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I normally post here under a different name. I am taking extra measures to fortify my anonymity. When a person ventures to consume drugs which are typically not happily shared among friends, such as the hard drugs, an inner mark has been cast upon him for good. Before I tell the story, I should tell you about myself: Until tonight, I've done Cannabis, shrooms, mescaline, d- and l-amphetamine, and Salvia. I am in my early twenties, outwardly successful, surprisingly accomplished, and well-educated. Don't feel annoyed at what appears to be boasting, I shall decrease in size shortly. I've been interested interested in psychedelics since college. In college I had three total mushroom trips, alone, at home, and completely against my buddy's advice. It ranged from awe-inspiring to terrifying. Naturally, Cannabis was also involved. Lately, I've been attempting to acquire mushrooms once more. I now live so far from home that I don't have anyone to buy from, and I am trying to work out the courage to hop some farmers fence. However, I was successful at finding mescaline, in the form of a cactus at a local store. It provided only a small taste of the insight I believe mescaline offers. I tried to solicit knowledge or mushrooms from a couple people I casually know and trust regarding drugs this evening. To shorten a lengthy story: My conscience failed me, and I purchased cocaine. Very little, but I don't think this fact matters much. Of course, I've sampled it. But I don't like it enough to become addicted (it's a frustratingly shorter-acting verion of d-amphetamine). If I keep investing so much energy into drugs, and not life's most important matters, I will fall on my face. I think when I acquire an occasional supply of mushrooms, I will be satisfied. It is like finally being able to attend religious ceremonies.
We are all curious beings, and we all make mistakes. It's part of being human!
So what if you bought some coke and tried it? Hell, if I ever had the opportunity (and the money), I would buy and try it, too! I would never do coke more than once, just to see what it is like, though.
Anyway... Think on what you did, and learn from it. If you don't want to do it again, then don't! And don't let those people influence you in any way. You need to decide on your own what you will and will not put in your body, and stick to what you feel is right!
It sounds like you have things straightened out in your brain pretty well already. Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you! Don't be upset with yourself for what you did...
Quote: If I keep investing so much energy into drugs, and not life's most important matters, I will fall on my face. I think when I acquire an occasional supply of mushrooms, I will be satisfied.
If putting so much time and effort into searching for drugs is actually interfering with everyday life, then you need to do something about it mate. But if you?re doing this in your free time, what?s the real harm? I think the coke is irrelevant to what you foresee as the problem. So basically you think it seems as if you?re always looking for drugs to get high, instead of enjoying life. If you cannot go without drugs, then yes, you do have a problem. I think you need to take a break from drugs for awhile, enjoy life a bit and relax, do whatever. Perhaps read up on the FAQ, get some supplies, and watch mushrooms grow? But then again, you could look at it from your negative angle and see this as effort to obtain drugs.
It is my belief that you are just unhappy. I think you need a good high dose of mushies to let you look deeper into yourself (hey, you said you wanted some). Then after that you should take a serious break from the drug scene. I don?t know what else to tell you because I have no idea how much you abuse, its all up to you. You have to break out of this thought loop and change the way you do things.