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 Papaver
Madmin Emeritus?
Registered: 06/01/02
Posts: 26,880
Loc: Radio Free Tibet!
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 Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn... 
#1598742 - 06/01/03 04:22 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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Life can come at you quick. Suddenly, your car's sliding on black ice, and your whole being is slammed into the inert, black, mass of the past. Slap dash, you're bitch-placed right into the terror of moments better left fleeting -- the demons of your past gathering above you like menacing black birds...
It all comes back, the broken czech crystal, the blood and vomit on the walls (the smeary art of human degradation and reckless abandon); the deep jungle of hypos on the carpet; and the slithering snakes of surgical tubing, barking their apples of the forbidden. The flat emotionless deaths, and the glorious insanity of having left all that human, or humane, far behind, as two people, intertwined, slide ever faster into the quick...
Sometimes it's an accident, and sometimes, it's a calculated move -- like intentionally placing the CD in the player, that you haven't dared play in 6 years, and the prophetic symmetry is once again restored, if but for a moment, into the foreground of your consciousness...
Damn...
One Headlight
The Wallflowers
So long ago, I don't remember when
That's when they say I lost my only friend
Well, they said she died easy of a broken heart disease
As I listened through the cemetery trees
I seen the sun comin' up at the funeral at dawn
The long broken arm of human law
Now, it always seemed such a waste
She always had a pretty face
I wondered why she hung around this place
(CHORUS):
Hey, come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than
In the middle
But me and Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight
She said it's cold
It feels like Independence Day
And I can't break away from this parade
But there's got to be an opening
Somewhere here in front of me
Through this maze of ugliness and greed
And I seen the sun up ahead
At the county line bridge
Sayin' all there's good and nothingness is dead
We'll run until she's out of breath
She ran until there's nothin' left
She hit the end, it's just her window ledge
(CHORUS)
Well, this place is old
It feels just like a beat up truck
I turn the engine, but the engine doesn't turn
Well, it smells of cheap wine and cigarettes
This place is always such a mess
Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn
I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams
I think of death, it must be killin' me...
(CHORUS)
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Spiffy
Defender of theGnomes
Registered: 07/04/02
Posts: 1,693
Loc: Next to your mom
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 Re: Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn... [Re: Papaver]
#1599398 - 06/01/03 08:09 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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 Don't worry, Pap....the days ahead are far brighter than the past. You never have to go back if you choose not to. Just smile and thank God you are alive! 
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Namaste: "I honour that place in you where the whole Universe resides. And when I am in that place in me and you are in that place in you,
there is only one of us."
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Papaver
Madmin Emeritus?
Registered: 06/01/02
Posts: 26,880
Loc: Radio Free Tibet!
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Re: Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn... [Re: Spiffy]
#1599457 - 06/01/03 08:32 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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Thanks, Spiffy! 
I wasn't trying to make it a a whole, big old, bad, thing. I guess, I was just milking the emotional moment for some creative writing. It seems I have spent my entire life building an armature to hang some sort of creativity on...
Unfortunately, now that I have time to reflect, and write, I'm not doing it. So, every now and then, when I'm inspired, I post a little snippet at the Shroomery, and hopefully some day, I'll round it all up, and make something out of it...
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Spiffy
Defender of theGnomes
Registered: 07/04/02
Posts: 1,693
Loc: Next to your mom
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 Re: Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn... [Re: Papaver]
#1599481 - 06/01/03 08:41 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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you definitely could....your posts tend to be very poetic... I'd buy your book!  At the very least you should get a journal and record your thoughts. Even if its just for you, its a wonderful outlet for emotions.
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Namaste: "I honour that place in you where the whole Universe resides. And when I am in that place in me and you are in that place in you,
there is only one of us."
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Papaver
Madmin Emeritus?
Registered: 06/01/02
Posts: 26,880
Loc: Radio Free Tibet!
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Re: Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn... [Re: Spiffy]
#1599629 - 06/01/03 09:19 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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Thanks!
Yeah, I need to do something. I have become very lazy this past year, and my Shroomery addiction hasn't helped. I want to get some painting done this summer too. Time to exercise a little discipline in my life!
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 Murex
Reality Hacker
Registered: 07/28/02
Posts: 3,599
Loc: Traped in a shell.
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
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Re: Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn... [Re: Papaver]
#1599941 - 06/01/03 10:55 PM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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I find it a good time to express my most fleeting emotion when I'm feeling 'dark'.
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What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?
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Anonymous
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Re: Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn... [Re: Papaver]
#1600784 - 06/02/03 07:09 AM (21 years, 6 months ago) |
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Damn. Nice passage Papaver. Thank you.
i thought of Rilke:
... only those who died young, in their first state of
timeless serenity, while they are being weaned,
follow her lovingly. She waits for girls
and befriends them. Gently she shows them
what she is wearing. Pearls of grief
and the fine-spun veils of patience.
With youths she walks in silence.
from the Tenth Elegy
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