It was 30 years ago today that I snorted two crushed tablets of 300+ mcg clean, pure Berkeley-made Orange Sunshine LSD - one up each nostril. I had a Vision that was both Holy Trinity and Holy Quaternity, simultaneously. I was apart from this Theophany, and yet One with it. It was One. There was an Infinite Expanse of Yellow-White Light. Within the Light were Three or Four Indivisible, Singularities, appearing somewhat like the configuration of a methane molecule, but alternatingly Three or Four depending upon whether 'I' was One with it or not - in vibrant humming motion, yet maintaining a symmetry. This was Untimate Reality, and It was Alive and Aware. I remember experiencing the thought "Father." This was the Godhead. Years later, I would find similarity in the 'Mystical Theology' of Dionysus the Areopagite - a NeoPlatonic Christian mystic. Later that day, I began to overload my physical-astral nerves-nadis. Everything in my enviornment began to glow electric blue, hum and crackle with Kundalini electricity. I began to vOMit, and the act brought the sound of OM White Light. I took myself to bed, believing that I was dying (having vomited some stomach lining). I had my only thought of suicide, eyeing the Bowie knife I had purchased with equipment for my upcoming trip to the National Parks across America. Page 20 of BE HERE NOW * flashed into my mind, and so, I surrendered. I undressed and got into my bed. This time I had the thought, "Mother," and 'I,' a then 19 year, 360 (symbolic) day old male VANISHED! What then happened -again - was the incident that had occurred at around 6:30 AM on July 9, 1953. A neonate, experiencing mortal terror, suffocation, dim lights, muffled and distorted voices, and polymorphous sexual orgasm, was being forced through the birth canal of my Mother. It was pre-lingual, pre-thought, pure sensory and emotional experience. There was no one observing this drama. This drama was happening to a neonate! I was being born! When I finally opened my eyes, sobbing, I couldn't understand why my eyes beheld a teenage body and not an infant's mucous-blood-piss covered body. Why did I have memory and identity?! A moment ago I was a neonate undergoing birth!! It was many years until I came across the work of Stan Grof to help me understand what had happened. I interpreted the birth as rebirth, and indeed, a new person WAS born from that day's events. I began to write my name Marc, as Mark to symbolize the change. I had taken the last 7 months off from college, and now I would return as a philosophy major. It is not untrue to say that the ten years following July 4, 1973, were ten years of seeking understanding of that one day. From a Bachelors in philosophy, I spent two years in a Christian seminary taking a Masters in Theological Studies, focusing on mysticism, and then onto a Doctorate in Human Development & Clinical Psychology. In between academics there was Yoga, celibacy, starvation, psychedelics, TM teacher training, the occasional sex from girls sympathetic to freaks, and arrival at age 30, a Ph.D. and an unfortunate marriage to an individual who all but suffocated the spiritual life out of me. This week will mark my 50th birthday. I have begun to grow my hair long again (no, it's not grey at all). I have begun to wear Gothic Christian crosses and Tibetan Buddhist bracelets. My [new] Lady bought me a museum replica brown Franciscan robe and hood for serious contemplation, as she recognizes this alter-ego of mine. Conversely, She will dress up in her finest erotica for me, and offer me an X-tatic evening to honor my landmark birthday. So here it is: 30 years of self-discovery. The Supernal Father is Wisdom and The Supernal Mother is Understanding - the first two Spheres from the Formless Light of the First Principle (Crown) in Kabbala. Two Universal experiences in one day, veiled by the Earthly associations with one's biological progenitors. Lastly: Intellect and Instinct - Head and Root - Sun and Moon [Ha-tha] - Blood and Water/Semen - Masculine and Feminine - Father and Mother - in Union [Yoga], integrated and shining forth from the radiant Lotus of the Heart - White Light of Intellect and Red Fire of Instinct - co-mingling in the warm, pink glow of Heart-felt Love. The Ascending Path Towards Unification - OM, and the Descending Path Towards Realization - HUM - the Head in the Heart, the Crown of Thorns encircling the radiant Sacred Heart of Christ. Now, all that remains is the practice and perfection of love. * "When you were living in Jerusalem - Do you remember how it was that day? - The day they hung that Man up in the sky - Did you ever stop and ask, 'I wonder why?' - Do you remember, my friend, what it feels like in the end - And will you wish you had a friend - When it all comes 'round again? - When it all comes 'round again..." -'Death and Destruction' - New Riders of the Purple Sage
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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Thanks Meph. On my 40th birthday in '93, I visited a childhood friend living in rural New Hampshire - beautiful place. We dropped acid together, as we had done for 20 years. After lying on an earthen bank for eternity, we went inside his house to listen to music. My sweatshirt hood was over my head, but he could see tears streaming down my face, and had to leave the room, he later told me, as it caused him to weep. You know, straight men don't share at this level. I was mourning my marriage of 13 years that had ended even more badly than it had been, and I was getting closure, and dying to whomever I had been for all those years.
I'm happy to say that I am immeasurably happier 10 years later! I'm far healthier, and perhaps a bit holier as well. I had very little to show materially at that point of my life, and today I can say that in addition to healthy, I might add 'wealthy and wise.' I have aged well, and if what my Lady says (based on photos), plus my own evaluation of two years with a BowFlex - I look better than I did then. The Lord provides. +++ Blessed Be His Name +++
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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