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Apollyphelion
Dungeon Master/Princess(1009)


Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 16,757
Loc: Festival of Deaths
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Donald Drake Presents "SELF-HURT" Programs. (How to be a Loser)
#9717533 - 02/01/09 01:42 PM (15 years, 24 days ago) |
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Wobbly A. Productions is going to release a set of "Self-Hurt" Programs to combat "Self-Help" programs. Competition's a bitch! Here is an excerpt from the Guide: "How to be a Loser for Dummies, you idiot"
So you want to be a loser, huh? Chances are you're probably not too far away and need a push in the right direction. So think of this article as a means to finally start pissing yourself from self-loathing.
Then these words are for you, to show you THE WAY on how to succeed on being unsuccessful. These are tips I personally learned from other Winners (Winner is used ultra-sarcastically here)...so next time you are own in the dumps, thank me for getting you there! Fabulous!
Tip#1: Start trying to feel shameful about everything you do, and you'll be crying as you eat in no time! Feel ashamed of feeling ashamed! Also, do things you should really be ashamed of, such as killing dogs, pushing old ladies down stairs and leaving negative feedback to ggod sellers on Ebay. That way, when the shame fairy comes around, She'll be having seconds...or thirds!
Tip#2: Stop feeling good about yourself-Why bother trying when this existence is limited to a life span and 3-Dimensions. I've talked to many losers and they all have this is common. No confidence. I'm giving YOU the CONFIDENCE not to have any right now. And when you get that confidence, you should feel ashamed of yourself.
Tip#3: Pissing yourself publicly is a good way to advertise "Hey, I don't care, neither should you and please kill me" While this will guarantee yourself a spot among the burned out stars, it might have people confuse you with a bum, who will in turn ask you for change. This is where you THE LOSER tell that ragamuffin' "Get lost I'm a Loser, so please take your successful vagrancy elsewhere" Then you show him who's boss by asking him if he can piss all over you. After you wipe his urine from your chin, this is where the shame should kick in.
Tip#4:Giving Up: Is the best way to try at becoming a TRUE loser. What they don't tell you is this ancient Buddhist secret is also the method to a fast track to Loser-Dom. Who would've knew a traditional secret to happiness is also the secret for a sure fire way to have a Bum Pissing in your mouth and taking YOUR money when he's done? Pure Genious. Once all hope is lost, and Giving up giving up is not even an option, you'll be thanking me in spades as the garbage man mistakes you for a piece of trash. And when you're thanking me-wou guessed it-You should feel ashamed of yourself.
So this concludes a preview to Wobbly A. Production's "Self -Hurt" series.
Questions? Comments? Complaints?
time.
I have Team Go Team names!
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"I'm looking at you looking at it" SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE! www.youtube.com/apollyphelion Creator of the World's Worst Comic Book
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Apollyphelion
Dungeon Master/Princess(1009)


Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 16,757
Loc: Festival of Deaths
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Re: Donald Drake Presents "SELF-HURT" Programs. (How to be a Loser) [Re: Apollyphelion]
#9721152 - 02/02/09 03:53 AM (15 years, 24 days ago) |
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Beautiful Ugly Maybe Pornographic...
My before going to work bump.
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"I'm looking at you looking at it" SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE! www.youtube.com/apollyphelion Creator of the World's Worst Comic Book
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Hrethic
A Human, Being

Registered: 01/05/04
Posts: 2,397
Loc: Passing through the bulk
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: Donald Drake Presents "SELF-HURT" Programs. (How to be a Loser) [Re: Apollyphelion]
#16407046 - 06/20/12 12:30 AM (11 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah, i'm bumping an old thread, but this made me laugh at a time where i really don't feel like laughing. Good for Drake, it's a good stab at being self hateful. Which you shouldn't start, obviously, but some of us do, and this was a good stab at that.
-------------------- Will all the big boomers please unveil, please unveil, please unveil.
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Apollyphelion
Dungeon Master/Princess(1009)


Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 16,757
Loc: Festival of Deaths
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Re: Donald Drake Presents "SELF-HURT" Programs. (How to be a Loser) [Re: Hrethic]
#16407177 - 06/20/12 01:09 AM (11 years, 8 months ago) |
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That'll be 9.95 plus S&H, but I'm really just gonna send you a cum stained napkin, ya jerk.
Thanks for reading! Honestly Kidding about you being a jerk. Not about the cum.
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"I'm looking at you looking at it" SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE! www.youtube.com/apollyphelion Creator of the World's Worst Comic Book
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