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 symantic
Stranger
Registered: 05/30/03
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 help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE 
#1592106 - 05/30/03 03:21 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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After ingesting 5grammes of howegrown psylocbin, with a friend I had the scariest and weirdest trip ever.
It started with the usual laughter and eye candy visuals, melting of lines, surfaces joining together. Then all of a sudden we had forgotten who we where how we got there but for some strange reason just felt like we needed to know the time and everything would be alright. Unfortunatley we didn't have a watch or a clock in the house and where to fucked to go outside to find out the time. I called my girlfriend who was in work, but after hanging up the phone after learning of the time, I could not remember if I had called her and still felt the urge to know the time. I called her 4 times, according to my girlfriend.
After the forth time I managed to write down the time, I felt safe for some reason becuase I knew the time. I sat back down to enjoy the rest of my trip. Sitting on the couch facing my friend while he was playing guitar I closed my eyes and found that I could read my DNA and while reading it, it shoed my images, I felt like I was been giving a visual crash course in mans history. I saw ancient civilisations, danced with the druids of Ireland during their ceremonies.. as I flew through all of the information that is encoded in my DNA, I turned to my friend and said 'I am evolving, right now' . He was pretty fucked and just said sweet, but was looking at me in a weird way. I then looked at the sofa next to him where he was sitting, some voice in my brain shouted at me 'all of this, you create, all of this, you create' I understood that I created reality and started to play with it. I turned to my friend and said 'look the couch is a fountain' he turned and looked as the couch turned into a fountain, I told him to turn around and look at the curtains which where blue, I commanded them to be red and they turned red. My friend saw this to and was slowly starting to get mad at me.. when all of a sudden he turned into a creature that was not human at all and told me that I'm not allowed to do this, I'm not supposed to be here, the creature was as scared of me as I was of it. I was freaking out, then my girlfriend arrived, I got up to answer the door, still pretty fukcing freaked by the creature had turned back into my friend by the time I got back form the door. I sat back down on the couch and then both my girfriend and my friend turned into these creatures, and where telling me that I had broken the rules, I was fucking terrified and suddenly all of reality that I knew dissapeared, I was a half of a body, that was attached to a steel wall, that had cables and wires coming out of it. I was inside a giant machine, I saw scores of rows of people inside the machine. I turned to the creatures and siad 'what if I resist' they turned to me and told me I would be ejexted form the programme. I couldn't belive what was going on. Things then started to mxi up (realities that is) I coudl see parts of the machine in my realisy and parts of my house, the wall that I was attached to moved me to my bedroom and put me in what looked like my bed, the room went from looking like my bedroom and a small cell in a mass of cells inside a giant machine. My girlfriend got into the bed with me, she was asking me all kinds of fucked up questons liked, why don't I watch telly ? why dont I drink coke ? her appearance went from that of the creature and back to my girfriend every couple of seconds.
Then form his bedroom my friend called me in, my girlfriend said go to him, I went into his room well this giant wall/arm/cell that I was part of moved me his room, when I walked In I knew who the person was sitting on the bed befrore, me it was SATAN, sat on the bed with his legs crossed smoking cigar. He said to me, you have a choice, you can go back into your cell and live in the real world that you can now see and eventually die and go to heaven or you can go back inside and in a few hours everything will return to normal for you ... but you will know forever that your reality is merely an illusion. I was so scared and didn't know what was going, I said to him, I just want to go back, I just wanna go back he smilled looked at me and said go back inside and wait it out, she will look after you until the transition is complete.
I went back inside and lay on the bed but I could feel that I was attached to this machine through some pipes that ran into my spine.
I lay there and waited, I heard a voice singing, the most beautiful voice I have ever heard, a womens voice, the singing was almost like a crying, pleading tune. It was the voice of GOD, she begged and pleaded with me to do something about this now that I know the truth, so many come and see and so many do nothing she said.
The voice subsided afer a while and I waited and waited and waited until finally I coudl no longer see any of the machinery and was just lying in my bed.
I don't know what to do.. I need help
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reality is the part of the imaginatio we all agree on
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Asante
cat door for divine love
 
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 84,095
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 Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#1592145 - 05/30/03 04:30 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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Whoa! If you're pretending you're Nobel Prize material!
It sounds pretty severe spiritually. Strong (Level 5) trips generally are in the twilight zone between the Psychedelic and the Psychotic. I mean no offence but I can't distinguish it. I don't mean you've gone mad but you may have been temporarily offwhack.
I don't believe in Satan. You likely aren't Wicca.
What I believe is that Trips work through symbolics, and that they are not necessarily based on reality. It sounds as a complete mindfuck that'squite hard to stomach, but I think it's meaning is symbolic, not literal. I see some Matrix elements in it, some religious andsome psychologic factors too. Have you seen the Matrix recently, if at all? Perhaps these movies have steered you somewhat...
My Gods!
You must be shellshocked 
I believe our realities can only be illusion, but am not alarmed by that. Watch out for the truth, especially the Truth, symantic!
The concept of knowing or not knowing the truth can drive one bonkers.
Being slightly misantropic I'd say the most dangerous people on this earth are the ones that have "found the Truth". I do not know the truth. I just have an idea of it but recognise others have equally vivid images of it that seem incompatible with mine.
Your BRAIN makes the truth & you just fed it an ample dose of Psychedelic lubricant, making your consciousness slip & slide through the corridors of your mind.
It sounds to me like a "Spiritual Bad Trip": not the one that makes maggots crawl out of your eyeballs but rather out of your soul.  These are the REALLY scary ones that can stick to you as long time if you let it.
My personal opinion is that you've been to Hellraisercountry and quite severely so. I do not think Satan sat there smoking Cubans & messing with your head. I believe in no such entity. I think you've got some spiritual fear issues (m'kay, who doesnt?) and that the Trip made you plunge in to them headfirst.
I have done alot of Seeking (Self-Inflation: can't beat THOSE prices  ) and firmly believe all iswell in the world. Life is eternal, everything is temporary into the Infinite and the doG (God inverse) is not out to get you.
My advise to you: take it easy in your life. No difficult things for you're a little fragile shortly after a heman trip like that. Your average Joe doesnt even get as scared as that on his DEATHBED, so you have plenty to cope with.
Do not take any Psychedelics for at least a month, preferably no marijuana too.
Try to steer clear of any & all recreational drugs.
Sounds pretty severe, but all those things cause Dopamine increases (especially Psychedelics, Cocaine and Amphetamine) and this may in your case carry some risks. I've seen and experienced "snapping back into a bad trip" through nasty events or a marijuana cig several times. Try to work through this difficult experience as SOBER as feels comfortable.
Do fun things that require little activity, but by all means think about the stuff. I myself believe your experience was all in your head & akin to a Bad Trip/Waking Nightmare.
I have not much LEVEL 5 experience, but the vividness and "real feel" of your OEV does not sound comfy to me. Generally Psilocybin visuals are not that "real" so please abstain from drugs for a while for your own good, OK?
You've been through a spiritual/mental/psychological crisis or you might stil be into it. Lay low for awhile & seek out beauty. And remember:
WS does Psychedelics
WS does some Opium tea every once in a while
but Wiccan_Seeker thinks "The Truth" is too hard a drug for him to handle!
Distancing yourself from the feeling to have encountered "The Truth" on that trip might act like unscrewing the detonator from the bombshell that was your trip:
I believe your belief in the Ultimate Truth is the major culprit here.
I've done at least 15 years active Seeking with quite some brainpower and have only found Personal Truths.
Don't think you can outsmart the 50 billion people that walked this earth before us.
Tu put it scientifically: we don't KNOW dick!
I'm not around often, but feel free to PM me.
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YE OLDE CLICK-O-RAMA FEST  ASANTE'S PREPAREDNESS 101
Get 1 month's supplies in case of illness or calamity and help loved ones.
Strengthen your friendship ties - and exchange more favors and advice !
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PAXG: 0x52e54ca2780894ea3f839ca0904be2c319c813e9 what's paxg?
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mikey_
SURFING ON SINEWAVES
Registered: 08/10/02
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: Asante]
#1592222 - 05/30/03 06:02 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sitting on the couch facing my friend while he was playing guitar I closed my eyes and found that I could read my DNA and while reading it, it shoed my images, I felt like I was been giving a visual crash course in mans history. I saw ancient civilisations, danced with the druids of Ireland during their ceremonies.. as I flew through all of the information that is encoded in my DNA, I turned to my friend and said 'I am evolving, right now' . He was pretty fucked and just said sweet, but was looking at me in a weird way. I then looked at the sofa next to him where he was sitting, some voice in my brain shouted at me 'all of this, you create, all of this, you create' I understood that I created reality and started to play with it.
last october, after fasting for 24hours i ingested 5-6 grams of dry homegrown cubenis and after seeing intense visuals in my garden, such as ufo (flying saucers) in the sky shooting laser beams at the ground and the ground emitting a huge coloured glow, i needed to be alone in my bedroom. i had total sensory overload and had the lights, music off. i crawled under the sheets on my bed and went through pretty much what you described above, i didnt know whether my eyes were open or closed, and i saw one big cev/oev everywhere. i had no concept of a body and was exisiting purely as a 'soul', existing infinitely in everything. after this highly visual part of the trip i went into complete headfuck. i had no concept of normal reality, everything around me was an illusion, my friends in the house, tripping, were all there to trick me into believing i am living.
the end of my trip doesnt sound quite as intense as yours but they kind of follow a similar pattern of intense oevs/evolving/dna/then an illusion headfuck.
i didnt quite know what to make of my trip as i had very little memory of the event and people tried to speak to me but i couldnt respond and have no memory of speaking to some people. although quite hellish at the time, i look back on it as an amazing event, my best trip.
if you come to any conclusions, i'd love to hear them.
cheers. mike
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The poison is the dose - Paracelsus
Let your food be medicine and your medicine be food - Hippocrates
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mikey_
SURFING ON SINEWAVES
Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 370
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: mikey_]
#1592226 - 05/30/03 06:04 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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i also forgot to mention about my creating reality episode, i was having illusions of being able to pass my hands through solid objects, and when coupled with synaesthesia (sp?) it made for quite and insane time! every object in my room was covered in a purple and yellow flowing fractal pattern 
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The poison is the dose - Paracelsus
Let your food be medicine and your medicine be food - Hippocrates
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gnrm23
Carpal Tunnel
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: Asante]
#1592256 - 05/30/03 06:18 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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whew...
if you are a "reading books" sort of person, there may be some tomes that can help explain some of the stuff you went through...
especially some of the psychedelic studies conducted by stanislav grof, and by robert masters & jean houston...
if you are an internet-surfing type, there may be some useful stuff at places like www.csp.org & www.psychedelic-library.org
& maybe at www.erowid.org & www.lycaeum.org & www.thefane.org
some of the awe/terror/confusion may fade with time... but, the veil, once rent, may remain open enough to, well, allow continuing glimpses into some of the chaos-flux that undergirds reality... and the patterns that we somehow impose upon it as well...
if the persistence of the vision maintains for days or weeks or longer, and if it disturbs you... there may be steps you can take, if you desire to do so... anything from diving back into the psychedelic waters (and again risk entering chapel perilous), or a slower approach to the antipodes of the mind via meditative techniques, to contacting someone equipped to deal with "spiritual crisis intervention" (again, some of grof's work focuses on this area; do a googlesearch), to professional medical/psychiatric help (grof is a shrink, but he's been thru plenty of trip sessions & has a much better handle on what the hell is/might be happening than some run-of-the-mill MD, imho...), to chemical intervention --- 'scrip drugs such as major tranx or minor tranx, or (better, imho) abram hoffer's orthomolecular psychiatry methods --- so-called "niacin therapy", in which fairly large quantitities of vitamin B3, along with other nutrients, are given to troubled people in an attempt to allow their brain chemistry to settle down to normal functioning (this may not work for everyone, but it is OTC, fairly safe, fairly inexpensive, and often surprisingly effective...)
~
~
the sultan consulted his vizier, and demanded that he construct a device which would allow the sultan to change his mood - to make him happy when he was feeling sad, and to sadden him when he was feeling happy...
the vizier went into his laboratory, and, after a night of work, returned to his king with a golden ring, upon which was the inscription: "this, too, shall pass."
~
~
let us know how you are doing, ok?
~
~
~
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old enough to know better
not old enough to care
Edited by gnrm23 (05/30/03 06:22 AM)
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Strumpling
Neuronaut
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#1592554 - 05/30/03 09:16 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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very interesting 
Parts of it reminded me of the Matrix
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Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE
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symantic
Stranger
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: Strumpling]
#1592557 - 05/30/03 09:18 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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here is another part of this fucked up story. .that is taking over my life
12 of my friends have had the same trip.. they are all living in dublin.. and had the same trip as me.. at different times.. in different countries.. on different shrooms...
they recently came over for a visit.. I told them about my trip.. and they all said they had had the same experience.. exactly !!
what do you make of that
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reality is the part of the imaginatio we all agree on
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symantic
Stranger
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#1592580 - 05/30/03 09:30 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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what I seen is helping me to form a philosophy
here is the jist of it let me know what you think
My philosophy to date....
reality ???
you can never see something until your brain can provide a linguistic
counterpart for it.. try imagining something that cannot be described by use
of language.. you can't.. therfore everything that you see around you is
defined by language, language constructs reality... we are held back be
language.. as we grow up.. we are immersed in it.. it therefore defines all
that we can percieve..
here's the next bit.. as we grow up.. television our parents .. everyone ..
instills in you a 'priory', this is a set of rules that your superego will
follow when allowing to interact and percieve the world around you.. example
of a priory thought ; the sky is blue.. if you woke up one day to find the
sky was red and everybody telling you it was red and that the fact you
thought it was blue is absurd.. your superego kicks in.. to enable you to
maintain a balance in your brain.. and no matter how much you think the sky
was blue and should still be.... with time.. that idea will be pushed deep
down into your subconcious.. becuase it would be dangerous for you to
entertain the concept.. you would according to your priory be crazy...
it's what freud called supression.. supression of thought's that could cause
such an overflow of bioelectrical energy that could cause physical harm..
it's your mind protecting it's machinery.. well imagine as a kid your
growing up and you just see what you see.. but then along come
people,television the system.. system being cultural or not.. giving you
your idea of what the world looks.. the big picture.. instilling a priory of
rules that you can't argue with.. you don't even know they exist
well the big picture is quite tainted.. what you see around you is not what
is really there..
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reality is the part of the imaginatio we all agree on
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#1592645 - 05/30/03 10:12 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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once I did around 8 grams of some Oregon blues (they were potent, people were tripping balls just off 1 or 2 grams)
anyways, what followed was a period of complete beauty and bliss as everything in my apartment began to turn liquid and flow. It turned into some subterranean cavern, dark and echoey and so wild..
but I lost my shit.. began ranting to my friends about all sorts of crazy shit, ceased to believe in gravity, began throwing shit, then the trip quickly turned into hell. I was face down on the floor crying and pleading to be saved from it. Definately the scariest place i've ever been.
it fucked me up, and for a good few weeks after it, I felt so empty and so void of a soul... I was eager to trip again still and I did... I tripped a few times after that and they all felt pretty empty... I wanted to be magically healed, but I knew I was just kidding myself..
It just takes time.. patience... to get over that shit..
maybe the best thing to do when things are getting to intense is to just brush it off.. address your thoughts.. "I know you're there, and that what you're showing me is real, but I choose to stay grounded, because this is MY fuckin head here.."
i think that analyzation of shit is just one spectrum of the whole experience..
another spectrum would be the part of you that just gazes upon something beautiful and doesn't try and process anything at all... or the part of you that would participate in a pointless game, just for the sake of playing
you have to know your limits and not be eager for 'the ultimate truth' like mentioned above.. I think the ultimate truth comes with ultimate pain... too much information for the human mind.
ESPECIALLY one in this fucked up god-fearing culture...
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lucid
Jack's AlteredConsciousness
Registered: 03/29/03
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: Grav]
#1592697 - 05/30/03 10:45 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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Yikes !
u guys really think "The Truth" is that scary?!
let's all live in an eternal sea of lies...
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"no-mind un-thinks no-thought..."
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: lucid]
#1592817 - 05/30/03 11:28 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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yes i do think it's very intimidating
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: Grav]
#1592822 - 05/30/03 11:30 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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infinity is a difficult thing to come to grips with, imo...
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 Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#1592835 - 05/30/03 11:33 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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What is there to figure out? There is no underlying truth. You mess with your neuro-chemical pathways substituting psilocybin for serotonin while memories and imagination and sensory input all get scrambled in some sort of delusional waking dream. How does one "make sense" of malfunctioning machinery?
That is like pouring Coca-Cola on your keyboard. Some letters start to skip and others repeat displaying an unusual "message" that you want decrypted.
Sorry, can't be done.
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The proof is in the pudding.
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lucid
Jack's AlteredConsciousness
Registered: 03/29/03
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: Swami]
#1592852 - 05/30/03 11:38 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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>How does one "make sense" of malfunctioning machinery?
true, especially when we can't even "make sense" of a "functioning" mind...
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"no-mind un-thinks no-thought..."
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: Swami]
#1592906 - 05/30/03 11:53 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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You mean to say you can't learn a shit-load about yourself when you trip?
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Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: Grav]
#1592951 - 05/30/03 12:06 PM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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You mean to say you can't learn a shit-load about yourself when you trip?
1. The tripper in question was asking others to figure out his trip via verbal description which is what I was responding to.
2. You may or may not learn anything from your trip. Truth, if it is at all revealed, is so mixed in with fantasy that it is impossible to discern the two.
What do you learn watching the carpet morph into different colors and faces?
What do you learn running down the street naked, ducking oncoming cars because you think they are dragons?
What do you learn thinking that you can walk through solid walls?
Now it may be possible to get a glimpse of how you have injured others through thoughtless words or actions or how you have been less that honest, etc., and I may concede that these could be valid insights.
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The proof is in the pudding.
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: Swami]
#1592989 - 05/30/03 12:17 PM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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Okay, sorry for mismatching topics there
i agree with you that there is a shitload of nonsense to wade through (even though it can be fun as hell)
but I do think the honest insights measure up to alot more than a 'glimpse'... imo, its more like they are right in front of your face speaking very directly and clearly to you.
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Anonymous
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 Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#1593000 - 05/30/03 12:19 PM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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Incredible thread!
5 shrooms!
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johnnyfive
Burning withCircles!
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#1593016 - 05/30/03 12:22 PM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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LOL, I loved your trip man, thank you for posting!!!!!!
So it presented you with the blue pill or the red pill, eh? And you took the blue pill.
Most would say its all deliusions, in my opinon it (the trip) is right, its all right. I suggest listen, but you probibly won't.
I don't know if you call that a bad trip, but i would have LOVED to have a trip like that!
You create, thought creates reality, psionic manifesto.
So DNA symbolizm in the trips agian, well.. what did you expect a high? You ate of pure knowledge!
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And the gameshow host rings the buzzer (brrnnntt) oh and now you get a face full of face!
Edited by johnnyfive (06/01/03 11:38 PM)
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Adamist
ℚṲℰϟ✞ЇѺℵ ℛ∃Åʟḯ†У
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#1593389 - 05/30/03 01:50 PM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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Holy shit! Reminds me of an experience I had a long, long time ago..... Oh the memories... I especially think that gnrm23's advice would be very helpful to you, I agree with alot of what he already posted...
One thing's for sure:
You will never be the same.
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 { { { ṧ◎ηḯ¢ αʟ¢ℌ℮мƴ } } }
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Murex
Reality Hacker
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#1595581 - 05/31/03 01:49 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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Your own mind can fool you. You must be able to sit casually and clear-headed as possable when tripping, all while flowing with it in order to see the truth from the illusions your senses create. This reality IS an illusion, but as long as you believe it isn't, it isn't. Reality is in the eye of the beholder.
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What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?
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Asante
cat door for divine love
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 84,095
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 Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#1595747 - 05/31/03 06:36 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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Be careful Symantic: your yins and yangs may still be a little out of whack.
Your friends that had the same kind of trip: it's specifix that count. Nothing is as subjective as the goings on of a human mind. You've got an impression of a trip that seemed to match the impressions that others had of their trips by comparing them by using a highly flawed communication system, namely words.
Was it COMPLETELY the same or similar? Was the S guy smoking his Cubans @ their place too? You can easily THINK you've had the same experience when you're not systematic in your questions. Language SUX. Grab a dictionary and look up: "Angry" What do you get? "Cross", look up Cross and there it sez "Angry". If you cannot fill in the blanks words can not help you at all because they are referentional and assume there's common ground.
Look up "Red". There it sez: "The colour of blood". Cool, you say, Blood's red: I know what red is. And then you and the dudes go see Lord of the Rings II. Afterwards you're sitting in Dick's Hangout with a beer and one of them says:
"Way cool: Orcs have got black blood!" And you go: "WTF?! That blood was red!!"
Well, over time the dudes found some excuse and fled your company, and while at 05:00h Dick's mopping the floor you and your friend are still trying to figure out which one of you is colourblind.
Dick, being tired, sez: "LOTR happens to be very popular around here and we all agree Orc's blood is black." So there you accept consensus reality, majority rule, and say: "well, guess it's me who'se colorblind then..."
See my point? "Red" iswhat you make of it but we simply can't compare if what's red to you or me. Now with different opinions (RED!! BLACK!! RED!!) this comes up & gets noticed, but language is merely referential to COMMON GROUND.
"Try to think of something (...) indescribable.. You can't!" That's a headgame, Symantic, don't fall for that! EVERYTHING is INDESCRIBABLE!!!
"Red" cannot be described, it can only be referred to. Everybody sees red, but can only refer to it and pray the other understands it.
I agree language holds us back tremendously but in the sense that we can't plug in an ISDN from one brain to the other for a direct hookup.
But you're into Truth games again! DROP EM PLEEEEZE!! Language is superficial and referential so thinking in words won't help you. Perhaps you could fathom it in "feelspeak", the stuff babies and cats use, but you can't post feelspeak on the Shroomery as you've only got a limited number of smileys  and these are referential too.
Take my brother for instance. You might not like to, because you're straight, but several gay guys have tried to accomplish this . Perhaps you LOL'd just now but your LOL might not be my my LOL (I get pm's all of the time by people stating my LOL is different from theirs )
Pain is AARGH! But while you try to avoid it masochists (bless 'em) actively seek it out. So WORDS are subjective and FEELSPEAK is too.
The brain is a computer, but we have no way of knowing who's on Explorer and who's on Netscape. We simply cannot compare.
On the ICU last december (heart infarction) I have seen Infinity. Infinity came in feelspeak. There's no words to describe it. For me it was 100% real. But at the same time I've built me a firewall that sez I have yet to discover my first fact of the Truth. Al we puny humans have is silly factoid thingies with no way to verify this to the Universal Truth, which by the way is another one of our inventions.
Perhaps God is hitting a bong and we're his pipedream..
PROVE ME WRONG!!
I believe people are free to come up with all sorts of clever shit (they do) but since there's no way to check any of it the only measure of it is wether it gets them off and/or what level of offence other people take. One may believe what he wants (like Hawking) if that makes you happy (unlike most schizophrenics) and others aren't adversely affected by it (unlike Hitler).
Do not get caught in toxic philosophies!
But on with your problem. Swami said something like: the 4-hydroxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine interacted with your endogenous 5-hydroxytryptamine neurotransmitter system, mostly at the 5-HT-A1 receptors causing a rise in 3,4-dihydroxyphenethylamine which interfered with your emotional, sensory and cognitive processes. This is scientific jargon for "the drug fucked you in the head".
(No offence Swami )
This is one way to look at it, and partly I subscribe to that, as posted before. That's the COGNITIVE side of things: science.
You on the other hand are convinced Satan has described in detail why you're basically fucked. (sorry) That's the SPIRITUAL side of things.
Swami's on referential Wordspeak, you're on referential Feelspeak.
Both equally valid, but referential as the universe we percieve.
All good and well, but it's been your Trip and you have to come to terms with it. I suggest you adopt a little Swami & open up to the possibility that perhaps you've banged the DVD-player a little too hard with what might have been over 50 milligrams of Psilocybin (Sandoz recommended 4-20mg and they put it out after all)
This might not be so, but anything that weens you away from the thought you've just encountered the Ultimate Reality and that it's Fucked Up I deem valuable for your longterm happiness. I think it holds significance because your mind put it out and I believe the mind can only work with symbolics. (symbolism, reference.. Fathom?) I don't believe in Chaos, but in Absolute Order. (that's another topic)
Humans tend to have two eyes. Humans tend to speak words. Humans tend to get UFO-abduction experiences and humans tend to see The White Light when they die, good or bad. In other words: there's structure in brains.
There's structures you yourself put in ("I prefer fucking on XTC over fucking on my girlfriend")
There's structures your nurture put in ("Say after daddy: n#ggers are baaaad..")
and there are structures stamped into your Human Blueprint ("Me = Me")
Is it possible your friends had an extremely similar trip? Sure!!! People tend to get extremely similar UFO-abduction experiences and even more common: Death experiences with the Tunnel are very, very common.
Does that mean a God/Devil is involved? That your Trip had anything to do with the Ultimate Reality? To beat Swami to it: Fuck no! (sorry )
What has happened might have had spiritual significance or it might have been to hard a whack to the DVD-player or perhaps it lies somewhere in between.
You theorised it yourself:
"wel, the big picture is quite tainted...what you see is not what's there"
PLEASE apply this to your Trip and your concept of the Ultimate Truth, as it might be highly important for you to do so. You've taken 5 grams of Transformation and you can make it go either way. It can be your best trip to date or your worst, but it likely will be a turning point. You've had a watershed Trip and the next days should be seen in the light of that.
F#ck your boss! F#ck your teacher! F#ck your friends! In the following days it's all about YOU, OK? If it feels wrong to tighten lids on the conveyor belt you simply do not go, with or without an "I'm ill.." phonecall. The next few days are YOURS so F#ck all outside world responsibilities.
For the Love of Yourself, do not make this a lifestyle, but days will not become much more important as these.
Seek out beautiful things, especially natural things like the forest or your GF if she's among those.
Seek out easygoing activities, chatting with friends, visiting the National Museum of Hardcore Pornography.
Seek out your healthfood store and get tabs of Vitamin B3, in the form of NiacinAMIDE aka. Nicotinic acid AMIDE (not the Niacin/Acid form as this is highly unpleasant to most,  in the face & stinging sensations) and take 2-4 doses thereof throughout the day, using no more than 100mg per 10kg/22lbs of bodyweight A DAY tops. Aside from vitaminizing you this'll likely mellow you out, aid your brain into returning to your brand of normal and it will induce a tiny degree of relaxed euphoria which will chill you out which you need after a trip like this.
For the time being: no drugs at all, especially no harddrugs like Coca?ne, Ritalin and Amphetamines and preferably no Entheogens like LSD or Marijuana.
Sounds like drillsergeant Dick, I'm sure, but I relly think the pond should return to rippling before inducing more tidal waves.
But best of all: relax and try to stay/regain a positive state of mind. Get grounded and let time pass. Try to have fun, but don't force things.
PM = Personal Message.
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YE OLDE CLICK-O-RAMA FEST ASANTE'S PREPAREDNESS 101
Get 1 month's supplies in case of illness or calamity and help loved ones.
Strengthen your friendship ties - and exchange more favors and advice !
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PAXG: 0x52e54ca2780894ea3f839ca0904be2c319c813e9 what's paxg?
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder
Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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 Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#1597956 - 06/01/03 09:57 AM (19 years, 9 months ago) |
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I have some advice. Stop overdosing yourself on mushrooms, since you obviously do not use the energy to take you to a useful state of Consciousness, but merely give yourself up to recently perceived images. Stop overdosing yourself on 'The Matrix,' which is pretty clearly the perceptual/conceptual 'matrix' that your unconscious is using to produce all these cyborgian images and 'shadow projections' (friends turning into "creatures.") Since you refer to being 'fucked up' so frequently, which does not refer to a positive, or healthy, or enlightened state of being - maybe you should stop and ask why you're using something potentially helpful (shrooms) to harm yourself - to get 'bad trips' to talk about. Sounds like another case of 'teenage wasteland' to me.
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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Good to have you back Markos. Where ya been - vacation?
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The proof is in the pudding.
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Anonymous
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Good advice!
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder
Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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 Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: Swami]
#1598094 - 06/01/03 11:53 AM (19 years, 9 months ago) |
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Thanks. My vacation begins on Friday the 13th! The last Friday the 13th was memorable because on that otherwise typical, sunny south Florida morning, hundreds of nightcrawlers came out of my backyard and dropped into my pool. I hosed them back twice but back they came. When I returned from work, there were hundreds of dead worms in the pool. Let me tell you, I should have dumped them a lot further from my property because nothing, and I mean nothing, stinks worse than a huge pile of rotting earthworms. I wonder if anything else from the Bizarro home-world will visit me this Friday the 13th. I'm not even superstitious about this number, but I sure hope this time will be uneventful, lest I have to re-consider this superstition.
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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Sombie
Moonrock eater
Registered: 12/07/02
Posts: 2,643
Loc: Stafford, Virginia
Last seen: 13 years, 18 days
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#1598389 - 06/01/03 02:29 PM (19 years, 9 months ago) |
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damn dude, that reminds me of the matrix.
And no matter if it is real or fake, I wonder what would have happened if you told him you wanted to stay...
I guess you would have come down eventully anyway... but what would have happened before then?
--------------------
"America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable." - Hunter S Thompson
Check out Agio
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Edited by Sombie (06/01/03 02:38 PM)
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Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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The worms were whispering to you, "Let's go fishing. Let's go fishing." But you did not hear.
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The proof is in the pudding.
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symantic
Stranger
Registered: 05/30/03
Posts: 27
Last seen: 14 years, 9 months
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#8244517 - 04/05/08 09:40 PM (14 years, 11 months ago) |
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it has been 5 years since my original post and to be honest, it has not gotten any better.. I have been through the state medical system been prescribed many antipsychotics been through hell and not been back yet... living in a world where I am confused between understanding the difference between reality and what I perceive to be real (there is a vast difference). I don't think anymore that the experience was an awaking from the matrix but more of an awakening from what I was attached to or what me who I am , for example my preconceived notions or ideas about reality hence the catholic guilt prevalent throughout my trip... to be totally honest I'm still as lost as I was when I documented the trip on here the first time and right now I'm thinking about diving in again even deeper, would love some advice from anyone on the forums you all have a lot more experience than I and I know the smartest man knows he knows nothing at all... some advice would be great... peace and love to everyone reading these words..
John O'Rourke
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reality is the part of the imaginatio we all agree on
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backfromthedead
Activated
Registered: 03/10/07
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#8244651 - 04/05/08 10:12 PM (14 years, 11 months ago) |
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What meds did they have you on??
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daytripper23
?
Registered: 06/22/05
Posts: 3,595
Loc: 
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#8244800 - 04/05/08 10:52 PM (14 years, 11 months ago) |
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Hey man, sorry that your having trouble. I dont know how much help I can be, as you already seem to have delved a bit further into the many of the same probelms that I am currently having trouble facing.
Have you ever pondered the significance of your obsession with the time, which you describe at the beginning of the trip? Why did you get such satisfaction from "knowing" the time, and then meaninglessly write it down? Its not really hours, minutes, seconds, after all, because these concepts imply a finality that we can never really be aware of. Maybe writing it down was an unconscious expression of the actual absurdity in relying upon a conceptual (static) understanding of time. While its hard to objectify your experience, this portion of your trip is not as steeped in hallucinations as the rest of your trip. I think this is the portion of your trip that others might best provide insight to. To me it seems like a good place to create a new understanding of the world.
Given my vague idea of your experience, as well as my own, I would highly recommend a book titled "Each Moment is the Universe: Zen and the Way of Being Time". This book has been great for me in overcoming my own dogmas. Its a whole philosophy rooted in time.
Heres a description from amazon. No philosophy here, just trying to give you an idea of its reputation:
The late Japanese Zen master Katagiri Roshi offers a Zen interpretation of being and time. As text editor Andrea Martin explains in her introduction, the core Buddhist teachings of impermanence and emptiness lend themselves to considerations of time and being. Zen may be anticoncept and nonabstract, but it is certainly pro-insight. So Katagiri explains his understanding of time, based squarely on his interpretation of the work of influential 13th-century Zen master Dogen, whose work has inspired a number of contemporary Zen teachers. But Katagiri is no academic, and the language he uses to express complex ideas is extremely simple (this is called going into mud and water) and often enthusiastic (Touch it and bounce!). The editor has successfully transmitted the oral style that helps make the content accessible. Katagiri conveys a zest for Zen understanding that differs from the calm inscrutability of other Zen Buddhists; he also brings up terms like hope and beauty. Katagiri's statement I think the purpose of spiritual life is to just go toward the future with great hope may sound metaphysical, but it comes from a teacher who has spent time on the meditation cushion and applied insight to the day-to-day life that Zen embraces.
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Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!
Edited by daytripper23 (04/06/08 01:00 AM)
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 34,381
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#8245589 - 04/06/08 06:44 AM (14 years, 11 months ago) |
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at a glance
you are intellectually gifted
your mushrooms were extremely strong and "lucid" such that
they enabled deleriant (like datura) waking experiences.
you and your friends who experienced the same thing were culturally unprepared for a deleriant.
since the event you have sought meaning from the contents of the experience which has been maddenning, and
since the event you have been challenged by the depth of entanglement you have with the contents of the experience.
you have done everything you can to negotiate your life with the residue of the experience and are looking for some refuge from that turmoil.
The language I am using is very simple here, I am wondering if I "get" you - because if I do, I may have a few words that could help, but I don't want to soap box myself.
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psyka
Praetorian
Registered: 06/09/03
Posts: 1,652
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#8245677 - 04/06/08 07:36 AM (14 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
symantic said:
it has been 5 years since my original post and to be honest, it has not gotten any better.. I have been through the state medical system been prescribed many antipsychotics been through hell and not been back yet... living in a world where I am confused between understanding the difference between reality and what I perceive to be real (there is a vast difference). I don't think anymore that the experience was an awaking from the matrix but more of an awakening from what I was attached to or what me who I am , for example my preconceived notions or ideas about reality hence the catholic guilt prevalent throughout my trip... to be totally honest I'm still as lost as I was when I documented the trip on here the first time and right now I'm thinking about diving in again even deeper, would love some advice from anyone on the forums you all have a lot more experience than I and I know the smartest man knows he knows nothing at all... some advice would be great... peace and love to everyone reading these words..
John O'Rourke
Your consciousness has become very restless, which is accompanied by very many thoughts. Thought does not arise in the consciousness if it does not attach itself to an object. Whether the object is mental (stray thoughts/concepts) or physical (an actual object) does not matter, they are both treated the same. A restless consciousness goes object-to-object all the time and can be very overwhelming to the senses.
What I would do, if I were you, is to take a half hour each day to stabilize mind. Use your breath as post to tie your mind to, as you would an untame dog. Be mindful of your breath. Any thoughts not about breath for these 30 minutes should be considered distractions. Every time you realize your mind gets distracted (its ok if it happens - even if its a lot), relax your entire body (head included) and go back to centering inside of your breath. Make it your goal to do this for 30 minutes, and do not judge yourself. If you keep at it, I think you will make progress.
Again, the point of this is to stabilize your mental processes. With that I believe you will begin discerning reality with unreality. I would also highly recommend not watching TV/movies. Don't eat any more shrooms.
Edited by psyka (04/06/08 08:11 AM)
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jonathanseagull
Cool!
Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 993
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: redgreenvines]
#8245703 - 04/06/08 07:52 AM (14 years, 11 months ago) |
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I have done the bad trip and a year of psychosis followed by 2 years of recovery, bringing us to the present.
Some authors you might find relevant are Stanislov Grof, who has cataloged all of the aspects which you described, from reading/becoming your DNA, experiencing the history of man or the universe, etc. Joseph Campbell's work is slightly related, with how all myth is telling the same story: the Mono-myth, which is the Hero's Journey, which is the spiritual/psychological journey towards maturity and self-realization. I think you'd find elements of your own adventure there and find some sense to be made there. Also, John Weir Perry has a book that I'm currently reading called The Far Side of Madness. It's about these acute psychotic episodes (drug induced or not), and how they are not the psychosis, but the ego-state that the person was previously living in was psychotic. Having experienced it, I wholly agree. The acute psychotic trip is there to fundamentally reconstruct your mental foundation, which was what was wrong in the first place. I can't go too deep into it. But if you feel the need, read!
Here is my personal advice. Don't try to make sense of the trip in a literal and philosophical fashion. You won't be able to, just as philosophers since man's beginning haven't been able to. Don't wrestle with solipsism, the nature of time, good/evil, etc. I did, and gained a very high understanding of such issues compared to what I did understand, but in the end, I still don't know. You might find yourself wondering why crop circles are in alignment with crystal vibrations revealing the patterns of the solar system of the galactic brotherhood (lol) if you keep digging where there is no answer. The answer you MUST accept to initiate growth is that "the answer is, there is no answer". It's surrender, it's letting go of the need to control and know everything. It's the only logical choice, because you'll never know anyways.
The trip didn't reveal some transcendental or universal truth. It revealed you to you. It betrayed your fears to your conscious mind. I'd think of it all as projections. You saw yourself. If what you saw didn't please you, then there is work to do that will lead to much relief and understanding.
Don't consider how your experience relates to some external reality or truth. Turn your thoughts on yourself, and consider how you manifested the trip through your own fears. It seems at one point you "almost" understood that in the trip, but you confused your creation of reality as the creation of an external reality, and not your own internal reality.
Another deeper trip is probably the worst thing you could consider. You haven't integrated the one from years ago.
Good luck! I believe it would do good to think of this entire chapter of your life as a period of self-betterment, and start treating it that way, as opposed to research into philosophy and spirituality, etc (which will be intertwined, but should not be the emphasis. They should be a means for you to understand yourself, not an end in themselves).
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Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show, That the dear She might take some pleasure of my pain: Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know, Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain.
Edited by jonathanseagull (04/06/08 07:55 AM)
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backfromthedead
Activated
Registered: 03/10/07
Posts: 3,592
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: jonathanseagull]
#8246703 - 04/06/08 01:41 PM (14 years, 11 months ago) |
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Rad post Seagull. I share a lot of the same experience. I wish I could help in some way. Good advice.
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 8,775
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: symantic]
#8250504 - 04/07/08 12:42 PM (14 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
symantic said:
it has been 5 years since my original post and to be honest, it has not gotten any better.. I have been through the state medical system been prescribed many antipsychotics been through hell and not been back yet... living in a world where I am confused between understanding the difference between reality and what I perceive to be real (there is a vast difference). I don't think anymore that the experience was an awaking from the matrix but more of an awakening from what I was attached to or what me who I am , for example my preconceived notions or ideas about reality hence the catholic guilt prevalent throughout my trip... to be totally honest I'm still as lost as I was when I documented the trip on here the first time and right now I'm thinking about diving in again even deeper, would love some advice from anyone on the forums you all have a lot more experience than I and I know the smartest man knows he knows nothing at all... some advice would be great... peace and love to everyone reading these words..
John O'Rourke
Could you go into detail on what you are experiencing? Reality -vs- unreality, I assume the imagery isn't as prevalent as it was directly after the trip. If you could describe what has changed, and what is still bothering you, you might get better responses.
I've read several accounts of meditation practitioners fucking themselves up, though the way and results may not be a parallel to your experience. Basically, it's possible for a meditator to unlock kundalini (emotional energy) they can't control, and it shoots up into the head, causing chaos. Useful information, like how to cook, write, etc. can be wiped out. Although I can't find the account, I remember one guy who had a similar episode and it left him unable to cope with everyday life for 10 years. His wife was faithful, stood by his side and helped him along, and he was able to recover and lead a normal life.
I've had a shroom/meditation induced episode, involving too much kindling. I was sure I had gone insane, and even after that feeling died down I was weak, and dizzy for several weeks. But, I'm not sure this is in your ballpark of experience. There was no subjective imagery to go along with the incident. So, tell us more.
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
“At an even deeper and an even more fundamental level, once you involve people in the conspiracy, once you get them to go along with it, they will go along with it, not because they want to be conspirators, but because they’re convinced that they’re on the side of good… To get them to abandon that is to get them to admit that they’ve been made fools of, that they themselves were involved in an enormous deception. And I think that that’s very difficult for people.” - Daniel Patrick Moynihan
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symantic
Stranger
Registered: 05/30/03
Posts: 27
Last seen: 14 years, 9 months
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Re: help me figure out my trip ... PLEASE [Re: Rahz]
#8537966 - 06/18/08 05:35 PM (14 years, 9 months ago) |
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hey been a while since I posted, things seemed to quieten down for a while, started college got almost straight A's for the first year and when things are going well I try not to delve into the past that still haunts me. Let sleeping does lie if you will.
It's still there though at the back of my mind, refusing to let me enjoy the frivolities of everyday life. I'm sick talking to my friends about this because all they do is call me crazy and start quoting the matrix to me. To me it's so much more than that. I whole heartedly appreciate everyones concern and comments and I'm sorry if I haven't shown the appreciation or followed your guidelines.
Of late I have returned to pondering my trip and my realizations. I've started hallucinating, even to call it that to me seems absurd, it's no more an hallucination but a realization. The ego stripped view of the world the mushrooms gave to me, I found I am now able to view at will (I understand many of you will now think I am giving my self, self confirming delusions, I doubt it personally as self confirming delusions usually lead to a state that makes the delusional person happy) and not only are they helping me make better decisions about how I live my life but also with who associate myself with.
I'll break it down in a nut shell without trying to sound like a nut. I think what I saw was not reality but a version of reality as there is no absolute version of reality. This version of reality was paramount to my evolutionary development. I felt like the product of many ideas that have run a mock and do not care about the spiritual evolution of humanity and the only way I could realize this was to be shown what I was shown. It's like your mind telling you that I have given you the spoonful of sugar with the medicine all your life but right now you've chosen to take it without, if you've had it with sugar all the time you can't possible believe the medicine tastes this bad and you deny the fact that this is even the same medicine you've always been taking but it is.
I'm sorry, the fact that I'm trying to explain the most amazingly beautiful and frightening things that have ever happened to me by using language seems fruitless at this point in time to me.
Ultimately I don't know.
I don't know.
But right now I've gained enough courage to venture into the unknown again. I'm currently looking online to book an ayahuasca retreat so if any of you know of a good place please let me know, or if you have any more advice, thanks for being understanding, emphatic, loving and kind.
Peace and hopefully understanding to everyone.
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reality is the part of the imaginatio we all agree on
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