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Offlinerommstein2001
Rise ye Must!
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Registered: 05/10/01
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Loc: South GA
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Poetry
    #1592024 - 05/30/03 03:40 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)


We smoke the toenails and hair of wiseman, under a black god's thumb we dance like painted puppets, she bleeds an orgasm in technicolor. An ocean of alien mystery. We eat the wiseman's eyes for site that we may see the darkness of the curable lights fast enough. We eat the brain an pray that our eyes can open wide enough. We burn the dry shell of funeral chant. The pulse quickens and we dance as the blossoms fold. The scattering of dust to the winds, the celebraiton of old skin. I feel every flower that is screaming to consume, the earth and sky your cradle, the earth and sky your entomb. So must have waited forever, teaming with simple creulties, beatings in cold rooms, hands and head not found.
-Acid Bath (Dax's Poem)


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OfflineMurex
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Registered: 07/28/02
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Re: Poetry [Re: rommstein2001]
    #1595475 - 05/31/03 02:51 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)


I like this part- she bleeds an orgasm in technicolor :wink:

I write poems in this style too. The first I've seen.


--------------------
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?



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Offlinerommstein2001
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Registered: 05/10/01
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Re: Poetry [Re: Murex]
    #1632086 - 06/13/03 09:21 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah, Dax's poetry rocks. I'll post some more of it, I use kind of the same form he does.


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OfflineMurex
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Registered: 07/28/02
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Re: Poetry [Re: rommstein2001]
    #1632209 - 06/13/03 11:09 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)


I like using those poetry sites that randomize words and come up with wierd surreal poems. I get lots of ideas from those.


--------------------
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?



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Invisiblebert
bodhi

Registered: 10/14/02
Posts: 2,819
Loc: state
Re: Poetry [Re: rommstein2001]
    #1632572 - 06/14/03 03:00 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I think the poem could be better, actually. The grammar is pretty messed up...it does use some some interesting and shocking words/phrases but to no greater effect than to be weird or psuedo-provocative. Not very moving in my opinion. It might be better set to music, who knows.


--------------------
Persons denying the existence of robots may be robots themselves.


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OfflineFaaip_De_Oiad
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Re: Poetry [Re: bert]
    #1632651 - 06/14/03 04:40 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

do you guys hate it when someone shows you their poetry and it's all.....emo.... and they ask you waht you think, and you hate it, but don't wanna lie, and don't wanna insult them

I hate that..


yeah I like the technicolor orgasm too, but even though I usually like this kind of abstract poetry, (though I'd call it prose really) but for some reason this doesn't do it for me.


Ever heard the last track on the Stone Sour CD?

THAT'S how it's done!


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Offlinerommstein2001
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Re: Poetry [Re: rommstein2001]
    #1633323 - 06/14/03 04:52 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Here's how that poem was supposed to be.

old skin
we smoke the toenails and hair
of the wiseman
under a blackgod's thumb
we dance like painted puppets
she bleeds orgasm in techni-color
an ocean of alien mystery
we eat the wiseman's eyes
for sight that we might
see the darkness if we kill
the lights fast enough
we eat the brain and pray
that our eyes can open wide enough
we burn the dry shell, a funeral chant
the pulse quickens and we dance
as the blossoms fall
a scattering of dust to the winds
this celebration of old skin
i can feel the flowers
screaming to consume you
the earth and sky your cradle
the earth and sky entomb you
so is the way of forever
teeming with simple crueltys
beatings in cold rooms
hands and head not found
how do you get your kicks
suckling mother's slit wrist
staring at the same piece of sky
mouthing the words carefully
as you pass their checkpoints
all you need is gasoline



--------------------



Edited by rommstein2001 (06/14/03 05:33 PM)


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Offlinerommstein2001
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Registered: 05/10/01
Posts: 3,180
Loc: South GA
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Re: Poetry [Re: rommstein2001]
    #1633379 - 06/14/03 05:35 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

when the kite string pops
__
laughing into forever
ACID-party under the sun
slow-motion tranqulized
stop confusion, taste the bullet,suck away the pain
a soft rope and DIRTY needles
whisper SUICIDE whisper escape
hand-cuffed the king
blue sun ripples inside the insect circles the dead
i'm bored,BONE the innocence
LOVE,PAIN,SUCK!
KILL the queen and whisper "we want freedom"
let's RAPE again
nowhere avenue, slowly fade
TRIPPIN'-free,trip with the sun
HUM the whisper of screaming ANTI-FREEDOM
__

Another one.


--------------------



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Offlinerommstein2001
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Registered: 05/10/01
Posts: 3,180
Loc: South GA
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Re: Poetry [Re: rommstein2001]
    #1633384 - 06/14/03 05:38 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

"MY GOD MY GOD Why Have I foresaken Thee, my past keeps killing me, and society keeps raping me. I've Been Hung from the gates of hell but when she touched me my soul would dwell in a place only angels know, it's just an echo at the end of my soul"

~helter skelter full of shelter i'll blow a kiss and slit my fucking wrist, i don't want to feel the sun~
Two unnamed poems.

All by Dax Riggs by the way, nothing written by me.


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