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Anonymous #1
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stuck in a rut
#16109490 - 04/18/12 11:22 PM (11 years, 10 months ago) |
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for the past 8 years have been nothing but disapointments.
i try and try and keep failing at everything i try. My friends don't call me anymore, one of them answers and chills with me once in a big while when i call him, but i feel its just out of pitty cause he knows our other friends don't talk to me and that my band is not what it used to be, and my musical skills are not either. Nor my art, i just have no motivation these days after all that trying for years, and not trying. I have quit smoking and tryed hanging out with people who don't use drugs. But im just not successfulk enough i guess for them either.
My family all hates me except for my dad who is almost mentally retarded from a severe accident. And my grandparents take care of us. They just keep me around cause he would freak out if i left him or was kicked out. My mom and sister barely talk to me either just to see if i found a job. And then get all disapointed when i didnt and make me feel worse about it.
I can't hold a job. I can't get a long with anyone, even when i try to kiss their ass or be someone else(cause my true self is annoying to everyone) And my mind is so fucked up i guess i can't even fake being a normal person to get along at a job.
I have a car but nowhere to go ever. MY band members have started another band, but act like its no big deal but i think i can tell that they wanna give up on me.
antidepressants arent helping. kava all that stuff just makes me happy, but that isnt real adn still doesnt work.
drug dealers end up not dealing with me after awhile, except for the ones that burn me and pretend to be my friend for the cash/me getting them high.
I can never think straight it seems, and seeing a psyciatrist would get me locked up for sure. I feel everyone is out to get me.
i look at people once in awhile while driving and they just shake their heads or laugh and look at me in dispointment like its all one big cosmic joke and im not in on it.
I have nightmares when i dream.
And the only thing that keeps me going is that maybe one day i will meet the girl of my dreams who gets me hahah yea right right.
Even talking to myself positive affirmations and hyptnotism doesnt work. Prayers never get answered. I just get teased enough to be brought up enough to be let down.
Seeing my cat everyday keeps me going, i worry when im at work or jamming that something is going to happen to her, like my grandparents are going to harm her cause they know how much she means to me, and they want to use that to get me out of the house or just to make my life worse cause they feel im worthless and deserve it. I lost a cat already a couple years ago and it was horrible.
i also feel sometimes like the cat is just a robot used to keep me going and somewhat happy so they dont woorry about me harming myself or others..
or that its a robot who spies on me.
Acid and shrooms seem like they just confuse me more & i only use maybe once every 2 months in low dose.
I also feel stuck by these things, girlfriend, act, music, these things drive me. but i get let down so much for so long that i dont want to try anymore but im stuck cause i really do care aboiut those things a lot. But feel like they are shams.
everywhere i turn is doom, the news, i look around at the poverty. I find it very hard unless high to see the bright side and smell the roses.
I think im bi-polar or szizophrenic i have mood swings. I just feel like im in some kind of punishment here on earth my some higher order and everyone is robots or a similation out to get me, like no matter what i try or how hard i try i will fail. And trying is just delaying time further up until i awake from this hell unto who knows maybe another or some kind of verdict. idk... im just so tired of everything.
i just don't feel love anymore, except from my cat, i just want to stay with her 24/7 but then again its sad cause i never win. Im wasting my life here with her if shes a sham, and if i go out i risk and miss out on the moments with her she only has a short life and is the only one that seems to actually miss me or care.
forgive me for the long rambling, its cool if noone reads i kinda expect that, but i guess im just venting, which is crap, fuck.
i just don't know what my purpose is here, i don't know if i should be good and live a ethical life, or just cheat and steal and lie to get food stamps, and be a prick like everyone else who seems to be happy from that kind of living.
i feel like my karma is just fucked, and then again sometimes i feel there is no karma law and people get away with shitt. I really don't know who to trust. I feel like noone belives a word i say, and are always telling me the right way to do something, or not being honest with me.
i feel like my thoughts are being implanted in my mind all the time and that im being controlled. OR maybe im just really empathic and feel thoughts and confuse them with mine idk
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Mufungo
Coming at ya


Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 2,743
Loc: Knowhere
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Remove the word "try" from your vocabulary. It presupposes failure before you even start. "I will try and open my door...", "I am trying to open it...", and "I will try to read other replies in this thread.." ...how successful do ya think I will be? So it's a simple thing, but just stop "trying", and just remove that word, never let it be uttered from your mouth again.
Disappointment takes planning. Make your expectations and desires more realistic and you won't set yourself up for disappointment. Factor into your thinking how you'll respond better to any failures that might arise in life.
Interpersonal success requires self awareness and insight into how to behave so as to get a response from people you want. I get the sense that you desire acceptance and the more you "try" to do things to be accepted, then people either reject you or take advantage of you. It's probably because you don't accept yourself first, do you? It's the old paradox of the more we need people, they sense the neediness and push us away. The more we want people's love, the more they hold it back from us. But when we don't need it, then people give it to us freely. So start with yourself, accept yourself, love yourself. How? I don't know, it might take time and practice. Think of yourself as another person, how would you demonstrate your acceptance and love to another person? Then do that to yourself. Take care of yourself. Respect yourself enough to know who is good for you to hang around and who isn't.
The mental stuff you were describing might be a symptom of being highly stressed for a long time. We can all get a little crazy in stressful adverse situations. Sort yourself out and then your ability to think will improve. But if ya think you need help, definitely see a psychologist or something, they won't lock you up unless you're an immediate serious danger to yourself or others.
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tedthekid
Stranger


Registered: 11/13/11
Posts: 452
Last seen: 10 years, 6 months
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Re: stuck in a rut [Re: Mufungo] 1
#16112219 - 04/19/12 03:43 PM (11 years, 10 months ago) |
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Sounds like youre stuck believing people will judge you negatively. It's a self fulfilling prophecy--if you think people will look down on you, most people will. Eliminate that by trusting in yourself and realize not everyone is out to get you and bring you down. Realize you can bring good to others by being yourself and it will be more likely to become true. Move, move some more, and re-find your flow.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
Anonymous said: for the past 8 years have been nothing but disapointments.
i try and try and keep failing at everything i try. My friends don't call me anymore, one of them answers and chills with me once in a big while when i call him, but i feel its just out of pitty cause he knows our other friends don't talk to me and that my band is not what it used to be, and my musical skills are not either. Nor my art, i just have no motivation these days after all that trying for years, and not trying. I have quit smoking and tryed hanging out with people who don't use drugs. But im just not successfulk enough i guess for them either.
My family all hates me except for my dad who is almost mentally retarded from a severe accident. And my grandparents take care of us. They just keep me around cause he would freak out if i left him or was kicked out. My mom and sister barely talk to me either just to see if i found a job. And then get all disapointed when i didnt and make me feel worse about it.
I can't hold a job. I can't get a long with anyone, even when i try to kiss their ass or be someone else(cause my true self is annoying to everyone) And my mind is so fucked up i guess i can't even fake being a normal person to get along at a job.
I have a car but nowhere to go ever. MY band members have started another band, but act like its no big deal but i think i can tell that they wanna give up on me.
antidepressants arent helping. kava all that stuff just makes me happy, but that isnt real adn still doesnt work.
drug dealers end up not dealing with me after awhile, except for the ones that burn me and pretend to be my friend for the cash/me getting them high.
I can never think straight it seems, and seeing a psyciatrist would get me locked up for sure. I feel everyone is out to get me.
i look at people once in awhile while driving and they just shake their heads or laugh and look at me in dispointment like its all one big cosmic joke and im not in on it.
I have nightmares when i dream.
And the only thing that keeps me going is that maybe one day i will meet the girl of my dreams who gets me hahah yea right right.
Even talking to myself positive affirmations and hyptnotism doesnt work. Prayers never get answered. I just get teased enough to be brought up enough to be let down.
Seeing my cat everyday keeps me going, i worry when im at work or jamming that something is going to happen to her, like my grandparents are going to harm her cause they know how much she means to me, and they want to use that to get me out of the house or just to make my life worse cause they feel im worthless and deserve it. I lost a cat already a couple years ago and it was horrible.
i also feel sometimes like the cat is just a robot used to keep me going and somewhat happy so they dont woorry about me harming myself or others..
or that its a robot who spies on me.
Acid and shrooms seem like they just confuse me more & i only use maybe once every 2 months in low dose.
I also feel stuck by these things, girlfriend, act, music, these things drive me. but i get let down so much for so long that i dont want to try anymore but im stuck cause i really do care aboiut those things a lot. But feel like they are shams.
everywhere i turn is doom, the news, i look around at the poverty. I find it very hard unless high to see the bright side and smell the roses.
I think im bi-polar or szizophrenic i have mood swings. I just feel like im in some kind of punishment here on earth my some higher order and everyone is robots or a similation out to get me, like no matter what i try or how hard i try i will fail. And trying is just delaying time further up until i awake from this hell unto who knows maybe another or some kind of verdict. idk... im just so tired of everything.
i just don't feel love anymore, except from my cat, i just want to stay with her 24/7 but then again its sad cause i never win. Im wasting my life here with her if shes a sham, and if i go out i risk and miss out on the moments with her she only has a short life and is the only one that seems to actually miss me or care.
forgive me for the long rambling, its cool if noone reads i kinda expect that, but i guess im just venting, which is crap, fuck.
i just don't know what my purpose is here, i don't know if i should be good and live a ethical life, or just cheat and steal and lie to get food stamps, and be a prick like everyone else who seems to be happy from that kind of living.
i feel like my karma is just fucked, and then again sometimes i feel there is no karma law and people get away with shitt. I really don't know who to trust. I feel like noone belives a word i say, and are always telling me the right way to do something, or not being honest with me.
i feel like my thoughts are being implanted in my mind all the time and that im being controlled. OR maybe im just really empathic and feel thoughts and confuse them with mine idk
People will generally accept you for who you pretend to be, unless they don't like the role you are playing. Maybe they like the whiny sad guy maybe they need to mother him. Or control him by things like making him feel bad about no job. "Just checking" you don't have to get pissed etc.
It's like these "friends" of my parents. The constant reminders from them of how much they miss my parents are to the point where I am just amazed by it. Like if they don't remind me somehow I will forget? Sure they are probably just being nice but when people are controlling that's the kind of things they do. Lay guilt trips on you and control the action.
Anyway back to you OP. You are a real mess! Just keepin' it real here. The best thing I can say is your cat will love you more if you love her more. Never hit her never scold her meanly. She knows you are a hurting unit and need help. But cats need full respect and attention so give it to her. Talk to her.
People pretty much suck I won't say be nice to them. But Jesus don't do like I do and let them get your goat from time to time. Part of the problem is you think they actually care about you or fucking with you and neither is actually true. Most people only are nice to those they feel they have to be nice to and are mean to anyone weak.
Toughen up man quit yer blood clot cryin'. Pretend to be normal and happy then watch those folks in the Discouragement Fraternity melt away. They hate anyone they can't further discourage...
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Jim


Registered: 04/07/04
Posts: 20,922
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You probably are Bi Polar. That is a mood disorder. If you were schizophrenic, any type, you would have noticeable hallucinations (auditory, sensual, visual).
-------------------- Use the Fucking Reply To Feature You Lazy Pieces of Shit! afoaf said: Jim, if you were in my city, I would let you fuck my wife.
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tosatori
and beyond


Registered: 01/19/07
Posts: 482
Last seen: 1 hour, 36 minutes
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Re: stuck in a rut [Re: Jim]
#16120454 - 04/21/12 02:18 PM (11 years, 9 months ago) |
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Hi,
if you want to change your world, change your mind. i can only advise that you work on yourself and on your situation. Slow down. See what makes you happy and what makes you unhappy. Find truth, realise Illusion. People aren't out to get you, they're out to protect themselves. If someone attacks you, it's likely you've threatened them. You need to look out for yourself too, ultimately, you're the only one who's got your back, so start taking care of yourself. Eat right, Sleep right, moderate drug use, exercise, try and meditate. Slow down, fill yourself with a positive philosophy. Realise perception dictates reality, and slowly begin to unravel and change your perception of your life and yourself. Grow, have no fear, don't give up
you have to make yourself better.
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lillFish
Daydreamer



Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 1,347
Loc: Recliner
Last seen: 1 month, 3 days
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Re: stuck in a rut [Re: tosatori]
#16120789 - 04/21/12 04:04 PM (11 years, 9 months ago) |
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try martial arts. it will give you confidence and may change your life.
-------------------- My Wish & Trade list
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