might help, might not, maybe just an objective opinion on some issues.
I've found that in general I feel better about myself as I do things that give me some sense of accomplishment, even just reading a book or learning some new guitar chords, anything to make me feel a little better, although sometimes it can be hard to even get yourself up for that to begin with.
I think the world we live in can get anyone very down at times, especially if you're sensitive to the problems affecting the people and planet. I've generally found things to get better as I've gotten older, if that helps (don't know how old you are, of course), but talking with a proffesional might be a good idea.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1721795 - 07/16/03 02:08 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

n/a

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InvisibleXibalba
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1722473 - 07/16/03 06:09 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)


Edited by Xibalba (09/30/05 12:35 AM)

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OfflinePDU
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1723153 - 07/16/03 09:42 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

LeViTY said:
My entire life is falling apart as I'm realizing that I've done everything wrong and I lost the only person I ever cared about.

I honestly can't see any reason not to jump out into the street and kill myself. My Dad wants to send me back to a full-time psychiatrist, so I can be monitored to ensure I won't hurt myself.

What is the point of living? How do you all do it? I see no reason to ever breathe again.




People have searched for a reason [to live] for centuries and havent found out..life sucks big time, greed, lies, false people and things, money, the air, it fucking sucks. We all live like fucking ant's making absolutely no impact in the grand scheme of things. Hey, its a bummer...as ive mentioned, ive recently started enjoying what i can, and occupying my mind with positivity and not focusing on the shitty things...just trying to make the best of life, it still fucking sucks, but at least i can smile and feel good about myself now. You basically have 3 options, kill yourself, live miserably and be a big bummer, or start changing your view on life.

get custody of yourself..

edited by geokills for negative content.


--------------------
GO OUTSIDE.

Edited by geokills (07/17/03 12:44 PM)

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OfflineStrumpling
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1724034 - 07/17/03 04:30 AM (20 years, 8 months ago)

build something new


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE

Edited by Strumpling (07/17/03 04:31 AM)

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Invisiblematts
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[Re: Strumpling]
    #1724593 - 07/17/03 11:26 AM (20 years, 8 months ago)


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Invisiblevampirism
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1725260 - 07/17/03 03:49 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

i hate when i get into a slump..
*everyone* is a pimple on the ass of the universe

simply put, theres nothing wrong with ending it all- no troubles will have evere existed, and the troubles of losing any positive stuff in your life won't come out and haunt you.

but suicide simply has no style..
i never thought so, but an author put the suggestion out there, and I remembered it. I've found it's true.

it's through inanity that substance can exist

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OfflineStrumpling
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: ]
    #1725696 - 07/17/03 06:10 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

"theres nothing wrong with ending it all- no troubles will have evere existed"

Don't forget there are OTHER PEOPLE in your life..... OTHER PEOPLE who care about you - even people you might not even know or care about yourself - they will witness and/or hear about your suicide and you will have caused pain and sorrow for many, instead of just yourself.


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE

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Invisiblevampirism
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: Strumpling]
    #1726015 - 07/17/03 08:03 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

when it comes down to it, they never existed nor will they continue existing

your life is your universe, end it and it's gone

suicide is a personal choice

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OfflinePDU
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: ]
    #1726223 - 07/17/03 08:53 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Suicide is about the only thing there is when all else is gone, it is the one right which cannot be taken away from you, and in certain case's i think its appropriate. I think Levity maybe needs to get away from her parents, and her current situation for a bit, and just have some time to be sad and decide whats up with her life... Hopefully her parents wont make that too hard for her.


--------------------
GO OUTSIDE.

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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: PDU]
    #1726757 - 07/18/03 12:43 AM (20 years, 8 months ago)

PDF, you're an ass.

Levity, don't listen to these people saying that suicide is an OK solution.

Because it isn't!

It's an avoidance solution. It's what people do when they can't deal with things.

But, as I've said many times, you can deal with shit yourself. There is nothing that will happen in your life that you can't deal with. Your life is your own, and YOU controll it.

Suicide is, in my opinion, the most cowardly of all actions. It's better to run away from a physical fight than it is to take your own life. Taking your own life is admitting that you can't handle it...which just isn't true. You can do what you want with your life. Period. That doesn't mean you have to kill yourself.

You would hurt FAR more people than you would help. I, at least, would be very, VERY destraught if you were not around  :frown:

Choose life! It's the only logical solution.


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.

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Invisiblevampirism
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: trendal]
    #1727897 - 07/18/03 02:36 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

it's an option, not a solution
closing ANY option promotes delusion

in the words of Camus, "There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy."

there is no shame, there is no cowardice, and there is no honor in the decision. its is a nuetral one

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OfflinePDU
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: ]
    #1727906 - 07/18/03 02:41 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Well said Morrowind!

I think focusing on how Levity feel's, and helping her make appropriate decisions, is more important than condemning her for considering a plausible option and making her feel bad for thinking about hurting her relatives, when she is the one that need's pain relief.


--------------------
GO OUTSIDE.

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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: PDU]
    #1727924 - 07/18/03 02:48 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

A good point. All the same, I would appreciate it if people did NOT advocate suicide in this forum.

End of story on this one, I'm afraid  :wink:


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.

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Invisiblevampirism
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: trendal]
    #1728016 - 07/18/03 03:18 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

very well. i just thought i might be of a little help: only through accepting suicide as an option did I reject it

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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: ]
    #1728592 - 07/18/03 06:54 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

It may be an option, yes, but I do not believe it is a good idea to discuss it as an option with someone who may be clinically depressed.  :smirk:


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.

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OfflineLikwidDrawp
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: trendal]
    #1728604 - 07/18/03 07:00 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Unless you believe it all goes black when you leave this planet, you will always be stuck in some kind of conscious/unconscious physical/emotional/mental/intuitive/much-more-even being. There are many options to overcome being sad. I would say look inside to find the inner light, but it is a matter of finding what fuels that light inside of you.


--------------------

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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1732439 - 07/20/03 01:44 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

LeViTY -
Greetings.
On the S&P forum, people are mourning the recent suicide of ViBrAnT, who stated that he had an inoperable brain tumor, and who very shortly would have begun to lose both mental and physical abilities. He jumped off of a railroad bridge. Many people wrote to ViBrAnT when he started to make posts similar to yours. Some cynics scoffed at his mere pleas for attention - as if there was something wrong with reaching out to fellow human beings for help. I gave it my best shot, and I'm a crisis intervention specialist in the 4th largest school system in the US. I failed to bring about a non-destructive attitude.

I don't know how old you are, but when I was in my 20's, I saw too many suicides. Fear of life was stronger than the fear of death. Apprehension at not knowing when they, or their loved ones would die, was too much to live with. Some of them stayed numb on numbing drugs. Most had no faith or belief in God, and those who claimed to thought that they would simply be forgiven by God, not realizing that they were already IN Hell, and that by killing the physical body, they would enter more fully into that damnable condition.

When I was suicidal during the most powerful acid trip of my life, the above idea occurred to me. Since, I reasoned, life would end eventually, and since it also came to me that one had to die in a state of bliss, or at least in a state of peace that transcended one's pain - I was surely not ready to die. That was Independence Day 1973. I have never regretted my decision to put down that deer-bone handled Bowie knife. It is a huge assumption that killing the body results in simple annihilation. Most of the world's people since paleolithic times have NOT believed this to be the case. I'll not preach to you, but I will warn you, that thinking that suicide ends one's suffering is the biggest mistake of one's human existence. If you have not yet had an experience that changes your materialistic belief - then spend the rest of your life seeking one. Seeking the Truth is THE point, and purpose for the blessing of having been given a human existence.


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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OfflinePDU
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1732580 - 07/20/03 02:58 PM (20 years, 8 months ago)

Some people search for "the truth" (the truth about what? the bitter realization of life?) and never find it, some realize it right away. I think thats kind of a cop out excuse to justify living.

Look, the things that justify living can be few and far between, but they're there. Levity, you have lots of friends that care about you, yuo are constantly flattered/joked about/gawked at by alot of the shroomery, from what i gather you live a pretty nice life in a nice area, etc etc.

Fuck, things probably will get worse at parts of your life, your going to have to learn to deal with the problems of growing up, and enjoy what you can, while you can, now.

Thats how it is, no BS'ing you through it, youve got the support of lots of people, tons of unbiased people to talk your problems out with, and methods to action, start figuring things out and enjoying life, living in personal torment isnt any good...but its up to you to focus on the positive, its up to you to take action, its up to you...and you can do it.


--------------------
GO OUTSIDE.

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Offlineshroom_me
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: Jackal]
    #6148526 - 10/08/06 10:59 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

I see where your coming from, think that same stuff all the time. But at the end of the day you have to realize EVERYONE has or does think of this too!! AND EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES. Its not to late to correct those mistakes and to start over again. Just because you lose someone you love doesn't mean you should stop loving altogether. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe you'll meet someone who will be better. Who knows? You sure as hell wont know if you kill yourself. Hey I got a story for you: I myself wanted to kill myself and I actually had a date and a plot plotted a month in advance! I was going to kill myself on one of my birthdays 2 years ago. I was writing in a journal that whole month saying my goodbye and saying piece on things that pissed me off and generally telling people why. Then the very day I was going to kill myself my best friend called me after not calling me for several weeks and said he wanted to see me. WE hung out as usual then I met someone new that day my now girlfriend and that change my life for the better I found a better place to live a better job. Made friends with her friends, cleaned up my act,etc. Now if I had just killed myself and never went and saw my friend NONE of that would have happened. That I in hindsight i would have regretted alot!! What if the day after you killed yourself everything changed for the better?? IT DOES HAPPEN, Happened To Me.. Don't give up without a fight!!

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OfflineMitchnast
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Re: Tired of living... [Re: shroom_me]
    #6149143 - 10/09/06 03:38 AM (17 years, 5 months ago)

dont revive old threads please

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