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OfflineMojo_Risin
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Registered: 03/31/01
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What is your take on this stanza?
    #1585372 - 05/28/03 04:59 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Vile are Zombies who
Breathe and Bleed with thou
Desolate Eyes and
Unurtured Souls

cont...

A Beckoning Spin of Solitaire,
Their Lives Unoticed in Despair.

Part of my next poem that i'd like to share.. Quite Grim is the Title


--------------------
Fear    attracts  energy  that can expose one to be coerced. Learn to overcome fear and develop enlightenment.


Freedom Equality Justice (3 of 12 Jewels of Life)

Nov.11th Veterans Ron Paul Moneybomb...www.Ronpaul2012.com

Check out campaignforliberty.com


Edited by Mojo_Risin (05/29/03 10:19 AM)


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Offlinedomite
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Re: What is your take on this stanza? [Re: Mojo_Risin]
    #1585387 - 05/28/03 05:11 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

it evoked no emotional responce from me, other than that I have no way to judge a poem.


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InvisibleOctopusDr
Octi Doci

Registered: 02/03/03
Posts: 1,598
Re: What is your take on this stanza? [Re: Mojo_Risin]
    #1585392 - 05/28/03 05:13 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I dont think I am depressed enough to get that poem.


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Anonymous

Re: What is your take on this stanza? [Re: Mojo_Risin]
    #1586058 - 05/28/03 08:09 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

It's a bit wordy...


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OfflineMojo_Risin
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Registered: 03/31/01
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Re: What is your take on this stanza? [Re: LeViTY]
    #1586101 - 05/28/03 08:24 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

that's my style of writing


--------------------
Fear    attracts  energy  that can expose one to be coerced. Learn to overcome fear and develop enlightenment.


Freedom Equality Justice (3 of 12 Jewels of Life)

Nov.11th Veterans Ron Paul Moneybomb...www.Ronpaul2012.com

Check out campaignforliberty.com


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OfflineA0999
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Re: What is your take on this stanza? [Re: Mojo_Risin]
    #1586155 - 05/28/03 08:45 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

i thought you were talkin bout a nissan stanza


--------------------
Not necessarily stoned, but beautiful


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OfflineMojo_Risin
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Registered: 03/31/01
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Re: What is your take on this stanza? [Re: A0999]
    #1586193 - 05/28/03 09:06 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I get no love :frown:

:smile:


--------------------
Fear    attracts  energy  that can expose one to be coerced. Learn to overcome fear and develop enlightenment.


Freedom Equality Justice (3 of 12 Jewels of Life)

Nov.11th Veterans Ron Paul Moneybomb...www.Ronpaul2012.com

Check out campaignforliberty.com


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Offlinericyjo
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Re: What is your take on this stanza? [Re: Mojo_Risin]
    #1587128 - 05/29/03 02:21 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

is that first word supposed to be vial or vile?


--------------------
"Re-examine all that you have been told...
dismiss that which insults your soul." -Walt Whitman


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Offlinericyjo
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Registered: 07/22/02
Posts: 1,496
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Re: What is your take on this stanza? [Re: ricyjo]
    #1587136 - 05/29/03 02:25 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

so...
it sounds like your a vampire fan..
zombies that bleed you..or.. draining you of soulful essence...
are vile because they then replenish you by.. breathing with you...
and then... i assume.. slowly turn you into a more lifeless zombie like themselves...

it follows the same concept as vampirism..


--------------------
"Re-examine all that you have been told...
dismiss that which insults your soul." -Walt Whitman


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OfflineMojo_Risin
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Registered: 03/31/01
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Re: What is your take on this stanza? [Re: ricyjo]
    #1588218 - 05/29/03 10:19 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Yes, vile is the correct word, grammer error.

Nope has nothing to do with Vampires or "Movie Zombies"...but your kinda on the right track with your explanation :smile:.


--------------------
Fear    attracts  energy  that can expose one to be coerced. Learn to overcome fear and develop enlightenment.


Freedom Equality Justice (3 of 12 Jewels of Life)

Nov.11th Veterans Ron Paul Moneybomb...www.Ronpaul2012.com

Check out campaignforliberty.com


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Offlinethe universe
Harbinger ofEldritch Despair
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Re: What is your take on this stanza? [Re: Mojo_Risin]
    #1595745 - 05/31/03 08:27 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Is it about the lack of caring most people display to strangers? Or is it just supposed to sound cool?


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"If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the 'Fuck you' signs in the world."- J. D. Salinger


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OfflineMojo_Risin
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Re: What is your take on this stanza? [Re: the universe]
    #1595975 - 05/31/03 12:22 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I'll give you a hint...

It's an analystic view of a certain trend in this day and age "society".


--------------------
Fear    attracts  energy  that can expose one to be coerced. Learn to overcome fear and develop enlightenment.


Freedom Equality Justice (3 of 12 Jewels of Life)

Nov.11th Veterans Ron Paul Moneybomb...www.Ronpaul2012.com

Check out campaignforliberty.com


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Offlinethe universe
Harbinger ofEldritch Despair
Male

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Re: What is your take on this stanza? [Re: Mojo_Risin]
    #1606919 - 06/04/03 03:27 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I'ld guess again, but I just don't really care about your little poem enough.


--------------------
"If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the 'Fuck you' signs in the world."- J. D. Salinger


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OfflineAislingGheal
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Re: What is your take on this stanza? [Re: Mojo_Risin]
    #1607352 - 06/04/03 09:57 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

It's pretty dark and dire, not my usual cup of tea. Having said that I really like the following lines

"A Beckoning Spin of Solitaire,
Their Lives Unnoticed in Despair."

that is a good poetic snap-shot of quiet desperation. Whether others like your work or not just keep working at it, if everyone gave in to their detractors there would be no Art in the world at all. Keep us posted.

Edit for spelling


--------------------

"I hate having to pick between the lesser of two evils. But I'm glad Obama was elected. McCain was another war monger. I'd rather deal with our country going into debt than trying to take on afghanistan...oh wait FUCK!" - Fungus_tao


Edited by AislingGheal (06/04/03 10:00 AM)


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