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OfflineGrav
 User Gallery

Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
I gave in
    #1598690 - 06/01/03 05:58 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I got a taste of this revelation last night, but took the opportunity head on today.
I was days away from getting an apartment and moving out (in hopes that I would achieve 'freedom') when everything just hit me, and I'm staying put with my grandparents now.

I don't know if this post will make any sense but.. I feel like I've just given up all hope of trying to understand myself and my environment.. It's something that's constantly been burning my brain for the longest time. I can't even begin to describe the monstrousness of it. Trying to decide what's right and what's wrong... It's like constantly trying to solve an impossible math equation, yet you run the numbers through your head every minute of the day.. hoping one of these times it will just suddenly CLICK, and you'll have the answer.

I finally just let it go... I no longer seek some sort of idealogical perfection, or some constant in this swarming chaos that is life.

I give in to the fact that I care about my future. And somehow I feel like that helps everyone...

It doesn't feel beautiful or revelatory or anything, like i've found the 'way' or anything (the way i've so badly desired in the past).. There are just too many rules and confinements with the state of mind I was trying to achieve.

I see much stress up the road, but it just feels right.
it feels like i'm home.
i give myself back to the chaos. I accept how little I actually understand. I've been running away from this place for too long, force-feeding my spirit what I thought it needed. But which was always just a 'fix'.

I will make an effort to get to know my grandparents.


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Anonymous

Re: I gave in [Re: Grav]
    #1599336 - 06/01/03 09:48 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

I will make an effort to get to know my grandparents.




Arguably one of the wisest things I have read in this forum in many a day.

Good Thoughts Grav!


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OfflineStrumpling
Neuronaut
Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: I gave in [Re: Grav]
    #1599465 - 06/01/03 10:35 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

"I accept how little I actually understand."

excellent.. that's your answer, right there :wink:

A major key to "inner peace" is realizing how ignorant one's self really is :smile:


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


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InvisibleRebelSteve33
Amateur Mycologist
Male

Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
Loc: Arizona
Re: I gave in [Re: Grav]
    #1599648 - 06/01/03 11:23 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Wow! :laugh:

I you, Grav! 


--------------------
Namaste.


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OfflineMurex
Reality Hacker

Registered: 07/28/02
Posts: 3,599
Loc: Traped in a shell.
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
Re: I gave in [Re: Grav]
    #1599753 - 06/01/03 11:44 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)


I know exactly what you mean.  :smirk:

Stay on the path my friend!  :wink:


--------------------
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?



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Offlinethestringphish
vajrayana

Registered: 04/17/03
Posts: 521
Loc: on my way to another plac...
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
Re: I gave in [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1599756 - 06/01/03 11:45 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

it's only a swarming chaos if you look at it that way. the world is what you make it.


--------------------
Ken Wilbur

"this is life changing"

welcomehome


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OfflineGrav
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
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Re: I gave in [Re: thestringphish]
    #1600448 - 06/02/03 04:16 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

this is healthy chaos
the free will type chaos :wink:


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InvisibleTeragon
Noddy

Registered: 02/21/01
Posts: 36,253
Loc: Lost in the Patterns
Re: I gave in [Re: Grav]
    #1605478 - 06/03/03 06:24 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Don't fret it Grav...every little thing is gonna be alright. :grin: This gift of living chaos, free will type chaos is exactly that- a wonderful wonderful gift. To be alive he on planet Earth is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! It gets me everyday, how truly awesome it is to be alive and to think, feel, see, smell, etc. Live life here and now, enjoying the moment and being alive. To be here is so dumbfounding- existence is the source of all my happiness and it extends on infinitely. 


--------------------
need that cash to feed them jones.


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OfflineKiafi
Psychonaut

Registered: 03/26/03
Posts: 182
Loc: Rehab
Last seen: 7 years, 6 months
Re: I gave in [Re: Grav]
    #1605902 - 06/03/03 08:29 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

In a chaotic universe, you can either join it or foolishly try to oppose it. Thankfully, you have chosen the former.

Be like Winnie the Pooh.

While Eeyore frets...
and Piglet hesitates...
and Rabbit calculates...
and Owl pontificates...

Pooh just IS. And that's the clue to the secret wisdom of the taoists."


- The Tao of Pooh




--------------------
Nothing is True. Everything is permitted.
Everything is true. Nothing is 'permitted'.



Every man and woman is a star.
Each star is it's own prison.


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InvisibleTeragon
Noddy

Registered: 02/21/01
Posts: 36,253
Loc: Lost in the Patterns
Re: I gave in [Re: Kiafi]
    #1605916 - 06/03/03 08:33 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Me likes Winnie and his analogy.


--------------------
need that cash to feed them jones.


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OfflineDeiymiyan
I AM

Registered: 04/17/03
Posts: 656
Loc: Within the Realm of Imagi...
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: I gave in [Re: Kiafi]
    #1606132 - 06/03/03 10:06 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

What does Tiggr do?


--------------------


Dei Gratia de integro,

Veni Vidi Vici:

In Nomine Domini..



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OfflineMurex
Reality Hacker

Registered: 07/28/02
Posts: 3,599
Loc: Traped in a shell.
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
Re: I gave in [Re: Grav]
    #1606567 - 06/04/03 12:59 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Your post reminded me of this part of Reflection-

And as I pull my head out I am without one doubt
Don't wanna be down here feeding my narcissism.
I must crucify the ego before it's far too late
I pray the light lifts me out
Before I pine away.

So crucify the ego, before it's far too late
To leave behind this place so negative and blind and cynical,
And you will come to find that we are all one mind
Capable of all that's imagined and all conceivable.
Just let the light touch you
And let the words spill through
And let them pass right through
Bringing out our hope and reason ...
before we pine away.

:smirk:


--------------------
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?



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OfflineGrav
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
Re: I gave in [Re: Murex]
    #1606780 - 06/04/03 02:43 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

It's nice to do and say things without wondering if they fit this perfect mold. I feel like I can finally develop now as a person.
I usually don't trust sudden changes in mood, but this is noticeably different from those masturbatory revelations. I feel like I really let something go. I can feel the void of it that's filling up with good stuff. Appreciation, Patience, Stability, Guiltlessness for doing what I have to, etc...

The tricky part is identifying the negative addictive behavior that hides behind your ideas of spirituality.

Those negative aspects are like "don't you dare fuck with me, or I'm taking the big guy down with me!"

you just gotta call it's bluff and see that it has only the power you allow it.

That's sorta how I see it anyways.
Who knows... the mind is fuckin tricky.


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OfflineKiafi
Psychonaut

Registered: 03/26/03
Posts: 182
Loc: Rehab
Last seen: 7 years, 6 months
Re: I gave in [Re: Deiymiyan]
    #1606822 - 06/04/03 03:00 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I'm not sure about Tigger, but he seems like a chaoist to me.

There's a book called "The Te of Piglet," however.



--------------------
Nothing is True. Everything is permitted.
Everything is true. Nothing is 'permitted'.



Every man and woman is a star.
Each star is it's own prison.


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InvisibleSclorch
Clyster

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/13/99
Posts: 4,805
Loc: On the Brink of Madness
Re: I gave in [Re: Kiafi]
    #1606850 - 06/04/03 03:10 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Pooh is a hedonist.
He's on the path to True Slack... but he's not yet made it to the wonderful world of the Yeti.

Tiger is the addict.
My guess is that amphetamines are his drug of choice.


--------------------
Note: In desperate need of a cure...


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InvisibleTeragon
Noddy

Registered: 02/21/01
Posts: 36,253
Loc: Lost in the Patterns
Re: I gave in [Re: Sclorch]
    #1607789 - 06/04/03 01:49 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Damn tweaker.


--------------------
need that cash to feed them jones.


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