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Anonymous #1
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It's over..
#15999891 - 03/26/12 05:20 PM (11 years, 11 months ago) |
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Things had never been smooth.. she always had anxiety issues, would constantly yell at me, etc. We progressed and I learned to deal with it. Things started getting really bad again and I realized I needed to stop taking this from her and stood up for myself (also many counseling sessions later). I stumbled in and out of letting her be disrespectful towards me and letting it go/being comforting. However, the letting it go side of me was wearing thin and I was tired of being treated this way. I made that known many times and it never turned out in my favor. I wasn't ever getting the respect I deserved and the relationship was definitely lopsided in her favor.
Anywho, she was moving back in about 3-4 months. She had essentially decided to move in with me without giving me any say in the matter. I also let this be known. We worked on figuring things out, deciding if she was actually moving back or not, and planned on talking about moving in together. We had tried it once, in the past, and it was a disaster. She constantly broke down, screamed, threw things, struck me, etc. Getting out of that situation was surely the healthy decision for me and my parents agreed. My parents weren't truly with the idea of us living together again.
I hadn't made my mind up yet. There were too many things to consider. I doubted she was able to control herself (which is obviously still true). I didn't want it affect my schooling/work and causing me to fail in these things. I also didn't like being bossed around, controlled, and not allowed to do the things I see fit when I see fit. She also tends to spend money frivolously which means that my money too was drained here.
Tonight she was yelling at me for things that I felt were mundane but tried to compensate for anyways. Mind you, one of these issues was me not responding to a picture of a 'cute' cat appropriately. I thought the cat looked old and creepy. So what? Apparently my rationalism tends to "ruin all of her happy things" and agreeing that she can keep them to herself if she thinks I will ruin them is heresy. Who would have thunk it? At the closing of the night, she let me know that the relationship wasn't working.. via an e-mail.
She also informed me of a "secret ultimatum" that she had planned. If I wasn't going to agree to move in with her, she was going to break up with me. Needless to say, that ultimatum made my mind up almost instantly. There's no way I'm moving in with someone who won't even talk with me about it and consider that it may not be the best idea for me at the time.
The amount of love I have for this girl is indescribable. Things weren't always bad.. Over the years we have grown a lot together, been to different countries, learned knew things, had amazing experiences, and the such. She had gotten better in some areas (such as the hitting and throwing things) and I had always felt that deep down inside she would eventually grow out of the rest as well.
The amount of respect I have for her is surely gone, though the love will probably remain indefinitely. I've never been broken up via a virtual medium and couldn't ever imagine that even happening. I remember we used to have talks when we first dated and one of the things she claimed was that she could never break up with someone over and e-mail, text, or even phone call. Hmm.

"Nothing lasts.. but nothing is lost."
I'm extremely broken, but at the same time (and the reason for describing this post to you) I can definitely see the good in moving on. Though, I'm not sure if I really want to move on. I feel like I will miss her every day for the rest of my life.

I've basically stopped communicating from everyone upon meeting her. I've found that I enjoyed this. People often distracted me and having her was enough to balance the loneliness, provide someone to talk to freely, love, and share physical contact with. I can't see myself branching out now and meeting someone else to fill the void. I guess I will begin to embrace the solitude.
I think I'm done.. thanks for listening and much love! Keep those loved ones as close as possible and hold them tight. Them leaving is surely a day you won't want to come upon. I haven't been able to touch her physically in a number of months. A hug would have made this much easier. Even being able just to get one last whiff of her scent and make it count.
It has only been an hour and a half and the amount of sadness is overwhelming me. I'm no longer looking forward to the remainder of my life.
I've found that her cheating on me near the beginning of, and having lied about it through most of, the relationship along with the other "faults" I "forgave" are really making it back into my mind and taking a foot holding to justify moving on.
Edited by Anonymous (03/27/12 07:25 PM)
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Anonymous #2
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You did the right thing... and you WILL get over it. And, when the time is right, you will meet someone even more amazing that will make memories of your ex fade away to nothing.
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sonamdrukpa
Wayfarer


Registered: 10/18/11
Posts: 2,777
Last seen: 3 months, 10 days
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I know that feeling. Here's to the good times you had, to the bad times being over, and to a bright new future.
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Anonymous #1
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, to the both of you!
It's about time for a long drive down the interstate and some back roads with the top down and the music blaring.
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Anonymous #1
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She has let me know that the relationship is not the best for her at this time. This is a complete 180 from her two days ago (as then she wanted to move in with me and stay with me forever).. which is all very confusing as she is saying that she has been unhappy for a while but was afraid of putting the relationship more on rocks. You can't fix what is not known to be broken, am I right?
A compromise of an 'open relationship' or a 'two year break' were both suggested by her. Given the circumstances, I had to deny both for now. If we meet up again later in life and things have changed, I will give it a shot.
I love her and want to be with her.. but I can't stand an open relationship or counting down the days, hoping she comes back, and that things work out.
This is a lot harder than I ever imagined.
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sonamdrukpa
Wayfarer


Registered: 10/18/11
Posts: 2,777
Last seen: 3 months, 10 days
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Good. In my experience those things are just code words for "We're breaking up" and going down that road just makes things worse. Keep your head up, buddy.
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c1dh3d
The elephant is BACK




Registered: 07/15/08
Posts: 5,229
Loc:
Last seen: 8 months, 20 days
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Sounds exactly like the first girl I loved and our relationship, but almost 10 years down the road I'm meeting new girls and enjoying life.
Hang in there, you'll find another girl
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Anonymous #1
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Re: It's over.. [Re: c1dh3d]
#16015352 - 03/29/12 06:57 PM (11 years, 10 months ago) |
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I can live without ever having another girl. Not sure I would ever want another if it weren't her. The new girl probably wouldn't like it either as I would constantly be comparing them.
I've been obsessing over it more and more though. I can't get it off my mind. I am constantly thinking about her, the relationship, and why it ended. We've been chatting intermittently via e-mail, nothing serious. She keeps repeating that she didn't want to break up and just wanted an extended break. I can't help but see them as the same thing. I let her know how hard this was for me and she apologized. I find myself refreshing my e-mail every 10 minutes in hopes of her saying something further. It seems like what I needed was some closure and haven't gotten it. This seems like how it would feel to be on death row.
I told myself I would use the time to be more productive but I can't focus on anything. I have a pretty big test coming up tomorrow and am completely unable to focus on studying.
Thanks for the good wishes, positive outlooks, and vibes.
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