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OfflinePDU
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Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis?
    #1657357 - 06/24/03 01:33 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Well...Has anyone experienced psychosis because of mushrooms, or other psychedelics. What happened, and did you think it could happen to you?


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OfflineBrugman
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: PDU]
    #1657495 - 06/24/03 02:44 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I saw pretty colorz!


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Offlinepsilo9com
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: Brugman]
    #1657509 - 06/24/03 02:51 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

On sunday I had a friend who experienced some crazy things.
He freaked out and imagined police coming and taking his grow, and he wanted to destroy it, and get it out of his house. He wanted me to start eating the substrate to get rid of the evidence. His face turned red and he was screaming "CONTROL ME" and when we calmed him down (semi) he kept saying weird stuff like "Am I having a bad trip?!" and saying "AM I" (out of nowhere) and we'd say "Looks that way", and he'd say it again. He was really flipping. When he came down he said he respected the bad trip though, and said it was really like madness.


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OfflineDogomush
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: psilo9com]
    #1657549 - 06/24/03 03:07 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah for sure I've gon off the deep end. Not in any kind of dangerous way, but like the story above once it involved extreme paranoia aronud someone's mushroom grow. He told me I couldn't go outside and piss on the lawn because the neighbours might see and if they associated the house with drug use then the cops could come in and bust him or something crazy like that. It was pretty hardcore. I was creeped out totally, didn't know why he was acting that way. At first it was a joke, then it got real serious. The funny thing is, we had already come down almost completley. It was about 5 hours after we'd eaten what turned out t o be very unusually potent mushrooms.

I got really confused and scared and ended up puking and asking questions like "did we eat mushrooms tonight?" The puke was psychological.. very weird. I couldn't deal. Then I lay down and had trouble understanding that I existed. I was in a mental loop that I couldn't escape. Eventually the sun started rising and I took off my watch and clutched it. Looking back it was a metaphor... I was clinging to a reference point, something that could convince me that time was moving forward and I was eventually going to be ok.

I had never experienced a "bad trip" before. The funny thing about bad trips is that when you start to get a little scared it starts to dawn on you that you are experiencing a "bad trip." You think "OH no! This is a bad trip, what everybody describes as horrifying and terrible! OH NO! This is going to be horrible and terrifying! JUST LIKE THEY SAID! OH MAN!!!"

But in the end, I've always come out feeling fresh and ok. It'll happen to you eventually but it doesn't have to be a negative experience in the end.


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OfflinePDU
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: Dogomush]
    #1657595 - 06/24/03 03:28 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

On friday...A friend who was drunk, on meth, high on pot, and possibly cocaine smoked some 5 meo DMT and Got sent into an uncontrolable psychosis for about 15 minutes. He was sitting in the middle of a cramped room and he kept hitting his head trying to lay in different directions, Then he said something like *im playing with lightning* and pulled over a cd stacker and started pulling the cds out and trying to run the door over them (this was his brothers room). We got him to the bed and he kept trying to get up...so we eased him back down, but he was very resistant. Then we put him down, and he hit his head on the wall again and he was kicking. He layed in the corner holding a pillow tight over his face making weird noises, and then couldnt make sense for a couple hours and was very unstable.


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OfflineVulture
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: PDU]
    #1657944 - 06/24/03 08:17 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

ive had that psycoligical puke on a high dose of 10 grams before.

i kept myself under controll...but it still sucked....i was just waiting it out....time went by insanly slow.

i just wasent ready for the high dose yet :/  but soon enough i think im gonna try it out again....this time with someone i chill with a lot...the other was kind of spontaneous and chilled with an old friend from school i hadnt seen for a while and never been to his house till then.

it was cool for a while.....then stuff just got wierd and i could see what seemed like my astral body in my back seet and my firend said i was dissapearing but he could see the other me.....man i thought i was ceacing to exist.

but now im prepared to feel like im dying.....this time i wont freak out or anything. Ive done much reading and i welcome death and so the eperience wont be so axiety ridden. It will be an adventure :smile:


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Offlineevlovevlove
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: Vulture]
    #1658066 - 06/24/03 10:33 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

This is a trip report in which I had a brief panic attack and my partner completely lost her personal memory.

http://www.bluelight.nu/vb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=80974&r=4

Everything turned out ok, but it was pretty scary at the time.


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Offlinepsilyhunter
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: evlovevlove]
    #1658126 - 06/24/03 11:19 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Last week I ate a nice handful by myself, stayed in my room and chilled out to some Phish. Somehow during the course of the night I began to believe I was uncovering buried memories withing my brain. I "remembered" a hostile drug-related confrontation with my neighbors and my grandmother, and became convinced that this all happened last year and that it was so traumatic I blocked it out of my mind. It wasn't until I started to come down that I realized this was a dream I had along time ago and forgot about. Yes, I knew it could happen to me. I like the challenge. My friends and I call it "faced". I was indeed faced that night.


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OfflinePDU
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: psilyhunter]
    #1658740 - 06/24/03 04:42 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

What is the best thing to do with someone who goes physicially psychotic? Physical restraint seems traumatic, but about the only option..


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InvisiblePhencyclidine
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: PDU]
    #1658777 - 06/24/03 04:54 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Sure, a few times. The first time I was sixteen and I took four hits of acid and thought that I'd witnessed a robbery, that the robber was following me home to kill me and later that he was in my home.

There was once a DXM trip where I thought I saw a guy on the street holding a revolver. Plenty of times on DXM I thought that I had split into three people.


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InvisibleTomandjerry58
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: Phencyclidine]
    #1658813 - 06/24/03 05:12 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I think the most hallucinagenic drug i have ever done is meth.ive done shrooms x,acid, and alot of other shit i don't remember.
the trip doesn't really come on to about the fourth day being awake. i think its caused by sleep deprevation where your dreams and reality kind of mix. even though i don't want to promote speed. it was and has always been the most hallucegenic drug i have ever experienced. if you really want to have some fun stay awake for a couple of days and eat 1 dose of mushrooms yyyyyyyyyeeeeeeehhhhhhaaaaaaaa.:)

disclaimer:im a fucking idiot don't listen to me! and don't go out and get meth it's really an awful drug that will mess up your life!


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Offlinepsilo9com
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: Tomandjerry58]
    #1659116 - 06/24/03 07:01 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

fuck meth man. Sorry. I don't think it's worth it.


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InvisibleTomandjerry58
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: psilo9com]
    #1659178 - 06/24/03 07:21 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

It may not be worth it. The thread is about drug induced psychosis. It would not be complete without mentionng one of the most mind altering drugs of them all.


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Offlinehawksapprentice
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: Tomandjerry58]
    #1659289 - 06/24/03 08:03 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

....you know i dont really know what to say to that last statement, i believe meth goes against everything this site is about. And i dont think psychosis from doing too much meth is anything like from doing actual hallucinagens. Its not the drug that made you hallucinate, i mean besides the fact that this shit fucks you up beyond belief, and not in the good way, its not the same type of psychosis. FUCK meth.


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"I celebrate the Earth, my home, my mother, my grave, and as long as men are Man they must, if they would preserve the integrated being, do the same---[and preserve]--this rank casual hungry smelly sweaty lusting transitory body, my oozy pulpy liquid-bag-swollen body, bones, blood, hair glands, my bejeweled sex; I love and celebrate it all.  never to let men forget that they are animals as much as gods---that is one thing I shall say."

  Edward Abbey


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InvisibleRevelation

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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: PDU]
    #1659291 - 06/24/03 08:05 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Strangely, the closest I've come to psychosis has been on weed. I have a certain empathy towards people who suffer from paranoid schizophrenia now.

Other than that, the calmest and most centered mind states I have experienced seem to have come from drugs. Mushrooms and mdma both give me this feeling. I think it's called "optimism".


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InvisiblePhencyclidine
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: hawksapprentice]
    #1659360 - 06/24/03 08:31 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

hawksapprentice said: Its not the drug that made you hallucinate




It is the drug that makes you hallucinate.



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OfflinePDU
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: Phencyclidine]
    #1659379 - 06/24/03 08:39 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Thank you Pre schooler, i appreciate your input too, as ive seen other people say this alot.... Although i havent tried meth yet, it seems to me Meth psychosis would be like a dimenhydrinate (gravol) trip. I think that post was relevant to this thread. :laugh:

So anyone been physically violent and destroyed things/fought people (maybe that wernt there?)


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InvisibleTomandjerry58
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: PDU]
    #1659471 - 06/24/03 09:11 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

You know, ive tried just about every drug under the sun and the only two that i ever thought that i was going to die on was the first time i ever smoked a honey blunt when i was 14.i was high until 6:00 oclock in the afternoon the next day. marijuana is great if you only hit it about twice a year you can really appreciate its value. and the other one was ether but thats still to weird to talk about. i don't mean to offend anybody or this site when i talk about meth.i just think that it induces paranoid schizophrenia and theres really nothing like experiencing that for two or three days. I don't think i really knew what a hallucination was until i saw my grand father with his head chopped off holding it in his hand hovering about 5 feet off the ground with two black kids sitting right beside him or horses with blinkers on there asses when they turned right and left the blinker fucking blinked mannnnnnn! or your best friend piercing his eyes at you threw the window when you come home and you know he's in another state.you know ive always wondered about the adrenal gland. we've all seen the movie fear and loathing. i know adrenachrome is just oxidised adrenaline i wonder if you could pull that out of a deer? well you probably stopped reading by now so ill shut the fuck up.


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OfflinePDU
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: Tomandjerry58]
    #1659598 - 06/24/03 10:12 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

You can buy adrenaline from veterinary suppliers, and just let it oxidize pink...people have done it, i dont know where the studies are...try erowid and lyceaum. Its never turned out an experience anything like Fear and Loathing, for all intensive purposes, its a myth. The adrenaline gland however...i dunno...thats interesting. Deer have adrenaline?

Also, i know what your saying about the blunt...my first real blunt was about 2g between two of us just walking up and down the street. I had never been so high (even smoking an oz between 5 people) It was unbelievable. I suppose i had a light panic attack..


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Invisiblezeta
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Re: Who here has experienced drug induced Psychosis? [Re: PDU]
    #1660118 - 06/25/03 01:29 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I'll copy and paste this report I found at the Lycaeum a while ago because I think it's priceless and extremely well-written and is the best example of a drug-induced psychosis I have read yet.

http://forums.lycaeum.org/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=6&t=000428
LSD and hyperventilation psychosis: my multiple day descent into madness

Everything that follows is pure creative fiction.

This report is very long, as it spans several days, but I hope you will read it all anyway. You will get a laugh or two if nothing else. I am not going to worry too much about good style and format in writing this, as I don?t want to spend a week on it, so excuse the bad writing! I am just going to rush through it.

This took place about three years ago. I am posting this experience in order to maybe gain some insight into what happened to me. I have puzzled over this experience ever since it happened. It frightens me to even think about it. I think I may have had a psychotic break, but I am not sure. Read it and give me whatever insight you can. I am really laying myself bare with this. I am not writing it just to inform or entertain (although, you might find it very entertaining?my friends sure do); I really need some feedback. Also, I have had several LSA experiences since this happened with no problems. And I never had any mental problems like psychotic breaks before this. I have never had any trouble with drug experiences. This is the only time I was truly severed from reality.

? Level of experience: Moderate (Marijuana: numerous times with small to very large doses; LSD: roughly 6-8 times with small to medium doses (average street blotter, 1-4 hits); Psilocybin mushrooms: roughly 12-15 times with small to large doses (dried and fresh, 1-12 grams); Nitrous Oxide: 7-10 times at dentist?s office (I always lied that I wasn?t getting any effects so that he would give me more, enough to have moderate visuals! These childhood dental appointments were my first drug experiences; they probably precipitated my whole fascination with altered states!)

? Chemical(s): LSD (average white street blotter)

? Method of administration: oral

? Time(s) of administration: sunset

? Dosage: 3 hits (potency unknown)

? Set: Positive, philosophical, enthused and a bit anxious about approaching experience

? Setting: Friend?s apartment, then my home, then all over town

Many details of this experience have faded from memory, and I am not sure of chronological sequence in some places. I will just attempt to give a rough chronological narrative.

A friend of mine called me up and informed me that he had a few hits of blotter and invited me to join him for a session. I had a few days off and needed a voyage, so I assented. I arrived at his apartment around sunset and we proceeded to eat the blotter, three hits each. It had been stored in a folded piece of aluminum foil, so I licked the foil just in case there was anything there. We sat around waiting for effects and discussing various topics of casual philosophy (the nature of mind, etc.) to set the stage for some self-exploration. Once the effects started kicking in, we decided to go back to my place, since it is more comfortable. My older brother was there, as he was living with me at the time. He remained sober. My friend and I sat around and basically just enjoyed the effects for most of the night. I had some mild visuals, like swirling paisley patterns in the ceiling and on my pants, nothing very intense. We drank quite a lot of coffee and looked at fractals on my computer. I remember standing there and having some sort of revelatory feelings and writing on a piece of printer paper, "LSD=FREEDOM." This whole evening was pretty uneventful, really, and was a mild experience. I don?t remember too much detail, as uneventful as it was. The only thing that comes to mind here was that I had begun thinking about my beloved cocker spaniel and her captivity. I decided that she should be free to come and go as she pleased, so I left the door open. My brother was angered, as he thought she might run away or something. We had an argument about it, but nothing serious. By dawn, my friend was tired and decided it was time to go home and get some sleep.

I was far from ready to sleep. I stayed up. That morning, I went out to get the newspaper. It had several stories about school shootings and whatnot in it, and this frightened me. I had a strong feeling that that day would be the apocalypse. For some reason, this newspaper seemed to be proof of that. I woke my brother to tell him of this, and he told me off and went back to sleep. I am not too sure what happened that day, but it was nothing significant. I probably sat around enjoying the afterglow and thinking about life. Anyway, that next evening came around and I decided I was getting tired and wanted to go to bed. Most all of the effects had subsided. I sat on the side of my bed, ready to lie down and go to sleep. But for some reason, I had this urge to sit there and hyperventilate.

I inhaled and exhaled rapidly and deeply for a few minutes. I noticed that it made me feel incredibly strange. I felt like my whole body was becoming electric white noise, like TV static. My whole mind and all of my senses were filled with this static whoosh. I continued this for about 20 minutes. When I stopped, I felt very invigorated, and no longer wanted to sleep. I found my head full of strange impulses and feelings.

(From this point on, I think I was psychotic)

Recently, I had read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams. I decided that I was going to go out and hitchhike on an alien craft, considering that the apocalypse was about to happen. I thought that, very soon, the Vogon fleet would destroy the earth to make way for an interstellar bypass. I decided that I needed to get a towel, since Arthur Dent took one in the book. I got a towel, and proceeded to undress, since I thought a towel was all I needed. As I approached my door, I thought better of it and left the towel and got dressed.

I left the house and began walking down the street. As I walked, I found it comforting to pull on my hair (it was very long). I actually began pulling it out, chunk by chunk. This soon stopped, as my mind digressed. I arrived at a storefront, where I noticed that a light was on in the back and I heard music playing inside. I had the feeling that something wonderful was going on inside that I wanted to be a part of, so I tried the door. It was locked. I tried all of my keys. None of them fit. I walked on.

I had this strong feeling that I needed to return to the water, to become a fish again. I envisioned in my mind a round pool of brilliant orange plasma, where one could merge with God, where one would become a fish in the divine primordial pool. I decided to head for the lake that lies at the edge of this town. I walked and walked. I ended up on some railroad tracks and began running down them, saying to myself, "go into the light!" I was imagining a train coming and me running into the headlight, returning to God. There was no train. I ran until I was hurting and had blisters forming on my feet. Finally I got off the tracks and realized my dangerous death impulse. I headed down a road that leads to the lake. On this road, I found the site where our local swimming pool is and where rodeos and carnivals are held yearly. I snuck in through the gate and sat in the bleachers in the dark and remembered watching the circus here when I was a kid.
I got up and went around to the entrance to the swimming pool. I hadn't been swimming in years and I thought this was what I needed. The pool was closed, obviously, but the front door was open. I entered. The second set of doors was locked. I could smell the chlorine and see the pool. I yearned for my childhood days when I swam there often. Note that I am not the type who normally wanders around trying to enter closed establishments. Under normal circumstances, I would never even set a foot on the grounds at night for fear of getting arrested or something.

I soon left and started heading toward the lake again. As I got nearer, I headed off into a residential neighborhood and walked up and down the alleys, wanting to go into the houses to bond with the families inside. I thought they were holy families, angelic ones. I thought about my hyperventilation session and how amazing it was. I thought, "I accidentally learned to meditate!" "That was amazing!" "So that's what it's all about!"

For some reason, I forgot about going to that lake and started heading back towards home. I decided I would go to another friend's house and see if I could go fishing with him and his father, who fish together every weekend. As I got closer to town, I bought a bottle of water from a machine, as I was very thirsty. It was the Aquafina brand. I never buy bottled water. The tap water here is just as good. And I usually drank soda at the time (I was living a pretty unhealthy lifestyle). Deluded, I thought the bottled water was the key to health. I thought about all the fit people I sometimes saw drinking it. I noticed that the bottle said, "Purity 100% guaranteed." I thought this meant that it was the "universal solvent." I felt that my body was full of toxins and that it needed cleansing. This water would do the trick. I thought about how the body is mostly water and decided that humans do not need food, only lots of water and a bit of carbon, like a burnt coffee bean.

As I was drinking this water and crossing the street (it was dawn now), I noticed some cryptic markings on the road. They were spray-painted. I saw a symbol with an ellipse around it, and several other strange markings. I thought that aliens had made the marks, that this was "alien graffiti." I squatted in the middle of the road trying to decipher them. A cop drove by, not paying any attention to this longhaired weirdo squatting in the middle of the road intently looking at markings. (Later, I realized that these were road construction markers.)

Well, I went on and arrived at my friend's house. (Note: I never go fishing. I hate it. But I often feel like I should fish with my elderly father, since he loves it. I feel guilty for not doing so.) I really wanted to go fishing. I thought it was some sort of holy ritual whereby one knows God, which I had been missing out on all this time. Fishing suddenly seemed to me sort of like a special rite of passage, like the first sexual experience or something. It was a thing that I realized I had been afraid of for no good reason and was now ready to experience. I did indeed find that my friend was getting ready to go fishing. (This was a different friend, by the way, than the one I had dropped the acid with.) I told him that I wanted to go fishing finally. He was incredulous, as he knew I hated it. He was also very surprised to see me up so early and at his house. (I usually sleep until the afternoon). He had no idea that I had been tripping and didn?t notice my psychosis. I got into his truck and we headed for his parents? home for breakfast.

We arrived there and his parents were very surprised to see me with him and his wife. They began cooking eggs and sausage. As we sat there at the breakfast table, I began getting strange body language from my friend. It seemed to me that he was gesturing for me to bed his wife! I looked at her and her body language seemed to me to suggest the same. She looked like she was inviting me. For some reason, I had a strong intuition that women were not human, that they were aliens of some sort and that my friend had realized this and no longer wanted his wife. I decided that she was a bird in a human disguise. I wondered if humans should be having sex with alien birds. It dawned on me that this is why the sages have always been celibate. They realized the sinister nature of women. Women are evil parasites that have come to steal our divinity from us. They are false. Mankind has been deceived for thousands of years into accepting this trap that makes us evil. I suddenly became frightened about my friend's wife's body language. I realized why my friend fishes with his father. They go without the women to commune with God. The women do not know what goes on at lakes. Men ride the waves in their boats and then jump into the water, becoming fishes for a day, and merging with divinity.

I told his father, "Mr. XXXXX, I am ready!" "I want to be initiated into the fishing rite." "I want to see what it is all about." He gave me a strange look. He had his shirt off and his large belly was exposed. He told me a joke, noticing me staring at his belly. He asked, "Did you know I am pregnant?" I said, "No!" He said, "it's a baby elephant, do you want to see the trunk?!" He laughed. I believed him. I thought that he was in on some secret about male pregnancy without women. He seemed to be hiding something from his wife and his son's wife. They seemed uncomfortable. I suddenly realized that this old man was the old form of my older brother. They both have the same first name. Also, this old man has a dog whose name is identical to that of my sister. I thought that their dog was another form of my sister. I was certain that no two different beings could have the same name. Whoever shares a name with someone is also a different form of the same soul. The old man seemed to be sending me telepathic messages about his identity as God the Father, who is also my brother. I was shaken. I realized that God was disguised as my friend's father! He winked at me in recognition of my realization.

Breakfast was ready. They brought all the sausage and eggs to the table on one plate. I thought it was all for me. I began scarfing it down. It tasted wonderful. I fed what I didn't eat to the dog. I left them nothing. They all stared at me in disbelief. The old man said, "Well, that is one hungry boy!" "We're gonna need to make some more!"

Soon, we went outside to collect earthworms. My friend pulled one up and showed it to me. I thought that it was a drug he was ushering me to eat. I thought the repulsive form was simply intended to put off the weak. I picked it up and gestured toward my mouth. The old man laughed uproariously at my look of disgust. I freaked and dropped the worm.

As they prepared the boat trailer and put gas in the motor, I suddenly realized that I was supposed to merge with God. This old man was God. I was supposed to walk directly into him and merge into one being. I followed closely behind him as he did his chores. He gave me a weird look. I was right on his heels. I bumped into him and we collided, to my surprise. I was shocked. I ran off. My friend's wife called after me, asking where I was going. I said, "to the sun!"
I literally thought that I would walk up into the sky and enter the sun. I thought that I was trapped in a perceptual bubble, the exit from which is the sun. I thought the sun was closer than we were taught, like maybe a few feet away. I thought, "Go into the light!" I tried stepping up off the ground by sheer will power. I didn't work. I was frustrated!

Soon, I arrived at a Safeway parking lot, near a liquor store. A very darkly complected man was coming from the liquor store and crossing the lot with a brown bag full of booze. He gave me a strange look. I recognized this look to mean that he knew what was up, just as I did. I thought, "OH, he is an ALIEN!" He is here to help me find my way out of this human delusion! I approached him and he greeted me with a knowing look. He shook my hand and said, "I knew you would be here." "I was expecting you." (This actually happened?still don?t know what to make of it) He gestured toward the malt liquor bottles inside the bag and said, "I have medicine!" "There are some very sick people down the road here that need it, come with me." I followed him. We arrived in a trashy yard where six or seven darkly complected (they looked like Navajos) people were sitting around barbecuing. They all welcomed me as though expecting me. They offered me some malt liquor. I drank a little bit and then just suddenly felt very wrong and ran away.

I went home. I felt a strong need to get very clean. I went into the bathroom and proceeded to clean it. I felt I was having a cosmic bathroom cleaning experience. I cleaned and cleaned. I even flushed the entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet and tore the cup dispenser off the wall. I proceeded to grab a razor and shave my head. Once this was done, I wondered if I should shave the skin off as well, thinking it was a prison. I shaved my chest. I thought about shaving off my penis, but thought better of it. I looked at my bald head and thought that I was the man in Jim Morrison's vision in the Doors, who is bald and walking through a door. I was this Death. I thought about how wonderful it was to clean everything. I thought I would like to scrub an entire city with a toothbrush. When thinking this, I realized that in the city I imagined, there were no other people. There was only a divine, shiny metropolis for my cleaning pleasure. I imagined myself in a harness, hanging on a high-rise, scrubbing it with a toothbrush, doing God's work.

I got into the bathtub and washed the hair off. I thought again about water as a spiritual cleansing agent. I dipped my face in it and thought about inhaling it to clean the old tobacco tar from my lungs. (I had quit smoking a few years earlier) I looked at the bathroom window and rubbed my hand across it, making a fascinating squeaking sound. I decided that the glass was pure LSD. It was "windowpane." I decided that I should break the glass and eat it. This soon slipped my mind and gave way to thoughts of becoming a dragon. I am a dragon on the Chinese zodiac, and I thought that this was my true spiritual form. I thought that to sprout my wings, I needed to jump out of this second story window. If I was falling, I reasoned, I would have no choice but to sprout wings to save my life. I quickly decided that I wouldn't fit through the window.
I had decided by then that I was the only living being in existence. I was God! Everyone I encountered was my own projection. I noticed that it was quiet outside. No kids were playing. They were all gone. I had retracted all of my projections and become fully integrated.

I got out of the bath and went to my bedroom, where I got dressed in a heavy winter shirt (it was a sunny midsummer day) and I filled my pockets with quarters. I knew I didn't need money anymore. I was going to throw it somewhere. I had about forty dollars in quarters in my pockets.

I left the house and walked through town toward a marsh at its edge. This marsh is private property, but I quickly hopped the fence. It was amazing! This fence was about as high as my solar plexus. I leaped over it with both feet together in a direct, standing jump. I am not kidding! I could never do this under normal circumstances. I am no athlete. Once over, I gazed at the grassy reeds poking up out of the water. I had recently read Castaneda's Active Side of Infinity and I thought these were the inorganic beings. I thought that I was God and that they were my children. I looked at the vast marsh and contemplated how every reed was a soul that belonged to me. I was their God. It was my will that made them grow. I began to preach to this vast crowd of inorganic beings before me. I said, "GROW, my children, GROW!" I raised my arms in a gesture to help them grow. They seemed to have gotten bigger. I felt as though I had a long history with these reeds. I loved them dearly. I told them that soon, I would have to leave them, but that I would return at the end of time. (I had a Christ complex) I noticed some shiny and colorful objects in the distance. I thought these were the offerings of the reeds to their God. I began to walk down off of the mound I was standing on into the marsh. I began to sink in the muck and quickly backed off. I had mud up to my knees. Back on the mound, I realized that each reed was the soul of a human. If I talked to the reed, the human would hear the message in its dreams. I talked to the reeds, teaching them all sorts of enlightening wisdom to help them attain self-realization. I found some cow manure by the mound and began picking it up and throwing it into the marsh to feed the reeds.

I noticed a small spider on the ground and thought it was the dream body of my brother. I talked to him, telling him how to attain self-realization. Soon, I remembered the quarters in my pocket. I decided I had brought them for the reeds. If a reed got a quarter, I reasoned, in waking life, the corresponding human would become wealthy. I began tossing quarters, one by one, into the marsh, bestowing my gifts onto the inorganic beings. I threw every last one. I noticed some marsh birds clinging to some reeds and making strange dinosaur-like sounds. I remembered my revelation about the true nature of women. This one bird, I realized, was the dream body of my friend's wife. I began talking to it, telling it that I was God, that it couldn?t have me. I apologized to it. It telepathically told me that it would teach me to fly. I raised my arms in a soaring position and sucked really hard with my mouth thinking that I could make enough wind to give me lift. The wind did indeed increase right when I sucked. I sucked harder, and the wind became even stronger. I jumped, thinking I'd get lift. I landed. I sucked and sucked and sucked and jumped up and down. It was no good. I couldn't fly! I heard a child laughing somewhere behind me in the distance, in one of the nearby backyards. I decided that this voice was that of my friend who I had dropped the acid with. I suddenly wondered where he was, that maybe he was in need of God's wisdom. I turned and jumped the fence once more, looking back to promise the reeds that I would return for them.

I went back through town. I noticed a crow flying above me with a piece of meat in its mouth. I decided that this was another older brother of mine, in his dreaming body. I invited the crow to land on my shoulder. It refused, saying "Caw, caw!" I knew what this meant and headed to my friend's apartment. I saw him up in the window, looking out with fear on his face. He wouldn't answer the door. I yelled for him to come down. He didn't move. I thought he was psychotic. (I learned later that he wasn't even home at the time and was perfectly okay) I went home to enlist the help of my brother. He asked where I had been and was very worried. I told him that all is okay, that God was finally home. He said, "What did you say?" I assured him that all was okay, that in his immature spiritual state, that he was fearful of me realizing my true nature. He called my other brother for help. He put me on the phone, since my brother wanted to speak with me. He told me to stay put, that he would be over shortly. He told me to try and calm down, to tell my brother it was okay. I told him that I saw him as a crow and that I knew what he said to me. He didn't seem to know what I was talking about. I knew he was just teasing me, not admitting that he was a crow.

He soon showed up. He watched me very closely and then asked my brother to speak to him in private. I heard them in the kitchen trying to decide what to do. I heard my oldest brother ask, "Do you think he has had a psychotic break?" My other brother said, "I don't know!" "What should we do?" "Should we call the police or the hospital?" This frightened me. I yelled, "I am not psychotic, you idiots; I am GOD!" "When are you going to realize and accept this?" "I have come back for you, to take you to the marsh!" They came back to the living room. I tried to convince them to come with me to the marsh to see my children. They refused and told me to calm down. I began to leave, telling them to follow. My brother tried to restrain me. I fought him off, saying "sometimes I have to be firm with you in you infancy, my brother!" I walked out the door. On my way back to the marsh, I saw some old women walking down the street. I told them, "kids these days, I just can't seem to get them to go to church anymore!" I don't know why I said this. I was referring to the marsh as a church. They gave me a strange look.

I saw some children playing in a yard and thought they were divine and unpolluted. They knew who I was and looked at me with recognition and reverence. I said, "Be well, my children!" They laughed at me, but I interpreted this as playful recognition. I turned back and went home to get my brothers. They talked to me for a while. I told them how I had conquered the need for sleep and food and sex, etc. I told them that I had been eating nothing but coffee beans and drinking lots of water. They urged me to try to go to sleep, that I had been awake too long.

I went upstairs and took another bath, all the while yelling my words of wisdom to my brothers downstairs. I realized suddenly that my brothers were demons who were trying to undermine my recognition of my identity as God. I thought that they were trying to get me to go to sleep to kill me. I thought that if I slept, I would cease to exist. After my bath, my brother came upstairs and told me to get into bed. He said, "If you don't go to sleep soon, I am going to knock you out!" I flipped. I thought he wanted to get me unconscious so he could rape me. I suddenly thought the world was conspiring to get me asleep so they could all rape me. Finally, I came to accept the reality that I must die. They were right, I thought! I must go to sleep and die. God, the One, must die so that the many may live. I must give them my body, so that they can eat it and live on my flesh. I lied down and shut my eyes. I saw a vast fractal field of energy that threatened to annihilate me, to consume me. It was the first hallucination I had seen since the acid seemed to have worn off, before the hyperventilation session. I opened my eyes, resisting this energy vortex. Finally, it overtook me.

I found myself awake about four hours later. I suddenly realized what had happened. I was no longer psychotic. I cried and cried, wondering what I had done. Who saw me? I almost killed myself! I got up and ran to the dumpster to get the wall fixtures I had torn off of the bathroom wall. I glued them in place. I noticed that my head was oozing yellow goo. I had sunburned my newly bald head to the point that plasma was oozing from my blistered scalp. I was horrified that I had cut my hair. What would my parents think when they saw me? I went back to bed and slept for about twenty hours. After I awoke, I was completely myself again. I contacted the friend I had dropped acid with and told him what had happened. Nothing like this had happened to him. His trip had only lasted about ten hours and was perfectly normal and mild. I called and apologized to my other friend for embarrassing him in front of his parents. I asked him what they had said and they thought I was on "wacky tobaccy." I never went over to their house ever again. I can't face them! My oldest brother just laughs about the whole thing. He jokes about reedy inorganic beings showing up at Wal-Mart with quarters to buy batteries and such.

So, that is basically it. Many other things happened, too many to mention, but I got the best points. At one point during the experience I thought about killing my brother, since he was a demon plotting to undermine me as I saw him. This is scary stuff, to realize I was psychotic and thinking such things. I could have ruined my life and maybe worse.

The whole thing was full of mythic archetypes, like dragons and demons and such.
What was that all about? Why did this happen? Was I truly psychotic? What would Grof say about it? Did this happen as a result of the hyperventilation? Or was I just post trip and sleep deprived and undernourished to the point of madness?
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