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InvisibletrendalM
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More societal woes
    #1565646 - 05/21/03 01:47 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

If I was capable of hate, I would hate society.

This isn't the way we're supposed to live! Somewhere along the Way we went horribly wrong. I feel this with every part of my being. I look out at society with a bitter mix of frustration and pain.

I feel like a change is needed. A big change. I feel like I should do something...like I have to do something. But what? I'm left in the dark there.

The decisions I've made I'm happy with. But they are, more and more, excluding me from the society around me. I feel distance. Detatched. Emotionally numb at times.

In a way it's necessary to me, the suppression of emotion. It is the least understood aspect of my being, right now. Logic and intuition take over, smashing the delicate fractals of emotion into tiny bits. Tiny bits are good for logic, you see. Dissasseble, investigate. Break down the problem into smaller peices - they are easier to solve.

I've come to the conclusion, and I happily accept it, that I will never be a part of society as it is today. It's just too fucked up for me. I don't want to be a part of it.

But there's the problem. Most, if not all, of those I care about are still firmly entrenched in their society. Still unwilling to look outside the door.

I've tried explaining. I've tried subtle suggestion. It doesn't work. They're just too damn unwilling to look beyond what they see.

I feel like a frickin alien. This isn't "natural" to me. This doesn't feel like "home" to me.

I've made my decisions, but there's still time to "go back". Down one path I feel nothing but loneliness and trouble. No one I could marry. No children I could have. I always wanted kids, some day. The other path is complacency. The wife. The kids. The dog. The house. Become a "functional" member of society.

How do I explain to the people I love? These people know, as they know me, how far I could go in society - if I wanted to. They see that as the "right" way to go. How do I tell them that it's not for me? How do I tell my mom that she won't be able to watch me become "successful"? She wouldn't understand, you see. She might even think I'm nuts  :smirk:

But I swear the voices in my head are MINE, so no worries right  :wink:

There is, however small, still a part of me who just wants to be ACCEPTED. A part of me that wants to be "normal". A part of me that hates being "genius".

But the much larger part of me can have nothing to do with complacency. Nothing to do with society.


So then, my options as I see them:

One, I can continue as I am. Give up any hope of acceptance, any hope of a "normal" life.

Two, I can just suffer in silence. Give up what I believe and become "normal". Please the people who will be pleased by it.

Three, I can seek professional "help". I've tried the meds. Sure they make me "happy" - but they also make me numb and dumb. The pain is masked, quite well, but the cost is too great for me.

I've been standing at this fork in the road for some time now, waiting. Waiting for an answer to come. How much longer do I wait? Or should I just choose now and be over with it?

A rant  :wink: 


--------------------
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


Edited by trendal (05/21/03 04:31 PM)


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InvisibleXibalba
Stranger
Registered: 05/14/00
Posts: 2,114
Re: Mote societal woes [Re: trendal]
    #1566140 - 05/21/03 03:48 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Have you tried living out of society for any significant period of time? I'm not sure exactly what you're thinking of- some hippie commune? A hermit on a mountain? A hut by the river in the jungles of Cambodia or Brazil or something?

Anyway, I'm not so sure you'd like it.

You'd be surprised how much society *will* tolerate... Could explain more what 'choices' you are making now that you feel disqualify you from living in it?


For what it's worth I feel the same way. I think I'm more pessimistic, and more passive, than you- I've thought of all this long ago but I know the 'big change' this world needs just isn't going to happen, some things never change, and it's not worth it to ruin myself trying to change it. We'll be dead soon enough anyway.

Those who do learn from history are condemned to watch others repeat it...

So my path is the "suffering in silence" one, for now at least. It's not really a choice, that's just what I do. I can't pretend to be someone I'm not, nor can I turn away from society completely, so all I can do is remain an abnormal & dysfunctional member of society.



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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: Mote societal woes [Re: Xibalba]
    #1566297 - 05/21/03 04:35 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I currently live in silent suffering, as you say  :crazy:

No, I'm not ready to pack up and leave. Maybe I'm being selfish in thinking society is the one that needs to change....but I don't think so. I don't want society to change for me, I want society to change for itself.

At this point I'd rather be dysfunctional than compliant.


--------------------
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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OfflineMeph
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Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: More societal woes [Re: trendal]
    #1566903 - 05/21/03 08:27 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

If you feel that it is not "your" home, mabye it's because others have created it for you?

The computer you're typing on is a result of collective, social work. Everything you have is. Everything you've learned from books is a result of the work of many. It's the same thing when you're sick and doctors take care of you.

By ourselves, we're not much good. Together, we have a chance to make things work in the right direction. Set your priorities straight. Don't be picky; you're lucky to live in good conditions.

You seem to be a very good person. Don't waste your energy on refusing the world you're living in. Adapt yourself.


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



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InvisibleLe_Canard
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Re: More societal woes [Re: Meph]
    #1567082 - 05/21/03 09:38 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Indeed, society fairly well sucks, doesn't it? Its been said "The Thinking person's plight is ever-despairing", and truer words were never spoken. I think you're intelligent enough to suss things out, so keep trying to cope...and, as suggested, adapt. I think you'll make it! :smile: 


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Anonymous #1

Re: More societal woes [Re: trendal]
    #1567376 - 05/21/03 10:56 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

- Post History Deleted Upon User's Request -


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OfflineSheepish
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Re: More societal woes [Re: trendal]
    #1567880 - 05/22/03 01:43 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

You shouldn't compromise your ideals in hope of living a "normal" life. There is no normal really, only what is normal to YOU.
Just because you don't wish to be a part of society, doesn't mean you can't find a girl, have some kids, etc. There are plenty of likeminded people out there.
Do whatever you TRULY believe in.


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Offlinejono
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Posts: 137
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Re: More societal woes [Re: trendal]
    #1568398 - 05/22/03 07:09 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I think you should leave it all and go live in a buddhist monastery... Seriously, i think it would be what you are looking for.


--------------------
Our problem results from acting like cowboys on a limitless frontier when in truth we inhabit a living spaceship with a finely balanced life-support system." David C. Korton


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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: More societal woes [Re: jono]
    #1568884 - 05/22/03 12:28 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

The thought has crossed my mind many many times before  :wink:

Leaving seems too selfish to me, though. I like helping people too much.


--------------------
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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OfflineMeph
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Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: More societal woes [Re: trendal]
    #1569630 - 05/22/03 04:48 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Society (dictionary.com definition):

Quote:



a. The totality of social relationships among humans.
b. A group of humans broadly distinguished from other groups by mutual interests, participation in characteristic relationships, shared institutions, and a common culture.
c. The institutions and culture of a distinct self-perpetuating group.






Society in itself isn't bad. I think what you're talking about is the popular ideal of a perfect life, the american dream. A big house, a big, noisy car, kids, a wife who stays home and cleans the dishes.

To be honest, it disgusts me, too. But nobody said you couldn't live in a society all while living the life you want to live. I don't need a big house and a big, noisy car to be happy. It can make things easier, though. But it's no priority.

I say it again: get your priorities straight. What do you want the most? I'm sure there's a way to get it without running off in the mountains.

Nobody becomes what they hate. So you have a good start.


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: More societal woes [Re: Meph]
    #1570707 - 05/23/03 12:28 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Yes the American Dream is a little silly  :smirk:

But it is by far not the "big" problem for me. It is very hard for me to explain (I don't use words in my head...many concepts don't have a proper spoken language). Money is a big one. Social structure. Many people themselves, too, except I feel the need to help them and not be angry (whereas I DO get angry at society).

What do I want the most? For everyone to be happy.


--------------------
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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OfflineSBTlauien
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Registered: 03/23/03
Posts: 2,831
Last seen: 13 years, 5 months
Post deleted by Administrator [Re: trendal]
    #1570788 - 05/23/03 01:04 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)



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Invisibletak_old
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Registered: 05/31/02
Posts: 609
Loc: State of confusion
Re: More societal woes [Re: SBTlauien]
    #1570907 - 05/23/03 01:38 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Society is a good thing, but it needs to be changed. It will eventually change, but im sure we can help speed things up and point people in the right direction. You may not notice people being influenced by you, but they are. Keep a clean state of mind, and do what comes most natural to you. I dont know what I want to do, but I do know I do not really wanna be part of the norm, I can work 9-5 every day and im sure I can be pretty happy doing so, but something isnt there. I dont wanna go on a drug crazed rampage and kill myself afterwords either. I wanna find a place inside society that I can work my magic. I pray for the best. For all of us.


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InvisibleArmFromTheAbyss
Old Hand

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 1,364
Loc: Down here in Babylon
Re: More societal woes [Re: trendal]
    #1573436 - 05/23/03 11:46 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

This isn't the way we're supposed to live! Somewhere along the Way we went horribly wrong. I feel this with every part of my being. I look out at society with a bitter mix of frustration and pain.

I feel like a change is needed. A big change. I feel like I should do something...like I have to do something. But what? I'm left in the dark there.




There are others out there man. Many of them, more and more as the years turn. Evolution will catch up to us. We will see and make the Revolution happen.

But how do we change things? Well as an individual all you can do is leave your mind open, and explore intellectually while always staying positive. It won't do any good giving into that negativity man. Everybody has the choice to give in or not, the revolution depends on all of us. Individuality really means a lot.


--------------------


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InvisibleOlgualion
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Re: More societal woes [Re: trendal]
    #1573515 - 05/24/03 12:27 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Hey man, it looks like you just put my thoughts in your post!! How'd you do that?

Quote:

But I swear the voices in my head are MINE, so no worries right




The voice comes from your true self. It doesn't tell you to do bad things, right? Answer this. Can you ask yourself the deepest question, and an answer will (eventually) come from that voice?

It's okay. find your path. Buddhism or whatever, so long as ideals aren't forced upon you and you can find your own path, you will be okay. Society is even okay so long as you don't forget who you really are!

Once we shed our skins we will all unite into pure energy! Those left behind will eventually find their way.


--------------------
Study the past...
See the future...


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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: More societal woes [Re: Olgualion]
    #1573832 - 05/24/03 02:24 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

The voice comes from your true self.

There's more than one in there  :wink:

Different aspects of my psychi. I can put on plays in my head.


--------------------
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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OfflineMeph
Synesthesiac

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: More societal woes [Re: trendal]
    #1574250 - 05/24/03 10:51 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

You sound confused about your life, trendal.


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: More societal woes [Re: Meph]
    #1574389 - 05/24/03 12:55 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

It's one of the last things I happen to be confused about, yes  :smirk:


--------------------
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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InvisibleRevelation

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Re: More societal woes [Re: jono]
    #1574745 - 05/24/03 05:14 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Trendal, I feel the same way. I feel like I need to leave, and have made the decision to do so. Why waste another lifetime, right? The problem is that I don't know where to leave to...

I've thought about joining a buddhist monastery, and have visited a few, but if I do that I know that i'll just be conforming to another kind of society. Buddhism isn't really my thing anyway.

It would be nice to hear from anyone who leads an alternative kind of lifestyle. For instance does anyone here grow their own food?


--------------------


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: More societal woes [Re: trendal]
    #1578076 - 05/26/03 12:07 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

You obviously ARE a stitch in the fabric of society, but you might be one of the rare threads (to continue the metaphor). From the data you supplied, it sounds like you're an Introverted Thinking type, according to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (which I've used for 20 years). Right away, you're gonna be in a 1%-5% minority (if you were in the USA) depending upon what exact type you fall into. I don't know how Canada differs, but because their population is so much smaller than the US, you would find yourself correspondingly in an even smaller percentage if Introverted Thinkers. The US is overwhelmingly an Extroverted Feeling population.

My Lady and I are blessed to have found each other as INTP's (Introverted Intuitive Thinking Perceiving types) because we are only 3% of the American public. We are strongly logical, and Feeling is our 'inferior function,' which I can't get into in depth - it does not mean that we are cold people, it means we see the world detachedly from the perspective of what is logical, not how things make us feel. Our inner lives are characterized by our Thinking function (our strength) and because we're Introverted, our strongest function predominates interiorly. Our 'auxillary function,' is Intuition, and that is how we see the world - Intuitively, much more than with our Senses. We look at 'potentials' and 'possibilities' in the people we meet, not their appearances (which again, doesn't mean that we are not attractive or don't appreciate human beauty). Most peole think we're weird, because we have this statistically unusual way about us. Other Introverted Thinkers understand and appreciate us entirely.

You may have concluded that there is something wrong with you (pathological) requiring therapy and/or meds, OR you may just be experiencing acute existential isolation because you are a square peg in a world of round pegs. I am not certain, but consider this analysis as an alternative, learn about the MBTI ('Gifts Differing' is the best book), and the Realization of who you are - your Individuation - will help you with your frustrated 'Belongingness Needs' (A. Maslow).


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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