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Anonymous #1
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On The Ropes
#16095159 - 04/15/12 08:56 PM (12 years, 4 days ago) |
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I don't feel very depressed but I feel at a dead end. I used to be very depressed a year ago and have been in the looney bin 3 times (have had tried suicide twice, one was a failed attempt *sleeping pills*).
I work a minimum wage job, currently in school but not doing very well (as always), 25 years old, no friends, and I live with my parents. The job is pretty bad too (Walmart) and everyone looks down on you, as if you are in poverty. The people I work with have been there for years and they look like ghosts. They look like shells of their former selves.
I don't want to look and feel like them. I don't want to endure. Some may say suicide is cowardly but I do not feel the same. Suicide is a right and if I feel so much as to want to not be alive, then why should someone hold me back? That, to me, is selfish. It is selfish to not allow one to live and not live by their own accord.
So with that said, the only thing that brightens my day to this point is not much. I love going on walks with my family dog out on the lake. I love nature. However, this is real life and not the movies. I cannot simply just go somewhere and be doing something else. Any job without a college degree at this point in America is minimum wage or a very hard job that will kill your body in a few years. Ever notice how the majority of Walmart workers limp while walking? That's from standing all day on the floor and eating like shit. It's bad enough that they serve fried food at the deli.
I'm not overweight, I'm not fat, I'm not dumb, and I'm not trying to get attention on here. I don't think it is attention seeking when one tries to quietly plan his suicide and do it in a beautiful quiet place miles from a human being. My dream is to one day be on a beautiful field over looking a sunset and watch the sun go down. Then take a suicide pill (like in the movies and they exist in irl) and take a swig of some liquer. Then slowly close my eyes to never be alive again.
I feel like I am a hindrance to my family since I don't bring any income to them (I only pay 150 a month). I feel I don't offer or bring anything to the table. I feel I am blessed (I am atheist lol) to have a great family. I know a lot more people are more worse off than I am.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I know my father is tired of me. I can't join the military because I am disabled. I can't do anything. There are no other jobs out there, even if there are they are dead end minimum wage jobs.
I wouldn't mind talking to someone on FB or through PM's. I don't talk to anybody about my depression (I know I have it). I used to go to EA (Emotion's Anonymous) and have my way to get out vocally.
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trip forever
Stranger
Registered: 08/21/09
Posts: 5,873
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I had a brief period where I was depressed, although it doesn't seem as bad as your depression.
Keep your head up. We all have a shitty period in our life times and I'd be surprised if the majority of individuals did not endure a period of depression. I know you may feel alone, but you're not. Try meeting people (it may be hard but just practice) you'll realize how many kind people out there that are willing to help. An Internet forum may help you with your need of affection but nothing else is better than real life to get that real sense of affection.
Try dating, meeting people, attending more events, working go change your job, save up money to move out.
Always remember there's a tough downward spiral everyones life and not all of us make it through that but if you do it'll only make you stronger and help you to realize the simple joys in life.
Goodluck.
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birdland
Registered: 07/24/11
Posts: 2,202
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Are you worried about where your career is going? It sure sounds like you are.
Fuck your career. Would material wealth really bring you happiness?
I'm not saying you don't need money, because you will. I'm saying, it's time for a new path. Don't even consider the destination, just start walking it, start right now. Don't look back or way in to the distance, just take in your surroundings.
Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about depression, I've battled that mindset for the last 9 years.
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passifloracaerulea
Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 10,485
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it's better to work your ass off in a job like mining or construction and feel good about the release that hard work gives(make more money too), rather than to give your body and soul away to a job that keeps you weak while straining your pitiful atrophied muscles at the same time.
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