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OfflineGrav
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Depersonalization
    #1697966 - 07/09/03 01:02 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I dont know if this has been posted before, but I just found out recently (thanks to a fellow shroomerite) that there is a name for what I've been feeling for the past few years... I thought it was just depression but I guess it is a different thought process alltogether... Anyways thought this might help some people who feel very confused in life but aren't sure what the fuck is up.

http://www.depersonalization.info/main.html

peace


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InvisibleXibalba
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Re: Depersonalization [Re: Grav]
    #1698694 - 07/09/03 04:55 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)



Edited by Xibalba (09/30/05 02:48 AM)


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OfflineGrav
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Re: Depersonalization [Re: Xibalba]
    #1699059 - 07/09/03 09:57 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Thanks, good post.

Well, you obviously have some decent coping skills if you are able to look at life that way, and that's totally awesome.

But like you said, some people are totally crippled by this... obssessed with thoughts. I know I was for a couple years and for some reason knowing that others have gone (are going) through the same thing, is comforting. Brings you down to earth a little, I guess.

I think the biggest problem for me was if I ever did take a stance on life (like you mentioned, trying not to take it so seriously) It would only last for maybe half the day or something before I slipped into another hole, forgot who I was or what I was trying to accomplish.

I dunno, I feel like I overcame the severity of it awhile ago, but there are still little fragments that follow me around, and after my last mushroom trip I feel very motivated to stabalize myself, which means (for me) not doing drugs anymore. The last thing I need in my life is shifting points of view. (no matter how alluring and beautiful they may seem)

And I believe one can choose to overcome this if they really want to. For me it was just a gradual process of realizing I was NOT going to suicide my soul by just being myself. And myself is not someone who can't deal with reality, It is someone who loves being alive on planet Earth.


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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: Depersonalization [Re: Grav]
    #1699096 - 07/09/03 10:26 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Would you be able to describe what "depersonalization" is like to me, Grav? I've read that page, but more viewpoints are always welcome  :wink:

Many of the things that the page said apply to me, and the way I think, but I don't think I have depersonalization, or if I do it's not so bad at all  :smirk:

Try not to fall into my trap...labelling parts of your personality as "disorder" isn't such a good thing, I think.


--------------------
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Depersonalization [Re: trendal]
    #1700140 - 07/09/03 05:49 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I felt (I think) depersonalization for about a week just last week, but it was just temporary for me and went away. I'll try and describe it... It made me feel as if the whole world was ugly. I could not listen to any music because for some reason it all sounded horrible. Actually all sound was like a horrible noise. Around other people I was very detatched and pretty emotionless. It's like walking around in a daze, watching everything happen around you as if you're watching it through a TV set but you're not really there, even though you are. Life in general seems really fake and contrived.

It was an interesting phenomenon but not something I want to experience again since I couldn't relate to other people to even hold a conversation while I had it.


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Offlinelucid
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Re: Depersonalization [Re: ]
    #1700206 - 07/09/03 06:16 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Max Headroom said:
I felt (I think) depersonalization for about a week just last week, but it was just temporary for me and went away. I'll try and describe it... It made me feel as if the whole world was ugly. I could not listen to any music because for some reason it all sounded horrible. Actually all sound was like a horrible noise. Around other people I was very detatched and pretty emotionless. It's like walking around in a daze, watching everything happen around you as if you're watching it through a TV set but you're not really there, even though you are. Life in general seems really fake and contrived.

It was an interesting phenomenon but not something I want to experience again since I couldn't relate to other people to even hold a conversation while I had it.



Wow, and it just went away like that ?
I've felt that way almost continuously for the past 4 months since
I had a bad shroom trip


--------------------
"no-mind un-thinks no-thought..."


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Offlinemonoamine
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Re: Depersonalization [Re: trendal]
    #1700749 - 07/09/03 10:00 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Would you be able to describe what "depersonalization" is like to me, Grav?




Well,I'm not Grav,but I'll tell you my experience.
I've never been formally diagnosed,but I think I have it. It's really hard to describe,but I'll try.

Depersonalization is said to sometimes result from tramatic experiences that the mind tries to repress. However, as far as I know,mine is mainly biological.
I can't think of any triggers in particular,but it happened most often when I was falling asleep and when my mind was left to wander (it happened in school a lot during lectures). I would just be sitting there and I would get this feeling (sometimes called an "aura") that it would start soon.I'm not even going to try to describe this because it's just a gut feeling. It would progress from there to feelings of "unreality". I felt like I was in a waking dream,like I was in the room,yet a thousand miles away at the same time. People seemed like "robots",like they were fake or something. I would hear words normally,but they lost all their meaning. During this time,if I looked in a mirror,I would litterally not recognize the person looking back,like I was in control of someone else's body. My thoughts sometimes went totally wierd. Look at my quote in my sig,that's basically where my mind went (think about the sentence "This statement is false.")
When it happened when I was falling asleep,I would get this totally bizarre feeling like my body was expanding,but the outside world was contracting at the same time-totally fucking bizarre. Ann Shulgin describes this in Pihkal much better than I do. I believe she called it the "dissassociative spiral".

It might sound like a psychedelic drug experience in some respects,but it's quite a bit different. While my trips were usually pleasant,DP was always hell. I never experienced any positive insights during DP and I never had any concrete hallucinations. If I had to compare it to a drug, I would say it was like a really bad high dose DXM trip,but still quite different.
It might sound like psychosis to some people,but I was always aware it was happening and nobody ever said I was acting wierd or anything and I never had any delusions.
I tried to describe it to my psychiatrist,but he's a total fucking moron.I don't even think he knew what DP was. I told him I had used LSD in the past,so he basically assumed I was having some kind of drug induced psychotic break from reality (it happened long before I ever did any drugs). He prescribed me an antipsychotic,Zyprexa,which made it worse. To make a long story short,after being misdiagnosed with everything under the sun,he finally told me I had panic disorder and gave me Ativan, a benzodiazepine tranquilizer. Ever since I've been on Ativan,I've only had about one DP episode.The Ativan works wonderfully.
Well,I'm not a doctor,but from my own research,I think my DP is caused by some kind of seizure disorder (a siezure doesn't necessarily involve convulsions,it's just electrical activity in the brain gone haywire.) I came to this conclusion because a lot of epileptics describe DP like symptoms and my positive response to Ativan,which works like an anticonvulsant.


--------------------
People think that if you just say the word "hallucinations" it explains everything you want it to explain and eventually whatever it is you can't explain will just go away.It's just a word,it doesn't explain anything...
Douglas Adams


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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: Depersonalization [Re: monoamine]
    #1700869 - 07/09/03 10:50 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I have a lot of the symptoms on that page for DP...but I think it's just my personality. It's the way I am. I have a very active mind, and it tends to detatch me a little from the world.

However I don't really lose sight of myself, if you get what I mean. I always know who I am, even if I am unsure as to what, where, and why. So I guess that's the difference, detatchment as opposed to depersonalization?


--------------------
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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Offlinemonoamine
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Re: Depersonalization [Re: trendal]
    #1700950 - 07/09/03 11:29 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah,it's good to not jump to conclusions. I think everybody has wierd experiences and states of altered conconsciousness from time to time,it's just that most people don't talk about it because of the stigma attached to it. For me though, when I first read personal experiences of people with DP,I absolutely knew I had it,no question.

There is a strong link with epilepsy and DP. Some things to look for:

family history of epilepsy or siezures, uncontrolled muscle spasms or jerks, one pupil being bigger than another, starring spells or peroids of unresponsiveness, pseudo hallucinations (seeing movement out of the corner of your eye you know is not real), odd skin sensations (bugs crawling on your skin that aren't there), hyper religiosity, drug abuse (mostly depressants-opiates,benzos,barbs,alcohol)


--------------------
People think that if you just say the word "hallucinations" it explains everything you want it to explain and eventually whatever it is you can't explain will just go away.It's just a word,it doesn't explain anything...
Douglas Adams


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OfflineGrav
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Re: Depersonalization [Re: monoamine]
    #1701118 - 07/10/03 12:28 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Yea, I always thought I just had some form of depression, but then I read up on DP and was like... damn.. Yup. I think I got over it for the most part though recently. I had it hardcore for a couple years though definately.

I don't like just labeling very complex though processes as "Depression" or "Depersonalization" . It's not like a fucking pair of socks or something... 'I have depression today!'
but it definately helps to have some sort of easy way to sum up all the symptoms, ya know? For discussion's sake.

I am too tired to describe it in detail anymore right now, but I will later.


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Offlinemonoamine
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Re: Depersonalization [Re: Grav]
    #1701839 - 07/10/03 07:31 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

My quack doctor actually wanted to give me electro shock therapy. When I refused,he flat out told me he would no longer see me,leaving me without my meds for a few weeks,which resulted in some nasty withdrawal and rebound DP . It literally took every amount of willpower I could muster to not strangle the fucker. If I was not a civilized human being,I would have beaten him to a bloody pulp.
Luckily,I have an appointment with a psychiatrist this Tuesday which I hear is very good.Hopefully I'll get some more of my meds some I don't have to buy them off the street.


--------------------
People think that if you just say the word "hallucinations" it explains everything you want it to explain and eventually whatever it is you can't explain will just go away.It's just a word,it doesn't explain anything...
Douglas Adams


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Offlinemonoamine
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Re: Depersonalization [Re: Grav]
    #1701840 - 07/10/03 07:33 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

I don't like just labeling very complex though processes as "Depression" or "Depersonalization" . It's not like a fucking pair of socks or something... 'I have depression today!'
but it definately helps to have some sort of easy way to sum up all the symptoms, ya know? For discussion's sake.




I agree fully.People are rarely perfect textbook examples.Psychiatry is as much an art as it is a science.


--------------------
People think that if you just say the word "hallucinations" it explains everything you want it to explain and eventually whatever it is you can't explain will just go away.It's just a word,it doesn't explain anything...
Douglas Adams


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OfflineGrav
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Re: Depersonalization [Re: monoamine]
    #1701989 - 07/10/03 10:47 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Yea it's not like there is a normal human, and then one with a disorder.
Everyone is fucked up in their own dynamic way.

Though, I think if you can not cope with reality than you should try and help yourself.


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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: Depersonalization [Re: Grav]
    #1703262 - 07/10/03 05:58 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Though, I think if you can not cope with reality than you should try and help yourself.

Agreed! Something only really becomes a problem when you see it as a problem effecting your grasp on "reality". Or maybe if it begins to interfere with inter-personal relationships, although there are those who don't even view that as a problem.


--------------------
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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Invisibleeric_the_red
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Re: Depersonalization [Re: Grav]
    #1706161 - 07/11/03 04:10 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

welcome to the club. i've been treveling down this road for 5 years now. i have yet to find anything that makes it any better.


--------------------


Anno cock? is that some kind of Greek liqueur? -Geo's All Knowing Sex Slave


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Offlinemonoamine
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Re: Depersonalization [Re: eric_the_red]
    #1707596 - 07/12/03 02:12 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Hang in there dude...there were times when I had attacks so bad I thought it would never end. Suicide actually was something seriously considered for a short peroid.
No matter how shitty you feel,try to maintain an active life as hard as you can. Try to interact with people. Issolation and inactivity will make you dwell on it more.
Have you tried any anticonvulsant drugs? If it is effectiving your life that badly,and you haven't allready used them,try them for awhile. Try to find a competant psychiatrist.If he seems uneducated about the topic,find a new doctor,or if that's not possible,try to educate him on the subject by bringing him literature and stuff. And remember,if you've had this disorder for five years,don't expect it to be cured overnight.


--------------------
People think that if you just say the word "hallucinations" it explains everything you want it to explain and eventually whatever it is you can't explain will just go away.It's just a word,it doesn't explain anything...
Douglas Adams


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OfflineGrav
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Re: Depersonalization [Re: monoamine]
    #1713072 - 07/14/03 01:24 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

good advice...

realize you are far away from yourself and make some commotion so that maybe you will notice yourself. hang in there. shit takes time.

PM me if any of you ever need to talk about shit. I'm here.


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