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thecake



Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 814
Last seen: 12 years, 1 month
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All work and no play on merry fuckin christmas day. 1
#15570506 - 12/25/11 12:41 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Exerpt of McDonals CEO in their Christmas meeting.
Over 99 Billion have been successfully robbed of their health. This is a fantastic achievement for us, my denizens. By using our reverse robbery techniques for mental manipulation of the general public's health on a global scale, we have begun to literally conquer the world.

Yes my children, we will create sockpuppets of our true identites as a method of piqueing your interest. Where else have you seen a man dressed like this lately?

Did that television news show about a bank robber who wore a mask over his entire body scare you?
Don't even think about trying to get your money back. We maintained our part of the ransom agreement, you are the one who chose to come to our drive thru robbery chain.
Now my children i ask you to bow before me and bask in the glory of our lesser gods...
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Merry Christmas From the Thought Police (what i really did on christmas day)
Christmas. Today I took a shower for an hour.
My extended family came over.
My 1 year old neice was the first one to greet me that was able to lighten me up just by smiling at me.
I helped my 1 year old neice get a trashbag because she refused to continue unwrapping her presents until she had a proper recycling bin.
She tried to grab the trashbag out of my hands, but I trusted that 1 year olds are given very strict rules against using trashbags for a good reason.
I figured this out by looking at odd black and white sketches of people choking that were drawn on the trashbag box.
My brother, the bartender, mixed me a drink that was 50% Orange soda and 50% orange juice.
I drank three of these carbonated tang like mixed drinks.
My parents gave me 100$ in a small colorful sack. I was not even blackmailing them this time. The ransom money included a pretty red ribbon tied in a bow.
I forgot about the ransom money after I left the room because the thought police were hot on my trail.
Luckily I don't drink alcohol or else I might have forgotten my pants. I had carefully stashed the ransom money in my most trusted pocket.
No popo have ever found anything on me whilst frisking me for drugs, guns, or money when I stash it in a certain way in this pocket.
When I successfully retreated to my cozy cave, I threw the ransom money into the same dark corner where my drugs and guns are stashed. I never came out of my room again.
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abltsandwich
JFK = Jelly Donut




Registered: 06/16/09
Posts: 11,537
Loc: Dildoville
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Re: All work and no play on merry fuckin christmas day. [Re: thecake]
#15570514 - 12/25/11 12:44 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Samuel L Jackson
Bad Motherfucker


Registered: 12/10/09
Posts: 8,395
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Re: All work and no play on merry fuckin christmas day. [Re: thecake]
#15570515 - 12/25/11 12:45 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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ive eaten plenty of mcdonalds and im pretty fucking healthy.
the problem is peoples lack of self control, not the food.
same for drugs, the problem is a persons lack of self control, not the drug.
everything is just fine when used responsibly. cry more.
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abltsandwich
JFK = Jelly Donut




Registered: 06/16/09
Posts: 11,537
Loc: Dildoville
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Re: All work and no play on merry fuckin christmas day. [Re: Samuel L Jackson]
#15570524 - 12/25/11 12:48 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
SamuelLJackson said: everything is just fine when used responsibly.
We live in a society of shifting responsibility. You can't reasonably expect the general public to behave in any responsible manner. However it's those that don't that thin the herd in the long-term so there is hope.
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p_walter
Lurker



Registered: 04/25/11
Posts: 535
Loc: Irrelevant
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Re: All work and no play on merry fuckin christmas day. [Re: abltsandwich]
#15570548 - 12/25/11 12:59 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yes I'm actually quite pleased at the number of Americans that are dangerously overweight. It's not a hungry lion after them, but still fatal if you extend the timeline long enough. Darwin is my homeboy.
Pleasant thoughts on a Christmas morning
-------------------- Coaster said: so i got free drug coupons witch u floozies refer to as "money"....
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thecake



Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 814
Last seen: 12 years, 1 month
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Re: All work and no play on merry fuckin christmas day. [Re: p_walter]
#15570614 - 12/25/11 01:26 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Dude i love darwin!!
Currently I am publicizing my work on hubpages.com by use of a sockpuppet named ThoughtPolice.
The christians are scared.
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