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rommstein2001
Rise ye Must!
Registered: 05/10/01
Posts: 3,182
Loc: South GA
Last seen: 7 years, 5 days
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Poetry
#1592024 - 05/30/03 01:40 AM (20 years, 9 months ago) |
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We smoke the toenails and hair of wiseman, under a black god's thumb we dance like painted puppets, she bleeds an orgasm in technicolor. An ocean of alien mystery. We eat the wiseman's eyes for site that we may see the darkness of the curable lights fast enough. We eat the brain an pray that our eyes can open wide enough. We burn the dry shell of funeral chant. The pulse quickens and we dance as the blossoms fold. The scattering of dust to the winds, the celebraiton of old skin. I feel every flower that is screaming to consume, the earth and sky your cradle, the earth and sky your entomb. So must have waited forever, teaming with simple creulties, beatings in cold rooms, hands and head not found. -Acid Bath (Dax's Poem)
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Murex
Reality Hacker
Registered: 07/28/02
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I like this part- she bleeds an orgasm in technicolor
I write poems in this style too. The first I've seen.
-------------------- What if everything around you Isn't quite as it seems? What if all the world you think you know, Is an elaborate dream? And if you look at your reflection, Is it all you want it to be?
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rommstein2001
Rise ye Must!
Registered: 05/10/01
Posts: 3,182
Loc: South GA
Last seen: 7 years, 5 days
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Re: Poetry [Re: Murex]
#1632086 - 06/13/03 07:21 PM (20 years, 9 months ago) |
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Yeah, Dax's poetry rocks. I'll post some more of it, I use kind of the same form he does.
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Murex
Reality Hacker
Registered: 07/28/02
Posts: 3,599
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I like using those poetry sites that randomize words and come up with wierd surreal poems. I get lots of ideas from those.
-------------------- What if everything around you Isn't quite as it seems? What if all the world you think you know, Is an elaborate dream? And if you look at your reflection, Is it all you want it to be?
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bert
bodhi
Registered: 10/14/02
Posts: 2,819
Loc: state
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I think the poem could be better, actually. The grammar is pretty messed up...it does use some some interesting and shocking words/phrases but to no greater effect than to be weird or psuedo-provocative. Not very moving in my opinion. It might be better set to music, who knows.
-------------------- Persons denying the existence of robots may be robots themselves.
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Faaip_De_Oiad
as above, so below
Registered: 05/29/01
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Loc: Malice, Tx
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Re: Poetry [Re: bert]
#1632651 - 06/14/03 02:40 AM (20 years, 9 months ago) |
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do you guys hate it when someone shows you their poetry and it's all.....emo.... and they ask you waht you think, and you hate it, but don't wanna lie, and don't wanna insult them
I hate that..
yeah I like the technicolor orgasm too, but even though I usually like this kind of abstract poetry, (though I'd call it prose really) but for some reason this doesn't do it for me.
Ever heard the last track on the Stone Sour CD?
THAT'S how it's done!
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rommstein2001
Rise ye Must!
Registered: 05/10/01
Posts: 3,182
Loc: South GA
Last seen: 7 years, 5 days
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Here's how that poem was supposed to be. old skin we smoke the toenails and hair of the wiseman under a blackgod's thumb we dance like painted puppets she bleeds orgasm in techni-color an ocean of alien mystery we eat the wiseman's eyes for sight that we might see the darkness if we kill the lights fast enough we eat the brain and pray that our eyes can open wide enough we burn the dry shell, a funeral chant the pulse quickens and we dance as the blossoms fall a scattering of dust to the winds this celebration of old skin i can feel the flowers screaming to consume you the earth and sky your cradle the earth and sky entomb you so is the way of forever teeming with simple crueltys beatings in cold rooms hands and head not found how do you get your kicks suckling mother's slit wrist staring at the same piece of sky mouthing the words carefully as you pass their checkpoints all you need is gasoline
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Edited by rommstein2001 (06/14/03 03:33 PM)
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rommstein2001
Rise ye Must!
Registered: 05/10/01
Posts: 3,182
Loc: South GA
Last seen: 7 years, 5 days
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when the kite string pops __ laughing into forever ACID-party under the sun slow-motion tranqulized stop confusion, taste the bullet,suck away the pain a soft rope and DIRTY needles whisper SUICIDE whisper escape hand-cuffed the king blue sun ripples inside the insect circles the dead i'm bored,BONE the innocence LOVE,PAIN,SUCK! KILL the queen and whisper "we want freedom" let's RAPE again nowhere avenue, slowly fade TRIPPIN'-free,trip with the sun HUM the whisper of screaming ANTI-FREEDOM __
Another one.
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rommstein2001
Rise ye Must!
Registered: 05/10/01
Posts: 3,182
Loc: South GA
Last seen: 7 years, 5 days
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"MY GOD MY GOD Why Have I foresaken Thee, my past keeps killing me, and society keeps raping me. I've Been Hung from the gates of hell but when she touched me my soul would dwell in a place only angels know, it's just an echo at the end of my soul"
~helter skelter full of shelter i'll blow a kiss and slit my fucking wrist, i don't want to feel the sun~ Two unnamed poems.
All by Dax Riggs by the way, nothing written by me.
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