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OfflineGillette
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The reality of "online friends"
    #1619458 - 06/09/03 12:44 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

For the longest time I sort of just passed off alot of my online friends as not really being real...cuz in essence what I see is a bleep on the screen, a name, an avatar, "*hugs*" nothing really tangable....but what I've realized is that my online friends are my bestfriends, people I trust with everything. I miss you guys when I'm not here, and I've really realized that I miss people that just up and leave. Like deep down in my heart I miss these people. I don't think its fair if someone just doesn't come online, or leaves the site but doesn't really tell you that their not coming back....if you were friends in real life, you would know that they have left, they moved, something has happened...but online you just wonder....it really really sucks.


--------------------
~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~

A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.


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InvisiblePhencyclidine
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Registered: 06/02/03
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Re: The reality of [Re: Gillette]
    #1619490 - 06/09/03 01:07 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah, I always have had the problem of connecting the avatars on the screen and the text in front of my face with the fact that other human beings actually had to sit behind their computers and type them.  I still can't accept it intuitively, emotionally, which is probably where it coults.

I also tend to reveal more about myself online more quickly than I would to my friends, but for me this has little to do with trust, and mostly to do with my sense of disconnection from not only those who reply to me, but even my own words once I've hit "post."

I think I can't understand how you feel.  I've always attributed this to my own perception of writing and written words.  I'm very used to seeing and understanding text as being cut off from the author.  So, I do find this especially strange, especially considering that I've met you (once, maybe twice).  I really can't connect that person with the message I'm responding to.

So, who are the names of the people who left?  Who do you miss?  Maybe reminiscing would be good for you?

Sorry if my reply doesn't address the issues you want it to.  It's obviously problematic for me.

BTW, if you want my identity you have to read and appreciate :wink: my post, "May I buy you a drink?" in this forum.

L8r sk8r. 


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OfflineGillette
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Re: The reality of [Re: Phencyclidine]
    #1619517 - 06/09/03 01:21 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

lol yeah I read it....too much thinking....I'll just pass you off as some kid :wink: and I think you've only met me once. :smile:

reminiscing only makes me more miserable, which probably why I'm in this state...the reminiscing.


--------------------
~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~

A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.


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Invisiblevivid
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Re: The reality of [Re: Phencyclidine]
    #1619520 - 06/09/03 01:23 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Yea, theres alot of people that I miss too... I think thats one of the great things about gatherings tho, is that it brings the whole "real relationship" aspect to online dealings... not to mention meeting people that you've had deep conversations with as much or more than your "real life" friends is deeply rewarding. The relationships i've developed at the shroomery seem almost deeper than those in real life, you guys are my second family, and I appreciate you.


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Anonymous

Re: The reality of [Re: Gillette]
    #1619528 - 06/09/03 01:30 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

gillette is my friend <3


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InvisiblePhencyclidine
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Re: The reality of [Re: Gillette]
    #1619581 - 06/09/03 02:00 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

ahh, good, I see the clues were deciphered :wink:

Hmm, what can you say about people who vanish and you've never met?  They could pass you by on the street and you'd never know it was them, which is kind of neat.  I guess what it means is that you have nothing to remember them by.  No photos.  No mementos.  No old gifts.  Just text. 

I do tend to keep some contact, though I find the unreality is broken only if it occurs through email.  It's more convincing, for me, to deal with someone who has a real name, and who's trusting you with their full real name (it's not much of a real risk, but it's just symbollic).  The times that I didn't use my computer for months, I did find myself thinking that I should e-mail them.

I'll cut that short.  All I'm getting that is upon reflection I'm realizing that I understand your position better than I originally thought I did.  I know what you mean.

I guess I can only conclude with a broad statement.  I think that the reality of online friendships is that the internet is still working it's way into culture.  Not everyone reacts the same way to contact on the internet as everyone else does.  One person might be able to get totally involved with other people's lives for years on end and just arbitrarily give it up without a second thought, even if that person would consider that unthinkable with in-the-flesh friends.  Another person might find their lover / soul mate / spouse online.  Sometimes the latter type of person will meet the former type and will be shocked when that person suddenly disappears.

It's confusing, and I feel like we're working towards a discussion of how people respond so differently to this medium, and I have a sense of a complex idea formed at the back of my head, but I just can't churn it out right now.

Would you say that you're a bit upset with these people for leaving?  Is there any sort of anger there?  Dissappointment?  I'm curious what you think of their actions. 


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Offlinethestringphish
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Re: The reality of [Re: Phencyclidine]
    #1619611 - 06/09/03 02:30 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

One person might be able to get totally involved with other people's lives for years on end and just arbitrarily give it up without a second thought




this is me, i've never met anyone onlie I would actually call a friend. People on the 'net do not seem real to me at all. If I were to meet someone in person it would be totally diferent, but the online relationship means nothing to me at all.


--------------------
Ken Wilbur

"this is life changing"

welcomehome


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Offlinelucid
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Re: The reality of [Re: thestringphish]
    #1619766 - 06/09/03 04:01 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:


this is me, i've never met anyone onlie I would actually call a friend. People on the 'net do not seem real to me at all. If I were to meet someone in person it would be totally diferent, but the online relationship means nothing to me at all.





And I thought u cared !! .... I feel sooo used...  :grin: 


--------------------
"no-mind un-thinks no-thought..."


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Offlinefelix
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Re: The reality of "online friends" [Re: Gillette]
    #1619887 - 06/09/03 04:52 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

i think it would be kind of hard to just up and leave. even if some stop posting as much, i wonder if they ever stop checking back...


--------------------
Real botanists laugh at HPS systems, we do however use high pressure sodium in the parking lot. - artthug


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OfflineGillette
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Re: The reality of [Re: felix]
    #1620346 - 06/09/03 12:09 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I'm not angry or anything....just upset I guess....in a way I worry about these people....ya know....especially on a board like this one, god only knows what happened to them.....it just makes me sad thats all....like having your friend move far far away and not have a number to reach them at.


--------------------
~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~

A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.


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OfflineToTheSummit
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Re: The reality of "online friends" [Re: felix]
    #1622687 - 06/10/03 01:36 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

i think it would be kind of hard to just up and leave. even if some stop posting as much, i wonder if they ever stop checking back...




I'm sure there are some who leave for good. One reason or another...they no longer have internet connection or something like that. And some just may have no real-world connection to the people here so they lose interest and move on.

As for me...I've been here almost 4 years now and I have made some real-world friends from this place. But in the last 6 months or so I have been here less and less. I still pop in about once a week and read a few posts, check for PMs, etc., just so I don't feel completely lost.

There was a time when I spent a lot of time on the shroomery, but lately other things have become more important. Now I spend a lot of time playing music with my band and doing other projects in my life (not to mention about 50-60 hours a week at work). I just don't have the time to devote to the Shroomery anymore (at least not like I used to).

I'm sure this happens to a lot of the people you think are 'gone'. Life just got busy for them and the free time is scarce. But anyone who has lasted a few years here I would bet is still lurking around every once in a while.


--------------------
You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!


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Offlinefelix
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Re: The reality of [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #1623017 - 06/10/03 05:19 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

i have been posting less and less too, but i wonder if i'll ever completely stop. there was time i totally forgot about this place for a year. then one day, i signed on and the whole site was entirely different. say in like 5 years, do you see yourself popping on to the shroomery, even if it be once every 6 months or less?


--------------------
Real botanists laugh at HPS systems, we do however use high pressure sodium in the parking lot. - artthug


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Offlinedebianlinux
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Re: The reality of "online friends" [Re: Gillette]
    #1623490 - 06/10/03 12:58 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

do you think this "depression" stems from the unconcious fear that should you simply drop off the boards noone would miss you? i am not implying that the fear is founded on any evidence...


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InvisiblePhencyclidine
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Re: The reality of "online friends" [Re: debianlinux]
    #1624061 - 06/10/03 05:36 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Now that's an interesting thought.


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OfflineGillette
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Re: The reality of "online friends" [Re: debianlinux]
    #1625248 - 06/11/03 01:00 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

no its not that, I'm sure, but it is an interesting concept.


--------------------
~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~

A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.


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InvisibleLord_of_Fungus
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Re: The reality of "online friends" [Re: Gillette]
    #1625351 - 06/11/03 01:38 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

It all essentially revolves around communication....Friendships build on it and thrive on it...the form of communication doesnt matter much, depending on the particular person of course...but the bottom line is, its all about interaction and communication, whether through online chats, phone boning sessions, real life, etc...


--------------------


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OfflineTwelve_Nomads
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Re: The reality of [Re: Lord_of_Fungus]
    #1625506 - 06/11/03 03:05 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I just joined the Shroomery boards about three days ago, and i gotta say, I love it so much. I never expected it to be so thoughtful, open, friendly, and intelligent. I feel like I've found an online "home" I never knew was there.

Am I just giving everyone these traits? It sure doesn't feel like I am, but it's true, people seem so different in here than in "reality".

Is this how message boards are in general, or is there something special at the Shroomery?


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Offlinedebianlinux
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Re: The reality of [Re: Twelve_Nomads]
    #1625803 - 06/11/03 08:17 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

just you wait... mwhahahaha

BTW, the only msg boards i'e seen that even compare are other boards in the OMC (Nansnook, Mycotopia).


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InvisibleATWAR
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Re: The reality of [Re: Gillette]
    #1625887 - 06/11/03 09:32 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

like having your friend move far far away and not have a number to reach them at.




This exact thing happened to me awhile ago. We were friends all through high school, shared an apartment while in college, and even worked at the same place. Then one day he decided to bail out on me, I found out a week before hand luckily enough in time to cover rent by myself. He never told me he was leaving, I guess he never intended on it either in fear of me getting pissed.

I was in Tennessee at the time, he moved to bowling green Kentucky to enjoy college with his new found girlfriend. We still hung out every once in awhile when I was still in Nashville, but his dorm and the drive made it a rare occurrence.

Then I moved where I am now, 650 miles farther away. He called me sometimes, he even bought a computer and I chatted with him on MSN. Found out he moved to Louisville (quit school to manage an ice cream store, lol). Saw him online a few times, but that was it. Havent heard from him in about 6-8 months now. I tried calling his mother at her last known phone number several times to see if she knew his new number but nobody answers (his mom doesnt answer the phone).

I posted this because I can relate. This person was my best friend in the whole world for many years. I feel like a chunk of me is missing without my friend around to hang out with. We had the best of times, and all I can do now is reminisce about the past. I will never forget the friendship we had, thats all I can do. This was a real life friend, but to at least be able to chat with him every once in awhile would be nice. Or smoke one last fatty with him :wink:


--------------------
To give is to live...



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OfflineGillette
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Re: The reality of [Re: Twelve_Nomads]
    #1626032 - 06/11/03 11:32 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

haha it has its moments. But shroomerites is good people.


--------------------
~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~

A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.


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