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Offlinetimelapses
Life in free form
Male


Registered: 01/26/11
Posts: 4,600
Loc: in a shroomery prison
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
Re: Smiling during crippling addiction [Re: withoutawire]
    #16565231 - 07/21/12 08:03 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Crippling is such a harsh work.  Just your body readjusting itself.  Have to endure, suicide is mistake.


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InvisibleAdden
I'm a teapot
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc: Flag
Re: Smiling during crippling addiction [Re: Apostle]
    #16565538 - 07/21/12 09:01 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Last two times I've detoxed I experienced what you mean.

I also felt rage, sadness, self-loathing, but also a lot of love, self-realization, and a lot of coping with being a near-cripple the rest of my life.

You've gotta feel something.

Sometimes life is just full blown chaotic, when there's nothing you can do about it, and you just need to either sit back and smile/laugh or it'll consume you.


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OfflineRhizohunter
myco-nerd
Male


Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 7,894
Last seen: 5 years, 4 months
Re: Smiling during crippling addiction [Re: Adden]
    #16565675 - 07/21/12 09:31 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Finding a higher power is the most difficult part of AA/NA. It is hard for me because I rejected all the christian beliefs. I grew up in a SUPER religious family and once I started thinking for myself it just didn't make a lot of sense to me. People in AA drove me away for many years because people after meetings would come up to me and hand me phrases from the bible.

I'd get pissed off and go binge drink cause I didn't want religion to be part of recovery. I didn't exactly hit rock bottom at that time in my life or care as much about recovery until now. I haven't had any problem lately with people talking about god in meetings cause a lot of people say "my god". I'll flip shit on someone if they hand me another goddamn pamphlet with phrases from the bible in it.

I believe there is something out there and nothing happens by accident. That's about as close to a higher power I have right now, but at least it is something. I just live day by day and try not to use. If I fuck up like a did a few nights ago I won't dwell on it.

Just don't make the mistake a lot of people do when they "relapse". If you fuck up and use one time it's not the end of the world. Just try your hardest not to pick up that drug the next day.


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