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OfflineSatyapriya
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Psychotic episodes on MJ
    #16063353 - 04/08/12 10:57 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Had what I assumed to be a psychotic episode yesterday. Happened after smoking some potent MJ while hiking alone in the mountains. Anxiety just built up to such a degree that my mind completely turned on me! Got stuck in numerous negative thought loops, plagued with intense technophobic paranoia (such as that aliens are watching my every move through powerful telescopes), guilting myself ,looking at myself in the worst possible light...etc.

Basically, in the end I regressed into the old God-fearing Christian state of mind. Had that thought that I have been blaspheming against God all this time. By leaving the faith behind, being led astray, and that I have been leading others astray, that this is my punishment, and that I alone have caused, and am continuing to cause my descent into hell within this lifetime... Lasted quite a long time too until it drained me of nearly all physical and mental energy and I just kind of laid out on my sleeping bag waiting for the insanity to dissipate...

Though now that it has, I wonder, has it really?

All these insane thoughts I had during this episode we're many of my actual deepest fears and deepest thoughts about the nature of duality and morality. Though I no longer actually believe any of them, why is it that I regress to a state that continues to fear them?

As I laid on the ground, I kept repeating this to myself:

"The battle of duality is in the mind. The battle of duality is in the mind."

Which I very much so believe. But what does that mean really?

Sometimes I feel like my mind is completely insane, only that I have learned to detach from it enough so that I have been able to find peace and clarity once again. Anyone else feel this way?


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InvisibleChronic7
Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 13,679
Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: Satyapriya]
    #16064014 - 04/09/12 03:39 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

If you didn't see it as insane would you have learned to detach from it?


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OfflineMistyMystic
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Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: Chronic7]
    #16064271 - 04/09/12 07:41 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Sounds like you have some problems dude.

I sometimes had strange mj effects of fear and duality ...


Literally I can become this different person. Like looking down on the entire world. It is important to be solidly grounded in life.

Why are you feelin so vulnerable to outside forces? Also, I wouldn't worry about religious guilt. It is a powerful theme but one that doesn't get anybody anywhere.

Why would god be mad at u? Even if u have no faith you are typically the weak and he is the strong that's the idea of shepherd ...

I had to change my smoking habits. I smoke a lot less and usually just to chill out and enjoy or if I am lookIng for a minor insight...

Some strain generally tend to cause a crazy amount of anxiety n if you aren't looking for that trip stay away from those buds... Find a hearty relaxing indica and enjoy the flavor.


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: Satyapriya]
    #16067794 - 04/09/12 10:28 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Shrooomtastic said:
Had what I assumed to be a psychotic episode yesterday. Happened after smoking some potent MJ while hiking alone in the mountains. Anxiety just built up to such a degree that my mind completely turned on me! Got stuck in numerous negative thought loops, plagued with intense technophobic paranoia (such as that aliens are watching my every move through powerful telescopes), guilting myself ,looking at myself in the worst possible light...etc.

Basically, in the end I regressed into the old God-fearing Christian state of mind. Had that thought that I have been blaspheming against God all this time. By leaving the faith behind, being led astray, and that I have been leading others astray, that this is my punishment, and that I alone have caused, and am continuing to cause my descent into hell within this lifetime... Lasted quite a long time too until it drained me of nearly all physical and mental energy and I just kind of laid out on my sleeping bag waiting for the insanity to dissipate...

Though now that it has, I wonder, has it really?

All these insane thoughts I had during this episode we're many of my actual deepest fears and deepest thoughts about the nature of duality and morality. Though I no longer actually believe any of them, why is it that I regress to a state that continues to fear them?

As I laid on the ground, I kept repeating this to myself:

"The battle of duality is in the mind. The battle of duality is in the mind."

Which I very much so believe. But what does that mean really?

Sometimes I feel like my mind is completely insane, only that I have learned to detach from it enough so that I have been able to find peace and clarity once again. Anyone else feel this way?




Anyone?



--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


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InvisibleWhite Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 6,325
Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: Satyapriya]
    #16069023 - 04/10/12 07:26 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Perhaps try smoking more next time?


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Invisiblec0sm0nautt
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Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: Satyapriya]
    #16070356 - 04/10/12 01:56 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I've had nearly identical experiences - I felt like I was losing my mind, being watched by aliens, negative thoughts loops, etc. Marijuana is a powerful entheogen with the right mind, and I found I was using the drug in bad contexts. I no longer smoke for entertainment or anything like that, I look at marijuana as a tool and meditation aid. I haven't smoked in quite some time, and don't plan on smoking more than a few times a year for the rest of my life, if that. I know how crappy and scary those episodes can be, and they can leave you feeling down for a few days after.


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InvisibleWhite Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 6,325
Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: Chronic7]
    #16070721 - 04/10/12 02:57 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

The Chronic said:
If you didn't see it as insane would you have learned to detach from it?



Yes, denial of the tricky situation we find ourselves is a very dangerous mistake, at least in my experience. Things are not okay. The Buddha said something like "work at freeing yourself as if ones head is on fire." Or something to that extent. Basically: Don't waste time. When you waste time, you fall back.


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Offlinedeff
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Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: White Beard]
    #16070887 - 04/10/12 03:25 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

:hotidea: am i doin it rite ?


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InvisibleWhite Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 6,325
Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: deff]
    #16070905 - 04/10/12 03:29 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

:awethumb:

Speaking of MJ and meditation, I got pretty far out today in da woods. Felt like I was disappearing.


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OfflineSatyapriya
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Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: White Beard]
    #16071121 - 04/10/12 04:21 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Honestly I feel like my mind has always been insane. Being born with Tourette's Syndrome, and then having a debilitating spinal injury at age 12, has caused some serious mental and emotional problems. High school was a nightmare after this as I was intensely uncomfortable in my body, and could no longer be myself. It was like a gradual down-spiral into depression and anxiety. And then when I got LASIK and they botched my right eye, I lost hope completely. Hit a bottom even lower than the bottom I thought I had already hit. Came to a point where I was very seriously contemplating suicide as a means to escape my suffering.

But then I woke up. Thanks to magic mushrooms, and a caring friend. Rose up out of the sea of insanity, pain, sadness, and fear that I had been drowning in for so long. Reached a point of such emotional intensity that I broke through some kind of barrier within my mind. Felt my heart again and literally felt like it was the first time I was inside my body, as if I had been sleeping all this time. I realized that though my body and mind have been shaped through my experiences and injuries, my soul remains underneath, unscathed, sensitive, pure. Though this experience lasted only a short time, it had given me the motivation to save my own life, and embark on a journey that has led me where I am, and who I am now.

The only thing that keeps me sane I feel like, is my spiritual presence. Without it I slip deeper and deeper into my mind and its inherent insanity. And I wonder, is that the only way? To stay present, to ignore the mind and consciously be aware that it is not who I am? Or can an insane mind become healed, become sane again, and reintegrate with the soul? I'm not sure.

Right now I am following the saying "The body is the gateway to the soul." Practicing yoga daily, working out, eating healthy meals, and taking supplements...etc. I figure the body is like a temple for the soul, and that it should be cleansed before it can reside there. But what about the mind? How do you heal the mind and all of its scarring? Or does it just take time? :shrug:

Or is my understanding of the body-mind complex flawed do you think?


--------------------
www.collectivelyconscious.net - Hive mind for the awakened. ॐ Collectively Conscious ॐ is a community-powered, community-verified, alternative news/multimedia aggregation service for global citizens.


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Invisiblec0sm0nautt
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Registered: 05/19/08
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Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: Satyapriya]
    #16071153 - 04/10/12 04:26 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

The body and mind are interconnected, both appearing within our consciousness. By caring for the body, you are in turn caring for the mind. I think our minds can be healed. I read this book called the Buddha's Brain written by a couple of nueroscientists who propose we can rewire our brain, our neural pathways. It takes time to rewire years and years of habits, but you seem to be on the path. Right on man. :thumbup:


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InvisibleWhite Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 6,325
Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: Satyapriya]
    #16071506 - 04/10/12 05:35 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Shrooomtastic said:
Honestly I feel like my mind has always been insane. Being born with Tourette's Syndrome, and then having a debilitating spinal injury at age 12, has caused some serious mental and emotional problems. High school was a nightmare after this as I was intensely uncomfortable in my body, and could no longer be myself. It was like a gradual down-spiral into depression and anxiety. And then when I got LASIK and they botched my right eye, I lost hope completely. Hit a bottom even lower than the bottom I thought I had already hit. Came to a point where I was very seriously contemplating suicide as a means to escape my suffering.

But then I woke up. Thanks to magic mushrooms, and a caring friend. Rose up out of the sea of insanity, pain, sadness, and fear that I had been drowning in for so long. Reached a point of such emotional intensity that I broke through some kind of barrier within my mind. Felt my heart again and literally felt like it was the first time I was inside my body, as if I had been sleeping all this time. I realized that though my body and mind have been shaped through my experiences and injuries, my soul remains underneath, unscathed, sensitive, pure. Though this experience lasted only a short time, it had given me the motivation to save my own life, and embark on a journey that has led me where I am, and who I am now.

The only thing that keeps me sane I feel like, is my spiritual presence. Without it I slip deeper and deeper into my mind and its inherent insanity. And I wonder, is that the only way? To stay present, to ignore the mind and consciously be aware that it is not who I am? Or can an insane mind become healed, become sane again, and reintegrate with the soul? I'm not sure.

Right now I am following the saying "The body is the gateway to the soul." Practicing yoga daily, working out, eating healthy meals, and taking supplements...etc. I figure the body is like a temple for the soul, and that it should be cleansed before it can reside there. But what about the mind? How do you heal the mind and all of its scarring? Or does it just take time? :shrug:

Or is my understanding of the body-mind complex flawed do you think?




You have to kill the thoughts but you can't kill them out right. You have to starve them. When you starve them they will seem more real. You may be tempted to kill them then. Don't. This just feeds them. They fade from view, but are still lurking near by.


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OfflineGrapefruit
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Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #16071685 - 04/10/12 06:13 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

c0sm0nautt said:
The body and mind are interconnected, both appearing within our consciousness. By caring for the body, you are in turn caring for the mind. I think our minds can be healed. I read this book called the Buddha's Brain written by a couple of nueroscientists who propose we can rewire our brain, our neural pathways. It takes time to rewire years and years of habits, but you seem to be on the path. Right on man. :thumbup:




Hey, I may be interested in reading that. Tell us more about the book if you can, thanks.


--------------------
Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. 

"Chat your fraff
Chat your fraff
Just chat your fraff
Chat your fraff"


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Invisiblec0sm0nautt
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Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: Grapefruit]
    #16071912 - 04/10/12 07:03 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Here are some interviews by one of the authors if you want to know more: http://www.rickhanson.net/media/interviews


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Offlineusulpsychonaut
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Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #16072338 - 04/10/12 08:16 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I'm familiar with this MJ induced state. In my teens I would listen to the Doors and get stoned, I would hear voices telling me I'm going to hell, it was so intense, the most interesting experience available to me so I repeated it often. It does surprise me that when stoned, a part of me can still worry, hey what if the funny mentalists are right? I just laugh and remind myself that I'm on the highway to hell and that hell ain't a bad place to be. Even if they proved themselves correct, I'm going to hell in protest of their evil god who torments souls with fire for eternity.

I am familiar with feeling insane, manic depression is my oldest companion. Now I eat cannabis every day, this keeps me feeling allot better, but I remain at home, reading, playing guitar and sleeping allot. I'm still wondering how to get the impulse to actually do yoga. I have been weight lifting everyday for a couple of weeks now, so cracked that one. I'm also working on getting that natural impulse to go walking through forests.

I'd put this experience down as some process that your mind needed to work through, I've heard Christian Räetsch say that being lost is positive. Just another WAKE UP!


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OfflineSatyapriya
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Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: usulpsychonaut]
    #16072576 - 04/10/12 08:59 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

usulpsychonaut said:
I'd put this experience down as some process that your mind needed to work through.




Yeah, that's the way I'm looking at it. It has definitely inspired me to:

1. Lay off Sativa strains for awhile.

2. Heal, cleanse, and strengthen my body as best I can.

3. Continue to dis-identify from my mind.

You know, I think a lot about that last one. The whole "you are not your mind" concept. Especially with Tourette's it's easier to understand. A person who has Tourette's so bad that they can't help but curse aloud (coprolalia, though only affecting roughly 15%), tends to say the curse word they least want to say in any given situation. For example, say a beautiful woman walks by, most would say "slut!" or "whore!" Or if a black man walks by, out of compulsion, simply because they DID NOT WANT TO SAY IT, their mind forces them to say "nigger." They do not want to think or say these thoughts (usually), but still the mind has made a judgement (as every mind does), chooses from a set of labels, and for some unbeknownst reason (probably fear that they will say it coupled with the compulsion to say it regardless), they choose the most derogatory label in the set.

Though people with Tourette's are clearly different from "normal" people, our minds are in fact not so different. Same construct, same processes.. perhaps just a little more intense and visible outwardly. Clear evidence, to me at least, that we are not our minds.


--------------------
www.collectivelyconscious.net - Hive mind for the awakened. ॐ Collectively Conscious ॐ is a community-powered, community-verified, alternative news/multimedia aggregation service for global citizens.


Edited by Satyapriya (04/10/12 09:00 PM)


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OfflineSatyapriya
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Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: White Beard]
    #16072604 - 04/10/12 09:04 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

White Beard said:
You have to kill the thoughts but you can't kill them out right. You have to starve them. When you starve them they will seem more real. You may be tempted to kill them then. Don't. This just feeds them. They fade from view, but are still lurking near by.




I get what your saying. Like don't give attention to painful memories or disturbing thoughts because it will strengthen or empower the neural pathways connecting the conscious mind to them. Right?

But do neural pathways ever fully disappear or disintegrate? Or do they just drift deeper and deeper into the subconscious mind over time if one stops giving attention to them?


--------------------
www.collectivelyconscious.net - Hive mind for the awakened. ॐ Collectively Conscious ॐ is a community-powered, community-verified, alternative news/multimedia aggregation service for global citizens.


Edited by Satyapriya (04/10/12 09:04 PM)


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OfflineSatyapriya
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Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #16072633 - 04/10/12 09:10 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

c0sm0nautt said:
The body and mind are interconnected, both appearing within our consciousness. By caring for the body, you are in turn caring for the mind. I think our minds can be healed. I read this book called the Buddha's Brain written by a couple of nueroscientists who propose we can rewire our brain, our neural pathways. It takes time to rewire years and years of habits, but you seem to be on the path. Right on man. :thumbup:




I think neuroplasticity has been accepted by modern science, hasn't it? It would be nice to understand exactly how it works though, scientifically I mean.

Hmm, I'll look into that book. Thanks Cosmo :sun:


--------------------
www.collectivelyconscious.net - Hive mind for the awakened. ॐ Collectively Conscious ॐ is a community-powered, community-verified, alternative news/multimedia aggregation service for global citizens.


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InvisibleWhite Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 6,325
Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: Satyapriya]
    #16072738 - 04/10/12 09:34 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I'm saying when these painful thoughts come up, you'll have two choices (what I've noticed from my experience anyway.) You can smother it out right, but this just pushes it back down. For example, fear of death comes up. You counter it by reassuring yourself that you are in a safe place, or something to that extent. The thought fades but is still lurking. Option 2. The thought comes up, don't do anything with it. If you touch the thought it feeds it, and it will go back into hiding. If you don't touch it, it will starve. The longer you don't touch it, the more frightening and real it may appear. Don't touch it. Eventually it will fade away on it's own.

I have no idea about neural pathways. I only can speak about what happens in my experience.


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Invisiblec0sm0nautt
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Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: Satyapriya]
    #16072921 - 04/10/12 10:08 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Isn't it ironic how our disabilities become our greatest teachers? I'd like to think it's all planned before hand, and this life truly is a cosmic learning experience.


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InvisibleWhite Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 6,325
Re: Psychotic episodes on MJ [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #16072962 - 04/10/12 10:14 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Sometimes I think like that also.
Other times it feels like a bunch of random crap is happening for no reason.

I hope I find out one way or the other one day. :lol:


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