Home | Community | Message Board


Phytoextractum
Please support our sponsors.

General Interest >> Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1 | 2 | Next >  [ show all ]
Offlinesomebodyelse
In_Is_Out

Registered: 06/12/03
Posts: 296
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
On being mindfucked by massive egos
    #1670680 - 06/29/03 02:46 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

How do you deal with gigantic egos? Two of my neighbors (seperate apts) are artists in their 40s, both single, woman-less, bipolar, have been drifters, are unemployed and spend much of their time isolated. As a result both of them have developed (at least I assume they weren't born with) a style of conversation where everything they have to say is of prime importance, and everything anybody else has to say is at best supplementary to their points. Both of them will talk for 30 minutes without pausing, not necessarily even having to be stoned, pouring out every last idea that occurred to them on any possible subject before remembering that there are other parties present and giving an opening. (And an opening, in both of their cases, is required - if you *do* try to interrupt, they seemingly don't even notice.) I assume this is because they are so "full of themselves" that there isn't any room for anyone else in conversation.

Talking to them both makes me feel like I've been beaten by an iron bar for hours - I think I have some pathology when it comes to talking to people like this, since while I'll still be following them I go so deeply into myself that when my one chance in a half hour comes up for a contribution to the conversation, there's nothing. And this feeling of nothing/emptiness will continue for an hour or two *after* I've extricated myself.

Their style isn't just with me. I've observed it with other people too. That said, most other people walk away from them after five minutes, but something keeps me stuck there. I just spent two hours listening to one of them - and I feel like shit. Am I ringing any bells with anyone? Anybody have anything to offer on the subject? I'd like to both understand them, and my reaction.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleRebelSteve33
Amateur Mycologist
Male

Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
Loc: Arizona
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: somebodyelse]
    #1670712 - 06/29/03 03:04 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I had a friend who reminds me exactly of the neighbors you described. Eventually I just stopped talking to him b/c of the way he made me feel.

People like that really suck. I wonder what exactly makes them that way and whether it can be fixed somehow.


--------------------
Namaste.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleinfidelGOD
illusion

Registered: 04/18/02
Posts: 3,040
Loc: there
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: somebodyelse]
    #1670720 - 06/29/03 03:10 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

And this feeling of nothing/emptiness will continue for an hour or two *after* I've extricated myself

man it sounds like you got raped or something.
my thoughts: I know a few people who are like this and I think maybe they are just afraid of loneliness and silence. Silence can be very stark and revealing and they might be afraid of that so they feel a need to fill the air with their all important words.
my advice: stay away from these people, find better conversation with people who actually listen.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleRebelSteve33
Amateur Mycologist
Male

Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
Loc: Arizona
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: infidelGOD]
    #1670727 - 06/29/03 03:14 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Yeah, the friend who I had seemed like he was afraid of silence for some reason. I agree... It's good to just stay away from these people. It sounds kind of mean, but it's the best thing you can do for yourself b/c those kinds of people can really have a negative effect on you.


--------------------
Namaste.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinesomebodyelse
In_Is_Out

Registered: 06/12/03
Posts: 296
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1670736 - 06/29/03 03:20 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

OK, which beggers the question what do you mean by "those kinds" - I mean, is there something you recognize in them that I'm naively missing? There must be, since most people seem to get the cue and give them short shrift.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineRhizoid
carbon unit
Male

Registered: 01/23/00
Posts: 1,722
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 8 days, 20 hours
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: somebodyelse]
    #1670822 - 06/29/03 04:18 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Try doing something really weird when you want an opening, like putting on a huge sombrero or a fake moustache. If they ask what you're doing, tell them the truth: "I do this whenever I think it's my turn to say something" :lipsrsealed: 


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleZero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland

Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: somebodyelse]
    #1670863 - 06/29/03 04:57 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

well if you say they are alone all the time. why would one think that they would be uncomfortable with silence? To me they probably have a lot of issues, no one really talked to them when they were younger maybe, or for some reason or another being who they are felt they had the need to isolate themselves. If you are intrigued at all by these people, you should just try and speak up about a subject they are talking about. Maybe you might just learn something about yourself. Do you think you are really listening to them, or do you spend your whole time judging them, because you think they have a big ego? Maybe your fighting something when you talk to them.

Maybe they value their life, they value that which experience brings. Maybe that is their survival, after all who do they have to talk to but you?

my gramah is kind of that way, and some of my family, and you know, hell i might be that way. but i still love them, thats who they are. they are unique, and just because they make me feel down sometimes doesnt give me the right to judge them and cast them away. Cause after all, it might not be them, but me. And maybe, just maybe i could do something to console the both of us, and return back to a better state of human relation.

Can you really say those people suck RebelSteeve? I may not be on the same page with you on who "these" people are. Dealing with generalities is touchy as it is. But just because someone can make you feel like crap doesnt necessarily mean its them. Some people can say things about you and make you feel like shit, or purposely attack you and your points and turn their back on you in ill intention. To me thats really being a sucky person. i dont know if this is what you are getting at, but if its not, i think you might be being a little harsh.


--------------------
What?


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinesomebodyelse
In_Is_Out

Registered: 06/12/03
Posts: 296
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: Zero7a1]
    #1670885 - 06/29/03 05:24 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

You may be right.

You know, I think it has a lot to do with socialization. I'm from a different culture and to be honest haven't assmilated at the local level -- being of sufficiently different customs that probably I miss a lot of social cues, just as they constantly are missing many of mine that would be instantly picked up were I where I grew up. This is not to say that I prefer the either over the other, mind - just that I choose not to be resocialized, once having been more than enough in repressing my individuality, which I've now grown accustomed to....and thus I find myself in these weird situations.

But where I was earlier, still reeling from the encounter, it is difficult to see this. I just feel thoroughly fucked up after the experience, as if 80% of what I was saying was not understood, and 10% at least (I like to think so, but probably higher) lost in the listening process.

You know, I could liken their conversational style to a ticker board - it tells you lots of short stories that are loosely connected and then repeats itself. Maybe these guys are just acting in an equally robotic manner to mine -- I am activating their "what do you have that's interesting" function. Thus while it comes off as massive egodom, really this is their way of extending a social cue back in my direction. Because my socialization -programming - hasn't this behavioural style encoded with positive reponses, because it doesn't happen in the environment in which I grew up in. Thus, perhaps I'm hitting the horrendously rumored quarter century learning ceiling, where your hardware finally stops expanding and you are forced to work on the software. Eek.. Am I on the right track here do you think?

A related question: isn't therapy just more programming? Seems to me (from my upstart age) that the hippy generation traded their socialization for psychotherapy???





Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineSole_Worthy
Stranger

Registered: 04/20/03
Posts: 463
Loc: over here
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: somebodyelse]
    #1671034 - 06/29/03 08:59 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

bipolar you say?


--------------------
get it all together get like birds of a feather


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineGrav
 User Gallery

Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: somebodyelse]
    #1671257 - 06/29/03 12:50 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Dude, i know EXACTLY what your talking about..

I just told this guy I had been hangin out with alot that I didn't want to talk to him anymore. Straight up, because IMO, he is just way too spiritually elitist for me to handle..

it's really kinda funny to see someone who claims that they've "transcended their own ego", and then watch them go on to judge and dissect and break down everything that is wrong with everyone around them.

the conversation thing... you can tell they are not conversing, they are just (as swami would say) mentally masturbating. they don't listen. it's fuckin obvious. they are getting off on the "superior" way they see the world.
you feel like you're competing with them when its your turn to talk.

whatever, that's their business, just don't expect me to waste time on a person like that. the last thing i want to hear from someone is that they think they are beyond their ego.

i think some people need a serious lesson in humility.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineGrav
 User Gallery

Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: Grav]
    #1671285 - 06/29/03 01:03 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Zero7a1 brings up some good points... you always gotta question yourself in those situations.

I really asked myself how I felt about this person for a good long time. I kept trying to look at the situation in a new perspective, I tried to go at it each new day without a bias, but I continued to be left with this feeling like Somebodyelse described. Like there was no actuall exchange of ideas taking place... even though it was heavily masked to seem so...?

though, meeting this person was definately a huge learning experience that I'm thankful for.

i think it's important also to say that I don't hold a grudge against this person, even though I had to blow off some steam... in fact I really do respect his determination, and think he is in general a very good person..

I simply just can't hang with the attitude he comes off with, though. It gives me a nasty feeling in my gut, and if anything, i've learned to go with my gut around people.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleBoppity604
Stranger
Registered: 10/19/01
Posts: 1,056
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: Grav]
    #1671294 - 06/29/03 01:07 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

One thing that's pretty important to realize is that when we find fault in other people's behaviors, lifestyles, etc...it's usually a reflection of those things in our own lifestyle or behavior that we can't stand but are in too much denial to accept as part of our own reality.

>>I simply just can't hang with the attitude he comes off with, though. It gives me a nasty feeling in my gut, and if anything, i've learned to go with my gut around people.

You are in control of your own emotions.  Before reacting to those aspects of him that you don't like...ask yourself why you let them bother you so much.  If he's making you truly uncomfortable, confront him about it in a respectful way.  Otherwise, step back and try to figure out what is really bothering you about the situation.  Usually the most obvious reasons are the ones we overlook the most.  :smile:

Love & Light,

Boppity


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineGixxer_boy
Rice Burner

Registered: 06/24/03
Posts: 149
Loc: Mass
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: Grav]
    #1671302 - 06/29/03 01:12 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

There are alot of people like this, and I noticed that all of them are lonely middle-aged+ men. They are usually rather intelligent, but have let there lives go to waste and try to prove to everyone that they in fact did not by making shit up and bragging about stuff no one cares about. They are often paranoid of others, but love to talk because no one wants to talk to them, so when they get the chance they will talk for as long as they can. I live with a guy like this; he talks alot about stuff that I don't know to much about, but when I try to make a point when he is blatently wrong he just shrugs it off and says its wrong, giving a stupid excuse why it is, or he just doesn't listen. Several times, when I didn't feel like talking, I just said hi and kept walking. He keeps on talking for about 20 seconds after no one is there to listen.

You can try to talk to them if you want, or you could just ignore them. By listening to them you're probably doing something which makes them feel better, but makes you feel worse. If you just ignore them, they will just be isolated from another person. My dad was like this to when I knew him, I guess it's a good thing because now I know how it makes other people feel when one refuses to be close to others.


--------------------
"Why do women have breasts?"
......
....
...
..
.
"So you can have something to look at when you're talking to them!" -Peter Griffin


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineGrav
 User Gallery

Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: Boppity604]
    #1671305 - 06/29/03 01:13 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I agree with you, I do think it was a reflection of me. It made me really look at how I'd been acting the same way lately... like I somehow knew the way things are and that everyone else was acting out of fears or whatever...

and I think it would be better to just stay away from that energy in other people. it's not my mission to understand this anymore than I feel I have.. I'm taking what I have from the experience and moving on.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleZero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland

Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: Gixxer_boy]
    #1671627 - 06/29/03 04:18 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

if you cant really get them to Talk with you. try to just insert words and throw them into a topic you would like to hear something about. YOu may not hear anything that will premote those thoughts, but you may get to udnerstand people a little better. Why for some reason they react to certain situation like they do. IF you really feel like you are in the place to talk to these kinds of people, just make the best of it.



--------------------
What?


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinejohnnyfive
Burning withCircles!
Registered: 07/02/02
Posts: 886
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: somebodyelse]
    #1672112 - 06/29/03 09:27 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

The ego is interesting it can really creep up on you, and turn into something nasty. Glad i was made aware of this.

Ive met people like what your talking about!


--------------------
And the gameshow host rings the buzzer (brrnnntt) oh and now you get a face full of face!


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinefloatingcharmer


Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 38
Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: somebodyelse]
    #12200519 - 03/14/10 03:47 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Your attention is surely greatly appreciated OP, you wont get somebody to shut up by showing disinterest your just gonna make them work harder to get your attention.  Acknowledge and express yourself and you might something more meaningful from your friendship


--------------------
Cause Lookin for a reason ain't Never goin out of season


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleOrthopox

Registered: 02/23/10
Posts: 326
Loc: Nowhere Flag
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: somebodyelse]
    #12200731 - 03/14/10 04:34 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

somebodyelse said:
How do you deal with gigantic egos?




I avoid them.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Female User Gallery Arcade Champion: Squirrel Soccer


Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 9 days, 2 hours
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: floatingcharmer] * 1
    #12200871 - 03/14/10 05:04 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

floatingcharmer said:
Your attention is surely greatly appreciated OP, you wont get somebody to shut up by showing disinterest your just gonna make them work harder to get your attention.  Acknowledge and express yourself and you might something more meaningful from your friendship



He'll definitely read your reply, you know, since OP didn't log-in in over six years now. :lol:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibledeCypher
 User Gallery


Registered: 02/10/08
Posts: 56,227
Re: On being mindfucked by massive egos [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #12201618 - 03/14/10 06:56 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

MushroomTrip said:
Quote:

floatingcharmer said:
Your attention is surely greatly appreciated OP, you wont get somebody to shut up by showing disinterest your just gonna make them work harder to get your attention.  Acknowledge and express yourself and you might something more meaningful from your friendship



He'll definitely read your reply, you know, since OP didn't log-in in over six years now. :lol:




--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Jump to top. Pages: 1 | 2 | Next >  [ show all ]

General Interest >> Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Some Question on Ego Loss
( 1 2 all )
mikebart101 965 21 10/25/07 04:28 PM
by Icelander
* I like my ego
( 1 2 3 4 all )
TheCow 2,713 66 09/04/05 09:11 PM
by gettinjiggywithit
* the feeding of the ego NiGGy 1,467 15 02/11/03 03:33 PM
by Galvie_Flu
* What is Ego?
( 1 2 all )
Sinbad 3,124 39 02/01/07 03:51 PM
by ck10n3
* Whats wrong with ego?
( 1 2 3 4 all )
Scarfmeister
3,788 62 09/20/04 03:56 PM
by gettinjiggywithit
* No More Ego Death
( 1 2 3 all )
Huehuecoyotl 4,472 59 04/02/06 04:39 AM
by zorbman
* "The Secret" Forum confirms Swami's hypothesis...
( 1 2 3 4 all )
OrgoneConclusion 3,072 66 10/12/09 09:34 PM
by Diploid
* ego loss
( 1 2 all )
hairs 3,061 37 05/11/04 03:55 PM
by redgreenvines

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Middleman, CosmicJoke, Diploid, DividedQuantum
2,053 topic views. 1 members, 5 guests and 12 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Toggle Favorite | Print Topic | Stats ]
Search this thread:
Gaiana.nl
Please support our sponsors.

Copyright 1997-2017 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.109 seconds spending 0.004 seconds on 16 queries.