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This afternoon this girl and I consumed what I estimated with a crude scale to be 5 dry grams of homegrown B+ and EQ (mixed the bags by accident). She complained that she could never trip off shrooms (how redicules that sounded to me) and I was thinking I could go for a nice mind blow. Well we ate them and from the get go, I was feeling weird, I had this really intense visuals (patterns everywhere) but I didn't feel like I was tripping. All these people that I didn't really know kept on showing up and eventually she went off for a drive (she wasnt driving) and I was left alone with my mp3 player looking at the lake. Now I knew I was tripping hard, and I thought I could own it, like just sit there for 2hrs and look at the beautiful lake. But like twenty minutes into sitting (around an hour or so into the trip), I just coundlt handle it. I was feeling edgy and what not, it just kept on getting worse. So I went inside to watch TV and that didnt help. Then all at once, I puked (luckily into the sink). I cant remember what happened, but I just didn't feel well. Normally, I feel really nice when I'm tripping, euphoric, but this was so different. I felt sick and just couldn't get comfortable with the trip. You can guess what happened, yep, this was a bad trip. And I started freaking myself out, I thought I would be crazy forever, it kept on getting worse and worse, I was feeling really scared and sick. So I tried outside one more time and sat by the lake. I really started tripping hard then, and I was actually relaxing and enjoying myself. Then my friend, this girl who ate with me came, and she was wigging me out. She looked all funny and twitchy, and was shouting for her boyfriend, and couldn't walk straight, and was really bugging out. And it started bugging me out, I felt responsible and thought that perhaps I fucked up drying the shrooms, or the measurement, or something contamination, and we were getting food poisoning or something. I got really scared and decided I should ACT okay to calm her down. So I told her to look at the clouds and make whatever jokes I could and calmed her down a good deal. We smoked a cig together, and just relaxed. But meanwhile, I was two different people, Calm, Tripping Pavement for her and I Fried My Brain On My Crazy Shrooms Pavement. And this duality became really personafied, like I saw the other calm avi sitting next to her and being all fun and tripping and her talking to him, but I was there like loosing it. It was the most intense visual Ive ever had. So there is me (going crazy me) and her (who is doing nicely) and me (who is the calm dude we have grown to love). I'm watching them interact and get all jealous about how I have problems being "real" with my friends, like I can't be honest with them when I'm tripping. I'm always scared they are going to make fun of me, or just bug me out. Anyway, it is driving me crazy, but somehow I keep on being calm on the outside. We go inside, and I just loose the ability to tell time. I am looking at a clock but it just doesnt make sense, I thought it was some chinese art I didn't notice in her apartment before. So to continue looking calm and okay, I just say hey, lets watch fight club. I said that because it seemed like something a normal tripper would do (but I really like being outside when Im tripping and just walking around). I started sweating then - I dont normally sweat - and my good friend (who wasnt tripping) made a remark about BO and I lost it. I just grabbed my shit and ran home. This is three hours into my trip and I guess I start noticing the waves more by this time, but it still felt like one giant peak. I cant stop tripping and I'm going crazy. I totaly lost it and had a panic attack. I passed out half way to the bathroom, and woke up like a minute later and then puked (in the bathroom). I was feeling a bit better and washed my face but then I started feeling really whizzy, like I couldnt breathe. So I stripped down and took a shower. Another bad idea, I had another panic attack and puked. That was around an hour (so it is hour four into the trip). I dry off, put on some pajama pants (after having a conversation with myself online about where Pavement would put his pajama pants - I don't usually where them.) This is the conversation: Pavement: Hey, I can't find my pajama pants, I'm loosing my mind. Pavement: Hey, I can't find my pajama pants, I'm loosing my mind. Pavement: dude relax, check the draw Pavement: dude relax, check the draw Pavement: You mean Drawer Pavement: You mean Drawer Pavement: Pajama pants are in the drawer Pavement: Pajama pants are in the drawer Pavement: I'm tripping Pavement: I'm tripping
Now I knew, I think, I was talking to myself online, but I thought it would calm me down talking to myself. It did, I got my Pjs and started freaking out again. I was scared that I was feeling comforted by talking to myself and started sweating really heavily. I thought I had gotten the flu or something and I just couldnt get out of it. I called my brother after almost having another panic attack and he and I talked and I started coming down. We were talking about some times when we hung out and had an awesome time and it really helped remembering that I was once a happy, albiet drug addict.
So that was my bad trip, it was so bad because of the intense visuals and physical reactions. I am going to be taking it easy. I read a few posts about bad trips and I think what everyone says makes sense: 1. Remember you took a drug (The most freaked out I was were the times when I couldn't remember if I actually ate shrooms) 2. Take a walk (I was paranoid about cops and didnt leave my apartment, I should've went to this park where I've had great trips before and just laid down) 3. DONT TRY TO SLEEP.I ended up wigging out plenty of times because I was trying to sleep it off. Of course, not being able to sleep freaked me out also, acute insomnia (if physically possible) happened and it wasnt pleasent. 4. Do something simple, like writing. I wish I had written down exactly what I was feeling, somehow I feel like that concentrating and simple activity would have been helpful (plus fun to read). 5. Be honest with your friend when tripping, they know you are on drugs and most of the time, they are THE good time you are looking for on shrooms. Tell them you think you are having a bad trip and ask them to entertain you, or take you on a walk. There is this natural tendency to want to get away from people when you are cognizant that you are having a bad trip, but I think that as long as the other people aren't drinking or tripping, you should tell them what you are feeling and ask them to chill you out. 6. Remember that everytime you are having a bad trip, you always think that you are going to be having this bad trip forever. Even though it is near impossible, just repeat, outloud, that this will not last forever, you will feel absolutely refreshed when it is over. 7. I read somewhere that you should do something loud, like laugh, or shout, I think that is good advice. I was trying to be so quite when I was alone, I couldnt even hear seinfeld on my computer the volume was so low. It would have been nice to actually be loud, and laugh, and breathe, do something to remind you that you are in control of your own body even if you do not know it.
That is it, and in retrospect, I am glad I had this bad trip. I now know that it is still a trip and thus a learning experience. It is over and yeh it sucked and I have a lot of cleaning to do tommorow morning, but thats it, its over. Hope this helps you out and you enjoyed the read.
-------------------- "Over the turnstile and out in the classroom there ways of living and this is the way I'm living right or wrong" - Range Life - Pavement
wow man...that is a crazy trip I had a bad shroom trip before so i know the feeling. I think that is a lot of good advice that you gave. My freak outs from shrooms were when i forgot i ate them. And a change of scenery like a walk generally helps change the mood. and your right...trying to sleep it off just makes it sooo much worse. I also agree with telling your friends how you feel if your freaking out. I always just kept quiet about it and isolate myself and that didnt help at all. Good advice.
-------------------- *Divine Moments of Truth*
"Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns - it calls me on and on across the universe" ~ John Lennon
"Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right" ~The Grateful Dead
"Religionists, with their guaranteed eventual paradise, of which they know nothing, taking it all on 'faith,' can't be expected to understand or sympathize with those with a yen to storm the Gate of Heaven and see for themselves what all the praying's about!" ~Robert Hunter
That is pretty messed up... I'm lucky, I havent hit a bad trip yet, but when you do just find things that really comfort you... I always find going for a walk through the forest is enjoyable, mashed or not.
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