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Amoeboid
seriously deliriously
Registered: 07/02/09
Posts: 1,888
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Homosexual parent.
#15405031 - 11/21/11 08:19 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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My mom is a lesbian. She realized this, presumably, when I was around 12 when her and dad divorced. I think this had a huge, lasting effect on my psychological well-being. I was too ashamed for a long time to have friends over because I thought something horrible would happen if they found out that my mom was homosexual. My cousins weren't allowed to come over when my sister and I were at our moms. My extended family on my fathers side was quite religious so there was a lot of weird tension, which somehow has persisted for a long time.
We stayed mostly with our dad who lived about an hour away from mom and I only got to see her on the weekends. I remember being sad often growing up because it seemed like I had to choose between seeing mom on the weekends and hanging out with my friends.
Being raised partly by a gay parent seemed to have produced a lot of anxiety in my younger self. I've grown up enough to not care about my mothers sexual orientation, but I think maybe there's something lingering psychologically that might have a negative impact on my ability to feel comfortable around people.
-------------------- Philosophically, the contents of the jar gave no advice.
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withoutawire
hi
Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 11,384
Loc: Honolulu, Hawaii
Last seen: 9 months, 13 days
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Re: Homosexual parent. [Re: Amoeboid]
#15405491 - 11/21/11 10:04 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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It's good you realize it does not matter what the orientation is of your parent. Some therapy with a professional to process all those feelings will allow you to start to get comfortable with people.
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BothHands
Dog Coffee
Registered: 10/28/09
Posts: 13,177
Loc:
Last seen: 5 years, 24 days
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Re: Homosexual parent. [Re: Amoeboid]
#15405513 - 11/21/11 10:08 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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It sounds like it had more to do with the shunning of your mother by other members of the family. That made you embarrassed about her, and that led to problems. If you had actually brought your friends over, they probably would have thought it was the greatest thing ever. My brother's friends were always talking about how hot my mom was.
-------------------- Put America to sleep with warm milk and clichés.
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Amoeboid
seriously deliriously
Registered: 07/02/09
Posts: 1,888
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Re: Homosexual parent. [Re: BothHands]
#15405882 - 11/22/11 12:00 AM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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Probably. They feared it and somehow that fear was inflicted on me, even if it was unintentional.
Quote:
BothHands said: My brother's friends were always talking about how hot my mom was.
My friends used to tell me my sister was hot... all the time.
-------------------- Philosophically, the contents of the jar gave no advice.
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P-O
#AnyoneButHarper
Registered: 05/13/09
Posts: 13,636
Loc:
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Re: Homosexual parent. [Re: Amoeboid]
#15406273 - 11/22/11 02:56 AM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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pix please!
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Amoeboid
seriously deliriously
Registered: 07/02/09
Posts: 1,888
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Re: Homosexual parent. [Re: P-O]
#15406687 - 11/22/11 07:24 AM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
PostiveOutlook said: pix please!
NEVER!
-------------------- Philosophically, the contents of the jar gave no advice.
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XUL
OTD Janitor
Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 28,261
Loc: America
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
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Re: Homosexual parent. [Re: Amoeboid]
#15406704 - 11/22/11 07:39 AM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Amoeboid said: My mom is a lesbian. She realized this, presumably, when I was around 12 when her and dad divorced. I think this had a huge, lasting effect on my psychological well-being. I was too ashamed for a long time to have friends over because I thought something horrible would happen if they found out that my mom was homosexual. My cousins weren't allowed to come over when my sister and I were at our moms. My extended family on my fathers side was quite religious so there was a lot of weird tension, which somehow has persisted for a long time.
We stayed mostly with our dad who lived about an hour away from mom and I only got to see her on the weekends. I remember being sad often growing up because it seemed like I had to choose between seeing mom on the weekends and hanging out with my friends.
Being raised partly by a gay parent seemed to have produced a lot of anxiety in my younger self. I've grown up enough to not care about my mothers sexual orientation, but I think maybe there's something lingering psychologically that might have a negative impact on my ability to feel comfortable around people.
Divorces are rough. My parents got divorced when I was away at boarding highschool. I didnt really care and I dont really care but honestly I think it did have an effect on me that I did not notice outright.
I hate to see parents get divorced. I hate it so much. But I do love to see families hold strong until the end. Its rare but it happens. My best friends family is together and will probably stay that way as they are getting pretty old now. They are glued by Christianity.
I dont have much to say about lesbians. I knew two once.
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TRUMP 2020
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cateyes
Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
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Re: Homosexual parent. [Re: Amoeboid]
#15406830 - 11/22/11 08:33 AM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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it's a shame you had hangups about your mother, and your family too... i tole my parents i was bisexual when i was 14 and by 16 they had enough and booted me out... during the entire two year time span they would only call me "sinner", never kensho, not even one slip up... could you imagine living like that? contrary to popular belief lesbians are people too... they have all the emotions and needs as others do... it's really a shame this bothered you this much... you really should seek out some form of counciling because this type of internal conflict might never go away on its own and you need to figure out a way to put this behind you once and for all...
out of curiosity, did religion play a role in your attitude towards your mother? i'll bet you one million dollars Jesus would wrap his arms around your mother and give her a great big hug... sometimes religious beliefs turn people ignorant...
judging someone by their sexual orientation will only mess with your own mind in the long run... i really hope you find a psychologist and sort this out for yourself...
Kensho
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Seuss
Error: divide byzero
Registered: 04/27/01
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Re: Homosexual parent. [Re: cateyes] 1
#15406877 - 11/22/11 08:50 AM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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> sometimes religious beliefs turn people ignorant...
I tend to believe that ignorant people use their religious beliefs to justify their ignorance. Take Christianity for example; it takes a lot of digging and a fair bit of stretching to find anything in the Christian bible (old testament or new) that condemns homosexual relationships. However, the majority of Christians, based upon their religious moral values, will condemn homosexuals. I find it amazing how quickly hate, the antithesis of their religion, is embraced over an erroneously perceived slight of their religious moral values.
-------------------- Just another spore in the wind.
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Amoeboid
seriously deliriously
Registered: 07/02/09
Posts: 1,888
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Re: Homosexual parent. [Re: cateyes]
#15407371 - 11/22/11 10:50 AM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
cateyes said:
out of curiosity, did religion play a role in your attitude towards your mother? i'll bet you one million dollars Jesus would wrap his arms around your mother and give her a great big hug... sometimes religious beliefs turn people ignorant...
judging someone by their sexual orientation will only mess with your own mind in the long run... i really hope you find a psychologist and sort this out for yourself...
Kensho
I never really judged my mother because of her sexuality. Other people did and I think that might be what affected me so much. It was part of what helped me to draw in on myself. That combined with moving to a larger schooldistrict in a bigger town completely crushed my ego and ability to open up to others.
That's all in the past. It seems I still have issues, however.
Oh and Jesus died 2,000 years ago. I really don't care who he would or wouldn't have hugged. :P
-------------------- Philosophically, the contents of the jar gave no advice.
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JoieDeVivre
Hippie Babysitter
Registered: 10/13/11
Posts: 5,751
Loc: Gamehenge
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Re: Homosexual parent. [Re: Amoeboid]
#15409180 - 11/22/11 04:53 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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Homophobic people always try to argue that having a homosexual parent ends up being negative for the child. In today's society they actually are right. There is often a negative affect on the child but the only reason there is a negative impact on the child of a homosexual parent is because of societal criticism which leads to anxiety and self loathing.
I'm sorry that the immaturity of your extended family and societal pressures led to problems in your childhood. I hope you can work through the discomforts you may have. It could be interesting to talk to your mother about how it made her feel as well.
-------------------- Sapere aude "We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run as causes and return to us as results." UBUNTU- I am because we are.
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Almond Flour
...get off my lawn!
Registered: 12/26/08
Posts: 11,340
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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If it makes you feel any better 95% of the population is fucked up from their parents in some way, shape, or form If it wasnt this it would be something else
-------------------- Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church"
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