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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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People's View of You
#1644160 - 06/19/03 09:12 AM (20 years, 9 months ago) |
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Okay, I started posting this in silence and zen, but I started rambling and it really needed to be its own post.
Last Friday, we were over at a friend's house, and some people I'm aquainted with but not around a lot were there. One of them commented that I don't talk a lot. I told her I talk when I need to. I think some times people think I'm too shy to talk or whatever. And it's not like I talk when I need to (even though that's what I said), just when I want to. I noticed that a lot of people feel like the world is judging their entire existance every time they speak. And a lot of people do judge others by what they say. I find it quite liberating to not have to worry about other people judging me. I can find it quite humorous, in fact. I mean, sometimes I'll make comments that sort of support what I believe they think of me (I'm a pretty accurate judge of stuff like that), and it will reinforce their beliefs, sort of leading them on, then, later, I'll say something that totally contradicts whatever view they are holding onto. It just messes with their programming, since a lot of them are pretty narrow-minded. I have a wide range of opinions of my personality, too. Its just so complex, that only certain people see certain sides of me, some only see one side of me. So, I am quiet and shy. I talk way too much. I ramble. I am a smart guy. I am a high-school dropout (which implies I have no intellgience, even if i was getting high honors before i did, and i have good reasons for doing so). I am creative. I am boring. To some, I am a nice guy. To others, I am a fucking asshole. So yeah, this is basically me showing off my rambling side. I need to stop though, because I played too much guitar and my left wrist is seriously aching. (I couldn't lean on it last night to climb into bed, the thing almost fucking snapped! ) <----see what I mean?! Peace.
-------------------- If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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Murex
Reality Hacker
Registered: 07/28/02
Posts: 3,599
Loc: Traped in a shell.
Last seen: 16 years, 6 months
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I'm the same way.
-------------------- What if everything around you Isn't quite as it seems? What if all the world you think you know, Is an elaborate dream? And if you look at your reflection, Is it all you want it to be?
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Malachi
stereotype
Registered: 06/19/02
Posts: 1,294
Loc: Around Minneapolis.
Last seen: 14 years, 9 months
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Re: People's View of You [Re: Murex]
#1644203 - 06/19/03 09:27 AM (20 years, 9 months ago) |
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it seems as if this is the general type of individual who is drawn to the trippin.
-------------------- The ultimate meaning of our being can only be fulfilled in the paradoxical leap beyond the tragic-demonic frustration. It is a leap from our side, but it is the self-surrendering presence of the Ground of Being from the other side. - Paul Tillich
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Re: People's View of You [Re: Malachi]
#1644322 - 06/19/03 10:13 AM (20 years, 9 months ago) |
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Well, yeah. Life is meant to be enjoyed (well, life is meant to be whatever you mean it to be). But wouldn't you rather have life be comfortable and enjoyable, instead of nerve-wracking, edgy, hell? I mean, I have what I enjoy doing, and I do it. I have my music, I have my guitar, I have my friends. I know where I want to be headed, so therefore I have already collected thoughts on what I need to do to get there. For example, I aim to be a musician. I mean, the main thing would be to get into a band (I play bass guitar, but I want to be involved in the songwriting and arrangements, and basically a leader). This involves a creative, "just playing my guitar" aspect, a business world (booking gigs, contracts, $money$), personal relationships between other members and such, etc. etc. on and on. You also have to perform in front of a lot of people. Am i comfortable around a lot of people. No. Being the focal point of a lot of people? Fuck no. Is it easy for me to establish a good connection with people I don't know (like contacts and such)? NO. However, I am headed for Point B. And these things I must be able to do to get to Point B. So I am going to work on these defeciencies of mine, and recreate who I am. Because I decided to be a little more conscious of who I am, and what creates me. God forbid I become a hunched over, fat, old man who fears strangers, so he just sits in his house, afraid to go outside. (and definitely not getting any pussy). Because I can either go that way, or be an intelligent, attractive, tall, rich musician who is easily liked and enjoying life the way he wants to enjoy life. See, I was tripping once, and some good friends were around.. I realized that everything "flowed" easier and my mind worked much more cleanly and efficently when I wasn't operating certain mental barriers. When you trip, everything is very here and now, no thoughts are running through your head that aren't noticed. So it was easy to see what kind of fences were keeping me from enjoying life. Fear of open communication, the possibility of being rejected and not liked? That isn't really helpful, so let's get rid of it. I dunno, this time I clearly AM rambling, so yeah. I'll close this evening with a message from my sponsor "We can use mushrooms to effectively remodel our mental programming." Peace.
-------------------- If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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c_mathimatics
kaok
Registered: 05/23/03
Posts: 59
Last seen: 20 years, 6 months
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There's a certain level of vulnerability in being yourself. This is the place where we need to find comfort. Not worrying about what other's opinions are of you, and certainly not combatting their programming is a great step in recognizing yourself. Instead of trying to give yourself a false set of boundries and mold yourself into a self-proclaimed advanced stereotype image justified by your seeming ability to flow in a crouded room, how about just being yourself, not analyzing to begin with, and taking the stance of "who cares?" when it comes to speaking aloud.
I can clearly tell you have a firm grasp as to what's going on in your external reality at any moment, but step away from all of that analyzation (which will just flow through you as 'knowledge' or 'feeling' regardless if you take an extra moment to define it) and just BE YOURSELF! It is not a definable image. When you feel like saying, "Fuck!" in the grocery line because they don't have the candy you want, who cares if you get the feeling somebody else didn't care for that type of language? You know that we are all free to do whatever the hell we want - and it's their fault for **allowing themselves to get upset at something 'outside' of themselves**. Shrug it off and move on, and if you really want to help them out in combatting their ego, say something more horrid and allow them to "judge" you again.
Judgements are totally useless and simply a rule we've created within ourselves to protect ourselves from a state of vulnerable open existance that accepts everything. When we pass a judgement onto another that we've created we've done so so that when we experience something we don't care for we can allow ourselves to be hurt by it, damaging the ego's false sense of individuality. ("Well - *I* would never do that! I must be better then them!")
True self-understanding allows for us to say "shit!" when we're 3 cents short for a slice of pizza in a Christian pizzaria. I did it the other day, I could tell they were upset, but they couldn't do anything about it! I didn't do it to piss them off, I did it because that was just me being me!
--- Everything I say is both false and true at the same time, I see both sides. Please don't be upset with what I have to say. I understand I am wrong just as much as I am right!
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johnnyfive
Burning withCircles!
Registered: 07/02/02
Posts: 886
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 19 years, 10 months
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I know what you mean. I have to play the everyday "im still cool" game. In my opinon one has to do this for a certain level of surival, in these times.
I at one time cared for school, but i see it as thought control now, and work!
-------------------- And the gameshow host rings the buzzer (brrnnntt) oh and now you get a face full of face!
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Re: People's View of You [Re: johnnyfive]
#1644646 - 06/19/03 11:52 AM (20 years, 9 months ago) |
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I agree with you, here. That's what I'm talking about, I think, when I mentioned the mushroom trip. I realized that having all these barriers is just too confining, and everything was just fucking better from the more clear and open headspace. Once we can finally realize in our head "hey, i don't need to change the way i'd act just so i can be accepted by this guy", we then have the possibility of doing anything. When I say I wanted to develop a comfort interacting with people that I really don't know, or a comfort performing in front of people, it isn't because I am trying to fit some sort of image of the way I should be. It is because I was never exposed to the the kinds of situations when I grew up that would make me comfortable doing those things. If i just went through the rest of my life operating from the limits I have on me now, I know I won't like the end result. I mean, I am who I am, but I am basically trying to extend the boundaries of who I am. It's basically growth. You know what I'm trying to say? I'll always be comfortable being myself, I just want to be able to be myself around strangers or crowds. Having people around shouldn't change my actions, ya know? Just me rambling again.. Peace.
-------------------- If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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c_mathimatics
kaok
Registered: 05/23/03
Posts: 59
Last seen: 20 years, 6 months
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Well you've certainly got a good perspective on the subject. I suggest just flowing with your 'intuition' and acting (instead of re-acting) accordingly.
We learn from our spontaneous mistakes much faster than analized responses given to situations that have yet to exist.
I just wanted to make sure you weren't truely 'acting' in a role that wasn't truely yourself. When you can just simply be yourself, there is no act, there is no drama. You just say and do everything you want at any moment.
Don't let society conform you into thinking that you have to be something you're not... "Oh, to change in a world that tries to keep you the same while it changes!"
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johnnyfive
Burning withCircles!
Registered: 07/02/02
Posts: 886
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 19 years, 10 months
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Quote:
Having people around shouldn't change my actions, ya know?
*sigh* exactly With enough time doing this, through out our daily lives we have to create an ego. This really leads to clouding of thought. Its like everyones climbing to the top, and if need be they will push you off to gain that last inch. It makes one fight back, get tough, which can be good but mostly bad.(imo)
-------------------- And the gameshow host rings the buzzer (brrnnntt) oh and now you get a face full of face!
Edited by johnnyfive (06/20/03 11:56 AM)
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Re: People's View of You [Re: johnnyfive]
#1644737 - 06/19/03 12:25 PM (20 years, 9 months ago) |
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Yeah, I just don't sit and think of what I would say if a certain situation arises (although I have before, but that's what I'm fighting). You just have to put yourself in situations that you wouldn't normally be in. How are you going to get comfortable on stage without going onstage? .. I think we both have really close views, we just came from different directions, and it took a bit to get everything sorted out. Peace.
-------------------- If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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c_mathimatics
kaok
Registered: 05/23/03
Posts: 59
Last seen: 20 years, 6 months
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Much agreed. Nice to meet you
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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That's what's great about this board. Sometimes we need reassurance that there are other people out there that can use their head. Peace.
-------------------- If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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c_mathimatics
kaok
Registered: 05/23/03
Posts: 59
Last seen: 20 years, 6 months
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...or their heart.
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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...Actually, both. hehe Of course, it depends if you mean the heart as our spirit, or just acting out of love and compassion or whatever, because that is all in the mind, too. So, we'll just say that we use every part of our body/mind/spirt complex. (I wonder if this could be held in comparison to the Trinity) God/Jesus/The Holy Spirit? Hmm.... I'd say the Holy Spirit would be the spirit, Jesus would be the body, since he actually took form, and that would leave God as the mind (he's the mastermind of it all). Eh, I dunno... but I tried, I guess. hehe Peace.
-------------------- If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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Strumpling
Neuronaut
Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
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There's a quote from Waking Life where this dude on television says "I contemplate the relationships of my various selves to one another"
I think this fits in nicely here - I've recently started noticing how many different versions of me I have here in my head, and have started attempting to let them all come out at all times - they're all very contradictory and some just don't get along well with others.. its like the "full me" has been fragmented through childhood and I'm starting to piece it all together - I hope this connects with somebody heheh
-------------------- Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me. In addition: SHPONGLE
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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Re: People's View of You [Re: Strumpling]
#1645443 - 06/19/03 04:03 PM (20 years, 9 months ago) |
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Heheh, I remember the day when I actually gave a shit what others thought of me. In fact it used to totally consume me. What a fuckin waste of thought.
There is a mountain of self-discovery beyond that pitiful little chasm.
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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Re: People's View of You [Re: Grav]
#1645455 - 06/19/03 04:07 PM (20 years, 9 months ago) |
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If I believe anything, it's that life is meant to be enjoyed, and wanting acceptance from peers REALLY contradicts that.
be yourself.
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Malachi
stereotype
Registered: 06/19/02
Posts: 1,294
Loc: Around Minneapolis.
Last seen: 14 years, 9 months
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Re: People's View of You [Re: Strumpling]
#1645536 - 06/19/03 04:38 PM (20 years, 9 months ago) |
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that movie is really good.
-------------------- The ultimate meaning of our being can only be fulfilled in the paradoxical leap beyond the tragic-demonic frustration. It is a leap from our side, but it is the self-surrendering presence of the Ground of Being from the other side. - Paul Tillich
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In(di)go
People of the sun.
Registered: 10/29/00
Posts: 8,157
Loc: Cologne, Germany
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yeah man... i totally know what you mean... i had a weird experience on this subject lately... i finished school in the beginnings of 1999, and in september that year i moved to germany, so there's a lot of people i haven't seen since then... well lately i got one of these chain e-mails from my ex-girlfriend... it was a mail with a bunch of questions i was supposed to answer about her such as "what is my complete name?" "my favorite color... artist?" or "comment a moment we had together that touched you" ... stuff like that... it wasnt hard to answer it in her case... the thing is before you answered anything you were supposed to send it empty to as many people you know as possible, so they could answer the same questions about you... so thats what i did, and i sent it to a lot of folks i havent seen in a few years and i rarely have talked to... and one guy i know from school answered the weirdest things... in "what did you first thought of me when we met?" he answered: "i though you were a clown who didnt give a shit about life" .... and in "what would be my biggest flaw?" ... he said: "you never take things seriously" ... and that was quite a shock for me... many of you have read my posts and know that i care a lot about the life im living and that i am inspiringly happy to be on this planet... i never thought that i could give someone an image so wrong about me... especially since i try as hard as i can to be myself... i rarely change my behaviour for anyone... and this made me think... depending on how much time and above all what kinda time you spend with someone that person can get images from you as different from each other as night and day... anyways, just my 2c... thanks for reading through my rambling..
--------------------
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3MJ3
i&I
Registered: 03/01/03
Posts: 102
Last seen: 19 years, 2 months
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Re: People's View of You [Re: In(di)go]
#1645736 - 06/19/03 05:44 PM (20 years, 9 months ago) |
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Ah. The jaded soul. He draws quiter as he is lured to the seduction of freedom of spirit and mind that the humble mushroom offers. Not as a weakness, but as a strength to recognize his/her own nature, and in doing so finds him/herself. The constant battle between ego and spirit..a very genuine struggle indeed for him. For others, he cannot even perceive.
Yeah this seems to be how I myself am. That is why I find comfort in this forum, just reading it, if not to put an occasional post or two in. It gives me faith in the spirit of man. Thank you all.
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